Chapter 210 Late Love is Dirtier Than Anything
In the quiet corridor, Li Jingshen leaned against a wall, his head lowered and shadows covered the entire outline of his face. He exuded a low pressure, which made the passing cleaning lady stay away.
Shen Zhichu was being rescued. Li Jingshen looked at his fingers. This was the ninth time Shen Zhichu had been rescued in the ninety days he had been hospitalized.
The older generation said that cats have nine lives, so how many lives does Shen Zhichu have?
Every time Shen Zhichu was pushed into the emergency room for rescue, he felt so regretful that he wanted to kill himself. Li Jingshen was heartbroken. He had never felt so powerless before, like a piece of driftwood floating in the ocean.
Zhao Qian came again today and felt a little strange to see Li Jingshen standing in the corridor. Every time he came, Li Jingshen was guarding Shen Zhichu in the ward and rarely moved. Why was he going to the corridor to get some fresh air today?
Zhao Qian was a sensitive person. He noticed that the atmosphere was very different before he even got close.
He stopped one meter away from Li Jingshen and said, "Boss Li, why are you here..." It was a bit abrupt to ask this question. After all, he was just a subordinate and shouldn't ask about his boss's affairs. Even if he was curious, he should keep it to himself and not ask too many questions.
Zhao Qian was trying to change the subject, but Li Jingshen, who was lowering his head, said in a hoarse voice, "Chen Zhichu is awake."
"Madam is awake? Then why are you..." Zhao Qian suddenly stopped talking, because he saw that the light on the door of the emergency room not far away was on, which also explained why Li Jingshen was standing at the door instead of accompanying Shen Zhichu.
Zhao Qian watched Li Jingshen continuously massaging Taiyangxue, and couldn't help but whispered, "Don't worry, Mr. Li, the fact that Madam has woken up means everything is fine."
It is a miracle in itself that a vegetative patient who has been in sleep for three months wakes up. What else is impossible?
"Madam is a blessed person, nothing will happen to you." Zhao Qian's comforting tone was like that of an old lady.
But Li Jingshen didn't hear a single word of these words. What hurt Li Jingshen's heart was not only that Shen Zhichu's life was hanging by a thread, but also the unbridgeable gap between them.
Seeing the horrified look on Shen Zhichu's face when he woke up, he knew that the two of them could never go back to the way they were.
Shen Zhichu could never forgive him. When she was suffering from stomach cancer, her husband personally threw her into the bottomless abyss, leaving her to suffer in it and lose all hope.
An hour later, Shen Zhichu was finally pushed out of the emergency room. Her face was still pale, her lips were as dark as lotus roots, and even when she was asleep her brows were still furrowed in pain, as if she was struggling in a nightmare.
Such a fragile Shen Zhichu once again hurt Li Jingshen's heart. Shen Zhichu was only temporarily out of danger, and situations like today might happen again.
And her illness, advanced stomach cancer, is irreversible, and no one knows how long she can live.
The doctor told Li Jingshen the truth about Shen Zhichu's condition. Li Jingshen was not in the right state and his eyes were wandering when he looked at Shen Zhichu.
In the end, it was Zhao Qian who remembered everything. Generally speaking, the damage Shen Zhichu suffered had already exceeded the tolerance of ordinary people.
The damage the doctor mentioned referred to stomach cancer and the five drugs injected into her brain.
I was diagnosed with advanced gastric cancer in the hospital a year ago. It is not easy to hold on until now.
And those five nerve-destroying drugs made her health even worse.
In addition, because Shen Zhichu had a tendency to autism and depression before, and now under the stimulation of drugs, her brain nerves are very weak.
"What will be the consequences?" Li Jingshen asked. He was willing to bear all the consequences, even if he had to face an insane madman in the future, as long as Shen Zhichu didn't die.
But Li Jingshen thought too simply.
The doctor said: "The content of those five medicines caused Miss Shen to become confused and have memory disorder."
"What does memory disorder mean?"
"We've preliminarily determined there are two possible scenarios. The best scenario is amnesia and no memory of anything. The worst scenario is just like what happened just now, where only the fear remains."
"Fear" is an inevitable negative emotion for people, but if a person is always in fear, tension, anxiety, and terror, he will die even if Shen Zhichu does not have stomach cancer.
"How can I make her forget everything?" Li Jingshen fell into fantasy. If Shen Zhichu could forget everything, could they start over?
If she really lost her memory, then this time he would love and care for her and would not let her get hurt again.
However, the doctor shook his head: "These are beyond our control. Mr. Li, we suggest that you stay away for the time being. I'm worried that Miss Shen will wake up and see you..." Needless to say, the next words were clear.
Li Jingshen nodded. He couldn't get close to Shen Zhichu while she was awake, and he didn't know when she would wake up. He didn't dare to stay in the ward and could only walk out and stand in the hospital corridor, watching her from afar.
The hospital's psychologist came to provide psychological counseling to Shen Zhichu, but her condition was very different from that of ordinary mental patients.
She had suffered severe trauma both physically and mentally, and those injuries were engraved in her soul and could not be erased. Just thinking about it was heartbreaking.
Shen Zhichu would scream in fear whenever she saw people, and she was so scared that she begged for mercy when she saw the doctor take out a sedative to give her an injection.
"No injection, I'm afraid of the pain..."
Li Jingshen felt cold all over when he stood outside the door. Shen Zhichu's plea for mercy seemed to turn into a sharp knife that dug into his heart again and again, as if all his internal organs were bleeding.
For several days, Shen Zhichu kept herself locked in the quilt. Whenever she heard any noise, she would get up from the bed like a kitten and look around in fear.
She was afraid of everyone here, but she was even more afraid of Li Jingshen. Her memory was not very good, but she remembered all the harm Li Jingshen had brought her.
Li Jingshen stood outside the door and secretly looked inside through the glass.
Shen Zhichu's head was hanging, his chin hunched on his chest, and his whole body was trembling slightly. Seeing Shen Zhichu like this, it was as if someone was gouging his flesh with a knife.
The psychologist provides Shen Zhichu with psychological counseling twice a day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon.
After a few days of counseling, Shen Zhichu was not as panicked as before when facing the psychologist, but the long-term high mental tension made the already thin Shen Zhichu even thinner.
Under the guidance of the psychologist, Shen Zhichu began to speak. She looked around and saw a lamp hanging on the wall. She pointed and said, "That's a camera. He's watching me from inside."
"Who is he?" asked the doctor.
Shen Zhichu huddled at the head of the bed, her back against the cabinet, her eyes unconsciously staring at the floor tiles. She hugged her knees, put her index finger to her lips and whispered a word: "Ghost."
"What did he do to you?" What the doctor needs to do is to let her face the past, let her understand that it is in the past, and not to get stuck in it.
Shen Zhichu froze, then looked down at his hands: “My hands, he stuck the steel needle into my nails, and also gave me acupuncture.”
"Your hand is healed now, and you won't be pricked with needles anymore."
Shen Zhichu shook her head, her face turning crazy. She covered her neck and felt the troops pulling off her collar again. There was a very obvious scar on her collarbone.
Chen Zhichu pointed to his collarbone and said, "It's pierced here."
The doctor felt a pang of pain when he saw this. When he was invited here to provide psychological counseling to Shen Zhichu, he was told that the patient had suffered serious trauma.
He had thought of various scenarios, but what the patient had experienced was beyond his imagination. He didn't dare touch Shen Zhichu, so he could only squat down and look her in the eye, saying softly, "The sharp weapon in the clavicle has been removed, and the wound has healed."
Shen Zhichu shook his head, tears streaming from his eyes: "It won't get better, it will never get better."
The injury was only external, but it was her heart that felt the pain. She had forgotten many things. In addition to the pain, she also felt that she had lost something very important, which she would never find again.
Her heart felt like it was being eaten away in half, becoming empty and rumbling, and she became anxious.
"Shen Zhichu, don't cry, I can help you."
Hearing the word "help", Shen Zhichu's body suddenly straightened up. She hugged her knees tightly, her eyelashes trembling as she looked at the doctor in front of her.
"Then can you give me a gun?" Shen Zhichu asked cautiously.
"What do you want a gun for?"
Shen Zhichu said: "Shoot me..."
The doctor opened his mouth, but was speechless.
Afterwards, Shen Zhichu went crazy as usual. She was afraid of needles, and the doctor didn't dare to give her a sedative and could only coax her into taking the medicine.
Shen Zhichu curled up in bed like an insecure child. She felt a little cold and hugged her body under the quilt. Even her pain was silent.
She looked at the familiar outline on the doors and windows and closed her eyes tiredly.
…….
Shen Zhichu's consciousness became increasingly unclear, his speech became intermittent, and he often forgot what he was saying halfway through.
This situation is much better than before, at least my emotions have stabilized.
But only Shen Zhichu herself knew that she was like a prisoner on the verge of collapse, and the bed beneath her was a nail board, making her miserable no matter what position she was in.
Sometimes she even felt that her soul had left her body, floating in the air and looking at herself crying heartbreakingly below. She could hear how tragic her own crying was. She was very sad and wanted to cry loudly, but her soul had already dried up.
She no longer knew what life was all about, and was terrified. Death was her only hope of liberation.
The soul floating in the air finally found peace. Shen Zhichu fell into a long sleep, murmuring, "Can you carry me home?"
Who was going to carry her home? She didn't remember.
Li Jingshen stared at her intently, his expression filled with pain. He gently touched her face and leaned over to kiss her lips.
With the previous lesson and the doctor's warning, Li Jingshen did not dare to step into the ward when Shen Zhichu woke up. He would sneak in only when she was unconscious, and then sit quietly by the bed, always sitting there for the whole night.
Doing something wrong cannot be undone by regret. Once a person's heart is dead, nothing can make up for it. By the time Li Jingshen learned to cherish and love the other person, it was already too late.
There was a wall between them, and the wall divided the two worlds. He was on the river bank, while Chen Zhichu was at the bottom of the sea.
If Shen Zhichu died, he would not want anything and would die with her.
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