Chapter 350 Li Jingshen, you beg like a dog
The cicadas in summer cannot survive the cold of winter. Once you miss them, you will never meet them again.
"What do you mean?" The rain soaked Li Jingshen's face, and his eyelashes were stained with water droplets. He looked at Shen Zhichu with half-closed eyes. No one noticed that his hands were trembling slightly, as if he was enduring something. He clenched his hands.
Shen Zhichu held up an umbrella, full of sarcasm: "What I mean is that from the beginning I never thought of forgiving you, let alone wanting to see you, understand?"
Li Jingshen's lips were trembling. What was pouring down on his body didn't feel like rain, but like millions of needles pricking his body, causing pain everywhere.
Last night, when Zhao Qian told him that Shen Zhichu had lied to him, he had already guessed this outcome, but he didn't dare to face it, let alone admit it. How could he be so confident that Shen Zhichu would really forgive him and reconcile with him?
Make peace?
How could he forget that his relationship with Shen Zhichu was a mistake from the very beginning and it had never been good.
A chill ran down his spine, slowly spreading over his entire back.
"You lied to me."
"Li Jingshen, who are you showing this hurt expression to? You are a person who can lie to a priest, so why can't I just say something casually? You take yourself too seriously." Shen Zhichu gripped the umbrella handle tightly, "Get out of here!"
Li Jingshen didn't roll away, but stood still, staring at Shen Zhichu with a hurt expression.
"Chen Zhichu, I really know I was wrong. It's my fault for not being able to judge people clearly. I recognized the wrong person. I don't believe you. I really didn't know that it was you who saved me back then. If I knew..."
"So what if you know?" Shen Zhichu interrupted him, "Just because I saved you that year, you fell in love with me? Li Jingshen, this is not love. You are begging me to forgive you now, just because the white moonlight in your heart is destroyed and you are looking for a place to rely on to offset the guilt of killing someone. Li Jingshen, you haven't changed at all, you are still as childish and paranoid as before, which makes me sick."
Li Jingshen shook his head, his heart seemed to be strangled by a rope. His eyes were red as he murmured, "It's not like that... I really love you, not out of guilt... Shen Zhichu, I don't ask you to stay by my side, I only ask you to give me a chance to be close to you, give me a chance to apologize and make it up to you. As long as you are willing for me to stay by your side, I will agree to anything you want. I promise to treat you well, never bully you again, and never let you cry. Shen Zhichu, please give me a chance, please!"
He finished speaking in one breath, breathing rapidly, holding his chest and coughing uncontrollably, his body leaning towards Shen Zhichu.
Shen Zhichu took half a step back, and heard a "bang". Li Jingshen knelt on the ground, and not only did he knock his head on the ground, he knelt in front of Shen Zhichu in the lowest posture.
Shen Zhichu's expression did not change at all, as indifferent as ever. His eyes moved downwards and finally landed on Li Jingshen's head.
She couldn't help but recall that he had knelt before Li Jingshen and begged him to let the Shen family go.
She believed his words, and ended up with her family broken up and there was no longer any Shen family in Rongcheng.
Shen Zhichu took a step back, putting some distance between him and Li Jingshen: "Li Jingshen... I'm already thirty years old... It's not easy to be fooled by someone of my age. I've already mastered all your tricks."
She had endured all the hardships alone and no longer expected to be with anyone. She looked down at the man kneeling on the ground and trembling with a numb expression.
The way Li Jingshen knelt down only reminded her of the painful past. He was arrogant and looked down on everyone, mocking her from a high position.
"I'm not lying to you. I can really give you anything..."
"But what you gave me is exactly what I need the least." Suddenly thinking of something, Shen Zhichu slightly bent down and approached Li Jingshen, his pupils as dark as ink, "Li Jingshen, you want me to accept your apology unless you suffer as much as I do, such as dying once. Do you dare?"
Li Jingshen looked at Shen Zhichu's eyes which were so cold that they were devoid of any emotion. In his impression, Shen Zhichu's eyes were as clear as water, and should not be so blackened by ink that there was no light at all.
Li Jingshen felt as if his heart was being stabbed by a knife, and the pain in his chest became more and more severe. He suppressed his cough, and blood stained the corners of his lips red. He wanted to calm down, but Shen Zhichu stared at him so mercilessly that he couldn't calm down even if he wanted to.
Three long years, more than a thousand days.
"Chen Zhichu, do you really have no feelings for me?" Li Jingshen showed a bitter smile, tears in his eyes, which was uglier than crying.
Shen Zhichu put away the arc of his mouth and said sarcastically: "Feelings? Are you worthy of it?"
Tears flowed uncontrollably no longer, and the organs in my body spasmed in pain as if a knife was stabbed into them.
Li Jingshen didn't believe that such cold words came from Shen Zhichu's mouth. He knew Shen Zhichu, she was soft-hearted and easy to coax. As long as he treated her well, was a little special, and was sincere, she would follow him.
"Chen Zhichu, I don't believe you don't have any feelings for me. We've known each other for so many years. Even if our relationship was a mistake at the beginning, we've known each other for nine years and been together for seven. I don't believe you didn't have any feelings for me. If you didn't have feelings, why are all 102 pages of your diary written about me? If you didn't have feelings, how could you knit a scarf for me? If you didn't have feelings, how could you have insisted on cooking for me and waiting for me to come home for four years?"
His anxious voice was meant for Shen Zhichu to hear, and he also wanted to get confirmation of the fact that Shen Zhichu had loved him.
Li Jingshen looked at Shen Zhichu painfully.
Shen Zhichu's coming back alive was the best gift God had given him.
He knew Shen Zhichu would be angry and would not forgive him.
He thought about...
But he is Li Jingshen, he is Li Jingshen who cannot leave Shen Zhichu. He has understood the importance of Shen Zhichu, and he thinks Shen Zhichu should also understand his feelings for her.
Shen Zhichu said in a very calm tone: "Maybe, I loved you before, but then there was really nothing left. From the day I told you about the divorce, I no longer had any feelings for you."
"Li Jingshen, I told you before that I am not a cheap person. I can't feel at ease to be with you after you hurt me unscrupulously. Sometimes I am really curious about how you can feel at ease to run here and kneel down to beg me. Who is there in the cemetery behind me? Aren't you guilty and afraid?" Shen Zhichu said with a smile.
Li Jingshen's breathing stagnated, and then became difficult. He couldn't find the strength to support himself.
Shen Zhichu really loved him. Even if "Bai Qiu" hadn't stood in the way, she would still have loved him. But he lost the Shen Zhichu who loved him.
He opened his mouth and coughed up a large mouthful of blood. He fell completely to the ground, his back soaked by the rain. A broken cry came out of his throat. He lowered his head, his face full of tears and blood, and fell into the puddle below him. His shoulders trembled uncontrollably. It was cold, why was it so cold? It was obviously summer.
Shen Zhichu glanced at the blood on the ground, and after a few seconds of silence, he walked around him with the umbrella tightly in his hand.
Li Jingshen caught a glimpse of the slender figure from the corner of his eye. He knelt on the ground, unable to stand up due to the pain in his body. He supported himself with his hands and crawled towards Shen Zhichu's back.
"Shen Zhichu...Zhichu...don't go...don't go..."
Li Jingshen raised his hand to grab Shen Zhichu's hand, but she dodged him. His hand only caught the rain from the sky, and the wind passed through his palm. He clenched his fingers, but failed to catch the one he wanted to catch. The returning Shen Zhichu was like the wind. He could not catch the wind, nor could he catch her.
Shen Zhichu didn't even turn her head this time. She turned her back to Li Jingshen: "Li Jingshen, you look like a dog when you cry and beg for help. It's especially ugly."
Li Jingshen really couldn't hold on this time and fell to the ground like a corpse. He collapsed on the ground like a corpse, his heart broken and his mind aching. He stared at Shen Zhichu's indifferent back, his vision becoming more and more blurred, and blood kept flowing from the corner of his mouth as if it couldn't stop.
It turns out that when a person is dead in his heart, he cannot feel pain, as if his senses are frozen. From the dull pain at the beginning to the numbness now, it feels like he has undergone a major surgery and the anesthetic has not yet worn off, which is a sense of unreality.
He thought that Shen Zhichu's return alive was God's chance for him to love, but he didn't expect that this was God's punishment for the mistakes he made when he didn't know how to love.
The most cruel thing is not the passing of two people who meet again after a long separation, but the intimacy that was once implanted in the bone marrow turns into indifference that no longer moves the heart.
Finally, he stared at the scar on his palm with dead eyes. It turned out... the kite string did not return to his hand.
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