Chapter 353 Full of Regrets
At that time, Shen Zhichu's hand bone was directly fractured by the ashtray, and it took nearly four months to recover. During the recuperation period, he was dragged to the hospital to draw blood for Xia Mingyue.
Both memory and reality were too sad. He tried to think of some happy days when he and Shen Zhichu were together, but he couldn't think of anything. The one thing he finally remembered was something he had stolen when Shen Zhichu lost his memory.
The few months when Shen Zhichu lost his memory were probably the happiest days he had lived in the past ten years. Li Jingshen thought of the way Shen Zhichu lay in his arms, smiling and shy. For a moment, his eyes were red and the blood in his mouth became more and more bitter.
It turns out that betraying someone's kindness will also bring retribution, for example, he paid the price with his death.
“Zhao Qian…Tell me, if Shen Zhichu knew that I had lung cancer, would she come to see me?”
Zhao Qian didn't expect that at this time, Li Jingshen was still thinking about Shen Zhichu. He paused and said, "Mr. Li, forget about her. Just think that she is really dead."
"But she's not dead..." Li Jingshen's eyes were filled with desolation. He closed his eyes, and Shen Zhichu's various appearances occupied his mind. "Isn't she?"
"But she doesn't acknowledge you, doesn't forgive you, and won't be with you again. What's the difference between this and her being dead?"
"But I can look at her."
Zhao Qian sighed, his face showing fatigue. He thought of a saying: Most people who are deeply in love are struggling to survive.
Li Jingshen understood "love" too late. The person who loved him no longer loved him. Not being loved and no longer being loved are two different concepts.
As Emily Dickinson wrote in her poem, “I could have endured the darkness if I had never seen the sun.
"Even if I die, she won't forgive me?"
Zhao Qian's eyes felt a little sore, and he turned his face away without answering him.
Li Jingshen muttered to himself: "She said that if she wants me to forgive me, I have to die once. I am going to die now. How long can I live with lung cancer? In such a short time, will she really not come back to me?" He closed his eyes, tears kept flowing from the corners of his eyes, and his eyelashes were wet.
Zhao Qian couldn't help but sniffle. "Now that he's dead, there's no point in forgiving him. Mr. Li, medicine in China is very advanced now. Three years ago, there was a team specializing in cancer research. If you receive proper treatment..."
Li Jingshen interrupted him in a hoarse voice: "Accept treatment well, can you accompany her to grow old?"
Zhao Qian's silence was the answer. Li Jingshen smiled bitterly, "Perhaps I should have died a long time ago. Died in the car accident when I was five, died in the icy water when I was twenty-one, or died with Shen Zhichu when she was burned to death."
Li Jingshen choked and gasped for breath. He took painkillers, but the pain in his heart could not be relieved no matter how much medicine he took.
He swallowed a mouthful of saliva mixed with blood and looked at the old banyan tree with withered branches outside the window.
Li Jingshen never thought that Shen Zhichu would look at him so coldly one day. He knelt in the rain, and Shen Zhichu stood in front of him with an umbrella.
If she was just a robot without emotions three years ago, then now she was like three feet of ice, and even if his heart was as red as iron, he could not melt her.
"The moment I knelt on the ground and begged her not to leave, all I could think of was her calling me 'Ah Shen'. I felt like we had always been together, yet it also felt like we had never been together. This is karma, right? Zhao Qian, tell me the truth. What would happen to her if I died?"
Zhao Qian pursed his lips, hesitated for a moment and said, "Maybe she will be very happy and happy, but she may also be sad."
"I don't want her to be sad, I just want her to be happy. At least I have truly made her happy."
The atmosphere in the ward became increasingly depressing. Zhao Qian couldn't stand it any longer. He gripped his phone tightly, wanting to call Shen Zhichu. However, he knew that it would be useless even if he called, as this woman had given up on him three years ago.
Zhao Qian stiffly changed the subject: "Mr. Li, what would you like to eat? You haven't eaten since last night."
Li Jingshen hummed softly, and after a long moment he said, "I want to eat lotus seed soup."
Zhao Qian was stunned and asked, "Mr. Li, don't you always dislike sweets?"
Li Jingshen half closed his eyes. Only Shen Zhichu liked to eat sweet food. She liked sweet and spicy food. After she got stomach cancer, she stopped eating spicy food and ate less sweets. The most common thing she ate was clear porridge with side dishes.
When Shen Zhichu was sick, Mrs. Zhang's favorite thing to make for her was lotus seed soup. He had seen it once before. It was a sticky bowl, like transparent glue, and it was not appetizing at all.
The takeaway ordered by Zhao Qian was delivered quickly. Li Jingshen picked up the bowl and drank from it. The sweet taste diluted the bitterness in his mouth.
"What did she tell you?"
Zhao Qian didn't react for a while, and it took him a long time to come back to his senses and understand the question asked by Li Jingshen.
"I need to see Nian Nian within three days, and I also need to pay alimony after the divorce."
Apart from these, Shen Zhichu didn't say anything else. In her heart, the cat was more important than Li Jingshen. But when you think about it, it was the cat that had been with Shen Zhichu for the whole month when her leg was broken, and it stayed with her until the moment she was burned to death.
Shen Zhichu cares about Nian Nian very much. If he didn't care, he might not admit it so quickly.
"Contact her and arrange to give Nian Nian to her the day after tomorrow. Transfer the divorce alimony to her as soon as possible. She paid for it with her life. Also... give her the anonymous investigative data. She needs it."
The information that Li Jingshen mentioned was the economic company that signed Shen Zhichu. If Shen Zhichu wanted to deal with them, it would be easy with this information.
"Boss Li, aren't you going to tell her?"
"Tell her what?"
"The fact that you were sick, and the fact that you helped her."
Li Jingshen shook his head: "I won't tell you."
He smiled bitterly, and suddenly understood why Shen Zhichu didn't tell him that she had stomach cancer.
If she likes you, she will feel distressed and concerned about you even if you cry out in pain even if you are healthy. If she doesn't like you anymore, she will still dislike you for shedding hair even if you are as gentle as a cat.
Back then, Shen Zhichu had no hope at all. She wanted to die and divorce him to live a peaceful life, but he abruptly extinguished the spark of her hope.
Zhao Qian had never been in love much, so he didn't understand all the love, hate, and emotions, but when he saw the pain in Li Jingshen and Shen Zhichu's faces, even his most passionate heart cooled down. He would rather be single for the rest of his life than have a love relationship that hurts each other like this.
The ward was filled with the smell of medicine. Li Jingshen closed his eyes after he finished speaking, his brows furrowed in anxiety. Just after he calmed down for a while, he coughed a few times again and curled up in the quilt, trembling.
Zhao Qian looked at Li Jingshen silently, feeling that he had become the Shen Zhichu of the past.
The two men's personalities are very similar to some extent. They are both tolerant and proud, but Li Jingshen is more arrogant.
To be honest, Li Jingshen is really not a good person.
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