Chapter 508 Lu Tingchuan is offline
"Is this all you came here to tell me today?" In just a few seconds, Lu Tingchuan had regained his composure. He was no longer as irritable as before. His eyes were cold and solemn, like a grave in the dark night.
Shen Zhichu didn't say anything else. She handed the document bag she brought in through the window: "This is what Shen Qing left behind."
When he heard that it was Shen Qing who stayed, Lu Tingchuan quickly reached out and grabbed the document, and his hand holding the document tightened more and more.
The visiting time was very short, and there was not much time left for Shen Zhichu to reminisce about the past. Besides, she had nothing to say to Lu Tingchuan. For such a scum, he deserved to die.
"Don't cry when you watch it. I'm afraid the dirty water flowing from your eyes will dirty Shen Qing's relics. But..." Shen Zhichu paused, sneered and continued, "On the day you die, you can cry louder. The louder the better, so that Shen Qing, who has been dead for two years, can hear it!"
I'm afraid I can't hear it because I've been dead for too long, so Lu Tingchuan, you have to cry louder, preferably until your throat is broken, and cry out all your repentance, regret, and self-blame.
Shen Zhichu stood up and patted the non-existent dust on her dress. As she left, she subconsciously glanced at Lu Tingchuan's legs. She had noticed something was wrong from the very beginning.
Is Lu Tingchuan's leg healed?
Shen Zhichu didn't think much about it. Whether it was good or bad, he couldn't escape the execution in two weeks.
Before he walked out, Shen Zhichu looked up and said, “The sun is shining brightly today.”
Lu Tingchuan was locked in the prison and couldn't go out. He couldn't see the sky outside, so naturally he couldn't feel how good the weather was outside. No matter how strong the sun was, it couldn't warm him.
His coldness came from his heart, flowing from his empty heart to his entire body, making his scalp numb with cold.
"Go back."
Lu Tingchuan stood up tremblingly, and every step he took made a rustling sound. If you listened carefully, you could tell that it was not the sound of the handcuffs on his wrists.
He returned to the prison and found that the death row prisoners were in a separate room. There was only a bed and a chair in the empty space, with some odds and ends placed under the bed.
Lu Tingchuan sat on the chair and opened the folder with trembling hands. His eyes were sore as soon as he opened it. On the top was Shen Qing's diagnosis.
——Severe depression with suicidal behavior, hospitalization as soon as possible.
It turned out that Shen Qing really had depression, and it was severe. Shen Zhichu was not just saying it to mock him.
He knows about severe depression...
Because his mother, that woman, died of this disease.
He cut his wrists and died in a cold bathtub.
His mother endured for five years, but ultimately couldn't make it, and Shen Qing... didn't even make it through two years.
According to Shen Zhichu, she died while sleeping in a room full of gas after taking sleeping pills.
No one is not afraid of pain, and Shen Qing is also afraid. Once, he just provoked her with words, and she trembled with fear all over. She accidentally saw the torturous video he hid, and she looked like she was about to faint.
You say...how could such a coward have the courage to swallow so many sleeping pills, turn on the gas, and lie quietly in bed waiting to die?
There was a hollow look of vicissitudes in Lu Tingchuan's eyes, and he took out the pages from the file bag with trembling hands. The handwriting was obviously Shen Qing's.
Just like her, her handwriting is clean and beautiful.
In these handwritten stories of Shen Qing, there is a Mr. Lu.
Lu Tingchuan started from the beginning, reading word by word. By the end, it was as if his soul was falling into the mud, getting heavier and heavier.
——Today is the ninth day since I left Mr. Lu. He taught me how to survive, but also taught me how to live a life worse than death.
The sky is blue and the sun is warm. I thought I would be free once I got out, but there is no place for me in this world, so how can I be free?
I bought a small 50-square-meter apartment, but it feels empty when I move in. It's not the house that's empty, it's my heart that's empty...
——It’s been 52 days since I left Mr. Lu, and I still think of him from time to time. Sometimes I feel like I’m a lunatic. He obviously doesn’t love me, but I still wishful thinking about him. My broken finger still hurts after it’s reattached, just like a love that has penetrated into my bones. It hurts terribly every time it rains.
——Today marks the hundredth day since I left Mr. Lu. I suddenly realized that time flies so fast. The weather has been up and down recently.
I haven't dreamed of you in a long time. The internet says that if you dream of someone three times, it means you're not meant to be with them. But I've dreamed of you over 60 times. Does that mean we'll never meet again, whether in death or in death? I don't know why... I suddenly feel a little sad.
——Day 120, Mr. Lu, I seem to be in trouble.
They said I was wrong, but I didn't know what I was wrong about. I didn't seduce the director, I didn't ruin other people's relationships, I didn't cheat on them, I didn't smear others... I explained, but they didn't believe me.
You're right, a useless person like me is not suitable to stay in a place like this.
——I am a person who is afraid of loneliness. When I am alone, I always have wild thoughts. The heavy memories are like a stone pressing on me and making it difficult for me to breathe. The doctor told me that I have depression.
I asked the doctor, will this disease be fatal?
The doctor shook his head.
Since she won't die, why does her eyes show sadness for me?
I'm not afraid of death, I'm just afraid of pain.
After suffering from depression, my memory seems to have become worse. I always lose things and forget things, but I will always remember the name of a man - Lu Tingchuan. He was once my salvation, although he lost me in the end.
Why did Mr. Lu lose me? Maybe I could never be that guy, or maybe I did something wrong, wasn't good enough, and made him unhappy, so he gave me to another man.
When I was little, my mom always said, "If you don't listen, I'll throw you away." So, I guess I wasn't obedient enough...
——It has been 300 days since I left Mr. Lu. Today, I saw someone calling me a psychopath. I really wanted to refute him, but I remembered the day when I went to the hospital alone and the doctor stuffed the diagnosis into my hand. There were four big words on it: mental case. I couldn’t refute it.
I wanted to cry but couldn't, I wanted to scream but the moment I opened my mouth I lost my voice.
I suddenly want to leave you, Mr. Lu.
——Mr. Lu, if I use my death to exchange for Miss Shen’s return, will you be happy?
I wish you all your wishes come true, and may the person you have always dreamed of come to you one day.
A glance in my life, and now we meet by chance at the end of the year, is exactly what I wish for.
June 1st was Shen Qing’s birthday. On that day, she left a suicide note on Weibo, which consisted of only two words.
"Goodbye" said goodbye to the whole world, but her comments were hundreds of thousands of insults, and no one said "Happy Birthday" to her.
She poured out the sleeping pills she had saved for a long time and swallowed them all, turned on the gas, and lay down on the bed wearing her favorite white dress.
In fact, there were some words from her left on the mobile phone notes.
She wrote that.
"After I die, I am willing to donate my usable organs and internal organs to those in need. Thank you to the kind people who collected my body. The money is under my pillow, you can take it."
Lu Tingchuan read through the pages one by one, his moist eyes filled with tears that fell onto the paper, blurring the words, and his heart sank.
It was not yet dark, but he could not see anything.
He pressed it tightly against his chest, wishing he could rub Shen Qing's handwriting into his heart to temporarily fill the emptiness in his heart.
He had never known that there was such pain in the world. Even when he had his leg sawed off below the knee and a prosthetic limb forcibly fitted, he had never felt such pain. Tears streamed down his face in agony.
"Shen Qing, I don't want Shen Zhichu, I want you, can you come back?"
Shen Qing is not anyone's stand-in. Her hands are not used to imitate another person playing the violin, but to write stories.
Unfortunately, he realized it too late.
The most painful thing in the world is that when you think of someone good, she suddenly disappears from your world and you can't find her no matter how hard you try.
The prosthetic limbs on his legs dug into his flesh, drawing blood and causing him to tremble with pain.
Lu Tingchuan read Shen Qing's writings tens of thousands of times and finally memorized them. For 13 whole days, he lived in a daze. The nights were the hardest. He held those pieces of paper as if he was holding Shen Qing himself.
Sometimes he always felt that there was someone standing beside the bed, looking at him gently, but every time he opened his eyes, he was alone.
It is said that the way a person dies will determine what his ghost will look like after death.
Lu Tingchuan didn't want to die as a cripple, and he was afraid that he would not be able to catch up with Shen Qing.
He had both legs sawed off and made prosthetic limbs. With the advancement of medical technology, there is nothing that cannot be done.
On the day of the execution, Lu Tingchuan really cried, not because he was dying, but as Shen Zhichu said.
Cry louder, cry until your throat is broken, cry out your confession so that Shen Qing can hear it.
He placed Shen Qing's belongings, the few pages that were like diaries, on his chest, lowered his head and cried, his sobs getting louder and louder, like a child who had lost the most precious treasure in the world.
Memories of the past were like old photos that kept replaying in his mind.
There were painful ones and happy ones, but all in all, they were the most precious things in his life and he would never forget them.
"Mr. Lu, my name is Shen Qing. Qing means clear and innocent."
"Mr. Lu, thank you for taking me home."
"Mr. Lu, I learned a lot today. I can now play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the violin. Do you want to hear it?"
"Mr. Lu, what would you like to eat today?"
"Mr. Lu, I'm very clean, I'm not dirty..."
"So I'm a stand-in..."
"Mr. Lu, once something is given away, it can't be returned."
"Mr. Lu, I'm leaving. Goodbye."
"Mr. Lu...Mr. Lu...Mr. Lu..."
Clear is the clearness that is spotless, the clearness that is crystal clear, the clearness that is entangled, the clearness that makes the bystanders clear while the parties involved are confused, and the clearness that makes both parties clear in this life.
Shen Qing, dressed in a clean white dress, seemed to appear suddenly. She stood before him, the breeze blowing on her face. She smiled sweetly and extended her hand towards him: "Mr. Lu, welcome home."
——Okay, let’s go home.
"Bang--"
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