Chapter 119
At daybreak, a thin layer of morning dew condensed on the purple bamboo leaves in the courtyard.
Fan Changyu opened his eyes in a daze, only to feel a swollen and painful head.
Were you still drunk last night?
She frowned and rubbed her forehead with her hand. She smelled a strange smell on the bedding. She was startled and woke up completely. She looked down subconsciously. Fortunately, her clothes were still intact.
But what caught my eye was the dark quilt cover with a diamond-shaped bird pattern. The gauze curtain embroidered with a lotus pattern was only half let down near the head of the bed. The golden morning light was scattered on it, like the brilliance of the dark lotus pattern on it.
Fan Changyu thought that he was temporarily placed in the City Lord's Mansion after being drunk. He breathed a sigh of relief and sat up on the bed.
"Awake?" A low, clear voice sounded from outside the bed curtains.
Fan Changyu's body stiffened, and he turned his head to look outside. Through a golden gauze curtain, he could vaguely see a person sitting in front of the window opposite. He was wearing a dragon robe and jade belt, and his black hair was half-discovered and half-tied with a golden crown. It was unknown how long he had been sitting there, silent in the morning light like a statue.
Xie Zheng?
Am I in his room?
For a while, Fan Changyu's mind was blank.
She had a severe headache after the hangover, and she had no choice but to put a hand on her forehead and think carefully about what happened last night.
She remembered that she pretended to be drunk and was helped out of the front hall by a maid, but when she was looking for a place to sober up later, she seemed to be really drunk. The last image in her mind was herself washing her face in a water tub and being picked up by Xie Zheng.
He caught himself drunk?
Given their current relationship, why didn't he send the maid to take her to the guest room to rest, but instead took herself back to his room?
Fan Changyu had many questions in his mind, but he didn't remember anything about what happened after he got drunk. He was afraid that there might be some misunderstanding, so he could only say, "I'm sorry, I was drunk last night. I... didn't cause any trouble for you, Lord Hou, did I?"
Because of the gauze curtain, she couldn't see the expression on the face of the person sitting on the mahogany chair opposite her, but she could feel the air pressure in the room suddenly drop.
Fan Changyu didn't know whether it was his words that made him unhappy or whether he was indeed rude last night.
She heard the sound of servants who had gotten up early walking around in the courtyard. She was worried that if she was late, she would be seen leaving Xie Zheng's room, so she pulled aside the gold silk curtain and stood up. While putting on her boots, she said, "If I really offended you last night, I will apologize to you another day..."
The man who had been silent all this time suddenly sneered: "How can you offend me?"
Perhaps because he had really been sitting here all night, his voice was hoarse as if there was sand in his throat, but his words were sharp and cold, as if he hated the way she always drew a line between them.
Fan Changyu paused as he was putting on his boots, and a deathly silence spread between the two of them.
After she put on her boots, she raised her head. Without the veil blocking her view, she could clearly see his pale face. The corners of his eyes were a little red from staying up all night. His hands hung in front of his knees, with blood scabs on his fingertips.
Anyone could see that he was exhausted at the moment, but he was like a taut bowstring, making people afraid that after the false calmness collapsed, the madness and distortion would seep out from the cracks.
Seeing him like this, Fan Changyu felt a dull pain in his heart for some reason.
In her impression, Xie Zheng has always been arrogant and insolent. Even when his life was saved by a thread, he never showed any signs of weakness.
But now, she felt that his arrogance and harshness, which were like thorns all over his body, were just thin ice on the lake surface, which would crack if the sun shined on it a little.
As if realizing that what he said just now was too sharp, Xie Zheng was silent for two breaths, then stood up and walked towards the door: "What do you want to eat?"
The tone was so natural, as if it was supposed to be that way for them, and there had never been any barriers between them because of the hatred between their fathers.
Some memories of their past interactions were awakened. Fan Changyu used to think he could face it calmly, but at this moment he was still gripped by the heart-wrenching sadness.
"Thank you."
The man who had his hand on the bolt stopped moving because of her words.
Fan Changyu looked at his elegant back, took a deep breath, and when he spoke again, his voice was still hoarse: "We haven't had a good conversation since we parted in Chongzhou. Why don't we take this opportunity to talk it out today?"
The person with his back to her said nothing, but also showed no intention of leaving, as if waiting for her to continue speaking.
Fan Changyu said: "I am very sorry for General Xie's death."
Speaking of Xie Linshan, Xie Zheng remained silent. He had his back to Fan Changyu, so Fan Changyu couldn't see the expression on his face at that moment, but the veins on his hand gripping the bolt were bulging from using too much force.
"I don't blame you for the choice you made and the words you said that day. Before the truth of seventeen years ago is thoroughly investigated, I will not tell you again and let you believe the words of my grandfather and father. You said that you would only treat me as a fellow apprentice sister in the future because of the favor of Master Tao, but I can't be as carefree as the Marquis."
Fan Changyu stared at his back, his eyes already filled with sadness, but he still spoke each word carefully, "Let's just be strangers from now on. I am sorry for bothering you today."
When her mother was alive, she always said that she was a carefree person, but every time she lost someone she really cared about, it would cost her half her life.
She wouldn't fall in love with someone easily, and even if she did, how could she let go of him/her just like that?
The revenge for their father and the arranged marriage, there is too much between them, and in the end, there is no going back.
“Crack—”
The sound of wood breaking came from the door; Xie Zheng had broken the bolt with his force.
Fan Changyu's heart skipped a beat.
She saw his fingers covered in blood clots, and tiny drops of blood oozed out from his fingers due to the force he used. However, he seemed to be completely unaware of the pain, and turned his back to her and asked, "What if I say I regret it?"
Fan Changyu's pupils slightly dilated, and for a moment he didn't understand what he meant, "What?"
Xie Zheng turned around, his eyes filled with darkness. A bright red bead of blood streaked across his pale and slender knuckles, fell to the ground and burst into a small blood flower, like a drop of bloody tears.
“I said, I regret it.”
He spoke slowly, his tone pale and stubborn.
These words shocked Fan Changyu so much that her heart went numb, and then she felt extremely bitter. She didn't say anything for a long time.
The door frame blocked the morning light pouring in from outside. Xie Zheng stood there, as if he had melted into the shadows. Fan Changyu stood just opposite the window, and the morning sun fell on her, full of vigor and warmth.
The dividing line, one light and one dark, seems like an uncrossable ditch.
After a while, Fan Changyu finally heard himself ask in a hoarse voice: "You regret it, so what?"
Xie Zheng looked at her quietly, with no hint of brightness in his dark pupils: "Let's remain the same as before, okay?"
He tried to give up on her, but these days were probably the greatest torment and pain he had ever experienced in his life.
At first he thought he would slowly get used to it, just like when he was a child he couldn't accept the fact that his parents had passed away one after another. No matter how painful it was, he would be able to get through it.
If one day doesn’t work, then one month will. If one month doesn’t work, then one year will. But he couldn’t even survive one month.
There was a terribly empty feeling in his heart. The longer he was away from her, the more empty he felt, almost driving him crazy.
The endless killing and pain could not relieve the slightest.
Many times, Xie Zheng wondered if he was already dead.
No, death would be better than this kind of torture.
She seemed to be a part of his life, so once he lost her, he was lost and like a walking corpse.
For countless days and nights, she and the tragic scene of Xie Linshan's death in Jinzhou 17 years ago appeared alternately in his dreams, making him struggle in the endless darkness and bleed profusely.
It seemed that his life was meant only for revenge, and he did not deserve even a little joy or mercy in this world.
But he had received the purest and most passionate love from her.
It was she who made him realize that this world was not all about suffering.
But Xie Linshan's abdomen, which had been cut open and all the dirty stuff removed, and finally had to be stitched together with needle and thread by the medical officer, and the deep scars from knife and axe cuts that left visible bones, also made him feel suffocated from time to time.
When he was almost driven crazy by hatred and love, he was shocked to find that he hated her too.
Her father's generation killed his father and made him suffer for half his life.
She made him know what love is, but the emotions that arose tortured him day and night, and made him never at peace for the rest of his life!
When his hatred reached its peak, he also thought that after his revenge, he would take her with him to die.
If we can't sleep in the same bed in life, then we can be buried in the same grave after death.
He no longer had to endure such pain and torture, and he could hold her hand on the Nile Bridge and go to the next life together.
In the next life, they probably won't have such a blood feud between them. He might know her from childhood and be her childhood sweetheart... She likes scholars, so he will be a gentle scholar, pass the imperial examination, marry her when she reaches the age of 15, and have children...
But it's just a thought.
If he was willing to hurt her in the slightest, he would not have just said that he would never see her again in this life.
When he saw her again and learned that she had been through the gates of hell, he felt so angry and powerless that his teeth were chattering and his whole body was trembling. He never wanted to experience that again in his life.
Xie Zheng looked at the girl in military uniform standing in the morning light. Even her hair was shining with a layer of light golden light, making her look like a god who had accidentally entered the mortal world.
The scene of Zheng Wenchang toasting for her at the banquet last night reappeared before his eyes, and the jealousy in his heart grew like wild weeds.
Can I be his god alone?
I haven't heard Fan Changyu's answer for a long time.
Xie Zheng clenched his five fingers unconsciously. The slight pain from the wounds on his fingertips made him more awake, and his black eyes became increasingly gloomy.
Fan Changyu was completely stunned.
Same as before?
How to be the same as before?
There was the revenge for their fathers between them. Even if the Jinzhou tragedy seventeen years ago could be finally solved, the emperor had already granted the marriage and he was going to marry the princess. What did they mean by this?
Fan Changyu had also heard that some high-ranking officials would keep mistresses. Could it be that he wanted himself to be one?
Fan Changyu suddenly felt a little breathless, and a sharp pain rose from the bottom of her heart, forcing her vision to be a little blurry. She held back the anger in her eyes and asked back, "How do you think we can be the same as before?"
"Can you, Lord Hou, ignore the Jinzhou incident? Or can you ask His Majesty to revoke the marriage?"
When she said the last sentence, even though she clenched her teeth and held back a tear for a long time, it finally burst out and fell heavily to the ground.
Xie Zheng's eyes darkened terribly when he heard the first half of her words. After hearing the second half, he suddenly raised his eyes fiercely and said, "Who told you that the emperor has given me a marriage?"
The author has something to say:
I want to say sorry to everyone. I understand that everyone is anxious to read the sequel and it is very tiring to wait for the update. But many times it is not that the author does not update, but that the content written by the author is not right and cannot be updated. Rather than disappointing everyone and feeling that the story is badly written and the money spent is not worth it, I would rather spend more time to slowly polish it until I feel it is right. The content that everyone can finish reading in a few minutes may take me one or two days to polish. The content that is polished is often controversial and does not meet the expectations of some readers and friends, but the stupid author really tried his best, and what is published and presented to everyone is also the best content I can write at this stage.
This chapter has also been deleted, revised and rewritten many times. The author cannot estimate the time of writing and revising in advance. In the future, please treat it as an irregular update. I cannot guarantee daily updates, but if it is evenly distributed, I will guarantee 3,000 words every day. (Bow.jpg)
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