(7 Fresh Coins) Chapter 1 (Part 1) Frozen Flower
If love were so easily discarded, perhaps there would be far fewer people in this world as wretched as him. Recalling those dreamlike days seems like a very, very long time ago, so long ago… it feels like a lifetime ago. Sometimes he thinks, if he hadn't left back then, things might be completely different now. He wouldn't be so consumed by heart-wrenching longing, numbing himself with work every day, or having to feign affection for all sorts of socialites and beauties…
However, those were impossible. Without the Fuqing Gang, he was free from those responsibilities, but he also lost the right to be on equal footing with Xu Qi—just look at his former self, forever only able to follow that distant figure, only able to watch helplessly as Xu Qi and a strange woman stepped into the church—how could he endure such a life?
"Clang—" He abruptly swept the bottles and jars in front of the sink to the ground, turned the faucet upwards, and lowered his head to let the cold water run over his face. Then he looked up and stared straight at his face in the mirror.
In the past year, his face had changed. His once shoulder-length brown hair had grown longer, and he had gotten used to tying it back. The color that should have been on his face had faded day by day, and his once soft and rounded cheeks had become more angular. His delicate and gentle eyebrows had become cold and sharp, and clear water droplets slowly dripped down the curves of his face, making his entire face seem devoid of warmth, a kind of icy beauty. If the former Si Qiang looked like a bright and charming rose, then he was now a rose carved from ivory—the flower was still beautiful, but it had lost that alluring color, making people hesitant to approach. However, he himself was completely unaware of these changes, his face expressionless as he continued to think about that person.
Ultimately, it was his own fault. In Buddhism, worldly love is called "the love of hungry ghosts," meaning that the more one loves, the hungrier one becomes, and the harder it is to satisfy one's desires. Once one loses the other, the world changes color, the sun and moon lose their light, and the person falls into a desperate situation. After death, one is reborn into the "hungry ghost realm," where it is difficult to be reborn.
And he, Si Qiang, was that pathetic hungry ghost, never satisfied. His love had once been reciprocated by men, and there had been such beautiful times... It was he who could not accept that incomplete love, it was his insistence on forcing things, it was his excessive greed, so he was destined to get nothing.
Why couldn't he compromise? He asked himself a thousand times. In a daze, Xu Qi's handsome yet cold face seemed to appear before his eyes, and a slight smile slowly curved his lips. He smiled quietly at the illusory image.
Some people are simply born this way; love is only a small part of their lives, and they give only a small amount of love. Others, however, will give their whole heart to another, leaving an unfillable void in their hearts, finding redemption only in receiving another complete heart—or perhaps embracing each other as they fall into an endless abyss. For these two types of people, there is no other possibility. These two types are inherently incompatible; if forced together, harmony is impossible.
So he chose to escape, chose to give up. He had once carved that wooden sculpture with such love, meticulously depicting every inch of the man's body, the subtlest expressions on his face, then often gazing at it with rapt attention, worshipping it with his lips and fingers, unwilling to let it leave his side even for a moment. This little thing, which embodied almost all the passion in his heart, was placed on the man's bedside table. The moment it was removed felt as if a part of his body had been forcibly cut away, the excruciating pain making it hard to breathe.
He left the warmth there, so all that was left for himself was utter coldness, from which there was no turning back.
Today, he will see Xu Qi again. It's just a gathering, and since the organizer is the highly respected Madam Samantha, the younger generation, who are quite active, should naturally attend. He and Xu Qi might not even have a chance to exchange a glance.
Of course, neither meeting nor not meeting would be a good thing for Si Qiang. If they met, he couldn't be satisfied with just a meeting; if they didn't meet, he wouldn't be able to bear the disappointment in his heart. So the best way was actually not to attend at all.
He sneered inwardly. Was it even possible? A year had passed, and this was the only legitimate opportunity he had to see Xu Qi. If he missed it, who knew when the next chance would come? From the very beginning, he had no choice—he had to go.
Author's Note:
┐(￣▽￣”)┌ Finally, the story begins!
I just hope everyone isn't intimidated by this miserable situation ORZ
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