twenty four
24. A vulnerable moment...
Xu Qi sat by Si Qiang's bedside for a long time before finally returning to his bedroom, feeling dejected. He tossed and turned in bed for most of the night, unable to sleep. The thought of Si Qiang leaving tomorrow cut like a knife to his heart. But this lingering affection for a man was not the behavior of a 27-year-old man. Yet he couldn't control himself. He couldn't bear to be like this; it was like… a resentful, abandoned woman! Only women act so indecisive and entangled!
As dawn approached, he remained staring at the ceiling, his eyes wide open. His eyelids ached, but closing them only lasted a few seconds before the chaotic thoughts in his mind made him even more agitated. Suddenly, he heard a faint noise. It was coming from the outer room. He sat bolt upright, straining his ears to hear the subtle sound.
Is he leaving? Such a subtle movement, such skill—no wonder he's specially trained. If he hadn't been constantly alert, he would never have noticed the other person's actions. He knew that this person was about to leave him.
Xu Qi held his breath, gripping the sheets tightly beneath him. He feared he would rush out immediately, desperately trying to stop her. But that wouldn't do. Such behavior was completely unbecoming of Xu Qi. More importantly, even if he were willing to swallow his pride, given the current situation, not only would the Yao family not allow it, but Si Qiang herself would never want to return. Doing so would only bring him further humiliation.
A few minutes later—though Xu Qi felt it was only a few seconds—the commotion outside subsided. Everything was as calm as it had been a few minutes earlier, yet Xu Qi knew that the person outside had already left.
Xu Qi let out a long breath, his whole body suddenly relaxing. He slumped back onto the bed, raising his hand to cover his eyes.
Perhaps it was all just a dream; if he went out now, he could see that person again, just like before. A voice inside him tempted him. But Xu Qi resolutely resisted this temptation. His reason told him that if he went out now, he would only see an empty room. In that case, he might no longer be able to suppress his emotions—he couldn't indulge himself like that.
After enduring it for a while, he glanced at the wall clock and almost thought he was seeing things. Only five minutes had passed, but he felt like at least half an hour had gone by. He paused, then laughed mockingly.
He sat up, got out of bed, and quickly walked to the door. There was no point in torturing himself like this, so he chose to face it.
He gently opened the door and his eyes immediately fell on the bed. The blankets were neatly folded, the bed made as if no one had ever slept on it, and the medicine and syringes on the bedside table were gone—everything was as if the person had never returned.
Sure enough… he was gone. Xu Qi slowly approached the bedside, unable to resist reaching out to stroke the pristine white sheets. They weren't cold; they still retained the warmth of a human body. This was the only evidence that the person had returned.
His heart clenched so tightly that he could barely breathe. He crouched down and buried his face in the sheets.
No, it couldn't go on. When his brother left, it was the first time he'd let himself wallow in grief, no longer suppressing himself. He'd sworn that such indulgence would only happen once, never again. He thought no one could ever push him to the brink of losing control, to the point where he needed to vent to temporarily prevent himself from harming others. But now, he thought, he was about to break his promise for the first time.
If he continues to suppress his emotions, he doesn't know what he might do. So, let him... indulge one more time. Perhaps this will be the most embarrassing moment of his nearly 30 years of life.
At 7 a.m., Shawn arrived at Xu Qi's room and gently pushed open the door. The scene that appeared before him left him completely speechless. The man who had been lying on the bed in the outer room, which had been unoccupied for many days, heard the door being pushed open and reflexively turned around, meeting Shawn's gaze.
A flicker of panic crossed Xu Qi's eyes, but he quickly regained his composure, stood up, and walked towards the inner room: "You need me? Wait a moment, I'll change my clothes." Then he closed the door.
His voice sounded normal, as calm as ever, but Shawn wouldn't be fooled by appearances. Even in that brief moment of eye contact, Shawn saw the panic in the other's eyes and his slightly reddened eyes.
This was a side of Xu Qi he had never seen before. The Xu Qi he had always known was powerful, calm to the point of being cold. Although the other party had clearly been troubled by his younger brother and that Si Qiang, he had never shown it in front of him. Just now, in that instant, he felt his heart pounding rapidly.
Wearing casual clothes, Xu Qi's usual cold and aloof demeanor was softened, and coupled with the fleeting vulnerability on his face, he looked almost criminal! Okay, actually, he was tempting. But you can't expect a man to remain unmoved by the rare vulnerability shown by his strong-willed sweetheart, can you?
Although that loungewear was undeniably... conservative, completely against his aesthetic sensibilities, in his already rosy-tinted vision, such conservative attire was a "forbidden temptation," making him want to unbutton the loose collar, which was buttoned all the way up to the top, to admire the sexy collarbone and...
Just as Shawn was having second thoughts, Xu Qi pushed open the door and walked up to him. He was startled and looked up to see that the other man was already dressed and was asking him with his eyes what his purpose was in coming here.
Shawn cleared his throat and gave Xu Qi a very gentle smile: "Adam, I was just worried about you, so I came to check on you."
His feverish mind began to clear, and a strange glint flashed in his eyes as he stared at Xu Qi.
He remembered that Xu Qi had been lying on the bed in the outer room, but Si Qiang wasn't there. The implication was clear: Si Qiang had left, and their relationship hadn't progressed as he'd feared—a fact that greatly relieved him. However, the fact that Xu Qi had probably been grieving for that person… filled him with resentment: that person had no right to make Xu Qi so distressed!
"No problem. If there's nothing else, you can leave." Xu Qi's attitude was as indifferent as ever.
If Shawn hadn't been his classmate and friend for many years, he probably would have been scared away by his cold tone. But he knew that while the other man was still grieving over that person, his attitude towards him was definitely not his true feelings. This person was just used to using coldness as a shield, and was inherently awkward.
Shawn automatically translated Xu Qi's words as "I'm sad, I need your comfort." He maintained his smile: "It seems you need to relax." He subtly expressed his concern. Since meeting Xu Qi, he had gradually learned how to express a sentence in various ways that wouldn't get him punched.
As the heir to a powerful underworld family, Xu Qi's fighting skills were as terrifying as his temper. He was always cold and ruthless, often beating up clueless idiots to a pulp in school. But this only made him incredibly popular; girls were utterly captivated by this handsome and strong Eastern man, with offers of sex coming his way almost daily—this was New York, where women were never reserved, docile house cats, but rather bold, passionate wildcats.
As for the boys, please understand American-style heroism. It's only natural that Xu Qi, strong and aloof, seemingly far more mature than his peers, would become an idol for most boys—Shawn admits he was one of them back then. Unfortunately, after finally getting close to his idol and successfully gaining his trust through persistent pursuit and an unbreakable, friendly smile, he found his feelings beginning to change. And as time went on, he became increasingly entangled, now unable to extricate himself.
Xu Qi frowned, his eyes unfriendly: "You mean your so-called relaxation is going to that bar again, is it?"
"No, no, no, of course not." He's kidding! He's not an idiot! Shawn waved his hands repeatedly. "We can do something else. Like... tennis?"
Hours later, Shawn, sprawled on the ground panting like a dog, looked at Xu Qi walking towards him with a tennis racket. He wished he could travel back a few hours and throw himself into the Pacific Ocean as the one who suggested playing tennis. Even swimming against a shark would be better than being crippled like this.
"That's not enough?" Xu Qi looked down at him, a slight smile playing on his lips. "You were the one who said you wanted to come."
Exercise can make people forget their troubles, and conquering something can give them a sense of accomplishment, especially for men. As a top-notch psychologist and hypnotist, Shawn knew this all too well. He rolled his eyes; he'd be crazy to offer such advice if it weren't to improve this guy's mood!
The two of them took a shower together—the shower room had individual stalls, of course—and then went into a Chinese restaurant. The owner was Chinese and a very good cook, making all kinds of dishes very authentically, so although it wasn't a high-end restaurant, it was quite popular.
Halfway through the meal, Shawn suddenly heard the man across from him say something. He immediately looked up and asked, "Excuse me, what did you say?"
Xu Qi glared at him reflexively, then quickly lowered her head and whispered, "I said... thank you."
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