Chapter 20
That professional camera opened up like a door to a new world for Su Rui. He was captivated by the world captured in the lens, precisely framed and freely shaped by light and shadow. It gave him an unprecedented sense of control, even if that control was illusory and limited to the viewfinder.
His photography became increasingly sophisticated. The mottled walls of the alley, his grandmother's wrinkled hands, the drizzle of rain outside the window, even the hurried pedestrians on the street—all took on a quiet yet moving power under his lens. Neighbors began to sincerely praise his "realistic" and "spiritual" photography, even offering him a few extra dollars for a family portrait.
These tiny bits of recognition, like tiny sparks, quietly ignited something deep within him. Perhaps... he wasn't completely useless? Perhaps besides burying himself in study, he had other potential?
He carefully hid this thought and only dared to let it emerge quietly when he was wiping his camera late at night.
Yet, the pressure of reality never left. The countdown to the Gaokao (college entrance exam) dwindled day by day, like a death sentence. His homeroom teacher looked at him with growing worry, repeatedly suggesting he should put aside his "unproductive" hobbies and focus on his sprint. His grandmother's medical bills, like snowflakes, reminded him that his future path held no room for error.
He was struggling between two completely different paths. On one side was the alluring dream of light and shadow that Ling Yao had sketched out for him with top-notch equipment and occasional "guidance"; on the other side was a cold and cruel single-plank bridge that required him to try his best to squeeze across.
This sense of tearing became more and more obvious as she interacted with Ling Yao.
Ling Yao seemed completely unable to understand his pressure. In his eyes, Su Rui's struggles and worries were cheap and ridiculous.
Once, Su Rui mustered up the courage to mention her college entrance examination choices and her confusion about the future in a very subtle way, choosing her words carefully for fear of upsetting him.
Ling Yao's reply took a long time to arrive, consisting of only one sentence, laced with a kind of innocent cruelty: "Why bother with that? If you can't pass the exam, then you can't pass it."
Su Rui looked at that sentence, as if a bucket of ice water had been poured over his head, chilling him from head to toe. He held the phone, his fingers cold, and for a long time he couldn't type a single word of reply.
See, this is the difference between them. In Ling Yao's eyes, his abyss is just a small puddle that can be stepped over.
Another time, Su Rui stayed up all night studying, and the next day, feeling exhausted, he knocked over a bucket of soup while helping out in the cafeteria. The stall owner scolded him and docked half a day's pay. He was so depressed that he stared at his camera that night, not taking and organizing his usual photos.
Ling Yao's message followed: "What did you shoot today?"
Su Rui looked at the message, and an indescribable feeling of grievance and exhaustion welled up in her heart. What he needed was comfort, even if it was just a "what's wrong", rather than being asked about his "homework".
He didn't respond immediately for the first time, and even had a rebellious thought: I didn't want to take a picture, and I didn't want to show it to him.
But his courage only lasted ten minutes. After ten minutes, he finally picked up his camera and sent a photo of the sunset at the alley entrance that he had taken a few days ago, which he thought was pretty good, with a simple emoticon ^_^
Ling Yao's reply was quick, with obvious dissatisfaction: "That's it? Who are you trying to please?"
Su Rui's nose tightened as he read the words, and he nearly burst into tears. A profound sense of powerlessness washed over him like a tide. He felt like a kite held tightly by a string, the other end held in Ling Yao's hand. He had no control over how high he flew, where he went, or even when he wanted to display his beauty.
He suddenly remembered what Ling Yao had said to Azhe a long time ago: "I am happy to teach my people."
At the time, he felt there was a secret intimacy in these words that made his heart beat faster. Now thinking about it, all he could feel was a cold sense of possession and control.
“My people.” It turns out the focus has never been on “people” but on “mine.”
The world of light and shadow that he cherished and regarded as redemption, perhaps in Ling Yao's eyes, was just another way for him to play with his pets in his spare time, just like the candy he casually threw away and this "discarded" camera.
It's all charity.
This realization exploded in his heart like a silent thunder, shaking him so much that his whole body went cold.
He put down his phone and didn't reply. For the first time, he took the initiative to cut off the connection he regarded as his lifeline.
Outside the window, the night is dark and starless.
Su Rui hugged her knees and sat on the cold edge of the bed, looking at the expensive camera in the corner. For the first time, she clearly felt -
The light he had been chasing for so long was so cold. And if he got too close, he would really get burned.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
