Chapter 26
On a weekend night, the last month before the Gaokao (National College Entrance Examination), the apartment was unusually quiet. Thick stacks of review materials lay piled on the table, unopened, a rare sight. The moonlight outside the window was bright, its clear light filtering through the glass and casting long shadows across the floor.
The two sat side by side on the carpet by the French window, their backs against the sofa, neither speaking. A kind of pre-war tranquility, mixed with confusion about the future, enveloped them.
After a long silence, Su Rui hugged her knees and suddenly spoke softly, as if afraid of disturbing the tranquility: "Ling Yao..."
"Hmm?" Ling Yao responded, his voice a little low.
"Sometimes I think..." Su Rui's voice trembled slightly. "If my father had hugged me and told me it was okay and I could just try harder next time when I failed a test when I was a kid...instead of beating me and scolding me for being useless...wouldn't I feel less pain and fear now? That's also part of love."
He buried his head in his knees, his shoulders hunched slightly, like a small animal with its soft underbelly exposed, vulnerable to every blow. This was the first time he had so openly exposed the scars of his family of origin.
Ling Yao tilted his head, looking at Su Rui's soft hair and thin shoulders in the moonlight. He didn't sneer or mock as usual. He was silent for a moment before speaking. His voice was unusually calm, even carrying a subtle hint of... sympathy?
"My mother..." He paused, as if he was organizing his words and taking off his mask, "She is quite paranoid. Her control is frighteningly strong. Maybe... my father didn't give her enough sense of security before." He pulled the corner of his mouth and revealed a sarcastic smile, not knowing who he was talking to.
"She always speaks to me in a harsh tone." Ling Yao's voice dropped, his gaze fixed on the dark night sky outside the window, as if recalling something unpleasant. "If I even slightly fail to meet her expectations, I'll be greeted with sarcasm and denial. I seem to...always be afraid of her getting angry."
"So I tried my best to change, to become someone she'd like. My grades, my manners, my social skills... everything." His tone was filled with fatigue and bewilderment. "But sometimes, when I changed, she got even angrier... She never seemed to know how to talk to me properly. My dad never cared about me, and only praised me when I got good grades. When I was little, my mom would always beat and scold me to get my dad's attention so I could get better grades and please him."
He took a deep breath, his voice becoming even softer, almost as if he were talking to himself. "So much so that even now, I can't help but be sharp when I talk to her. I have no patience... I'm even a little afraid of her. That kind of fear... that comes from the very bones."
"Every time after an argument, I go back to my room and hear a little noise outside," Ling Yao's voice was hoarse. "My heart would skip a beat, and I'd subconsciously wonder... is it coming again?" He smiled wryly. "Isn't it ridiculous? It's like the reaction after being abused."
The air fell silent again, but this time the silence was no longer cold, but filled with a warm current of mutual understanding. Under the moonlight, the two seemingly different young men discovered the same hidden scars deep within each other's hearts.
It turns out that even the dazzling sun has been burned. It turns out that even the humble dust longs for the sunshine.
Su Rui slowly raised his head, his eyes red, and looked at Ling Yao. Ling Yao also turned his head to look at him.
Their eyes met. In each other's eyes, they saw similar pain, vulnerability, and a cautious glimmer that longed to be understood.
All the awkwardness, venom, probing, and flattery in the past seemed to have their answers at this moment. They were just two children who didn't know how to love, clumsily approaching each other in the wrong way, seeking a little warmth and confirmation.
Ling Yao was the first to move. He hesitated, then slowly extended his hand, spread his palm, and placed it on the carpet between them. It was a silent invitation.
Su Rui's heartbeat suddenly accelerated. He looked at the hand with distinct joints that always seemed so powerful, then looked up at Ling Yao's eyes. Those eyes, always filled with indifference or mockery, now held a clear, slightly nervous sincerity.
Su Rui slowly and tremblingly placed her hand on it.
The moment their fingertips touched, both of them trembled slightly.
Then, Ling Yao closed his fingers, and his warm and dry palms tightly wrapped around Su Rui's slightly cold fingers.
Fingers clasped together.
The strength came from the clasped palms, as if it could penetrate the skin and reach the heart, bringing an indescribable sense of security and courage.
They didn't speak anymore. They just sat quietly in the moonlight, their backs to each other's world, holding hands, as if this could withstand all the coldness of the past and the storms of the future.
The moonlight outside the window is gentle and the stars flow silently.
At this moment, family background and academic performance had nothing to do with each other. There were only two lonely souls who, in the late night before the college entrance examination, truly saw each other for the first time and also held each other's hands tightly for the first time.
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