The last one
Ling Yao's Weibo
Hello everyone, I am Ling Yao.
Perhaps, when you read these words, you will be surprised, or even...worse. But please believe that when I write these, I want to be more sincere than ever.
First of all, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for disappointing you. I'm sorry that I ultimately failed to become the flawless, ever-radiant Ling Yao you expected. I hid so much, carried so much, and in the end... I messed it all up.
The lights on the stage are truly dazzling. Every time I stand there and hear your cheers, it's one of the happiest moments of my life. Those voices, those waving light sticks, like countless stars, have illuminated so many nights that would otherwise be bleak. The encouragement you've sent me through letters and messages, saying how you've gained strength from my songs and my performances... I've secretly read those words countless times. They sustain me, making me feel that my existence might still have some meaning.
I've always wanted to do better, to rise higher. Because I want to prove myself, to prove I can do it, to prove I'm worthy of love, worthy of being liked by so many. I crave recognition, almost to the point of obsession. This desire drives me forward relentlessly, but it can also... make me forget why I started in the first place, forget to truly look at myself, and at you.
Inside me, there lives a deeply insecure and insecure Ling Yao. He fears loss, abandonment, and unworthiness. That's why he can sometimes seem awkward, even unreasonable. That's not the side of me I want to show you, but it's a part of me. An imperfect, selfish part, yet a real one.
I've never had the courage to say this. I'm afraid of seeing your disappointed eyes, afraid of losing your precious love. I stuffed myself into the shell of a perfect idol named "Ling Yao," thinking that would be the best reward.
Thinking about it now, I made so many mistakes.
If I could, I'd love to be more honest, to rely on you a little more. I'd love to tell you that the strength and love you've given me far surpasses anything I could ever offer you. It's you who have allowed me, someone with a heart so broken, to be illuminated by such a warm light.
Please don't be sad for me for too long. Please keep more of the love you gave me for yourself, for the people around you who are truly worth cherishing. Eat well, sleep well, study hard, and work hard. Become a happier and more shining person than I ever hoped.
If...if my singing and my performance ever brought you even a moment of joy or courage, please remember that moment. That is the gift I most want to leave you.
And that imperfect, failed Ling Yao... just let him go with the wind.
Finally, thank you so much. Thank you for lighting up the stars for me.
Sorry, and... Goodbye.
—— Ling Yao
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