Look at me
The physical education teacher blew the whistle and waved his hand: "Free time! Don't run outside the playground!"
The crowd dispersed like exploding fireworks. The thud of basketballs hitting the ground, the whirring of badmintons ripping through the air, and the clamor of laughter instantly filled the entire playground.
Jiang Yibai was dragged by Lu Panji and the others to play basketball. He dribbled the ball absentmindedly, his eyes scanning the edge of the playground. The familiar figure was no longer in the usual secluded corner.
Where are you hiding again?
He faked his way past the defense, jumped, shot, and the ball went into the net.
"Good shot!" Lu Panji shouted.
Jiang Yibai ignored him and threw the ball to the person next to him: "You guys play first."
"Hey? Where are you going, Brother Jiang?"
Jiang Yibai didn't look back, but waved his hand and walked towards the old equipment room behind the gym. Usually no one went there, it was cool and quiet.
Sure enough, as soon as I turned the corner of the gymnasium, I saw a person sitting on the shady steps at the entrance of the equipment room. He was huddled together, head down, with a book spread across his knees.
It was Lin Xiyan. He had changed into a PE suit with short sleeves and shorts. His exposed arms and legs weren't as shockingly thin as they usually were when wrapped in a school uniform. He had some of the limber curves a boy his age should have. His waist looked especially thin, accentuated by the wide hem of his short sleeves.
But the way he huddled there made him look even lonelier than usual. No sunlight reached there, and only a slight chilly breeze blew.
Jiang Yibai walked over with light steps.
Lin Xiyan was so engrossed in his reading that he didn't notice anyone approaching. His brows knitted slightly, his fingers unconsciously picking at the edges of the pages, his whole body and soul immersed in the book. A low pressure permeated his body, even heavier than the smell of dust in the equipment room.
Jiang Yibai stood in front of him, and the shadow completely enveloped him.
Lin Xiyan was startled and raised his head suddenly. Seeing that it was Jiang Yibai, a trace of panic flashed in his eyes, and he subconsciously closed the book and hid it.
But Jiang Yibai was quicker. He leaned over, his fingers pressing against the book, stopping him from closing it. His eyes scanned the pages—not a workbook, not a textbook. Words like "depression," "emotion," and "trauma" were sprinkled among the densely packed words.
Jiang Yibai felt as if something was tugging at his heart. This was worse than he had expected.
Lin Xiyan tried to pull the book away, his fingers straining so hard that his knuckles turned white, his voice trembling slightly: "...Give it back to me."
Jiang Yibai didn't let go. He looked at Lin Xiyan's pale face, at the fragility and dejection in his eyes that he tried to hide but couldn't hide.
Shit. It's a wonder this stuff is any good.
He took a deep breath, suppressing the rage and inexplicable heartache that was rising in his heart. Then, he did something he hadn't expected.
He didn't force it, nor did he preach. He bent down, his body pressed down, his forehead almost touching Lin Xiyan's knees. His voice was sticky and drawn out, with a hint of grievance and coquettishness, like a large dog complaining:
"Stop looking...just look at me, okay?"
His tone was so soft that it could drip water. It was completely different from his usual cold demeanor.
Lin Xiyan froze completely. She forgot to exert any strength on the hand holding the book, her eyes wide as she stared at Jiang Yibai's face, the face of a man so close to her, the image of her own bewildered self clearly reflected in his purple eyes. Those eyes were fixed with an undeniable focus and... dependence?
The air seemed frozen, with only the faint sound of noise coming from the distant playground.
Seeing that he remained silent and unmoved, Jiang Yibai simply pressed his buttons. He reached out, not to snatch the book, but to gently touch Lin Xiyan's fingers, which were gripping the pages. The touch was slightly cool.
"What's so interesting about this kind of book?" He lowered his voice even more, his breath brushing the back of Lin Xiyan's hand, "It makes people unhappy when reading it."
He raised his head slightly, his chin almost resting on Lin Xiyan's knees. From this angle, he looked up at him with wet eyes: "If you are unhappy, I will be unhappy too."
Lin Xiyan's fingers trembled violently, as if burned by the light touch and blunt words. He looked at Jiang Yibai, his lips parted, his throat dry and unable to utter a single sound. His heart, however, began to beat like a drum, pounding against his chest and causing pain.
No one had ever spoken to him... in such a tone. As if he was precious, as if his emotions could easily affect another person.
Jiang Yibai saw that he was still in a daze, and he felt a little anxious, but he couldn't show it. He maintained that almost cheating posture, and gently hooked Lin Xiyan's fingertips with his fingers, his voice so soft that it was almost a hum:
"Please pay attention to me..."
The ending tone is long and has a pitiful tone.
Lin Xiyan felt as if the softest feather had scratched his heart, sending a tingling sensation through his body. The heavy book seemed to become hot, and his fingers loosened.
Jiang Yibai immediately took the opportunity to pull the book away, without even looking at it, and stuffed it into the windowsill of the equipment room behind him, away from Lin Xiyan's sight.
His hands were empty, and Lin Xiyan subconsciously curled his fingers. He looked at Jiang Yibai, his eyes still blank and a little helpless, but his shoulders, which had been tense all the time, relaxed a little bit.
Jiang Yibai stood up, finally no longer in that coquettish and naughty posture, but the distance between them was still very close. He lowered his eyes to look at Lin Xiyan, his gaze fell on his slightly red eyes, and the irritation in his heart surfaced again, but his tone was still soft: "Don't read that kind of book anymore."
There was a hint of command, but more of unquestionable concern.
Lin Xiyan lowered his head, looked at his empty hands, and said in a voice as soft as a sigh: "...I just want to understand..."
"Understand what?" Jiang Yibai interrupted him, his voice low but powerful. "Understand why I feel uncomfortable sometimes? Why I feel it's boring?" He paused, took a small step forward, the tip of his shoe almost touching Lin Xiyan's. "Then look at me."
Lin Xiyan was forced to raise his head.
Jiang Yibai stared into his eyes, speaking each word clearly and slowly: "Look at me. How do you feel when I look at you?"
This question was too direct and too sudden, like a key that suddenly poked into Lin Xiyan's tightly closed heart.
He stared blankly at Jiang Yibai's face so close to him, at the pair of purple eyes that only reflected him, at the undisguised concentration in them and... some emotions that he didn't dare to delve into.
Feel?
My heart was beating incredibly fast, my ears were buzzing, my cheeks were burning, and I kind of wanted to pull away, but… I couldn’t bear to.
It seemed... not so empty anymore. It was as if those gray things were pushed back a little when he looked at them.
He opened his mouth, but no words came out.
Jiang Yibai seemed to understand something from his panicked eyes. The corner of his mouth lifted ever so slightly, and he raised his hand, not to touch the book, but with his fingertips, very, very lightly rubbed the corner of Lin Xiyan's eye. It was a little dry, no tears, but he rubbed it anyway.
The movement was so fast that it seemed like an illusion.
"If you feel uncomfortable or sad, come to me." Jiang Yibai's voice was low, with a magical and reassuring power, "Don't hide away and watch those useless things alone. Just look at me."
Lin Xiyan's eyelashes trembled violently, and the small piece of skin that was rubbed felt like it was on fire.
Jiang Yibai withdrew his hand and put it back into his trouser pocket, as if the extremely gentle gesture just now was just a casual gesture. He turned sideways and pointed in the direction of the playground with his chin: "Let's go."
"Where are you going?" Lin Xiyan asked subconsciously, her voice a little hoarse.
"Whatever you want to do," Jiang Yibai said, his tone returning to its usual casualness, but still soft if you listen closely. "Bathing in the sun is fine, or watching them play basketball is fine. In short, don't stay alone."
After he finished speaking, he looked at Lin Xiyan and waited.
Lin Xiyan sat there, hesitating for a few seconds. He glanced at the book tucked into the windowsill, then looked at Jiang Yibai, who was waiting for him in the sunshine.
Then, slowly, slowly, he stood up.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
