The meaning of love
Jiang Yibai's fingers closed, wrapping around Lin Xiyan's wrist without a word. The wrist bones were so thin that they made one feel a throbbing pulse beneath the skin, rapid and urgent, like the heartbeat of a frightened bird.
Lin Xiyan was completely stunned. The sudden warmth and force caused him to stumble and fall from the shady steps of the equipment room into the bright afternoon sunlight. The bright light made him squint.
"Where are you going..." His voice was weak and he tried to pull his hand away, but Jiang Yibai held it tightly, his fingers wrapped around his thin wrist, and the temperature was scalding.
"Find a place to stay." Jiang Yibai didn't even turn around, pulling him across the edge of the playground. He took long steps, forcing Lin Xiyan to jog to keep up. The hem of his gym shorts fluttered with his movements, revealing his fair, straight calves.
Occasionally, a classmate who had been playing around would run by and glance at them curiously. Jiang Yibai would give them a cold glance, and they would immediately fall silent and run away. Lin Xiyan lowered his head even lower, his ears burning fiercely. The place where his wrist was held felt like it was on fire, and the heat spread all the way, burning his head and making it buzz.
Jiang Yibai ignored the stares and pulled him directly to an old banyan tree at the southernmost edge of the playground. Its massive canopy cast a dense shadow, shielding him from the distant clamor. Its thick, tangled roots formed a natural seat.
Jiang Yibai let go of his hand and sat down on a thick tree root first, then patted the seat next to him. His movements were so natural as if he had practiced them countless times.
Lin Xiyan stood still, the warmth and touch of a tight grip still lingering on his wrist, his heartbeat still pounding. He looked at Jiang Yibai, who was sitting at the root of the tree. Sunlight filtered through the leaves, dancing on his hair and shoulders. Those purple eyes looked up at him, calm and focused.
"Aren't you tired of standing?" Jiang Yibai asked in a normal tone.
Lin Xiyan hesitated for a moment, then slowly walked over and sat down a short distance away from him. The rough texture of the tree roots pricked his legs, causing some discomfort. He lowered his head, his fingers unconsciously scratching the cracked lines on the bark.
The surroundings were quiet, with only the rustling of leaves in the wind and the faint clatter of balls and laughter in the distance. The cicadas chirped noisily, one burst after another.
The two sat side by side, neither of them speaking for a moment. A subtle, tense silence hung in the air.
Lin Xiyan could clearly smell the faint scent of laundry detergent coming from the person next to him, mixed with a hint of clean sweat after exercise, which was not unpleasant. He could even feel the warm breath emanating from the other person's body.
This feeling was so strange. Being so close to someone, sitting under the same shade, sharing a moment of silence. It wasn't awkward, but rather... a strange sense of security. It was as if the noise and loneliness had been shut out.
He secretly turned his head and glanced at Jiang Yibai.
Jiang Yibai wasn't looking at him. He was looking up at the dense canopy of the banyan tree. His profile was sharp and his Adam's apple was distinct. The sunlight fell on his purple eyes, which seemed to be filled with tiny fragments of light.
Lin Xiyan quickly looked away, her heartbeat getting out of control again.
After a long while, just when Lin Xiyan thought the silence would continue, Jiang Yibai suddenly spoke. His voice was not loud, mixed in with the chirping of cicadas, but it clearly penetrated into his ears.
"Don't read books like that anymore."
Lin Xiyan paused as his fingers scratched the bark.
"It's no use looking at it," Jiang Yibai continued, his voice flat but firm, "it will only make you more obsessed."
Lin Xiyan remained silent. He knew Jiang Yibai was right. The words in those books were like a swamp; the more he tried to understand and analyze them, the deeper he sank. But sometimes he couldn't help it, like a self-torturing habit, always wanting to find an answer in them, an answer that could explain why he was the way he was.
But there was no answer. Only deeper confusion and helplessness.
He lowered his head, his voice so soft that it was almost blown away by the wind: "...I just want to know..."
"What do you want to know?" Jiang Yibai turned his head and looked at him with a straightforward gaze.
Lin Xiyan met his gaze, and those purple eyes seemed to have magic, attracting him and making the confusion that was lingering in his heart, chaotic and never expressed to anyone, surface little by little.
He opened his mouth, his throat tight. Sunlight filtered through the leaves, streaming through his pale pupils like melting amber. A certain confusion and longing, pent up for too long, broke through that hard shell and leaked out.
The voice was very soft, trembling with uncertainty, but it was like a stone thrown into a calm lake.
"Jiang Yibai," he asked, as if asking a philosophical question that had troubled him a thousand times, or as if he was simply asking the person in front of him, "The meaning of love has always been a difficult mystery to me."
After he finished speaking, he seemed to have exhausted all his courage and immediately turned away, not daring to look at Jiang Yibai's reaction. His fingers tightly gripped the roots of the tree beneath him, and the rough bark made his palms hurt.
The sound of cicadas seemed to suddenly be amplified countless times, making people feel uneasy.
Jiang Yibai looked at his suddenly tense profile and red ears, and saw that he wanted to hide himself again. The soft spot in his heart seemed to be poked hard.
He didn't answer immediately, nor did he laugh at his silly or artistic question.
He was silent for a moment, then leaned back slightly, supported himself on the ground with his hands, and looked up at the spots of light leaking through the gaps in the leaves.
"It's a puzzle..." He repeated, his tone very soft, as if he was chewing on the weight of the words. Then he turned his head and his gaze fell back on Lin Xiyan. His gaze no longer held a compelling focus, but became very calm, like a deep pool.
"I don't know what the standard answer is," Jiang Yibai said in a calm voice. "Maybe there is no standard answer."
Lin Xiyan raised her head in surprise and looked at him.
"But," Jiang Yibai met his gaze and continued, his voice low but every word clear, hammering into Lin Xiyan's ears, "I think it might be like this now."
He paused, as if trying to organize his words, wondering how to clearly express that abstract feeling.
"Just like me right now, I don't want you to touch anything that makes you uncomfortable. I want to pull you out and get some sunshine." He pointed at the banyan leaves above their heads. "Just like me this morning, for no apparent reason, I wanted to buy an extra breakfast, wondering if it would warm you up."
His eyes fell on Lin Xiyan's slightly red wrist, which he had just held tightly.
"Just like before, I didn't want you to stay in that dark corner by yourself, so I wanted to pull you out to where there was light. Once I held your hand, I didn't want to let go."
He spoke slowly, without any fancy words, and was even a little clumsy. He just laid out the things he had done one by one.
"Maybe... that's it." He concluded, looking at Lin Xiyan calmly, "I didn't think much about it, I just did it. I'm happy that you're okay. Seeing you in pain, I—"
He raised his hand and gently tapped his left chest with his finger, "It's not feeling good either."
Lin Xiyan was completely stunned, staring at him without blinking. Every word Jiang Yibai said was like a pebble dropped into the silent lake of his heart, stirring up ripples. Those abstract concepts he had searched through books but couldn't find were suddenly embodied in the simplest and most direct way by the man before him, in the form of sunshine, breakfast, and a tightly held hand.
My heart felt like it was wrapped in warm water, warm and swollen, with a strange sour feeling.
The cicadas had stopped chirping, and the only sound was the rustling of the wind through the treetops.
Jiang Yibai looked at him stunned, the corners of his mouth curled up, and he suddenly leaned closer, lowering his voice with a lazy, playful tone: "So, don't think about those useless books. The answer is not there."
He was so close that his breath almost brushed Lin Xiyan's ear.
"The answer...maybe it's right here?" His voice was vague and suggestive, his eyes fell on Lin Xiyan's face, with a hint of teasing, but also hiding an extreme seriousness.
Lin Xiyan's cheeks flushed as he stared at her, his heart pounding like a drum. The bitter feeling he'd just felt was replaced by another, more flustered emotion. He subconsciously tried to step back, but his body froze and he couldn't move.
Jiang Yibai looked at his flushed face and bewildered eyes, and decided to stop while he was ahead. He sat up straight again and resumed his lazy look, as if those words that were so straightforward that they were almost a confession had not come from his mouth.
He raised his hand and patted Lin Xiyan's shoulder, his movements natural: "Why are you daydreaming? Basking in the sun is better than looking at anything else."
After saying that, he actually leaned back and closed his eyes, as if to enjoy the shade and sunshine. Lin Xiyan was left alone, sitting there, his heart pounding, his mind repeatedly echoing with the words "Maybe the answer is right here" and the scorching heat that had lingered on his wrist.
The meaning of love...?
He secretly glanced at Jiang Yibai who was dozing next to him. The sunlight cast a small shadow under his eyelashes.
It seems... it's indeed a little warmer than what's described in the book. It also makes people... more flustered.
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