Chapter 57
In order to go home as soon as possible, many people bought tickets directly on the day of the exam, carried their suitcases to the exam, and rushed to the train station or airport as soon as they got ready for the exam. Some people almost left their luggage in the exam room because they had too much stuff. Zhou Bin was a typical example.
"Thank goodness you thought about it for me, otherwise, by the time school starts, my stuff would be long gone." Zhou Bin thought of this just as he was about to leave the school gate. Fortunately, his bus didn't arrive so early. Seeing that he was carrying so much stuff, Xu Yan offered to help him with a few things.
"It seems that my calling you Mom was not in vain." Zhou Bin nodded continuously and was kicked by Xu Yan.
"Hurry up and go, you can't keep your mouth shut even if you carry so many things."
Xu Yan weighed the two bags in his hands. "It's just summer vacation, why bring so many things? When I saw you in the exam room this morning, I thought you moved your whole family here."
"These are all I need to go home!" Zhou Bin looked at Xu Yan. "You're so comfortable. All you have to do to get home is take the bus. You don't even have to carry your luggage. I didn't check on you these past two days. I thought you weren't living in the dormitory anymore?"
"What's wrong? Do you miss me?" Xu Yan raised his eyebrows and looked at him.
"Go to hell." Zhou Bin looked at Xu Yan like that, his heart bleeding with envy. "Oh, that's great! Studying right here in the local area! I can go home whenever I want, and I have a dormitory when I don't want to stay home. It's so cool!"
"Not bad." Xu Yan smiled and deliberately said to Zhou Bin, "I still enjoy group life. Home is not as fun as the dormitory."
"It's not as fun at home as it is in the dorm~"
Zhou Bin rolled his eyes and repeated the lesson. The two of them had a good laugh and then continued their miserable journey to the examination room.
"But our dormitory has been quite interesting these two days. It's a pity you're not here." Zhou Bin added.
"Hmm?" Xu Yan became interested. "What happened? Did those two make up?"
"No, Zhang Xiaotian is still the same." Zhou Bin said, "I think the interesting one is Lu Bai."
"What did he do?"
"Lu Bai has been buying breakfast for Zhang Xiaotian these past two days, inviting him out to play, serving him tea and water, and massaging his shoulders and back. I think if I wasn't still in the dormitory, Lu Bai would have rushed to warm Zhang Xiaotian's bed!"
"Did Xiaotian accept it?" Xu Yan asked again.
"That's impossible!"
Zhou Bin didn't even feel the weight of his luggage anymore when he talked about this. "This is the first time I've ever seen someone like Zhang Xiaotian. No matter if you send him food, daily necessities, or anything else, he just ignores it and pretends he didn't see it! Later, when Lu Bai saw that it wasn't working out, he tried to send it under the pretext of the whole class having it, and it almost pissed off Zhang Xiaotian!"
"Will Xiaotian still be angry?"
"It's natural for a person to get angry. Even rabbits bite when they're angry!" Zhou Bin continued, "Later, Zhang Xiaotian said that if Lu Bai did these little tricks again, he would break up with Lu Bai! Tell me, do you believe this?"
Xu Yan shook his head.
"I wouldn't believe it either, but Lu Bai really did!" Zhou Bin exclaimed in amazement. "After that, he never caused any trouble again. He just hung around Zhang Xiaotian pathetically every day, like a ghost, annoying him to death. And yesterday, while Lu Bai wasn't noticing, he took his luggage and went to the hotel."
"Here, do you see it?" As they were talking, a puppy ran over from the side of the road, wagging its tail at them. Zhou Bin pointed at it and said to Xu Yan, "It looks exactly like Lu Bai."
"Holy crap, that's amazing!"
The two of them were having fun again.
"Primary school students, them two?" Xu Yan was so happy that tears came out.
"Who's here? Please reconcile them quickly and stop lowering the quality of our dormitory." Zhou Bin said, and suddenly saw a familiar person standing in front of the teaching building.
"You really can't talk about people behind their backs."
Unable to free his hands, Zhou Bin pointed to Xu Yan with his chin: "Look, our puppy Lu is over there."
The two men walked forward and Xu Yan called Lu Bai.
"Lu Bai, what are you still doing here?"
"Oh, I..."
Lu Bai glanced at the page on his hand that still showed the call failed, opened his mouth awkwardly, and put the phone back in his pocket.
"Nothing, just waiting for someone."
"Who are you waiting for?" Zhou Bin
It really is an abandoned puppy. Xu Yan and Zhou Bin exchanged a secret glance.
"Lu Bai, besides being annoying all the time, have you ever thought of any other solution?" Zhou Bin threw the bag in his hand to the ground and shook his hands twice. "I'm telling you, if I were Zhang Xiaotian, I wouldn't pay any attention to you if you were like this."
"What else can I do?" Lu Bai said with his head down, "I don't even know where Tian'er went during the holidays..."
He doesn't answer the phone and doesn't reply to messages. It's exactly the same as what happened in his sophomore year of high school.
Lu Bai bit his nails subconsciously. He knew Zhang Xiaotian needed time, but he couldn't help but think of those sleepless nights. The feeling of loss and panic of being stripped away once again swept over him.
"If Tian'er ignores me during the holiday..."
Seeing Lu Bai like this, the two of them didn't feel good either.
"How about you ask a friend for help?" Zhou Bin said, "That friend you contacted last time, why don't you ask her to put in a good word for you?"
"I... will try." Lu Bai nodded and turned away.
Looking at Lu Bai's dazed back, Zhou Bin felt a little uneasy.
"Can this be okay between them?" he asked Xu Yan in a low voice.
"I don't know." Xu Yan shook his head and replied, "But I think so."
Zhang Xiaotian returned to the hotel after the exam. He stayed there for a few more days until he saw his classmates posting on their social media accounts that they had already returned home. Only then did he dare to buy a ticket back to City C.
After boarding the train, he was nervous for a while, not even daring to drink more than a glass of water, and he didn't even leave his seat. He was afraid he'd end up on the same train as Lu Bai. If he actually ran into Lu Bai on the train, Zhang Xiaotian thought he'd be so frightened he'd jump out. Fortunately, he escaped unscathed, and the train sped along before finally stopping in City C.
When Zhang Xiaotian finally stepped on the ground, he realized that he had really returned to the city where he had lived since he was a child.
Even though he had never considered this place his hometown, at this moment, standing at the bustling exit, Zhang Xiaotian had to admit that somewhere in his body he still felt a sense of belonging. After all, before, he thought he was truly homeless, but now, he knew that in this city, there was a place for him to stay.
City C is different from City B. It is easy to get a taxi near the station. Ten minutes later, Zhang Xiaotian was standing at the door of the house.
Zhang Xiaotian opened the door and walked in. Everything inside was the same as before, the refrigerator facing the bedroom door, the decorative paintings on the wall, as if Zhang Xiaotian hadn't been away for over a year, but had just returned from school. The difference was that with the surveillance cameras removed, no one would be constantly watching his behavior. He no longer had to worry about someone looking through his things without his permission or forbidding him from bringing friends in.
But now, he has no friends to bring home.
He took out his phone and found the chat history with his instructor was still before the exam:
Sorry, dorm beds are really tight right now, and they won't be available anytime soon. Why don't you try to have a good conversation with your roommates? Don't have any conflicts between classmates; if there are any misunderstandings, just talk it out.
Zhang Xiaotian pinched his brows. The brief sense of relief that returning home had brought him vanished in an instant. He packed his luggage and planned to grab a bite to eat, but when he opened the refrigerator, there was nothing inside.
...It's strange that he has talent.
Zhang Xiaotian took a deep breath, picked up the bag he had just taken off, opened the door and went out again.
Afraid of running into anyone near his home, Zhang Xiaotian took a bus to a distant mall, intending to buy everything he needed at once so he could go out less often. It was summer vacation, and everywhere was crowded. He was swept up in the crowd and accidentally walked into a Miniso store.
The music was very loud and the fragrance in the room gave him a headache. Zhang Xiaotian didn't want to stay any longer and was about to leave when he suddenly saw two familiar people at the end of the stacked shelves.
The two men obviously saw Zhang Xiaotian as well, and greeted him happily. Without waiting for his reaction, they hurriedly trotted over here.
"haven't seen you for a long time."
Zhang Xiaotian looked at the two people in front of him and said with some emotion.
"I'm done."
Lu Bai threw down his bowl and chopsticks, stood up and ran to his room, but before he could leave the table, he was pulled back by his mother.
"Eat more. Your dad just sat at the table a while ago. Sit with him for a while!"
"Next time, at night!" Lu Bai used some cleverness, turned around and ran into the room. After a while, he ran out neatly dressed and headed straight for the door.
"Going out again?" Dad Lu called out to him from behind, "What are you going to do this time?"
"Something's up!" Lu Bai quickly put on his shoes, opened the door and ran out.
"I'm leaving!"
"This kid!" Before Mother Lu could even finish his question, Lu Bai ran away. She still had a plate of food in her hand, and sat down at the table in a sullen manner, saying to Father Lu:
"Has Lu Bai been going out too often recently?"
"Yes, a little bit." Dad Lu lowered his head and ate his food.
"What could this kid do out there?" Mother Lu said worriedly, putting a piece of food in her bowl with her chopsticks. "Isn't he doing anything bad?"
"Oh, what nonsense are you imagining? He's our child." Father Lu swallowed his mouthful of food and looked up. "If you're really worried, I'll ask him tonight."
"That's fine..." Mother Lu breathed a sigh of relief when she heard that. She was about to put the food in her mouth, but then put it down again.
"Forget it, don't ask."
Dad Lu glanced at her.
"Why, what happened?"
"Nothing, I just remembered something from my senior year of high school."
Mother Lu leaned on her chopsticks and sighed, "Have you forgotten what Lu Bai was like last year? He used to love playing games, but now he doesn't even play anymore. He doesn't talk when he gets home. He's like he's lost his soul, completely devoid of energy. We used to take turns talking to him, but every time we asked, he'd just say, 'I'm fine, don't worry about me.'"
"Of course I don't remember." Lu's father also sighed. "At that time, I thought this kid was in a relationship, but when I asked his teacher, his teacher said that he didn't see any girls getting close to him. We were really worried at that time. We almost found a psychologist for him. But I didn't expect that after going to college, he would change back to his original state!"
"yes."
Mother Lu put down her chopsticks. "So I thought, we were so anxious back then, but we didn't do anything to help the child at all. Lu Bai had to adjust himself. Maybe this time, he can handle it himself, too."
"That's right." Father Lu agreed, "That's our child."
Lu Bai has been hanging around near Zhang Xiaotian's house recently.
The house had been vacant for over a year since Zhang Xiaotian left, neither for rent nor for sale. Even before Lu Bai went to college, he saw a group of people moving things in, including someone who looked a lot like Secretary Wang. That time, Lu Bai almost thought the house was definitely going to be sold, but this time when he returned home, he observed for several days and still no one had moved in.
Perhaps it was his subconscious, or perhaps it was just wishful thinking, but Lu Bai always felt that Zhang Xiaotian might return here someday, so he always liked to sit or walk around here whenever he had time. At first, the neighbors were surprised, but later, perhaps because they saw him so often, they would sometimes greet Lu Bai.
But Lu Bai's destination today was not here. He had specially asked Han Chengcheng and Yin Li out today just to talk to them about him and Zhang Xiaotian.
The meeting place was in the restaurant on the fourth floor of the shopping mall. When Lu Bai arrived, they both had ordered their dishes.
"Have you finished ordering?" Lu Bai ran up and, upon seeing them, sat down across from them, exhausted. "We agreed to treat you all today, why aren't you obeying?"
"You treat me next time. We'll have something expensive next time."
Yin Li had dyed her hair and had lost a lot of weight. She sat across from him, fiddling with the ends of her hair and looking Lu Bai up and down. "You haven't changed much, Lu Bai. You're still a silly dog."
"Your hair color makes you look fat." Lu Bai retorted.
"You're fat! I've lost several pounds!" Yin Li looked at Han Chengcheng, "Chengcheng, let's go. I don't want to eat with him anymore. I get annoyed just by seeing him!"
Han Chengcheng looked at them and smiled.
"You are the only one who bothers me, Han Cheng doesn't bother me!" Lu Bai yelled.
"Chengcheng, look at him!" Yin Li said angrily, "He clearly came to ask us for help, but he still has this attitude!"
After saying that, she turned to Lu Bai and said, "If you ask for help and still speak so rudely, be careful or we won't help you!"
Han Chengcheng also tilted her head and looked at Lu Bai.
"...Okay, okay, sisters, I'm a bad mouth. Can you two please forgive me and not hold a grudge?" Lu Bai finally gave in. "Can we talk business now?"
"Whatever." Yin Li shrugged.
Han Chengcheng, who had been silent all this time, put down the milk tea in her hand.
"I'm still... shocked." She adjusted her sitting position. "Even if you studied medicine specifically to meet Zhang Xiaotian again, there are so many universities with medical programs in the country, and there are so many branches of medicine. With so many possibilities, you can actually meet him again. I don't know if this should be called a miracle or fate."
Lu Bai chuckled.
He hadn't actually considered this. As Han Chengcheng had said, the probability of them meeting again was incredibly small, and choosing to study medicine just for the chance to see him again was indeed a bit hasty. But as soon as he considered that Zhang Xiaotian might also be learning what he was going to learn, he sincerely felt that he should be able to learn it well, too.
What if they met again in the future? What if they became colleagues? Even if it was just to have more opportunities to meet and have more common topics, Lu Bai wanted to try as much as possible.
"I didn't have a major I wanted to study anyway." Lu Bai looked down at the table and said, "Medicine is also a good choice."
"Then you didn't tell Xiaotian that you studied medicine because of him?" Yin Li asked.
"No." Lu Bai shook his head.
Maybe he chose this major because of Tianer at the beginning, but after studying for a while, he found that there was nothing disappointing about this major.
"If I told him it was all because of him, I'd seem naive and put so much pressure on him for no reason." Lu Bai smiled, "Actually, Tian'er was just an opportunity. Besides, after studying for a while, I also think there's nothing wrong with studying medicine. It's quite interesting."
"Then you are very brave too." Han Chengcheng nodded.
Courage? Lu Bai thought about it.
"I just... don't want to regret it," he said.
He didn't really think much about it; after all, he was someone who acted on instinct. He'd thought, if he hadn't made that choice, he wouldn't have seen Zhang Xiaotian again, and probably wouldn't have felt the joy and frustration that had come from him. Life might have been easier, and he could have started a new life. But he was sure that one day in the future, he'd suddenly regret not trying to find Zhang Xiaotian again.
"After all, regret is the most useless thing." Lu Bai said this while looking at Yin Li and Han Chengcheng.
"I didn't expect that." Yin Li teased, "You are quite responsible."
Lu Bai didn't say anything.
"So what do you want to do next?" Han Chengcheng asked him, "How do you want us to help you?"
"I...haven't thought of that yet."
Yin Li raised her eyebrows when she heard this. "Huh? Then why were you so anxious to get us out? I thought you had it all planned out!"
"I really don't know what to do." Lu Bai hung his head. "I won't hide it from you two anymore. In fact, now, Tian'er doesn't even want to look at me. In the past, as long as I teased him, he would always pay attention to me. Now... In order to avoid seeing me at school, he has hidden in the hotel..."
"Ah, is it that serious?" Yin Li pondered for a moment and said hesitantly, "I think, why don't you just let Xiaotian go? After all, it's really uncomfortable for both of you now..."
"How can that be!" Lu Bai immediately refused, "I finally got to see Tian'er again!"
This encounter probably used up all his luck. If he missed Zhang Xiaotian this time, Lu Bai didn't think he would be so lucky in the future.
"What's more, even though it was an accident, Tian'er confessed his feelings to me, and I really do... like Tian'er..."
Lu Bai became more and more embarrassed as he spoke, and by the end his voice was so low that it was almost inaudible.
"What did you say? Why can't I hear you?" Yin Li said deliberately. "It's so quiet, I don't think you have much determination."
"I said I... like..." Lu Bai felt his face burning hot, as if it was going to burn through all the thick skin he had grown over the years. "I like Tian'er... Hey Yin Li, are you annoying?"
Yin Li was already laughing so hard that she was bent over. After Lu Bai got over the shame, he started laughing too. After laughing for a while, he began to sigh again.
"They just laugh at me. Until now, no one has helped me find a solution..."
"Actually, I think you don't need to worry about this."
Han Chengcheng poured a glass of water for Lu Bai and Yin Li. "Like you said, Xiaotian's continued tolerance for you after reuniting with you proves his feelings for you haven't changed. As for why he refuses to accept, I think it's not just because he needs time, but also because he can't trust you."
"Why?" Lu Bai didn't understand. "I've tried my best to be nice to him, why doesn't he trust me?"
"Maybe you should think it over carefully," Han Chengcheng said. "When do you think your feelings towards Zhang Xiaotian changed from being just good friends to actually being in love with him?"
Lu Bai was stunned by the question.
"I don't know..." He lowered his head again.
He didn't know when this change began. Perhaps it was seeing Zhang Xiaotian working so hard to stay in Class 1, or perhaps it was the first time they shared a bed and talked at night, or perhaps it was riding his bike home with him, solving puzzles together in the secret room, or studying at home. When he was with Zhang Xiaotian, time always flew by. He had thought it was just ordinary, but when he lost those memories, Lu Bai realized that even the ordinary moments with Zhang Xiaotian were much more special.
"I think if it were me, I would also find it hard to believe that someone who was just my friend a few days ago suddenly confessed his love to me." Yin Li also said, "If it's like this between men and women, it's normal for Xiaotian not to believe it in your situation."
"Besides, it's not just you that Xiaotian doesn't trust," Han Chengcheng continued, "He probably also feels that if you two really get together, it will have a negative impact on you. By then, whether you regret being with him or not, he might think that he's the one who harmed you."
"So what should I do?"
Han Chengcheng frowned, thought for a while, and said, "Wait."
"What?" Not only Lu Bai, but Yin Li also asked.
"Just wait?" Yin Li asked her, "Then how long do we have to wait?"
"Wait until Xiaotian completely trusts and accepts Lu Bai," Han Chengcheng explained. "During this period, it's best not to force him into anything. Let him feel safe. I think only when Xiaotian figures things out on his own can there be real progress between you two."
"The battle line is getting longer..." Yin Li sighed and asked Lu Bai, "Can you hold on?"
"I..."
Lu Bai breathed a sigh of relief. Although he didn't know if it was any use, he did feel that he could see through Zhang Xiaotian's thoughts a little bit.
Lu Bai clenched his fists: "I've chased you here, how could I possibly give up?"
Isn't it just a sense of security!
"Is it over like this?" Yin Li asked Han Chengcheng.
Looking at Lu Baixing's back as he left in a hurry, Han Chengcheng chuckled.
"We have done everything we can. The rest depends on them." After she said that, she took out her cell phone from under the table. The phone had been showing a call just now, but now it had been hung up.
Yin Li also came over to see: "Is Xiaotian still listening? Hey, when did he hang up?"
"I don't know." Han Chengcheng shook his head. "I don't know if he heard it all."
Zhang Xiaotian didn't know how he got home.
These few short hours felt like centuries to him. He first ran into Yin Li and Han Chengcheng at the mall, and upon learning that they were going to meet Lu Bai, Zhang Xiaotian was about to leave.
"Don't you want to know what Lu Bai wants to talk to us about?"
At that time, Yin Li said to him, "This is about you. Don't you want to listen?"
For some unknown reason, he agreed to their arrangement and secretly sat with his back to Lu Bai, talking on the phone with Han Chengcheng. He heard their conversation through the receiver.
He didn't know what he heard when he hung up. Anyway, when he reacted, the hem of his clothes was already full of creases from his fists.
At this moment, he stood at his doorstep, in the sweltering heat of midsummer, yet his hands and feet were cold with nervousness. He had originally intended to go shopping, but he returned empty-handed, only filled with worry and anxiety.
He knew what he was afraid of, not just what Han Chengcheng said, he also had many unspeakable fears.
What if Lu Bai simply confused being moved with pity?
What if Lu Bai discovered that he was actually not satisfactory?
What if Lu Bai gets tired of giving to him in the future, and he is unable to give something in return?
Zhang Xiaotian knew that there weren't many things in this world that were completely his own. Apart from his freedom, will, mind, and body, all that remained was his sincerity. If he gave his sincerity away like this, and the day came when it could no longer be taken back, how would he face the emptiness in his world?
But is he really completely unwilling?
Zhang Xiaotian was torn between his belated courage and deep-seated cowardice, but at that moment, he felt his heart racing for the first time in a long time. It was a newborn power, accompanied by growing pains, stimulating Zhang Xiaotian's nerves to want to shout.
If I could see Lu Bai at this moment!
"Tian'er?"
Zhang Xiaotian turned around suddenly and saw Lu Bai standing a few steps away from him.
"I didn't expect you to come back..."
Lu Bai was just walking this way out of habit. Now he was excited and incoherent:
"I knew you would come back, I've been waiting for you... No, I just wanted to see you, nothing else... I don't come here every day... If you don't want to see me, you can also send me a message..."
After saying a lot, Lu Bai still didn't understand what he wanted to say, so he said in frustration: "Forget it, I'll go back first."
Zhang Xiaotian watched Lu Bai turn around and leave, when suddenly, an unknown courage gripped him tightly.
"Is this all you want to tell me?" he shouted at Lu Bai.
"What?"
Lu Bai obviously didn't expect Zhang Xiaotian to keep him. He was overjoyed and took a few steps forward, but finally stopped one step away.
"What do you want to say to me?" Zhang Xiaotian looked at him walking towards him and felt the grip on his heart tighten a little.
"I...I want to say..."
Lu Bai was originally so nervous that he almost suffocated, but when he saw the same turmoil in Zhang Xiaotian's eyes as in his, he suddenly calmed down.
"What I want to say, Tian'er, is that I'm not forcing you to accept anything. You don't have to care about my feelings and just go at your own pace. Although it's a little late, I still want to tell you that since the day you left me, I no longer consider you just a friend. You can blame me for understanding too late, or blame me for my inappropriate methods, but the relationship between us has long ceased to be a one-way arrow pointing to one person. You can always believe me on this."
"I am willing to wait for you, until you completely trust me and completely trust yourself. You are not just a spur-of-the-moment experiment of mine. You can go very far, but around me will always be your home."
Lu Bai finally took the last step, facing Zhang Xiaotian and meeting his eyes.
"So, can you give me a chance to... chase you?"
(End of full text)
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