Chapter 34
Chi Ran leaned back lazily in his chair, stretched out his hand to her, and gestured for her to place her hand on his.
"Come on, tell me."
Song Yihuan was flustered by his words about hiding her feelings and remained stunned for a while.
"My hands are sore." Chi Ran snapped his fingers, urging her to reach out.
Song Yihuan raised her hand to push his hand away, but he grabbed it firmly. The grip wasn't strong; she could easily break free with a little effort.
But she didn't move.
The warmth of Chiran's palm was just the right temperature to make one feel comfortable.
His warm hand grasped her wrist, and with a little force, he pulled her closer, causing her to bend down.
Chi Ran wore a lazy smile as he touched her face. "Tell me, my little darling."
As Song Yihuan heard this, and held it in his warm hands, her eyes welled up with tears for a moment.
She pouted and stubbornly held back her tears.
"Say something." He pinched her cheek, chuckled, and sighed, "What did I do to you? You're so angry you're like a pufferfish."
He didn't say anything, and Song Yihuan could endure it, even taking the time to rationally remind herself that those were greedy thoughts and delusions.
But he spoke in such a tone that it was as if she had suffered a tremendous injustice.
She gritted her teeth to suppress the bitterness, opened her mouth but no sound came out.
"Hey, am I deaf?" Chi Ran swept his thumb across her lips. "Turn the volume up."
Greedy, perhaps.
Let's take it as his tacit approval.
Song Yihuan's voice was soft and trembling, unlike her own: "You clearly noticed... I wasn't happy when I came back, but you didn't ask. And... and that day was clearly May 20th..."
Seeing that she couldn't continue, Chi Ran pressed, "And then what about 520?"
"And then you clearly bought flowers! You clearly kissed me at the station! But... but you didn't wish me a happy holiday." Song Yihuan became more and more aggrieved as she spoke, squeezing his hand tightly as if venting her anger.
After she finished speaking, she was a little afraid to hear his answer.
She was afraid he would expose her greed.
I'm afraid he'll find out more.
She was also afraid that he wouldn't notice.
Chi Ran looked up at her, slowly tilting her head as if trying to see her clearly with her eyes that only had a sliver of light left.
greedy.
Selfish.
Song Yihuan raised her head and turned her face away, refusing to look at him and avoiding his hand that was touching her face.
Chi Ran suddenly laughed, reached out and pinched her cheek hard.
"Just for this?" He pinched her cheek harder. "Song Xiaofen, can't you be reasonable?"
Song Yihuan pushed his hand away: "It hurts!"
"Okay, I'll let you pinch it back." He pressed her hand against his face. "Hurry up and pinch it, then listen to my explanation."
His voice was low, with a hint of a smile.
Song Yihuan's pent-up grievances were like hydrogen gas injected into a balloon, left hanging there by his few words.
His cheeks were warm, and his skin felt completely different from hers—more resilient and less soft.
Song Yihuan's chest heaved slightly, and she remained silent for a long time.
Seeing that she didn't intend to pull her hands back, Chi Ran put her hands together and held them.
“When you came back, you ran straight into my arms. How could I not know that you were heartbroken?” he said helplessly. “I know you and your aunt were close. How could you not be heartbroken after coming back from the funeral? But… I didn’t ask, not entirely because I understood.”
Song Yihuan asked, somewhat bewildered, "Huh?"
“Every time I answered a call related to your aunt before, you deliberately kept it from me… Did you expect me to press you for answers?” Chi Ran said helplessly. “It was the same on May 20th. On the day we went hiking, some uncles and aunts passing by called us a young couple, and you panicked so much you almost jumped up and backed away from me… Did you act like that because you like hearing people call us that?”
"Do I have to keep asking you if you don't want to do something?"
Song Yihuan didn't speak; she didn't even know how she should feel.
Is he depressed? Because of his rationality?
Or should he breathe a sigh of relief? He would never investigate against her will, and that would make it impossible for him to discover her greatest secret.
She couldn't explain it.
A sense of restraint in delaying the ignition.
Those perfectly measured, even seemingly aloof, senses of proportion.
All the kindness Chi Ran showed her had just the right boundaries, always making people feel that it wasn't out of genuine affection, always making people feel that it was too rational.
She wasn't unaware of Chi Ran's abilities.
He himself has admitted that he is a person who is afraid of getting hurt, so he always thinks about avoiding and hiding.
If someone takes a step forward, he will take a half step back, let alone if he senses someone retreating, then he will have no idea where to hide.
As she thought this, the truth slipped out: "But I was the one who approached first every step of the way, and you were clearly dodging."
"If I really wanted to avoid it, I wouldn't have asked you today." Chi Ran sighed. "I would have just let you suffocate like a pufferfish."
Song Yihuan frowned and argued, "I just think you're rational."
"Me? Rationality? I'm going crazy."
A look of absurdity and astonishment flashed across Chi Ran's face, but it was fleeting, as if it were just her imagination.
“I’m innocent,” he said. “Song Yihuan, I’m not as brave as you, but I’m moving towards you. I’m telling you what I’m about to say not to prove this, and certainly not because you’re unhappy, so I’m just saying it offhand.”
Chi Ran frowned slightly, looking very serious: "I want to tell you this because this is what I think..."
"Chi Ran!" Song Yihuan suddenly reached out and covered his mouth.
Only after he said those words did she suddenly come to her senses.
What are you doing?
We agreed it was just a beautiful dream.
Whatever he says next is meaningless.
I like you, so what?
I don't like you, so what?
Let's be friends with benefits, okay?
Whether he's confessing his feelings or rejecting her, whether it's good or bad, it's bad to her, and it's not what she wants to hear.
If we continue this conversation, how should we end it?
"Mmm." Chi Ran let her cover it, humming a few times perfunctorily, signaling her to let go.
"Don't say it," she repeated, somewhat flustered. "Don't!"
He removed her hand, sighed deeply, and leaned back wearily in his chair.
"You haven't thought it through either," he concluded. "...Are you just making things difficult for me?"
"I didn't," Song Yihuan said stubbornly, "It's just... the timing isn't good."
Whether out of anger or helplessness, Chi Ran chuckled, pulled the person between her legs, and looked up at her, asking, "Then how do you determine the right time?"
Song Yihuan bit her lip and remained silent.
Chi Ran reached out and gently touched her lips, then sighed.
"Don't bite, I can feel your teeth marks. You just want to torment me a few more times, how can I say no? Up until now, when have I ever said no to you and then really refused?" Chi Ran said, "The fact is, with me, you can do whatever you want, you can even play the beacon fire game with the feudal lords."
After saying that, he added in a warning tone, "Don't cry, I'm afraid you'll cry."
"Why? Are you afraid you'll cry too?" Song Yihuan forced back her tears and asked with a pout.
Chi Ran pretended to knock her on the forehead, but in the end she just pressed her head down hard, making her sway before she could stand up.
Song Yihuan held back her tears, supported herself on his shoulders, and looked down at his beautiful but grayish eyes.
She wasn't really that aggrieved. She just wanted to steal a beautiful dream from him, quietly take it away, and hide it away.
But he said, "You can do whatever you want."
Chi Ran remained in the same position, leaning lazily back in his chair, with her wrapped around his legs, smiling and tilting his head back. He spoke these words so casually, as if it were a joke.
If only it were true.
If it's true, then it's terrible.
Song Yihuan pursed her lips and looked down at him. The distance was so close that she could even see the fine hairs on the outer edge of his ear.
That overwhelming sense of grievance suddenly welled up with a bitter taste. Just before her surging emotions were about to turn into tears, she suddenly grabbed his collar and kissed him fiercely.
Chi Ran was startled by her sudden movement, letting out a short gasp, but it was quickly suppressed by her fierce bite.
All that could be heard around him were the sounds of their breathing mingling together, and his occasional soft cries of pain.
Tears could not be stopped; they slid down with her movements and dripped onto his cheekbone.
When Chi Ran realized it, his movements clearly paused, but he didn't stop. He simply slowed down the movements of his lips and tongue, gently circling them, letting her bite him haphazardly to vent her frustrations.
"Hiss." He snorted softly, grabbing her outstretched hand. "...Don't do anything rash."
She straightened her back and said fiercely, "I'll do whatever you say."
Chi Ran was taken aback by her words, then laughed: "I've figured out your temper. When you're upset, you start saying all sorts of hurtful things, picking fights and making things awkward for people, and you're happy when they can't save face."
Before she could say anything, he rubbed his chin with the back of his hand and said, "Do me a favor first, get me two tissues."
"What are you doing?" That's what she said, but Song Yihuan still got up to get it.
"One to wipe your face, one to wipe mine."
Chi Ran didn't let go of her hand, but stretched it out to guide her to the table, then pulled her back, hugged her to his lap, and bounced her around like a child.
"Why are you so gentle?" He took the tissue and began to wipe her face. "I told you not to cry. My face is so itchy and stinging."
"Just cry." Song Yihuan's anger had lessened considerably, but it hadn't completely dissipated. She said again, "You said it yourself, I'll do whatever you want."
Chi Ran sighed: "What more do you want? You're already riding on my head."
Before she could speak again, he said, "Anything is fine, but not today."
Song Yihuan paused, then asked bluntly, "What...why?"
“Three reasons.” Chi Ran held up three fingers. “First, Qian Yu is still here; second, there are no…no measures in place; third…”
Song Yihuan tilted her head and asked, "The four infectious diseases?"
“…No.” Chi Ran said, “The timing. It shouldn’t be today…an impulsive time.”
Song Yihuan remained silent.
"As long as you think it through, you can do whatever you want with me." He finally put away his playful expression and said seriously.
After hearing this, her turbulent emotions finally calmed down.
She nodded slightly, then remembered something and whispered, "Mmm."
"Then...the four infectious diseases?" she asked hesitantly.
Chi Ran's lips parted slightly, and the tips of his ears turned bright red in an instant. After hesitating for a long time, he gritted his teeth and said, "...It's only necessary if it's happened before."
"Huh?" Song Yihuan didn't understand.
"It's only necessary if it has happened." Chi Ran said it again, word by word, her neck turning bright red as she finished speaking.
Song Yihuan then realized what was happening, her face flushed, and she buried her face in his shoulder.
Chi Ran held her, still gritting his teeth, his voice muffled, as if complaining, "Ask away, just ask away."
The room remained silent for a long time, until someone started to laugh quietly, the laughter overlapping each other.
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