Evil Consequences - Fu'an (2)
"Mom, don't run around like that again next time. It's dangerous outside." Fu'an pulled his mother to sit by the window. They didn't have money to pay the electricity bill or buy candles, but thankfully they could borrow some moonlight. He took a clean towel and gently wiped his mother's face. "Just stay home and wait for me to bring you food, okay?"
"No." The mother refused decisively.
"Why?" Fu'an suddenly froze, his hand holding the handkerchief hanging in mid-air.
This had never happened before, and he didn't know how to respond. He could only bite the bullet and continue asking, "Do you want to go out for a walk? Can Fu'an accompany you on outings in the future?"
"No." The mother still seemed unwilling to communicate. Her cheeks were puffed out, and the candy she had just eaten was being pushed up by the tip of her tongue, one side going down while the other side puffed up again.
Fu An couldn't help but laugh and gently asked her, "So why did you go out today? Can you tell me, for the sake of this candy?" He reached out and gently tapped her puffed-up cheek, patiently waiting for her answer.
A conflicted look appeared on the mother's face. After a long while, she leaned close to Fu'an's ear and whispered, as if telling a huge secret, "Because... I'm going to find my parents." Then she chuckled.
Fu'an was stunned. He heard the blood freeze inch by inch into ice, then suddenly shatter, and finally the sound of the fragments piercing into the flesh.
Fu'an smiled, but his voice was hoarse, "So, did you find it?"
The mother suddenly smiled mischievously, sucked on the candy for a while, then shook her head and continued, "I'm not going."
"Why?" The chill seemed to spread to his internal organs again, and Fu'an felt himself slowly weakening.
“Because my Fu’an is still here, I am Fu’an’s mother, he is still young, I can’t leave…” She smiled innocently, her eyes crinkling.
Fu'an is dead, yet Fu'an is still alive.
The shadow behind Fu'an transformed into sharp thorns, piercing his spine.
"Go away!"
Fu'an couldn't help but yell at her.
The bright moonlight illuminated Fu'an's pale and dirty face.
Zhao Qing's mother's innocent and carefree smile.
She had short hair that reached her chin, and even though she wore tattered clothes, she was still clean and her eyes shone with light. She didn't look like a poor woman with a child who was not yet grown up. She had a kind of temperament that made her untainted even if she fell into the mud, just like... just like the scholarly air that the old people talked about.
Fu'an is crying.
Fu'an's heart was ripped out piece by piece.
The soul of Fu'an is roaring:
—Go away!
Why did you stay for me?
The murderer's evil flows in my blood, my existence perpetuates your innocent suffering, I am the misery cruel fate has thrown upon you, why must my useless life become the shackles that bind you...
You shouldn't have stayed for me.
You should run.
You should run, like a joyful bird leaping into the vast blue sky, like a free breeze brushing against the gentle mountain mist, like the vibrant sunrise embracing the lingering clouds...
You should run, run towards the life you are meant to have.
Why did you stay for me...?
His tears slid across the dust, leaving faint streaks, yet they could not wash away the grime on his face, as if it were a deep and inextricable sin in his destiny.
"Go away..." he pleaded with her, crying.
"No, I still want to teach Fu'an to read." She chewed the candy, swallowed it, and answered Fu'an very seriously.
But Fu'an couldn't read at all.
He only has his mother.
He's been an idiot since he can remember.
At first, Fu'an would always forget to stand on her mother's right side and would chatter away in her mother's deaf left ear for a long time. Then she would suddenly realize, go around to the right side, and repeat herself.
But sometimes Fu'an would get annoyed and would often lose patience when repeating himself, leaving his mother standing there blankly thinking and then constantly asking him why.
Fu'an found talking to her exhausting and didn't want to talk to her. But no children wanted to play with Fu'an; they would only throw stones and dirt at him while singing unpleasant lullabies.
"Like begets like."
The child of a fool can talk.
No one cares for me, no one loves me.
Only the mentally challenged child was left to claim as his mother.
Fu'an disliked her, feeling that it was because of her that there was such an awful song, and that he suffered endless eye-rolls and pebbles.
What Fu'an learned first was malice.
From innocent children.
This is the first folk song of the Fu'an Society, and it tells the story of his life.
But that's not right, this folk song is wrong.
Fu'an wasn't unloved; he had a mother, even though she had been mentally challenged since he could remember.
Mother would wash clothes for others, in exchange for three hard cornbread buns and some leftovers. They would swallow the unpalatable cornbread buns, mouthful by mouthful, with disgusting grease and rancid vegetable juice.
But the amount of food a mother could get in a day was far from enough to feed a tired adult and her crying baby.
Therefore, the first thing Fu'an should have learned was to endure hunger.
But that's not right, that's not right either.
This wasn't the first folk song sung by the Fu'an Society.
It was a lullaby his mother sang to him to lull him to sleep:
"rock Me,
"Rocking all the way to Grandma's bridge."
His mother's voice was lovely, and her embrace was warm; Fu'an could fall asleep sweetly every day. He would pray every day, hoping that when he woke up, he would be at his grandmother's bridge.
Fu'an thought that he was pitiful, but he had a mother who loved him very much.
My mother is also pitiful. My maternal grandmother is my mother's mother, and my mother should also have a mother who loves her.
Thinking about it this way, the first thing Fu'an should have learned was love.
Fu'an disliked her, but Fu'an also loved her, just as his mother loved Fu'an.
Fu'an knew his name was Fu'an because his mother always called him that.
Mother said, "May you have peace and happiness, and be healthy and well."
Little Fu'an asked his mother, "What is happiness and well-being?"
Mother also said that everyone's happiness is different. Ankang means peace and health: health means that you are not in pain or discomfort anywhere; peace means that you can grow up slowly and become an old man.
Little Fu'an seemed to understand but not quite, and he asked again, "How old do you have to be to be considered grown up? How old do you have to be to be considered an old man?"
His mother hugged him and laughed, lifting him high with her thin body, saying, "You're only considered big when you're this tall." But she soon couldn't lift him anymore, so she put her hands down, picked him up, and sat by the window to look at the stars, saying to him with a grin, "Luckily, Sister Chun gave me a big steamed bun today, otherwise I wouldn't be able to carry you."
The stars in the sky twinkled like loving eyes. His mother pointed to the stars and said to him, "When you grow old, and I become a star, and then year after year, when I am ninety years old, then I will be an old man. Then year after year, Fu'an will also become a star and return to his mother's side."
Fu'an seemed to understand, but also seemed not to. He asked his mother again, "Then what is my happiness like?"
My mother said she didn't know.
Fu'an then asked, "What is Mother's happiness like?"
My mother said that her happiness comes from Fu'an.
His mother tried to touch his face, but Fu'an giggled and dodged away. He complained to his mother, "Mom, your hand hurts when you touch me!"
So the mother silently withdrew her rough, chapped hands, smiled, and apologized to him.
Fu'an rushed over and hugged her, not allowing her to say sorry. He had already remembered to speak to his mother on her right side. "Go ahead and touch me, just be gentle. It doesn't matter if you touch me harder or not, Fu'an isn't afraid of pain." This was nothing compared to the pain from the stones and dirt that had hit him, Fu'an thought smugly to himself.
Four-year-old Fu'an thought that what people outside were saying was all lies, and that his mother was clearly not a fool; she knew everything.
Fu'an is just like his mother; he is also very clever.
But Mother, Fu'an doesn't know your name. Some people call you "Chen girl," and some people call you "stinking bitch"...
But none of these are your names. Fu'an is called Fu'an, so what is your mother's name?
"Mom, how do you write 'Fu'an'?" Fu'an asked his mother curiously as he munched on a cornbread bun.
"Let me teach you." Mother dipped her finger in water, intending to write on the windowsill, but after raising her hand for a long time, she finally put it down, turned to him with a smile, and said, "I'm sorry, Fu'an, I forgot."
Looking at her, Fu'an suddenly felt very sad, and his heart ached.
"I'm doomed," Fu'an thought, "I'm not healthy anymore."
Fu'an didn't dare tell his mother, so he quickly asked, "Then, Mother, what's your name?"
His mother just stared at him blankly, and after a long while she laughed again, like the most innocent child. She then apologized to Fu'an, "Mother forgot."
Fu'an laughed along, but his heart ached even more.
It seemed that Fu'an could no longer be a healthy child, but his mother just held him gently.
Fu'an is five years old this year, and he is still very curious. He thought of Sister Chun, who always brought things to him, and thought that she might know.
So Fu'an went to find A-Chun. He stood at the door and whispered, "Hello, Aunt Chun, do you know what my mother's name is?" His mother said that one should be polite to others.
After knocking for a long time, someone finally opened the door. Fu'an didn't see Ah Chun, but only a tall man. The man stared at him, looking very angry. "What is it?"
"Um... hello, I, I'm looking for Aunt Chun, I want to ask..." Fu'an's prepared speech was useless, and he stammered as he suppressed his fear.
The man ignored him completely and interrupted him, "Ah Chun is sick and won't be seeing guests for the next few days." He then glared at Fu An, "Did she send you things again? I advise you not to come to my house."
After saying that, he slammed the door shut, leaving Fu'an feeling humiliated.
He was puzzled. He was perfectly fine yesterday, so how did he get sick today?
Fu'an was still worried, so he quietly slipped into the yard through the dog hole at A-Chun's house. This was the secret passage that Aunt Chun had told him about. A-Chun's dog recognized him and didn't bark when it saw him come in.
Fu'an quietly approached the house and saw that Ah Chun's back door was ajar. He peered through the crack in the door...
"You bitch, using my money to support your enemy. I'll beat you to death!" The tall man straddled Ah Chun, his fist coming down at her.
Fu'an collapsed to the ground, his first instinct being to rush in and shield Ah Chun from that punch.
But Ah Chun saw him and desperately reached out and waved at him, telling him not to come any closer.
Fu'an stood frozen in place, not moving.
Fu'an saw Ah Chun open his mouth again; Ah Chun was telling him to run.
The man is about to look over.
So the timid Fu'an ran away without looking back.
He dared not go to Ah Chun's house again.
Six-year-old Fu'an has grown up. He can carry water and run errands. He can earn big steamed buns for his mother.
Fu'an also got new clothes, which Aunt Mo made for him.
Mo's family's circumstances improved; her uncle became a driver, and Mo was pregnant, so she couldn't take on as many jobs. Fu'an no longer needed to deliver clothes to her as often. However, she still often steamed buns and would occasionally give Fu'an a few. If Fu'an didn't accept them, she would get angry, scolding him for being disobedient, and knowing that Mo was pregnant, she would deliberately try to upset him.
She even let Fu'an touch her pregnant belly, saying she wanted a well-behaved baby as sensible as Fu'an.
Fu'an found it very novel, "They kicked me!"
"That means the baby really likes you." Aunt Mo smiled and patted Fu'an's head.
Fu'an has been coming over often these days, partly to see the baby and partly to help Aunt Mo with housework. Her uncle told her that pregnant women shouldn't overexert themselves, so he asked Fu'an to help. Her uncle's reward is that he brings Fu'an a piece of candy every evening when he comes home.
Even if he hadn't said anything, Fu'an would have come anyway. They were so good to him, and his mother had taught Fu'an to be grateful.
Aunt Mo always insisted that Fu'an accompany her to meals, saying that pregnant women need someone to be with them, otherwise they would feel bad.
Fu'an always endured his hunger and ate only a little bit each time.
Aunt Mo looked at him without saying anything, but told Fu'an to throw away all the leftover food on the table, on the grounds that pregnant women should not eat leftovers.
Fu Anguang felt a pang of heartache just listening to this. He cautiously asked Aunt Mo if he could take it back for his mother if she didn't want it. Aunt Mo smiled and readily nodded.
Aunt Mo said she wanted to take a nap, explaining that pregnant women often feel sleepy. She and Fu'an made the bed together, then shooed him away, telling him not to stay in the room and disturb her sleep.
After washing the dishes, Fu'an happily ran back to eat with his mother. While eating, he kept secretly watching her, wondering, "Was my mother pregnant with me like Aunt Mo was?"
Thinking about it, she lowered her head again, thinking it was better not to get pregnant with him.
In my daze, I heard panicked voices outside—"Someone's dead!"
Something happened to Ah Chun's family. It started with Ah Chun's married sister—someone said they saw her wrapped in cloth and carried out of that beautiful and majestic house.
The man spoke with great detail, claiming that he saw it with his own eyes: when the wind blew up the white cloth, he couldn't find a single piece of good flesh on the woman's body; she was almost unrecognizable.
Ah Chun didn't believe it and sent the letter out, but fell ill before receiving a reply. She had always been in poor health, frequently ill and often staying home. The neighbors often praised Old Liu for his kindness and competence, and felt sorry for his wife and daughter's poor health, having to support the whole family alone.
However, one day Fu'an bumped into Ah Chun, whom he hadn't seen in a long time. Ah Chun said that there were rats in her house and she needed to buy some rat poison.
"Can't your dog help catch mice? Then put some food out for the cat, and the cat will come and catch them for you."
Ah Chun smiled and agreed, then bought the rat poison.
Fu'an mustered his courage and rushed forward, handing the candy in his hand to A-Chun, saying, "Eat this, and you won't feel so bad when you're sick."
Ah Chun patted his head, took the candy, smiled and said goodbye to him in a gentle voice.
Ah Chun was as thin as a sheet of paper; a gust of wind could blow her away. She walked very slowly, often needing to lean against the wall for support. Her sleeves slid down, revealing bruises on her exposed arms that blended together, a bluish-purple color, like spots on a dead person.
Fu'an watched her walk home.
People say that Ah Chun and Lao Liu are both dead, supposedly because they accidentally ate rat poison, leaving only a dog in the family.
People all believed that the dog must have spilled the medicine in Ah Chun's vegetable garden behind his house, causing them to accidentally ingest it.
So people beat the dog to death.
Relatives came to help with the funeral arrangements, placing Ah Chun and Lao Liu's graves together. They took everything from the house, leaving only an empty shell.
Fu'an secretly went there and placed candy in front of A-Chun's grave.
It was raining that day, but suddenly the sun came out and a gentle breeze blew by, like Ah Chun's tender hand.
later……
Later, Fu'an turned seven.
He's another year older.
But he still didn't grow fast enough.
As a result, seven-year-old Fu'an lost his mother.
That day, a group of strangers came into the alley. They claimed to be from the Jiang family, and the leader was a girl.
He and his mother were terrified.
But those people came in a big way, but did nothing. They left a considerable amount of money and then left.
But after that day, my mother started having nightmares day and night, and I couldn't wake her up no matter what I did.
Fu'an always heard her crying.
"No, don't touch me!"
Mother started hurting herself, always thinking of banging her head against the wall, and she would tremble as she looked at Fu'an's face.
"Let me go..."
Fu'an desperately held onto her, pretending not to hear. His mother struggled so fiercely that Fu'an was scratched and left with bloody marks.
Finally, his mother bit his shoulder. Fu'an felt pain, but he just hugged his mother tightly.
He heard his mother crying, and heard her say that she missed her parents.
One day, Fu'an was so tired that he fell asleep. The next day, he opened his eyes groggily and saw his mother hanging from the roof beam.
She died a particularly ugly death, and all traces of her scholarly air were gone.
...
The red glow on the horizon seemed to stretch endlessly.
Nineteen-year-old Fu'an started the car. He hadn't seen the stars for many years. Looking at the rare good weather today, he looked forward to the night sky—whether he could see the stars like the night his mother held him in her arms.
He then remembered his mother's words:
Mother said, "May you have peace and happiness, and be healthy and well."
Mother also said that Mother's happiness is peace and well-being.
What is happiness in Fu'an?
Fu'an's happiness is to become a star and return to her mother's side.
Fu'an smiled sweetly.
"Bang--"
The story of Fu'an has come to an end.
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