moon
Lin Bairan felt incredibly happy.
He has lived a fulfilling twenty-odd years of life with a few regrets, and he was fortunate enough to find the love of his life, and they had a very romantic encounter.
On the day of the team-building event, he and his colleagues were planning to move to a new location to continue their activities. However, just as they were about to arrive, he suddenly realized that he had left his bag in the screening room, so he turned back to get it. On his way back, he encountered a little girl selling flowers. She had only four or five flowers left in her basket that she couldn't sell, so he decided to buy them all so that the little girl could go home earlier.
I gave the flowers to the sanitation workers I met, the old man walking his dog, and the child whose balloon had flown away... I acted as a "flower-scattering child" and when I returned to the screening room, I had only one flower left in my hand. I originally planned to give the flower to myself.
However, both he and Hua were lucky; he watched a beautiful dance, and Hua met someone more suitable.
Later, he leisurely arrived at the bar, where everyone was playing drinking games. Because of his lateness, Lin Bairan was punished by having to drink three glasses of wine as soon as he arrived. He flushes easily when he drinks, and he drank the wine too quickly, so his face was already slightly red. He secretly used the back of his hand to cool himself down, thankfully the colorful lights in the hotel didn't show that his face was red.
Lost in thought, he suddenly heard his name called out—"Lin Bairan! He's the one who got picked this time!"
Looking up, I saw the bottle neck pointing directly at me, leaving me with no way to renege on my debt.
You seem a bit out of sorts today.
Someone expressed concern for him.
"Hurry up, punish them! No more dawdling!" But he was immediately interrupted.
He randomly picked a card, flipped it over, and saw that the top of it read "Truth or Dare," with a line of small print below it containing the question.
The person next to him peeked over and said, "Ugh, this is boring. Hurry up and answer, next round, next round. This question is really dull."
"What's the problem? Let me take a look."
Lin Bairan handed out the cards.
“If death is inevitable… isn’t that just nonsense? Everyone dies,” the man muttered to himself. “Would you choose to die at your happiest moment, or at the moment when happiness is gone and will never return… that’s a rather novel question.”
Lin Bairan thought about it carefully for a while before speaking, "After happiness leaves."
"Oh, won't this be very painful?"
"Yes, yes, I still want to die happily..."
The crowd began to discuss it animatedly.
"I'm a bit greedy, I don't want to miss a single thing," Lin Bairan explained with a grin. "Is it my turn to spin the bottle? You all better watch out."
"Be careful, it might backfire on you."
"You're cursing me, aren't you? You're next."
"Hahahaha..."
"Truth or dare! Hurry, hurry, or you'll have to drink three cups of wine as punishment..."
After several rounds of drinks, everyone went home tipsy. Lin Bairan secretly drank some less, not to the point of being unconscious. After forcing himself to wash up, he became slightly more sober. Exhausted, he lay on the bed, and in his hazy state, he suddenly thought of Jiang Moyun again:
He recalled the fluttering hem of her dress as she twirled, her fingers trembling slightly in the light, and the sorrowful expression on her face... Although he was very curious, he wisely refrained from asking and left shortly after delivering the flowers.
He kept replaying the dance in his mind: the simple venue, the lack of spotlights, and the dancers wearing the most ordinary costumes... but it was definitely the most beautiful dance he had ever seen, one he would probably never forget in his life.
When Lin Bairan returned to the company on Monday, Jiang Moyun came to thank him and bought him a cup of coffee. Lin Bairan happily accepted it, but he didn't actually like coffee, especially since Jiang Moyun had given him an Americano.
Nobody likes drinking "Chinese medicine".
No, that's not right... His colleague at the next workstation really likes to drink. During Lin Bairan's lunch break, he likes to eat at a casual restaurant downstairs from the company, and he often brings him a cup of coffee when he comes up.
Although he didn't like it, he still drank it obediently, after all, it was someone else's good intention, and wasting it was a shameful act.
Her colleagues were astonished, as if they had seen a ghost. "Why have you suddenly changed your ways and started drinking coffee today? Are you possessed by a ghost? You've got quite the palate; this coffee shop is pretty famous."
Lin Bairan was so bitter that he felt like he was going to die. His tongue had almost lost its sense of taste. He forced a smile and said, "Just give it a try, haha..." The more he laughed, the weaker he became. Finally, he shut up awkwardly and said, "I won't try it next time."
I thought the matter was over, but the next day Jiang Moyun sent me another cup. This time it was a latte, which made it a little easier to drink, but only a little.
Who actually likes drinking coffee?
Lin Bairan felt utterly hopeless.
A few days later, Jiang Moyun brought him another bag of coffee beans, saying they came from such-and-such place and had a rich, fragrant flavor… Anyway, Jiang Moyun rambled on for several sentences, but he didn't hear a word. The moment Lin Bairan saw the coffee beans, he felt as if his life had been soaked through a long, heavy, and bitter period, and he felt that he had completely lost hope.
He tried to smile more easily, feigning excitement, but he probably failed. As soon as Jiang Moyun met his expression, she took back the coffee she was offering him and asked suspiciously, "You don't like it?"
"Um, I mean..."
Before he could come up with an excuse, Jiang Moyun burst out laughing, "Why didn't you say you didn't like coffee earlier? Do you like to make things difficult for yourself? You must have been feeling really uncomfortable from drinking coffee these past few days."
Lin Bairan felt inexplicably guilty and avoided eye contact. "It's alright, just a little bitter... The weather is nice today, isn't it? Hahahaha... Ha, ha."
"Alright, alright, your smile is more bitter than the coffee." Jiang Moyun held up the bag of beans and waved it in front of him. "I'm taking it, okay? I won't torture you anymore. I saw you take coffee a few times before, and I thought you liked it."
Lin Bairan recalled the bitter taste and couldn't help but make a disgusted face, his whole face scrunching up. "I got that for someone else, and this stuff is really..."
Jiang Moyun was amused and couldn't stop laughing, and Lin Bairan couldn't help but laugh too. After finally stopping, they looked at each other for a long time, then glanced at the bag of "disliked" coffee beans, and the two of them burst into laughter again for quite a while before hurriedly saying goodbye due to their busy work. After this incident, their relationship grew much closer; they would exchange knowing smiles when they bumped into each other and chat briefly in their spare time.
We gradually became good friends.
There is no greater joy than making a new friend; this is probably what it means.
Lin Bairan found it increasingly difficult to control himself while spending time with Jiang Moyun. He began to pay uncontrollable attention to Jiang Moyun, and his gaze would always unconsciously follow her figure.
Jiang Moyun possesses excellent speech, elegant temperament, and even beautiful appearance. Her temperament is complex; she is assertive, aloof, and distant. At work, she is principled in her words and deeds, and her word is her bond. However, in daily life, she has a gentle and refreshing quality.
"The way Sister Jiang scolded people just now scared me to death, even though she wasn't scolding our group." Colleague A couldn't help but pat his chest, still feeling lingering fear.
"Yeah, yeah, they looked really fierce. But thankfully, Sister Jiang didn't pursue it further and gave them a chance to correct their mistakes. We have to be careful, I don't want to get scolded like that." Colleague B chimed in, "Hey, Lin Bairan, you're laughing so happily, you must have a strong heart."
Lin Bairan just smiled and didn't say anything, but he kept recalling the scene just now. These past few days, he couldn't help but observe Jiang Moyun, trying to find a few precise words to describe her.
But this is really difficult. Just as people cannot be simply categorized into two extremes of good and evil, each individual is not a regular three-dimensional shape that can be easily formed by a few simple planes intersecting and connecting.
She possessed an indescribable ambiguity, an indiscernible vagueness, but perhaps it was precisely this captivating ambiguity that... In a moment of eye contact, Lin Bairan suddenly realized that he seemed to have long been deeply captivated by those eyes—Jiang Moyun's appearance was rather aloof, especially when she wasn't smiling, yet her phoenix eyes seemed to convey deep affection when she looked at someone. This contradiction became an unsolvable puzzle, and also a smooth mirror, nakedly exposing Lin Bairan's "impure intentions."
So that's what made it so blurry...
It turns out that he was attracted to such ambiguity.
After a sudden realization, he pondered for a long time—
Today is just another ordinary day, and tomorrow will be the same.
But I found out what made my heart flutter today, so today is a special day for me, only for me.
It makes no difference to you.
Today is almost over, so what about tomorrow?
My day is special because of you.
Can your tomorrow be special because of me?
"Perhaps I can give you a flower tomorrow," Lin Bairan thought.
He finally got what he wanted.
But he always knew that Jiang Moyun's feelings for him were more of a "pity" than anything else. She had too many things more important to her than him: the company, her responsibilities, and her dance.
He had always been puzzled as to why Jiang Moyun, who loved dancing so much, stayed at the company as president. She danced beautifully—Lin Bairan thought she danced better than any dancer he had ever seen.
But he had no answer, because Jiang Moyun never talked to him about the past. However, he didn't care, happily believing that his past life was unimportant, at most with a tiny bit of regret—regret that he met Jiang Moyun too late.
The important part begins after they meet, at least that's what Lin Bairan thinks, so he keeps telling himself that Jiang Moyun thinks the same way.
As for the real situation?
He neither needs to, dares not, nor is willing to investigate.
Even if we knew, what could we do?
He will still love Jiang Moyun.
Jiang Moyun is to Lin Bairan what the bright moon in the sky is like in his childhood memories.
He couldn't help but love her beautiful eyes, even though he wasn't often the one being looked at—at least compared to the gaze he always followed, Jiang Moyun gave him very little; but that didn't matter, he also loved her romantic qualities, even if that romance carried a hint of indifference, indifference towards him.
But it didn't matter; he was simply captivated by the high-hanging moon.
The moon does not need to respond.
So what if there are so many things more important than him?
"If only those things were all there was."
He thought this more than once.
If that's all there is to it, perhaps he can comfort himself by thinking that he is at least the most special person to Jiang Moyun, that he is the only one who has come to Jiang Moyun's side, isn't he? They might even have a child soon, a child that Jiang Moyun is carrying for him.
Whenever he lay on Jiang Moyun's swollen belly, feeling the unbreakable blood connection between the child and himself, a secret sweetness would arise in him—look, perhaps... my sister loves me too.
He savored the word "love," and couldn't help but smile, his eyes and brows beaming with joy.
"Why are you acting like a little puppy?" Jiang Moyun gently pinched his nose and looked at him tenderly.
Lin Bairan looked at his tiny figure in Jiang Moyun's eyes. Yet, this tinyness occupied Jiang Moyun's entire vision at this moment. Because of this exclusiveness, he had a sweet illusion: "Perhaps, I am also very important to her. I am... special."
He became even more excited at this thought, obediently lowering his eyes and affectionately nuzzling Jiang Moyun's palm. "Then, sister, are you happy?"
"Of course I'm happy, Bai Ran is so cute."
"I will love this child very much," Lin Bairan thought happily, her heart filled with secret joy.
Because Lin Bairan loves Jiang Moyun, loves him very much.
But he really hated it...
When the child was three years old, Lin Bairan saw the aunt who took care of Lin Xihui take out a family photo.
The aunt's mother had watched Jiang Moyun grow up, but she hadn't been able to take good care of her own children, having worked for the Jiang family her entire life. The Jiang family had also arranged her funeral properly and given her family a large sum of money.
The money was all taken by the aunt's younger brother. The aunt lived in the countryside; her husband died during her pregnancy, draining the family's already meager savings. Unfortunately, she gave birth to a stillborn child, reportedly another girl. Her mother-in-law, disgusted that she had two daughters in a row, said, "A big money-losing child wants to give my family a bunch of little money-losing children? Bah! None of them will be allowed into my house!" She was kicked out of the house just two days after giving birth and went to her brother for help. Her brother's wife disliked her and was very unhappy. The two conspired to make her remarry, to marry the mentally challenged Liu Mazi at the village entrance, hoping to receive another dowry.
So she forced herself to escape, but having nowhere else to turn, she came to the Jiang family's house. She stayed there and worked there.
However, none of the photos she showed included her aunt. Lin Bairan happened to see this and asked her about it out of curiosity.
Aunt Xue pointed to the people in the photo and introduced them to Lin Bairan one by one, "This is my mother, this is Miss..."
"Aunt Xue, who is this boy?" Lin Bairan pointed to one of the boys standing close to Jiang Moyun. He seemed very close to Jiang Moyun, and Lin Bairan felt a pang of jealousy. "Probably a relative," he comforted himself.
Aunt Xue remained silent for a long time before putting away the photo. "She was Miss's former dance partner... Sigh, it's all in the past. This is the only photo left. Don't mention it to Miss, or she'll be sad."
He had a vague suspicion in his mind, but dared not think about it in detail.
I only found out later that
It turns out that Jiang Moyun had an ex-boyfriend.
That ex-boyfriend is still unmarried.
It turns out that Jiang Moyun was indeed a dancer, and that in the first thirty-odd years of her life, there was someone far more important than him.
It turns out... he had been deceiving himself all along.
He continued his investigation and discovered that they had actually been engaged back then—the man had proposed to Jiang Moyun during a curtain call. He knelt on one knee, looked up, and Jiang Moyun gently lowered her eyes, extending her hand to him. He then placed a ring on her finger. They were surrounded by flowers and blessings, amidst the clamor of the crowd. Lin Bairan watched them gaze at each other from outside the screen, and they were truly…a perfect match. The proposal video is still circulating online, and the man even mentioned in an interview that Jiang Moyun was his one and only partner in life.
After Jiang Moyun left, that person never danced a duet again.
Even their parting was like a lamentable poem, with everyone sighing over the unfinished words.
The last dance they performed was called "Human Guest".
"Dancing with my shadow, how unlike the mortal world!" - This was the comment made by a famous person during that competition, which perfectly expressed the feelings of everyone.
Even the most beautiful dance must come to an end. The gold medal was just a hair's breadth away, and it was the last time the two of them performed together. They both left the dance troupe, and Wen Yushen stopped dancing duets... In the end, all that remained was an unsolvable regret.
This tragic story became a popular topic of conversation, dubbed "the most beautiful farewell," and used by countless young people to symbolize love. Back then, the internet was far less developed, and a single videotape could fetch an exorbitant price. "Exquisite love," "A love story that transcends time," "The regret of the dance twins"—these were the slogans used by various businesses, creating an overwhelming advertising campaign.
Everyone seemed to be shedding tears for their love. It turned out everyone knew their story, everyone knew they had once loved each other, and everyone was saddened by their separation…
What about me?
Where am I?
I am clearly your partner.
Why does nobody know me?
He collected all the videotapes available on the market and watched them one by one, examining each tape carefully. This was actually a very time-consuming process.
But Lin Bairan couldn't bear to skip even a little bit of it; the beautiful, vibrant Jiang Moyun was a past he had never witnessed.
Fortunately, Jiang Moyun didn't care too much about him, so her sister never found out about this matter.
He still responded happily every time Jiang Moyun called him, met her gaze with his adoring eyes, and continued to follow her with his eyes when she wasn't paying attention to him...
But he would always think of the contents of those videotapes:
The documentary primarily captured their stage presence. They truly were the best partners, inseparable since their debut at the age of fifteen. Their rendition of "The Yellow Millet Dream" captivated the world, their names forever linked from the very beginning, like a divinely ordained couple, the envy of all. Every glance exchanged during their spins and leaps, every knowing smile after a perfect performance… all revealed their deep mutual respect and appreciation.
Deeply affectionate.
He watched their clothes flutter and shimmer, meeting with each dance move, like a reluctant farewell, or a secret code known only to the two of them...
"They really are a perfect match," he thought expressionlessly.
Lin Bairan could no longer feel pain. There were countless tiny holes in his heart, from which blood was gushing out. His brain had been stripped of its pain nerves, so this pain had become numb and ordinary.
He watched the videotape containing the proposal over and over again. He became the most critical observer in the world, constantly nitpicking and saying all sorts of harsh things.
He wanted to find fault with the man's proposal posture, his expression, or the venue... but he discovered that the man had done everything perfectly—even more so than he had done back then, more elaborate, and received more blessings from others.
After much deliberation, only one point remained: "How could he propose in public like this? It's clearly a form of coercion, and my sister might not even be entirely willing." He thought angrily, feeling that he had finally found the flaw and defeated his opponent.
Before she could even begin to feel smug, she was doused with cold water. "How do you know he didn't propose in private? After all, my sister didn't seem surprised at all."
Yes, they must have been inseparable offstage, spending every day together, and he had no way of knowing their past.
He was just an observer who couldn't be there in person.
Unlike Wen Yushen, Lin Bairan could only humbly beg for Jiang Moyun's love and rack her brains to chase after the moon's radiance.
But how can a person catch up with the moon?
He wanted to treat his sister even better, so well that Jiang Moyun could completely forget that person. He wanted to prove himself, to take that person's place in Jiang Moyun's heart, but he didn't know where to start.
They weren't even worthy of being called opponents. That person was the white moonlight in Jiang Moyun's heart, while he was just a mosquito bite in front of him. They were not comparable at all.
But sister, I'm so unwilling to accept this. He just met you sooner. I was the one who stayed with you until the end...
So he casually asked about Jiang Moyun's past.
He lay on Jiang Moyun's lap, looking at her with wet eyes, quietly waiting for her answer.
Jiang Moyun remained silent for a long time. The hand that had been stroking his cheek stopped unconsciously, and his gaze fell somewhere else, his expression one of longing.
Lin Bairan's heart sank little by little, as if he were about to bleed to death.
He was poisoned by the most difficult-to-cure poison in the world.
Only Jiang Moyun's love can solve this.
He was very sad and jealous, but in the end it was only a small amount of emotion; he gently rubbed his cheek against Jiang Moyun's palm.
"Sister, look at me, look at me."
He pleaded silently in his heart.
Jiang Moyun was brought back to her senses by him. Looking into his watery eyes, she couldn't bear it. Finally, she smiled gently, patted his head, and slowly said, "Let's not talk about the past, okay? Bai Ran and I are fine with living well now."
Lin Bairan drew warmth from this intimate gesture, skillfully extracting a remedy that could put his death sentence on hold from Jiang Moyun's evasive words...
He extended his life once again.
Like a beautiful doll driven by gaze.
He survived only because of Jiang Moyun's watchful gaze.
He thought about it for a long time and finally came up with a good idea.
He could help Jiang Moyun with her work, giving her more time to continue dancing, something that other person couldn't do, and that became his biggest advantage. So he worked even harder, perfectly completing every project—socializing, negotiating, planning… Lin Bairan cultivated himself into a master of social skills. It was indeed tiring, but it didn't matter. As long as he could see his sister smile at him, even just a glance was enough; nothing else mattered.
Feeling confident in his achievements, he excitedly approached Jiang Moyun with his idea: he could take a step further and take on more responsibilities to help her manage the company, so she would have more time to dance.
"Sister, I don't want shares, and you don't need to pay me extra. Just dump all the things you don't want to do on me."
Despite being thirty-one years old, Lin Bairan's life has been remarkably smooth, and he has always been surrounded by kind people. Moreover, after leaving the ivory tower, he immediately encountered Jiang Moyun, and even in the business world, thanks to Jiang Moyun's deliberate arrangements, he has never met any unpleasant individuals... Perhaps for these reasons, Lin Bairan has retained some of the innocence of a young man.
Or perhaps it's simply because he loves her.
That's why I said those things.
Jiang Moyun stared at him for a while without answering directly. Instead, she patted his head again with a cruel yet loving expression. "You've had a hard time these past few days. Take a good rest for a couple of days. I'll take you out to play in a couple of days."
Lin Bairan, however, found himself bewildered amidst this tenderness and rare promise, realizing he could no longer draw warmth from it. Only then did he belatedly realize—that Jiang Moyun not only didn't love him, but also didn't trust him.
Jiang Moyun reduced his workload, gradually clipping his growing wings, but generously left him some options, mercifully giving him a "choice":
"How about being my little puppy? You'll be happy every day and won't get tired at all," Jiang Moyun coaxed him.
Lin Bairan hugged her, buried his head in her arms, and gently inhaled the faint fragrance of Jiang Moyun's hair.
This is his usual evasive tactic.
He needed to use this action to hide himself in order to conceal the loneliness and sorrow on his face.
But I don't want to be your puppy.
I want to be your lover.
Lin Bairan will never get the antidote again.
He could only eke out a living.
After that, he stayed home very obediently and even learned to cook, preparing different dishes for Jiang Moyun every day. At first, his cooking wasn't very good, far from what the housekeeper they had specially hired could make.
Once, with a hint of revenge in his heart, he served scrambled eggs with tomatoes that had too much salt. The dish didn't look very appetizing either, and the eggs were a little burnt. He knew that Jiang Moyun was a picky eater and definitely wouldn't eat it. He just wanted to annoy her and hear her say a few nice things against her will. That was enough for him.
But to his surprise, Jiang Moyun actually ate it, and not only that, she ate several bites. He stared blankly as she chewed slowly for a while, then put down her chopsticks and said with a smile, "Not bad, it goes very well with rice. A spoonful of egg with three bites of rice is just right." She teased him like that.
He suddenly felt panicked, more so than even when he knew Jiang Moyun had an ex-boyfriend. His mind went blank; he just instinctively felt the need to hide something. So, with a fierce but weak expression, he moved the plate of food away, saying, "You're not allowed to eat this. It's burnt, didn't you see?"
Jiang Moyun simply smiled, resting her chin on her hand, and quietly watched him. Lin Bairan had nowhere to hide under such a gaze; the long afterglow of the setting sun streamed in, reddening his face.
"I wish you could just keep looking at me like this..."
Why can't you just keep looking at me like that!
Lin Bairan couldn't help but feel resentful. His pent-up grievances had nowhere to go, and they all turned into unspeakable anger.
"At least now I'm the one with you, there's no place for that Bai Yu anymore." He thought angrily, so angry that he didn't even realize he had remembered the name wrong.
He eventually returned to work at the company, but because his sister was unhappy, he was no longer as attentive as before and only did his own job.
"I will be the best little dog in the world."
Lin Bairan thought so.
A puppy will definitely love its owner and will accompany you wholeheartedly. It will miss you terribly every minute and second it can't see you, and it will pace anxiously around the room all day, waiting endlessly. When it senses your presence, it will excitedly rush to the door and always be the first to welcome you home...
Puppies are easy to raise. They don't need much food, a big house, expensive things, or even toys... All they need is a little bit of your love. It doesn't have to be as much as a puppy's love for you. Just a tiny little bit, plus a little companionship, will take up only a very small part of your long life.
The puppy can live a good life.
Then it can love you for its entire life.
Lin Bairan asked for even less; all he needed was a little attention and affection.
"Sister, look at me, okay?"
Stop looking at him, just look at me, okay?
"Sister, you must always love me."
I will do better than him, can you love me?
He fantasized about possessing Jiang Moyun's old past, her entire present, and even her uncertain future, enduring the torment of his increasingly anxious desire day after day.
Lin Bairan is not obedient at all.
Lin Bairan is a greedy little dog.
Lin Bairan's hatred, no matter how much he hated, was only that Jiang Moyun didn't love him enough.
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