sad
And now, this meager improvement, which is "far from what it used to be," has been destroyed by his own hands.
Looking at his unconscious mother on the hospital bed through the thick glass, Lin Xihui felt an overwhelming nausea, as if countless maggots were crawling and wriggling inside his body, leaving behind streaks of crystalline mucus and countless small holes left after being eaten away.
Regret? Guilt?
Lin Xihui couldn't find a single suitable word to describe her feelings at that moment.
"If only I could get back to the car sooner..."
"If we hadn't gone to buy pastries..."
"If I hadn't taken the piano in for maintenance today..."
"..."
If only I... had never existed...
He began to tremble, and his stomach seemed to convulse. The last trace of color drained from his face, leaving only a lifeless pallor.
"Xi Hui, you don't look well. I'm sorry you were frightened today. Go home and rest. I'll take care of your mother here," his father said, and then had someone take him home.
The executioner's blade hesitated to fall, but Lin Xihui felt as if she had been completely sucked into an incredibly dark vortex.
——
Lin Bairan has been extremely busy these past few days.
The project was already at a critical stage, a time when it was impossible to leave anyone behind. However, Mo Yun was still hospitalized and had injured her leg. Although they had hired a caregiver, her daily needs were still difficult to manage. Lin Bairan couldn't bear to leave her alone in the hospital, so he took care of most things himself, making things easier for her. Running back and forth every day had already exhausted him.
But something else happened to Ke Xihui.
After having someone take him home that day, he locked himself in his room and didn't come out. Later that night, Lin Bairan knocked on the door for a long time but no one answered. Feeling something was wrong, he took the key and forced the door open. After looking around, he finally found Lin Xihui shivering in the corner in the pitch black—he was completely out of sorts.
Lin Bairan struggled to subdue him and hurriedly called the family doctor, and it took a lot of effort to calm him down.
In the process, a violin was also broken—Lin Xihui's first violin. Lin Xihui was not a sentimental person; this child's likes and dislikes were fleeting from a young age. But she always loved this violin. Even though the size was no longer suitable, she always took good care of it and would play with it from time to time. Sometimes she would even play a tune or two on it, although her posture looked extremely awkward, but she maintained this habit.
It's possible that someone accidentally bumped into it during the process. The violin was really old, and it fell from the bedside table, which wasn't very tall, and it just broke like that—completely broken.
But Lin Xihui's condition was too bad at the time, and no one paid any attention to the zither. After a period of chaos, when the steward came to ask for instructions with the remains of the zither, Lin Bairan remembered this matter that he had forgotten.
Logically, Xi Hui should have been consulted about this matter, but the doctor said that he was probably too traumatized by witnessing the car accident and had developed strong self-loathing due to excessive self-blame, so his current mental state is very bad.
Lin Bairan was unsure what to do.
"I've sent people to ask several master craftsmen about this instrument, and I estimate... it's very difficult to repair it," the steward said, seeing his silence.
"Let's try to find someone else to put it in perfect condition. I don't need it to be exactly as it was before, just something that doesn't look damaged. Even if we can't use it anymore, it can still be a decoration. If it's really..." Lin Bairan hesitated for a long time, but still couldn't bear to make the decision. He sighed deeply, "Then let's wrap it up and throw it away. Let's not let Xi Hui see it, so she won't be saddened by seeing it."
"Yes," the butler replied.
Lin Xihui underwent several more days of psychological counseling before she stabilized somewhat, but the doctor ultimately suggested changing the treatment environment.
With the start of the new semester at Lin Xihui Conservatory of Music fast approaching, Lin Bairan sent him abroad ahead of time and arranged for a doctor and nanny to take care of him there.
This had almost exhausted Lin Bairan's energy, and he didn't even know how to tell Jiang Moyun about the situation of the past few days and her injuries.
After Mo Yun's condition stabilized, she was transferred to a regular ward, and she gradually became more conscious throughout the day. Ci Qing would come to talk to her whenever she had free time, and Lin Bairan was basically always by her side, so she wasn't lonely.
After not seeing her son for several days, Jiang Moyun sensed something was wrong.
Lin Bairan carefully chose his words, trying to be as gentle as possible. Before he could finish speaking, she hurriedly said, "What does this have to do with him? It's a natural disaster and a man-made calamity. How can you blame yourself?"
After a moment of silence, he asked again, "Is everything prepared over there? Is there anyone to take care of Xi Hui? Where's the doctor?"
Lin Bairan answered them all.
"How long will it take for my injury to heal? I want to go to Manhattan to see Xi Hui." Jiang Moyun looked down at her leg and said, "Never mind, I don't know when that will be. Give me a call first."
"The doctor said we shouldn't stimulate him with anything related to this yet. Let's wait a bit longer. He'll be fine," Lin Bairan gently stroked Jiang Moyun's hair, soothing him softly.
After another long silence, she suddenly changed the subject when she spoke again, "What about my leg?" Jiang Moyun asked seriously, and Lin Bairan knew that she couldn't keep it a secret forever, so she had no choice but to bite the bullet and tell her.
To his surprise, Jiang Moyun didn't react much after hearing this. She simply lowered her head, her expression indifferent, and after a long while, she spoke her first words after learning the truth—
"It's just a little hobby, but speaking of which... it's really a bit of a pity." Her smile was as usual.
Lin Bairan couldn't help but feel sad and shed tears.
Jiang Moyun raised her hand, gesturing for him to sit closer, and then gently wiped away Lin Bairan's tears. "How old are you? Why are you crying like a little cat?" She looked like she was scolding him, but her tone was teasing. "Little cat Lin, I only feel a little pain. I'll be fine soon. Don't be sad."
Lin Bairan cried so hard that he bent down and lay beside Jiang Moyun's hand, feeling Jiang Moyun gently stroking his head. He couldn't stop the tears from flowing.
The cicadas chirped incessantly outside the window, their sounds rising and falling, one wave higher than the next, but they couldn't drown out the subtle sadness inside the room.
——
"Be careful." Lin Bairan looked at Jiang Moyun, who was fidgeting around, and couldn't help but remind her, even though she was a patient and didn't seem to care at all. He pushed the wheelchair forward steadily, with Jiang Ciqing following beside them.
"Okay, okay, don't worry, you're pushing me so steadily I won't fall." Jiang Moyun smiled nonchalantly, not taking his words to heart at all. "Finally, I'm being discharged from the hospital. I was so bored."
"What if I didn't see it, and we ran into a bump or something on the way?" Lin Bairan retorted with dissatisfaction. Seeing that Jiang Moyun finally sat up awkwardly, he turned to ask Jiang Ciqing, "The car is already parked at the door, right? And all the formalities are done?"
"The hospital took care of all the paperwork this morning. Just go down to the elevator up ahead, and the car will be parked right outside," Jiang Ciqing said, replying to a message on her phone without looking up.
"Watch where you're going," Lin Bairan couldn't help but worry again, "No matter how busy you are, you must take care of your health..."
"Pfft—" Before he could finish speaking, Jiang Ciqing suddenly burst out laughing.
Lin Bairan and Jiang Moyun both looked at her in confusion. Jiang Ciqing laughed for a while longer before speaking after they got into the elevator, "Dad, have you noticed that you've become more and more like a nanny these past few years? Hahahahahahaha."
Before he could finish speaking, he burst into laughter again.
Infected by her, Jiang Moyun also smiled and said, "Our Bai Ran also has endless worries."
Lin Bairan was rendered speechless by their back-and-forth banter, so he simply shut up and laughed along.
The numbers on the display screen slowly jumped, and with a "beep," the elevator doors opened.
Stepping out of the building, the heatwave was unbearable. Even just a few steps felt like being baked dry.
"I made pig's trotter soup at home in advance. You should have a good nourishing meal when you get back and drink a couple of bowls." Lin Bairan carefully carried Jiang Moyun into the car. He stood by the car door, blocking most of the sunlight, his brows and eyes filled with unbearable heartache.
"It's as if you haven't given me proper nutrition these past few days while I'm in the hospital. I'm really worried that you'll turn me into a pig one day."
"You only have a little bit of flesh on your body, and you've gotten even thinner this time. Don't you know to eat more and replenish your body?"
“Look at your father, he’s lying through his teeth. My face has gotten so round from eating so much, and he still thinks I’ve lost weight.” Jiang Moyun turned to Jiang Ciqing, trying to gain an ally.
Jiang Ciqing, holding back her mischievousness, nodded twice and then laughed. She turned around from the front row and said with a smile, "It's only right to supplement your diet, after all, Dad loves you, so it's normal for the filter to be more prominent."
"You silly girl." Jiang Moyun couldn't help but laugh and scold, looking up at Lin Bairan—the summer afternoon sun was the most dazzling, even the few rays that pierced through the gaps were just as blinding—but she easily caught the shy blush on Lin Bairan's face and the slightly pursed corners of her mouth. That almost inaudible "hmm" was carried by the sultry wind and gently reached Jiang Moyun's ears.
The scene before me overlapped with our first meeting twenty years ago, and a sweet feeling, exactly the same as that day, welled up in my heart.
Jiang Moyun then laughed as well.
"My smile probably doesn't look very good," she thought. Her eyes, squinting in the blazing sun, and her wrinkled features—these were hardly what one would call beautiful.
Unexpectedly, twenty years later, in such a completely different yet extremely similar miserable situation, she still couldn't give Lin Bairan a proper smile.
Thirty years ago, Jiang Moyun left the stage forever, but later there was an audience member who came only for her.
Thirty years later, Jiang Moyun has completely lost her dancing skills, but fortunately, she still has Lin Bairan, whose eyes are full of love for her.
Perhaps I should thank you properly, but I'm afraid that would make us seem distant.
Jiang Moyun couldn't help but trace Lin Bairan's features with her eyes again and again.
"Bai Ran...you are my Lin Bai Ran." Just thinking this made her smile stay on her face.
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