The Wicked Woman's Wedding Night (5)
I quietly followed behind you.
Like a dog, like a person.
——
In just two months,
The wedding.
This group of people were no different from a pack of mad dogs seeing a bone when it came to Jiang Wanrou's marriage. They couldn't wait for her to get married and have children. They were so anxious, as if they wanted to make up for all the losses they had suffered at Jiang Wanrou's hands. They were surprisingly united on this matter.
Midway through, some people asked Jiang Wanrou if she wanted to change her choice, but no one knew what her mentality was, as she insisted on marrying no one but herself. Because of her stubbornness, many of those people were happy with her choice, and this absurd marriage was settled just like that.
Of course, no one would consider my feelings. I was originally a servant of the Jiang family, and my indenture was signed before I was born. This was already an immense blessing.
For everyone else, all I need to do is be content.
But I still feel a bit uneasy about it.
According to custom, the bride and groom should not meet before marriage, but because of our special circumstances, no one cared about that anymore. I still followed her around doing things every day. This made me often feel dazed during the two months of wedding preparations, as if all those shocking things Jiang Wanrou said back then were just my absurd imagination, and everything was actually no different from before.
But the ever-increasing decorations in the mansion constantly reminded me that I was about to marry Jiang Wanrou.
Three days before the wedding,
It was late at night.
Jiang Wanrou was still working on her official duties. She was probably the least worried bride-to-be in the world. She hadn't participated in any of the wedding preparations, but there were plenty of people who would take care of the planning for her.
Perhaps she was the one least willing to participate in this wedding, which is why she remained indifferent and ignored it, immersing herself in busy affairs as if this would allow her to postpone the event and gain a temporary respite.
What a pity...
Unfortunately, most people in this world are swept along by fate, with no control over their own destiny whatsoever.
I glanced at the fading candlelight, but didn't ask anyone to replace it. I simply took a step to the side and watched as she looked up in confusion at the sudden dimming of her vision. I stared intently into her eyes. "Miss, it's late."
"It is indeed getting late." Jiang Wanrou looked out the window and realized that it was already completely dark, and everything was quiet without a sound. She looked away and lowered her head again, gesturing to the person in front of her, "Please move aside a bit, I need to finish reading this document..."
A hand with distinct knuckles reached out and gently pressed down on the document. "It's time to rest, Miss." The tone remained calm, but carried an air of unquestionable authority.
Jiang Wanrou tried to tug at it, but it didn't budge.
She looked up at the person in front of her. He still had that simple, expressionless face, as if he didn't show any emotion.
However, Jiang Wanrou knew that ever since she suddenly pointed at him that day, Ruzhuo had been holding back some resentment.
So she naturally interpreted this as him trying to spite her, and she didn't want to argue with him about it. She straightened her expression and became gentler, "It'll be ready soon."
Ru Zhuo didn't move, as if she hadn't heard anything at all, and didn't give any extra reaction.
Jiang Wanrou couldn't help but get a little angry. She put down her pen and looked at him, "What exactly do you want to do?"
"You should rest." He was like a programmed machine, giving only this one response, which infuriated Jiang Wanrou.
"Let go." Her voice was completely subdued, her lips pressed into a straight line.
They remained silent for a while, then Ru Zhuo sighed, "You don't need to do this."
"how?"
There's no need to humiliate yourself like that.
For a moment, Jiang Wanrou's anger was almost uncontrollable, as if she wanted to vent all the pent-up frustration of the past few days. But after looking at Ruzhuo for a long time, she suddenly smiled and said, "Ruzhuo," in a very gentle tone, the anger on her face disappeared as if it were an illusion, "You've crossed the line."
She remained seated, but suddenly appeared very indifferent.
Ru Zhuo suddenly let go of her hand. Jiang Wanrou didn't say anything, but naturally took the document and began to read it attentively.
Is it beyond the boundary?
I couldn't help but think about what she had just said.
I don't know where the boundary should be between us. Or perhaps it's always been up to her to decide that boundary; she's always been like that, so domineering.
But it's okay, none of this matters.
I hate this place, I hate the people here, and I hate how easily my parents sold me off—my mother sold her unborn child to buy her freedom and live a "free" life with my father, and that's how my future was set—I was born as a bargaining chip for "freedom," and from then on, I was just a lowly object, no longer able to live as a human being.
No one will care whether the items are "free".
When I was five years old, Jiang Wanrou was born. The steward made me learn how to take care of her from the elders in the mansion. He told me, "From now on, you only need to take good care of Miss."
From that moment on, I knew that, barring any unforeseen circumstances, I had gone from being a mere two taels of silver to becoming Jiang Wanrou's private dog. Although I was still not human, at least I had become a living being. People still wouldn't care whether a dog was free, but at least they would care whether it was alive.
I still don't have freedom, but at least I can make my life a little better.
I stood to the side, looking at the exquisite decor of the room, the various furnishings dazzling the eye. Looking around, I saw several people busy taking care of her. I carefully walked to Jiang Wanrou's beautiful cradle. She was curled up in a soft blanket, her fingers tucked in, her face a peaceful sleeping expression.
I know that she was born as a human being and will live as a human being in the future.
I couldn't help but feel a pang of envy, and many dark thoughts, things I couldn't bring myself to express, welled up inside me. She was undoubtedly a wonderful thing, born with a silver spoon in her mouth, amidst everyone's expectations and blessings, and destined to grow up under their care.
—We are the exact opposite ends of the world.
So naturally, I felt resentment towards her at that moment.
—On what grounds?
Why is it that you are born with what I cannot have in this life, and can obtain it so easily?
At that moment, I almost hated her to the core, and I wanted to unleash all the coldness and grievances I had suffered over the years, and even the resentment I felt for being abandoned by my parents, onto her.
I reached out to her as if possessed and gently touched her face. Before I could do anything else, I suddenly felt a fleshy touch on my hand—my little finger was being held by her unconsciously in her sleep.
She was still sleeping peacefully.
I stood there stunned until I suddenly saw a small, damp patch on her blanket, and I realized that I was already in tears.
Finally, I fled in panic.
As I grew up, I spent more time with Jiang Wanrou.
More than a decade has passed in the blink of an eye.
The moon outside the window is so bright tonight, shining through the window onto the ground. I suddenly remembered a night when Jiang Wanrou was nine years old, the moonlight was just as bright.
At that time, Jiang Wanrou got an eagle and personally tended to it—first she cut off some of the eagle's flight feathers, then she chained its feet, confined the eagle to a small stand, and then lit several candles around it...
Then comes the waiting, the long waiting. During this time, the eagle must not fall asleep. All that's left is to endure it with the eagle—until its eyes lose focus, its head droops limply, and its fierce cries gradually weaken…until this raptor, accustomed to the sky, gradually loses its wildness, forgets its sharp claws, and completely submits to the thin chains on its wrists, linking its survival to the little bit of fresh meat that leaks from between human fingers—and that's how the eagle is made.
Jiang Wanrou acquired a young eagle, and it's already the third night. Judging from the eagle's condition, if nothing unexpected happens, tonight will be the last night.
I stayed with her for several days, and I was almost delirious with exhaustion. When I saw the eagle, which was practically on its last legs, I blurted out "Poor thing" in my dazed state.
"What?" Although Jiang Wanrou was still excited, she was also a little sleepy and didn't quite hear what I said.
I should have shut up then, but for some reason, my mouth wouldn't stop and I kept talking to myself, "I said, it's so pitiful."
"Why?" Jiang Wanrou fed the eagle a small amount of meat, then turned to ask me, her face full of obvious doubt. "I will treat it very well from now on."
“But it will never be free again,” I couldn’t help but say, watching the eagle slowly succumb.
“But it’s just an eagle,” Jiang Wanrou said, puzzled. “You are a human, of course you need freedom, but it isn’t.”
I was stunned by those words.
My fingernails dug so hard into my palm, and the momentary pain brought me a brief moment of clarity, allowing me to clearly recognize my thoughts amidst the confusion...
Those filthy, twisted, and absurd secret thoughts entwined, grew, and destroyed within my body, like spring branches climbing up my heart, growing fragile yet resilient, taking root in my flesh and blood, gradually forming an impenetrable cocoon... In the end, all of this, these unspeakable thoughts, ended with this casual remark.
"You are a human being."
Such affirmation, so natural.
I inexplicably recalled the servants' quarters I lived in when I was a child. It was a large communal room where more than a dozen people were crammed together, packed tightly together with almost no gaps, like a tin can. It was filled with the smell of sweat, dust, dander, and naked flesh, all crammed together in the dim light.
There was only one candle lit at the entrance.
A short, small candle with ugly cracks.
The candlelight provided almost no illumination; if you turned your gaze even slightly away, you could see nothing at all, and it was pitch black again. When it burned, it always emitted lingering black smoke and a nauseating, pungent odor.
Yet it was precisely that tiny, almost invisible candlelight that revealed our baseness; it drew the clearest line in the world, dividing light and darkness, distinguishing between the noble and the lowly.
The person on the other end of the line will never come over, and we will never be able to reach that glamorous and dazzling world.
We are the most sinister rats in the most magnificent and splendid mansion in the city.
How ridiculous... how ridiculous!
I felt redeemed at that moment, thanks to Jiang Wanrou's cruel yet naive words.
How pathetic! My liberation is not something tangible, but shamefully derived from an artificial division of rank and status, the source of my lifelong suffering. They categorize me as the lowest of the low, yet the Lord I serve, the Lord I resent, the Lord I deeply love… regards me as a human being.
I found a profound sense of agreement in her casual remark.
"I am a human being."
It's not a two-tael silver coin, not a dog, not a dark rat... I'm still trapped in this cage, but at least by her side, I've become a living, breathing person.
That's all.
I found salvation in her lighthearted words.
So it's okay, it's all okay, I don't care, I don't care at all. Whatever she wants to do, I will always follow her, like a dog, like a person.
So I simply let go, replaced the candle with a bright one, and then stepped aside, standing quietly.
Jiang Wanrou had clearly signed the document long ago, but it took her a long time before she put down her pen, stood up, and said "I'm sorry" to me.
I don't know what she's apologizing for. Maybe it's because of her temper tonight, or maybe it's about this marriage.
But if it's the latter...
She apologized to me, but who can apologize to her?
——
On the wedding day.
Because it was in her own home, Jiang Wanrou didn't have to ride in a small sedan chair that could only fit one person to get married, being swayed and bumped from one house to another. We were dressed in festive wedding clothes, walking side by side, with the setting sun overhead, the sky full of red clouds, the sunset melting gold, and the evening clouds merging into a perfect harmony.
We crossed the high threshold and stood in the lobby.
The entrance was filled with luxury cars, and relatives and friends came to offer their congratulations. The place was decorated with lanterns and colorful decorations, and gifts were piled high. Everyone had a smile on their face, and a large "囍" (double happiness) character with gold lettering on a red background was pasted in front.
This is the greatest joy in the world.
We stand here, before the character "囍" (double happiness), under the gaze of all who watch, surrounded by blessings...
We are going to get married.
The emcee stepped forward, clapped his hands gently, and the surroundings quieted down a little.
Then his voice resounded throughout the bright red auditorium—
"First bow to heaven and earth,"
I bent down, then lifted up again.
Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of Jiang Wanrou's delicate chin and straight lips through the veil.
"Bowing to the parents twice,"
I bent down, then lifted up again.
I bowed to her mother and the memorial tablet of the old man beside her. I could clearly see the tears welling up in the lady's eyes and the undisguised joy on her face.
"Husband and wife bowing to each other,"
I turned around and looked at her.
I saw a sea of red, outlined with gold, clamoring to blind her, then wriggling and climbing up her body. I saw her hands and feet bound, unable to speak.
I think I saw that eagle again.
Its feathers were clipped and it was chained.
I bent down... and then lifted up again.
"Send them into the bridal chamber—"
I looked at her.
Seeing her being helped by a maid, like a puppet, slowly walking forward,
Step into that small, unknown darkness.
The ceremony is complete.
The surrounding area was adorned with brocade flowers, their fragrance wafting, their radiance shimmering, the sound of phoenix flutes echoing, and the sound waves surging for ten feet in the soft red carpet, as congratulations came from all directions, filling the air with joy!
...
I stood in the bustling crowd, watching her walk towards the quieter area.
I too am unable to speak.
...
Why?
Aren't you alone?
I remained at the banquet, surrounded by laughter and chatter, but no one approached me. I stood among them, but was not accepted. A circle of blank space was left around me, reserved for observation, and I was the monkey wagging its tail, begging for attention, a comical spectacle for their amusement.
This is... utterly boring.
This group of people constantly and rigorously enforced the hierarchical system, adorning themselves with stones and furs to demonstrate their "value." Each of them had tears of compassion in their eyes, but their hands honestly covered their mouths and noses. Their leather shoes flew quickly across the dirty ground, yet they did not forget to maintain their ridiculous dignity, for fear of being unfortunately tainted by the baseness of the "lower class."
I didn't want to play along with them, so I turned and walked in the direction Jiang Wanrou had left. A small gasp came from behind me, mixed with a few snickers. I didn't need to turn around to know that they were mocking my "fleeing in disarray."
I don't even want to give them a glance.
Who cares?
What does it matter?
Servants kept trying to stop me along the way, but I ignored them and kept walking forward. I pushed open the door to the room where Jiang Wanrou was and saw her sitting quietly on the edge of the bed, leaning against a pillar, with her head down and a red veil covering her face.
Hearing the sound, she slightly raised her head but didn't speak. Although she was facing me, I didn't know if she was looking at me; maybe she was, maybe she wasn't. The small red cloth blocked my view, and I couldn't see what expression was on her face.
I have no idea.
Finally, I took a deep breath, made up my mind, and slowly walked forward.
...
Jiang Wanrou sat on the edge of the bed, the heavy hairpin on her head pressing down on her neck, causing her pain. She leaned her head against the bedpost to rest for a while. This elaborate attire was making her uncomfortable, almost suffocating her. She felt that once she lay down, she wouldn't be able to get out of bed without someone helping her.
However, even if she wanted to rest, there was nothing she could do. The bed was very uncomfortable and was covered with peanuts, longans, and other treats meant to please her. If the maid hadn't just cleared out this small area for her, she probably wouldn't even have a place to sit.
Having not eaten all day, she was starving. She grabbed a red date, wiped it, and put it in her mouth, chewing it mechanically.
"Today was really exhausting," she thought unhappily.
Normally, red dates are soft and sweet, but today, perhaps because she hadn't had any water for a long time, her mouth was dry. The first thing she touched was the skin, making the dry, astringent bitterness particularly pronounced. If she wasn't careful when biting into one, the pit inside would suddenly prick her, making her teeth ache. Swallowing it, a bit of unchewed skin scraped across her dry throat, bringing a touch of pain.
She spat out the pit, caught it in her hand, and tossed it into the corner beside the bed. Although her stomach was still ravenously hungry, and the chewing seemed to have awakened her body, with waves of increasingly intense cramps surging from her stomach, she had no desire to eat any more. She simply gently covered her stomach and silently endured the pain.
She didn't know how much time had passed; she was lost in thought under her veil. She vaguely heard some noises coming from outside—"Young Master, you..." Jiang Wanrou couldn't hear clearly because she was some distance away, until a clear "creak" came. She looked up and saw a familiar figure stepping over the threshold and walking in quickly—it was Ruzhuo.
Today's exertion had taken a toll on her mental energy; her stomach was still cramping intermittently, and her thoughts were somewhat sluggish. She remained silent for a moment, hesitating whether to sit up properly. In a daze, she saw Ru Zhuo slowly walking towards her, stopping a step away. Jiang Wanrou could only see the tips of his shoes and a small section of his robe.
Suddenly, the robe billowed, and the person in front of her took a small step forward, bending her knee. In her daze, a slender hand appeared before her, its veins prominent, its fingertips touching a corner of the red cloth. The next second, her veil was lifted, and she saw Ru Zhuo holding up a corner of the veil, very close, kneeling on one knee in front of her.
He pursed his lips, his expression serious, and still addressed her as "Miss" when he spoke.
Do you want to stay here?
She heard Ru Zhuo say that.
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