Chapter 44 Redemption
I am Yan Lin'an, I am seventeen years old, and I am dead.
I'm really not a good person.
Many people only realized this after I died, and some people never even realized it.
Let me tell you about the day I died.
It was a rainy day.
The rain made me lose my appetite, so I only ate half a basket of potstickers, a bowl of wontons, and oh, a small half bowl of black rice this morning.
Even though I'm not full, I still plan to do my digestive exercises.
Unexpectedly, before anything even started, I was summoned to the palace.
My father is seriously ill, and under these circumstances, he inexplicably wants to see me.
I was a little confused. After all, I'm neither the crown prince nor my older sister. Why would my father want to see me?
I was completely confused, so I touched my stomach. I thought, after seeing my father, I'll go have lunch. It's raining, I want to eat duck blood soup with vermicelli, slurp slurp... I want to eat salted duck, I want to eat crispy sesame cakes, I want to eat...
"Lin'an, do you want to be the emperor?"
I want to eat... huh?
I panicked. My father, who doesn't usually care much about me, is someone I can't talk to about this.
My elder brother, the Crown Prince, and my elder sister have already discussed what will happen after Father Emperor leaves. And there's also Brother Fengzhi; doesn't he and my sister have some plan to escape Shengjing? I'm going to go out of the capital with them for fun.
I waved my hands frantically and said to my father, "I don't want to, I ...."
My father was amused by me. His eyes were complicated, and I couldn't understand them, nor did I want to. They were annoying, haughty, and filled with hypocrisy and apology.
Okay, I got it right away.
I don't know why my father looked at me like that. Why? I started to panic for the first time.
What do I have that my father should apologize for?
I thought about it again and again.
This is probably my fate.
I am not someone who sits and waits to die. I don't know why, and I don't need to know. What I need to do is escape immediately.
Strangely enough, my father let me leave the palace without any trouble.
In the wind and rain, I rode at full speed to Jianmutai, wanting to find my sister and Brother Fengzhi.
I think my sister will protect me, and Brother Fengzhi will tell me what happened.
So I set off hastily, embarking on a dead end that everyone was watching.
As I walked out of my father's palace, I saw Wuxin and Wuqing, the leaders of the Demon Suppression Pavilion. When I reached the palace gate, I saw my second and third brothers. When I walked to the street, I saw Xingwen. By the river, I saw Mushan, and Qingyun was even standing next to him.
It's so strange. Every time I see a familiar older brother or sister, I want to stop and say hello to them. I want to tell them to save me, to save me.
But every single one of them looked at me with the same look my father had—a look of apology, strangeness, and complexity.
The gentle rain seeped into my heart, and I was frightened by that look in his eyes. I ran frantically, ran frantically, towards my finish line.
Finally, I ran to Jianmutai.
As I walked in, I seemed to sense something. I admit, I was really scared, even a little angry.
I drew the sword hidden on my horse and walked into Jianmu Platform.
My sister was waiting for me outside the attic.
Inside the attic, Lin Fengzhi stood silently beneath the starry sky.
I suddenly laughed and asked, "Sister, why?"
The older sister didn't speak; she was crying, hypocritical and aloof.
At that moment, I was completely dazed, but Lin Fengdu suddenly appeared out of nowhere. He grabbed me and said, "Brother Lin'an, hurry up and go!"
The rain lashed down on the boy. Lin Fengdu was only eleven or twelve years old at the time, even younger than him.
Perhaps it was because he was young and had no ties that he became the only person on the journey who cried and was willing to come and save him.
Will he regret it when he grows up? Will he become like all my older brothers and sisters? Will they be so hypocritical as to watch him die? Will they?
I stood there, lost in thought, as rain streamed down my face.
I don't know when, but the area around Jianmu Platform was now filled with cultivators. Seventeen-year-old me asked softly,
"Sister, Brother Fengzhi, why?"
"Why me? Why you?"
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Why."
I said I'm not someone who sits idly by and waits to die.
That was the first and last time I displayed my cultivation level to the world.
I don't really know how strong I am, or how talented I am. I know a lot about this world, but I don't know anything about myself.
At that time, I was just thinking about how I had come this far, about my second brother, third brother, older sister, Lin Fengzhi, Zhang Xingwen, Shen Mushan, Mu Qingyun...
Even heartless, emotionless, and lifeless.
I remember it all, Lin'an remembers it all.
How could you, how could you, have seen me walk this path with your own eyes?
Everything, it turns out, was for this moment—
Raindrops fell on my sword, turning into blood that flowed down. My vision gradually blurred, but my sword intent grew even more frenzied. The rain on the ground could not outflow the blood.
The blood flowed continuously, even onto the long street, and the ground was littered with corpses and spiritual energy—I don't know how many people died at Jianmutai back then.
All I know is that I persevered to the end.
"Yan Linrong, Lin Fengzhi, I'm asking you, why?"
All I received in response was silence and their hypocritical tears.
Finally, Wuxin from the Demon Suppression Pavilion arrived.
She gave me two swords.
One sword did not kill, but another sword gave birth to hatred.
I lay in a pool of blood, my eyes wide open, staring at my sister.
I forced a smile, and in the blood, the boy's terrifying smile turned towards Yan Linrong.
Would you be better off if I died?
All I want is a reason, but you won't give it to me.
I'll rather die than let you have peace.
you,
Don't underestimate me.
...
Raindrops fell on my eyes, and as I looked up at the sky, I suddenly remembered yesterday.
To be precise, it was the day before I died.
I ate too much this morning and practiced swordsmanship for a while.
My sister came to visit me and said that Father is seriously ill. I need to be careful these next few days and not cause any trouble.
I said okay. At noon, I went to Jianmu Terrace to freeload lunch. Brother Fengzhi was cultivating, so I played with Lin Fengdu for a while.
In the afternoon, I went to the academy to read. I saw that Xingwen and Mushan seemed to be arguing, but they stopped immediately when they saw me.
They bought me some food to send me off, and Xingwen even laughed at me for not wiping the crumbs from my mouth.
I pursed my lips and returned to the palace in the evening. I ran into my second brother, the Crown Prince. He had been busy with Father Emperor's affairs these past two days and was very tired. I took special care of him and shared the pastries I had just bought with him.
My second brother patted my head and said that Lin'an has grown up and become sensible.
Of course I'm older, it's just that I don't do anything productive every day, which makes you think I'm still very young.
I said I'm already seventeen, so I'm actually old enough to get married.
My second brother laughed at me, so I leaned close to his ear and said, "Brother, I'm waiting for you to bestow a marriage upon me."
The second brother coughed and said, "Let's consider me after the eldest sister gets married."
I didn't take it to heart. My sister and Feng Zhi were getting married soon, and besides, they might not even be in Shengjing City.
I left, rubbing my belly. Before leaving, I ran into my third brother, who had come to talk to my second brother. I greeted him with a smile, and he patted my shoulder, telling me to behave myself lately.
I told you I'm very honest.
Before going to bed, I was still thinking about what delicious food would be served at my sister's wedding banquet.
This was a very ordinary, satisfying, and happy day.
Let me think, when exactly did that change begin? Probably when I was asleep.
The Imperial Advisor must have entered the palace.
The old emperor will definitely meet with him alone.
The Imperial Advisor said something about me, such as he had calculated a variable, an unexpected variable—Emperor Wen of Zhou's youngest son, Yan Lin'an, whom he cared about the least.
The Grand Preceptor used his last breath to speak incantations, telling Emperor Wen of Zhou what great things he would do to disrupt the fate of the dynasty, such as regicide.
After the Grand Preceptor leaves, Wuxin will likely come to see the old emperor.
Wu Xin would praise me, saying that I, Yan Lin'an, am highly skilled and intelligent to the point of being almost demonic, and that I must not be allowed to live.
My old, confused father must have been hesitant, but not long after, news of the Grand Preceptor's death came from Jianmu Terrace—the Grand Preceptor had indeed risked his life, proving that what he said was true.
The old emperor was a cautious man, an exceptionally cautious, even cruel one.
He would feel curious, angry, and even ridiculous about this son he had never paid attention to.
The variable is one thing, and the deception of everyone is another.
Therefore, I, Yan Lin'an, must die, and I must be killed by the person I trust most.
So, he arranged my entire journey.
Moreover, the Demon Suppression Pavilion must have been involved; they definitely were.
Together they planned my path.
A perfect dead end.
This was the day before I died, the complete day.
I know what Zhang Xingwen and Shen Mushan were arguing about, I know that my elder sister and Feng Zhi are leaving Shengjing, I know that my second brother, who is the crown prince, has never liked the Lin family, I know what my third brother wanted to say to my second brother that night, and I know what is hidden on the ninth floor of the Demon Suppression Pavilion.
I know it's fate that's going to kill me.
As for how they killed me, it was nothing more than what the Demon Suppression Pavilion or Jianmu Platform did.
The night before I died, you did something I didn't know about, swiftly and ruthlessly arranging my death.
So, on the day I died, I also did some things that no one knows about.
I pieced together the day before my death on my own.
I hope that one day, someone can piece together the day I die.
I'm waiting to see.
nameless.
...
The 15th day of the eighth month in the 16th year of Tianchen.
The Imperial Palace of Yan Zhou.
The emperor was playing chess at a leisurely pace, with Zhang Xingwen sitting opposite him.
The banquet in the palace had just begun tonight when a light drizzle started outside. It wasn't heavy, but it was still bothersome.
The banquet was the same old thing, but fewer and fewer people were attending. The emperor found it boring, so he left the banquet and called on his minister, Zhang, to play chess together and escape the hustle and bustle.
Zhang Xiang calmly placed a piece, which greatly excited the emperor.
"It's been a long time since I played chess with you. Zhang Xiang's chess skills have improved a lot."
"Your Majesty flatters me. My chess skills are far inferior to yours."
The emperor smiled, appearing indifferent.
"Speaking of chess, I recently recalled news from Danzhou."
Among their group back then, the best chess player was Miss Mu, but a few days ago, news came from Danzhou City that her child had passed away.
How could a woman with such skill in chess not know what kind of person the man beside her was?
Shen Mushan is nothing but a foolish madman.
It's just a pity for that child, who was led astray by these grudges.
Things have changed, and people are no longer the same.
Zhang Xiang curled his lips into a smile. He didn't continue the topic of the emperor, but casually remarked while looking at the chessboard.
"My wife passed away early, and she neglected to discipline our youngest son. These past few days, I have been personally teaching him to play chess. However, he is unruly and wants to take back his moves when he makes a mistake. When I refuse, he even tries to overturn the chessboard, which leaves me both amused and exasperated."
The emperor toyed with the chess pieces, then casually made a move, saying, "He's just young and childish."
Zhang Xingwen: "Yes, he played hastily, but he was also clever. Seeing that he was making a mistake and was unwilling to make a series of mistakes, he naturally stopped playing."
A light drizzle and a cloudy day offer a unique and beautiful setting for moon viewing.
Zhang Xingwen looked up, and the light rain outside seemed to seep through the window paper, drifting onto his increasingly aged face.
He unconsciously murmured, "It really looks like it."
Tonight, a light rain is falling, and the moon is high in the sky. The cold air and chill are just like that day.
The emperor chuckled softly, seemingly ignoring Zhang Xiang's words.
"Jianmutai is about to get lively."
Zhang Xiang remained silent.
Outside the window, the wind and rain were gloomy, but inside the house it was warm and cozy.
The emperor stared at the chess pieces and laughed, "He left us too early. If he were still alive today, he would probably laugh at us for being so old and still making things difficult for the younger generation."
Zhang Xiang: "Over the years, where hasn't he been seen?"
Two people played chess in the vast rain.
The emperor gave birth to his last son, and the emperor remained silent.
Zhang Xingwen: "I have lost."
Yan Linxia: "At this point, I am no match for him."
Don't underestimate those children. Just like back then, the Emperor used every means at his disposal to kill Lin'an in one night.
But what good is death? The things he did before he died have kept all the living in turmoil day and night.
The Emperor's passing, Linzhi's death, the feud between the former Emperor Wuxin and the Princess, Ling'an's birth, the fire at the Zhang family's residence, the deaths of Mu Qingyun's parents, and even the stubbornness of the Shen family's child a few days ago...
Which piece doesn't bear his shadow, and which one does?
Now, another group of young people are about to leave Jianmutai.
If they can get out, then let them get out.
late at night.
The rain was falling softly, and the moonlight bathed Yanzhou.
Today is the Mid-Autumn Festival, a time for family reunions.
When news of the Imperial Preceptor's death arrived, the Eldest Princess also sent people to open the city gates for the group of boys.
Zhang Xiang left the palace, and before leaving, he called out to the emperor.
"His Majesty."
May you have a peaceful and happy Mid-Autumn Festival.
The emperor, who had reigned for many years, suddenly felt a chill.
He gently closed his eyes.
In the academy, the elder sister was talking to that boy from Jianmu Terrace, the two of them so intimate they were practically one person. His Highness the Crown Prince was furious, finding it utterly disgraceful. Little Lin'an was bouncing around beside him, his mouth stuffed with duck meat pancakes, greasy and dripping, which made the Crown Prince even angrier. He thought the brat only knew how to eat and didn't even share with his brother. Lin Zhi noticed his face darken and took the Crown Prince to play. Passing a pavilion, Mu Shan and his childhood sweetheart were playing chess, but Mu Shan always lost. How could he possibly beat Mu Qingyun? The arrogant Crown Prince thought, "Even I can't beat her, so why should you?" Just then, they ran into Xing Wen, who, along with Lin Zhi, walked forward with the Crown Prince. Xing Wen said, "Your Highness, you're always so stressed from studying, today I'll take you to see something fun." "What's fun?" The Crown Prince was curious, and Lin Zhi, with a mischievous grin, chuckled beside him. He said that Zhang Xingwen, that bookworm, just wanted to watch General Li, who was returning to the capital to report on his duties, demonstrate his sword skills—oh, wrong, it was General Li's little girl demonstrating hers. The Crown Prince was speechless. Lin Zhi followed him, while Xingwen chuckled silently, only pushing the Crown Prince forward.
His Highness the Crown Prince walked step by step, continuing to walk forward.
He walked forward until the people behind him gradually stopped, but he still walked forward, until the python robe turned into dragon patterns, but he still walked forward, and kept walking.
He told himself that he was the emperor.
As the sun and moon revolved, he was propelled forward by imperial decree.
Until the old friend has passed away.
Until the past becomes the past.
In the long, dark night, everything from the emperor's youth became a distant dream.
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