Missed
As the glass door closed, the setting sun at the alley's entrance was sinking behind the low wall. The last bit of warm light fell on the wooden sign of the "Neon" bar, warming the crooked handwriting. Li Huaizhou clutched the snow pear milk lollipop in his hand. The edge of the candy wrapper was wrinkled by his fingertips. The milky white candy was still slightly cool through the fabric, but the heat in his palm was like burning - it was the warmth left by Xie Mo's hand holding his hand, and even the sweetness in his chest that had not yet dissipated was also hot.
He paused in front of the bar, where several old record covers were spread out. One of them had dark gold piano keys printed on it, and it was the song he had mentioned to Xie Mo a few days ago. It was clearly just a casual remark, but it was remembered and a record was even sent over. Just as Li Huaizhou's fingertips were about to touch the edge of the record, footsteps were heard at the stairs. It was not the slow pace of the regular customers in the bar, but a slow pace with deliberate pauses. Every step was like stepping on nerve endings, making people feel uneasy.
Li Huaizhou's heart suddenly sank, as if he'd been doused in ice water. When he looked up, he bumped into Wen Juzhi's gaze. The man leaned against the banister, his arms folded across his chest, his black shirt two buttons undone. He hadn't turned on the second-floor light, completely ensconced in the shadows where the overhead bar couldn't reach. Only his eyes, gleaming frighteningly, clung to Li Huaizhou, like the tongue of a venomous snake, slowly licking across his hand clutching the candy, the grass smudges on the hem of his school uniform, the lingering red on the tips of his ears, making his stomach churn.
"You're back." Wen Juzhi's voice was low and hoarse from smoking a cigarette. He came from the shadows, and the ending tone was a little long. "I've been waiting for you for a long time."
Li Huaizhou's fingertips instantly turned cold, and even the snow pear candy in his palm seemed to have lost its temperature. He subconsciously stuffed the candy into his pocket, his fingertips clutching the corner of his school uniform, his nails almost digging into his flesh - this had happened countless times in the past. Whenever Wen Juzhi spoke in this tone, it was not good. But he didn't dare show it on his face. He could only lower his head and, as usual, responded in a hoarse voice: "Yeah."
Wen Juzhi walked down the stairs, the wooden steps creaking as he stepped closer with each step. He didn't go to the bar, but stopped directly in front of Li Huaizhou, his shadow completely covering the young man. A mixture of cigarettes, alcohol, and cheap cologne rushed over him, and Li Huaizhou almost couldn't help but step back. Just as he was about to say "I have to go back to my room", his wrist was grabbed by the man.
Wen Juzhi's fingers were thick, their knuckles covered in calluses that stung the palms. He gripped them with such force, like a pair of pliers, that he practically crushed the bones. Li Huaizhou froze, instinctively trying to pull back—his shoulders barely shrunk an inch when he met Wen Juzhi's gaze. His eyes were as cold as ice, a hint of ferocity in his pupils, as if to say, "Just try and see if you dare!" He instantly repelled any thought of resistance.
He was too familiar with this look. On the day he was picked up a few years ago, Wen Juzhi also stared at him with this look and said, "Come with me, or you will starve to death here and no one will care about you." The body's instinct overwhelmed the emotion, and Li Huaizhuo's strength was like a punctured balloon, and it was completely deflated. He could only let Wen Juzhi hold his wrist and be dragged up the stairs. The wooden stairs were very narrow. When Li Huaizhuo was dragged up, his back would occasionally rub against the mottled wall, and the rough cement particles would scratch his back and make it hairy.
The room on the second floor was dark, the curtains tightly drawn. Only a sliver of warm light from downstairs leaked through the crack in the door, barely illuminating the dirty clothes piled on the bed and the cigarette butts scattered on the floor. As Wen Juzhi pushed him into the room, Li Huaizhou stumbled, his back hitting the cold door. Before he could regain his balance, the man pressed down on him.
Wen Juzhi's hands pressed on his shoulders, so hard that he had to fall forward until his knees hit the edge of the bed, and he fell onto the mattress. The mattress sank a bit, with a bit of old musty smell, mixed with the strange smell in the air, making people's noses sore. Wen Juzhi leaned over, one hand on the bed board beside Li Huaizhuo, and stretched out the other hand, pinching the zipper head of his school uniform with his fingertips, and slowly pulled it down. The zipper made a "click" sound, and cold air rushed into the collar. Li Huaizhuo shuddered, his eyes fixed on a crack in the bed board, but Xie Mo's face suddenly exploded in his mind.
It was the half-selected plate of greens handed to him in the cafeteria, with a little sauce still on the edge of the porcelain plate; it was the fingertips that touched his forehead by the flower sea, as light as touching a feather; it was the kiss on his lips under the setting sun, with the cool fragrance of Xie Mo's body; it was the warmth from his palm when holding hands, warm enough to dispel the coldness in the wind. Those images were like broken stars, suddenly crashing into his chaotic mind, with a bit of burning sweetness and a bit of sharp pain.
"no."
The sound was very soft, like the buzzing of a mosquito, but it was particularly clear in the dead silent room. Wen Juzhi's hand that was pulling the zipper suddenly stopped, and his fingertips were still at the second button. He raised his head, and the indifference in his eyes disappeared instantly, replaced by a sinister, cannibalistic fierceness, staring at Li Huaizhuo: "What did you say?" Li Huaizhuo's teeth were chattering, and his lips were pursed until they turned pale, but he still raised his face - not deliberately resisting, but the image of Xie Mo in his mind was too clear, so clear that he dared to say it again. He met Wen Juzhi's gaze, and his voice was clearer than before, with a tremor, but not vague: "No."
After saying that, he shrank back, almost retreating to the corner of the bed, his back pressed against the cold wall, the texture of the bricks and stones making his skin hurt. Wen Juzhi stared at him for a few seconds, and suddenly chuckled. The laughter was unpleasant, like rusty iron sheets rubbing against each other. "Is it because of your classmate?" He leaned forward, pinched Li Huaizhou's chin with his fingers, and forced him to look at him. His fingertips pinched the boy's jawline hard. "You are so heartless, Li Huaizhou. Forgot who picked you up? Forgot who gave you food and a place to live? Now you dare to tell me 'no'?"
Li Huaizhou's chin was pinched so hard that it hurt, but he didn't dare to turn his face away. He could only stare at the stubble on Wen Juzhi's chin, his throat so tight that he couldn't speak. He didn't forget - he couldn't remember it was a winter a few years ago, his father was in prison, and the relatives took away everything they could share in the house. Dudu left him, and he was so hungry that he had no strength in his body. It was Wen Juzhi who threw him a hot steamed bun; later, when he had nowhere to go, it was Wen Juzhi who let him live in the small room on the second floor of the bar, even if it was just a corner piled with miscellaneous items. But these "good" things had long been worn into thorns by the pressure day after day, stuck in his heart, unable to be pulled out, and unable to be swallowed.
"Do you really think he likes you?"
Wen Juzhi suddenly laughed, a smile full of contempt. His fingers loosened his chin and instead grabbed Li Huaizhou's hair, forcing him to look up. "Don't you see what you are? A bastard that no one wants, a loser who relies on me for support. He, Xie Mo, is a good student in a key class, wears a clean school uniform, and ranks first in his grade. How could he really like you?"
His hair was pulled so hard that it hurt, and tears were about to fall, but Li Huaizhou bit his lower lip tightly - he wanted to refute, wanted to say that Xie Mo would listen to his boring dreams, take him to see the sea of flowers, and hold his hand, but when the words came to his lips, he was blocked by the fierce look in Wen Juzhi's eyes. He knew too well the price of resistance. Last time, he just rejected Wen Juzhi's kiss and was slapped.
"If it weren't for me, you would have starved to death." Wen Juzhi's voice became increasingly harsh. His other hand began to tug at Li Huaizhou's school uniform jacket, making a rustling sound. "You should be obedient to me, stay here for the rest of your life, and be my dog. Do you understand?"
Li Huaizhou finally couldn't help but struggle, pushing Wen Juzhi's shoulders with both hands and kicking his legs back, but his strength was like paper in front of an adult man. Just as he pushed away a little, Wen Juzhi pressed his head with his backhand. The man pressed his knees against his legs, pinning him firmly to the bed. The alcohol in his breath sprayed on his face, burning him uncomfortably.
"Making trouble, huh?" Wen Juzhi leaned in close, the alcohol on his breath becoming even stronger, and the fierceness in his eyes seemed to be overflowing. "You think you can make trouble with me now? Have you forgotten what's saved in my phone?"
Li Huaizhou's body stiffened suddenly, as if drenched in ice water. Of course, he hadn't forgotten—four years ago, in the summer, Wen Juzhi got drunk and pinned him to the sofa. He took countless photos with his phone, and later videos, threatening to post them every time, "If you dare run, I'll post them." He had always thought it was just a casual remark from Wen Juzhi, but now, looking into his eyes, that glimmer of hope suddenly shattered.
Li Huaizhuo's voice was a little trembling, but he still held on, "Just post it, no one knows me on the Internet, I don't care." He said it like a broken jar, but his heart was beating fast - he was indeed not afraid of the eyes of strangers, what those strangers thought of him was none of his business, but he was afraid of another person.
Wen Juzhi seemed to have heard something funny and suddenly laughed, his laughter full of contempt. He loosened his grip on Li Huaizhou's wrist and instead pinched the boy's chin, forcing him to look up and look into his eyes. "You don't care?" He paused, deliberately dragging out his words, as if toying with some prey. "What about him?"
As soon as the word "he" came out, Li Huaizhuo's heart felt like it was being grasped by a hand and suddenly tightened.
"His name is Xie Mo, right? The young master of the Xie family?" Wen Juzhi pinched his chin hard with his fingertips, and rubbed his lips with his fingertips. The touch made Li Huaizhou so disgusted that he wanted to avoid it. "Do you think he would still want you if he saw those photos and videos and knew how dirty you were?"
Li Huaizhou was stunned. It was as if all the strength in his body was drained away. He couldn't even feel the pain in his jaw. Of course he believed Xie Mo - he wouldn't dislike him because of these things. But... he didn't dare to imagine what Xie Mo would look like when he saw those pictures. He was embarrassed and forced in the photos. He seemed powerless to resist in the video. How could he let Xie Mo see those dirty and unbearable pictures? He didn't want Xie Mo to know that he had been through these things. He didn't want Xie Mo to see him being pressed on the sofa by Wen Juzhi. He didn't want Xie Mo to hear those forced sounds. He wanted to always be the boy who could say "I dream of the seaside" with a smile and blush in the depths of the sea of flowers in front of Xie Mo, rather than a person with the word "dirty" engraved on him. He didn't dare to gamble, gamble whether Xie Mo would care, gamble whether those pictures would leave a mark in Xie Mo's heart - even if it was only a little, he couldn't bear it.
Years of oppression surged up like a tide. Even though she wanted to push it away, her body felt like it was nailed down. She had less and less strength to struggle, and in the end, she could only clutch Wen Juzhi's shirt, her knuckles turning white.
When Wen Juzhi's body pressed against him, Li Huaizhou shivered all over, like a leaf in the cold wind. He could smell the man's unpleasant odor, feel his rough hands rubbing against his body, and hear those ugly curses - "You should fucking rot with me," "Don't think you can get away by finding a young master," "No one will want someone like you." Every word was like a needle, piercing his ears and making his temples throb.
Time seemed stretched out, yet also crumpled into a ball. Li Huaizhou didn't know how much time had passed, only that every bone in his body felt crushed, every muscle ached, even breathing was painful. He slumped on the bed like a rag doll, staring at the mold stains on the ceiling. Tears fell silently, hitting the pillow and leaving a small wet mark.
As Wen Juzhi rose from the bed, Li Huaizhou heard the sound of a drawer being opened. He didn't have the energy to look up, so through the cracks of his eyes he could see the man holding a blue jar—the label read "hair dye." Wen Juzhi had bought it from the wholesale market a few days ago, saying, "I'm dying for fun." Wen Juzhi walked over to the bedside and squatted down. He pinched Li Huaizhou's hair with his fingers, lifted a strand of black hair, and twisted it in his hand. His nails scraped across his scalp, sending a chill that made him shiver.
"This color is pretty, isn't it?" Wen Juzhi's voice was filled with a strange smile, as if he was admiring a toy. "It suits you very well. I like it. Do you want to try it?"
As soon as he finished speaking, the cool paste was applied to Li Huaizhou's hair. The blue color was eye-catching, like dirty water mixed with ink, smeared on the black hair, making it particularly abrupt. Li Huaizhou's body trembled even more violently, and a sound squeezed out of his throat, hoarse as if it had been rubbed with sandpaper: "Don't... I still have to go to school."
Wen Juzhi smiled when he heard that, and patted his face with a force that was neither too strong nor too weak, but with a hint of insult. "It's okay, I paid for your schooling, so what's wrong with dyeing your hair?" He took the plastic wrap next to him and carefully wrapped the dyed strands of hair, gently sticking the tape behind his ears. "This way the paste won't rub off, and I'll color it later."
The plastic wrap wrapped around his hair made his breathing difficult. Before Li Huaizhou could recover from the pain, a hand suddenly grabbed the back of his neck. Wen Juzhi's palm was sticky and sweaty. With a strong pressure, he pressed his face into the pillow. The cotton pillowcase rubbed against the tip of his nose, making it difficult to breathe. He could only whimper softly from his throat.
"What are you hiding from?" Wen Juzhi's voice rang close to his ear, accompanied by heavy breathing. "Didn't you dare to say 'no' just now? Why are you silent now?"
His body pressed down again, and the mattress sank deeper. The weight with the smell of hair dye almost suffocated Li Huaizhuo. The pillow covered most of the sound, and only suppressed groans occasionally leaked out from between his fingers, mixed with Wen Juzhi's increasingly heavy breathing and ugly curses. Li Huaizhuo's fingers dug into the gaps in the mattress, and old cotton wool was embedded in the gaps between his nails, but the pain was no match for the tearing feeling in his body - every movement was like rolling over broken bones, and even the tears flowed intermittently, only soaking a small part of the pillowcase.
Twenty minutes seemed like a lifetime. It wasn't until Wen Juzhi finally let go that Li Huaizhou turned sideways, gasping for air like a fish out of water. Tears mixed with the dust in the pillow, smearing his face. His blue-dyed hair, wrapped in plastic wrap, hung down the side of his face. The glaring color hurt his eyes. Wen Juzhi slowly straightened his shirt, glanced at the boy slumped on the bed, and a smile of disgust and satisfaction curled his lips. He reached out and grabbed Li Huaizhou's arm, dragging him towards the sink at the foot of the bed like a piece of luggage. Li Huaizhou's knees scraped against the cigarette butt on the floor, but he didn't even have the strength to struggle, so he could only let himself be dragged to the sink.
Wen Juzhi's hand pressed down on the back of his neck, pressing down hard. Li Huaizhou's face was forced to the cold pool wall, and his hair, wrapped in plastic wrap, fell into the dirty water that had not been poured out in time. The oil seeped in through the cracks in the plastic wrap and stuck to his scalp. "Wash it well, don't let the dye get on your clothes, he will come to see you tomorrow." Wen Juzhi's voice was full of ridicule, but his fingers did not loosen until Li Huaizhou's forehead touched the bottom of the pool, and then he slowly let go.
Li Huaizhou lay by the sink, coughing for a long time before he caught his breath. His blue-dyed hair soaked in the water, like a ball of moldy cotton thread. Wen Juzhi lowered his head to check his belt, and when he reached the door, he glanced back, his eyes fierce and a little proud: "Remember, I'm not a good person, but we are the same, you are dirty..."
The moment the door was closed, the room was completely plunged into darkness. Li Huaizhou slowly stood up with the help of the sink. The pain in his body surged like a tide, and every step he took felt like stepping on the tip of a knife. The snow pear candy in his pocket broke at some point. His phone kept vibrating in his trouser pocket, the screen bright and dark, dark and bright again - it was Xie Mo's missed calls, one after another, the message alert sound rang shortly, as if calling him from a distance, but he could never reach him.
He wanted to reach out for his cell phone, but finally gave up. His blue-dyed hair hung in front of his eyes. He stumbled to the bed and fell headfirst onto the mattress, burying his face in the pillow that still carried the scent of Wen Juzhi. Tears finally fell violently, becoming salty and bitter.
The sky outside the window was completely dark. The noise from the bar downstairs and the clinking of glasses came up intermittently, making the room on the second floor particularly quiet. Only the phone was still vibrating stubbornly, making the trouser pocket slightly hot, as if reminding him that the sweetness of the flower sea just now was real, but it was like a candy in the hand, completely broken.
it hurts……
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
