Cloud Girl Chapter Twenty-Three
Chen Yiwen ultimately did not give Chen Nanyi the money.
Chen Nanyi also felt that it was better for her to be in a difficult situation alone than for both of them to be in a difficult situation, so she did not talk to Xu Xiaomeng.
Although Chen Nanyi didn't intend to go to Xu Xiaomeng, she ended up talking to her anyway.
It wasn't too late that day, but Chen Nanyi, who was always a calm person, was still feeling annoyed about how excited he was to see Xu Xiaomeng by chance when he passed by the playground in the evening, and he didn't pay attention to what Xu Xiaomeng was saying.
He only heard him clearly when the man leaned close enough to speak: "What do you think?"
Chen Nanyi almost blurted out, "What!"
But after carefully observing Xu Xiaomeng's unusually serious expression, she vaguely remembered the question he had just asked.
After careful consideration, Chen Nanyi said, "I don't know. From an outsider's perspective, what your father... Lu Ai did is something to be proud of."
"After all, people who only care about their own well-being may be enviable, but they are not worthy of respect. He achieved what he did because of his kindness and his ability... Although it's useless to say anything, if you had that ability—" you would do even better.
Chen Nanyi was about to say her next sentence, but then she remembered her principle of not interfering, so she immediately stopped.
"Do you think I should go back?" Xu Xiaomeng seemed not to understand what Chen Nanyi was saying, and repeated herself. The sadness in her eyes was so intense that Chen Nanyi couldn't bear to look at her.
Of course Chen Nanyi didn't want him to go back!
If Lu Ai were here, things would be alright, but now Qi Rao's harshness alone is already a disaster that Xu Xiaomeng can hardly handle.
How could someone as kind-hearted as Xu Xiaomeng possibly live that kind of life that leaves people speechless?
Chen Nanyi couldn't help but have this thought in her mind. Her eyes flickered, but she simply asked in return, "So what do you think of Lu Bo and the others?"
Xu Xiaomeng was taken aback and fell into deep thought.
What else can they do to him? They always find a way to embarrass him, make him look foolish, or take advantage of him; they just keep speaking to him in a condescending tone…
Xu Xiaomeng believes that he has always tried to understand others with the utmost goodwill.
But really, even their own children can punch and kick him, someone they've just met. What kind of upbringing could produce such behavior?
Xu Xiaomeng simply couldn't understand it, and she looked down on it.
He looked up and glanced at Chen Nanyi with a somber expression.
Chen Nanyi blinked her big eyes and raised an eyebrow, saying, "I think it depends on whether you decide to use your own abilities to make others happy, or use other people's abilities to make yourself happy... or make others happy—but I think you've already made your decision in your heart. If that's the case, then don't overthink it."
Chen Nanyi's casual remark suddenly enlightened Xu Xiaomeng.
Yes, his mother spent her whole life just so that he could live a good life.
But now he's like this, weak and hesitant, having exhausted his mental and physical well-being for other people's sake... How can he face his mother, who has sacrificed so much for him, in this state?
Perhaps in the long years to come, he will regret accepting the inheritance of the Lu Corporation. Because now he could choose to inherit the company and use the abilities left by Lu Ai to create unseen happiness for many more people. But perhaps, he could choose not to inherit the company and choose the happiness he would have immediately…
In this moment of panic and confusion, Xu Xiaomeng suddenly remembered when his mother passed away from such a serious illness—even though she herself was not happy at all at that time, she still tried her best to make him happy.
And isn't it precisely because he doesn't want anyone to repeat his mother's suffering that he wants to be someone who not only saves lives but also brings warmth to others?
So what is he doing now? Has this little setback in life made him panic? He should stay firm in his resolve, just like he always has.
Xu Xiaomeng glanced at Chen Nanyi, whose eyes were clear, and then she turned her gaze back to him, her eyes also clear.
"Heh," Xu Xiaomeng thought to herself, "look how determined she is!"
Perhaps he should live like her to be more comfortable, even if that stable and steadfast life might mean he could never win her over in his entire life.
But regardless of other things, this one thing made him feel desperate—Xu Xiaomeng had seriously considered whether she should live alone like her mother.
After all, he couldn't catch up with Chen Nanyi, and Chen Nanyi didn't seem to be the kind of woman who would follow tradition and be a good wife and mother.
He could also do that, as a second choice, simply keep someone in his heart, stay by that person's side, and live devoutly for that person, doing whatever little things he can. That would be enough.
This is probably the best way he could think of, do, and show his love for her.
During the period after Xu Xiaomeng disappeared, even though Chen Yiwen knew that Xu Xiaomeng had no intention of returning, she did not intend to keep her promise and instead went back to the neighboring city to live her quiet life.
Chen Nanyi also strangely didn't bring it up again—although she should have, given her personality.
But she continued with her graduation thesis as usual, and even picked up Chen Yijing to go home, as if nothing had happened.
But Chen Nanyi knew in her heart that some things in her world had completely changed.
She resolved to commemorate this most ordinary and mundane day in the most extreme way—death—and then, to create a profound irony for Chen Yiwen:
Using her death to "fulfill" Chen Yiwen's wish that she would never have to give her living expenses, leaving Chen Yijing to her... this was the only revenge she could take.
Xu Xiaomeng seems to be planning to never appear again.
If it weren't for Qin Se constantly asking her about Xu Xiaomeng's whereabouts, making her even more irritable during her busy days, Chen Nanyi would have almost forgotten about him.
However, the special feelings buried deep in her heart still lingered, bothering her—whether it was anger towards Qin Se and the others, or Xu Xiaomeng, or perhaps her own past rudeness towards him.
The days passed and it was March of the following year. The foot of the mountain was covered in fragrant flowers, but life on the mountain had not yet begun, and the rains were gradually coming.
The rainy nights in Tulo City are always more torrential and unsettling than elsewhere.
Lying in the center of the mountain villa, Chen Nanyi couldn't help but toss and turn, remembering Qin Se asking her again during the day where Xu Xiaomeng had gone.
Then she heard a faint sound amidst the pattering rain.
Only she and her younger sister were at home. Chen Nanyi got up alertly and leaned against the windowsill, lifting a corner of the curtain.
After searching aimlessly for a while under the lamplight, Chen Nanyi finally spotted Xu Xiaomeng's back in the dim light of the stone path.
She seemed to recognize his presence instantly, and could even see him standing motionless and expressionless in the middle of the misty clearing, as silent as a statue fallen to the edge of the world—unnoticed by anyone.
Although Chen Nanyi has never liked troublesome things, she often avoids doing things that might be misunderstood in order to avoid so-called risks.
But she couldn't ignore him like that—even though he didn't knock on the door to let her in.
Chen Nanyi ran downstairs barefoot, opened the door, and quietly watched him in the darkness.
Xu Xiaomeng's tall figure paused, seemingly not expecting Chen Nanyi to appear.
So he hesitated for a moment, then slowly walked out from under the rain curtain of the streetlight.
In that instant, under the warm yellow light, as Xu Xiaomeng walked over, everything in Chen Nanyi's eyes seemed to come alive and become clear, imbued with the unique marks of its owner.
She began to hear the sound of rain, smell the scent of the wind, and begin to smell the primal essence of this forest.
Xu Xiaomeng, who had been soaked in the rain for a long time, was somewhat numb. When Chen Nanyi's hand touched his cold, numb body through the blanket, he couldn't help but tremble because of the warmth.
It took Xu Xiaomeng quite a while to regain her senses after her mind had been frozen.
Once his senses returned to normal, he realized that Chen Nanyi had been pushing him to change his clothes.
Chen Nanyi forcefully pushed the dazed man to the bathroom door, still wondering why he had come here.
Unexpectedly, Xu Xiaomeng grabbed the door frame, suddenly came to her senses, her eyes filled with intense grievance, wanting to say something but only managing to utter a single sentence after a long while.
“My grandma is at my doorstep,” he said.
Chen Nanyi frowned quickly, guessing that he had probably gone back to the seaside villa to hide, but Qin Se had still found him! But she hadn't figured anything out yet.
Xu Xiaomeng continued, her tone sincere yet flustered, "I...really, I'll listen to whatever you say, and I'm willing to do anything you want me to do...there's just one thing, just one thing, I'm wondering, could you...could you be with me?"
Xu Xiaomeng finished speaking hurriedly and stammeringly, then lowered her head as if she didn't know how to express herself.
Then, as if demanding some proof, she suddenly stepped forward and hugged Chen Nanyi tightly, who was still in a daze, as if refuting Qin Se's claim that he had nothing.
Chen Nanyi was startled by Xu Xiaomeng's actions and the tears that flowed from her eyes. The scalding tears dripped onto Chen Nanyi's bare neck, and the burning temperature felt like it was burning into her chest, causing her pain.
She pulled her hand back from Xu Xiaomeng's body as if she had been electrocuted, pushed Xu Xiaomeng away from her tight embrace, and lowered her eyes in silent contemplation.
After a moment of obvious panic, she seemed to gradually become more resolute, turning her head to show her refusal.
Upon seeing this, Xu Xiaomeng's breath hitched.
He asked and explained helplessly, like a child, trying to salvage his feelings.
"You, you're worried about Yi Jing? You don't need to worry. I'll work hard. I'm a doctor too. I'll treat her like my own sister. I'll treat you well too... I really, please don't disbelieve me. I won't lie to you," Xu Xiaomeng pleaded urgently, trying to make one last effort.
"I believe," Chen Nanyi said calmly, stopping Xu Xiaomeng from making a haphazard confession.
Xu Xiaomeng looked down at her, and Chen Nanyi also thought for a long time before looking up at him.
Chen Nanyi has always been very careful with her words and very moderate. Even if she has a bad temper, she will not hurt anyone. But this time she decided to be more tactful.
She didn't dislike him, but she couldn't imagine spending her life with someone other than Chen Yijing, especially since she was already prepared for death.
It could be three months, or it could be six months later.
In that case, how could she be with someone as wonderful as Xu Xiaomeng?
Does it evoke his own longing for life, or does it allow him to hurt him one last time?
She didn't know the consequences if she agreed. After all, whoever loved whom more would have a bad ending, and she didn't like bad outcomes.
So if she can't be stopped, she will refuse to start.
Her selfishness, domineering nature, and many other flaws that would surface whenever she was in close contact with others would all be revealed. She didn't want to be such a vulgar person in the last days of her life, and she didn't want others to live in fear or struggle for a living...
She had done enough for Chen Yijing herself and didn't want him to go through it again.
To die in such dire straits.
This will be the best ending for her.
After a long silence, Xu Xiaomeng still looked at him expectantly. Chen Nanyi didn't dare to look at his hopeful face and turned his head away again, but still spoke.
"This is the only time I'll explain seriously, so please listen carefully to what I have to say—I am a staunch advocate of remaining single."
"Actually, you can tell what kind of life a woman lived by looking at her views on love. This is true because when my sister grew up, my parents doted on her, so she is a good woman in every way. She knows how to live and is considerate."
"But I am not. I am selfish, stingy, stubborn, cunning, and impatient... Even if I have any redeeming qualities, they are not worth mentioning."
"For the past ten years or so, I've lived in the dark corner of this house, not only because I'm a daughter, but also because of how Chen Yijing was born... So sometimes, I can't even say whether I hate my sister or pity her."
“My temperament and personality will never change in this lifetime, although that is understandable—but if you've ever seen your dad refuse to attend his parent-teacher conferences even when he's fine, while your sick mom keeps calling for someone to stand in for him, you'd also get annoyed with that kind of life; he also hits me, telling me to go wherever I want, just not to stay with him; he can even kick away Chen Yijing who's squatting at the bottom of the stairs blocking his way, yet he's incredibly kind to his old dog.”
"But they wouldn't be like that when my sister comes back. Maybe it's because my sister is their pride, and they can't bear to erase her, or maybe it's because they're used to living in front of my sister, which makes them restrain themselves... They probably always think I'm a child, relying on them, so they don't know anything."
"But I knew all of this. I knew my dad had a woman outside, that woman had given birth to his son, and I also knew that my mom might have committed suicide to stop him from marrying another woman..."
Chen Nanyi choked up slightly, but held back, and continued, "As for that so-called younger brother, I haven't let my sister know. I don't want to implicate others, but even if he's innocent, I'm unwilling to acknowledge his existence."
"It's as if I was born to hate my father, so even if my sister scolds me, I won't kneel before his grave. He was the first man I ever met, yet he made me indifferent to all men in this world. People change, and I don't want to marry someone like him, to be used as a punching bag, to have my children suffer the same fate, and then have that dark heart corrupt your world; you have a good mother who taught you to melt the world with kindness, but that doesn't include me."
"So, listen. I don't dislike you, and I even have a special fondness for you than for others, but that doesn't mean I can accept you as a person in my life. I'm telling you this because I appreciate your feelings and to explain why we're not a good match. I'm not as good as you think, so we won't be happy together."
"I will make choices about my life as I would about others' lives. Even if there are some unsatisfactory aspects, it's okay because I don't care about my own life anymore. But you can't do that, and I can't treat you like that. Precisely because I am deeply aware of this, all I can say to you is sorry."
"I can't choose where I was born, but at least let me choose how I live my life! So please forget what you said and never say it to me again."
Chen Nanyi rarely spoke so much. She swallowed hard, hung the towel on the hook on the door, lowered her eyes, said "Go ahead" and was about to leave.
Xu Xiaomeng barely managed to grab her arm, her throat tightened, and she said with difficulty, her eyes red, "So, after saying all that, are you saying that I'm the one you're destined to abandon?"
Xu Xiaomeng's voice trembled slightly, because she was crying.
Chen Nanyi had been through something similar before, so she knew it very well, but she remained firm.
“I don’t think this kind of feeling is important like others do, so because I don’t need it, I won’t want it,” Chen Nanyi replied after a moment of silence, avoiding looking at Xu Xiaomeng’s reddened eyes.
After a pause, Chen Nanyi felt a little awkward, but couldn't move her feet, so she could only say, "Go and change your clothes."
"Leave me alone," Xu Xiaomeng pushed away Chen Nanyi, who was still standing, and started to walk forward.
Chen Nanyi stood behind him. "I didn't intend to interfere with you. It's precisely because I knew you would leave that I'm being so forgiving."
"Tolerance?" Xu Xiaomeng turned to look at her in disbelief, her eyes wide with disbelief.
Chen Nanyi shrugged and remained silent.
Xu Xiaomeng sneered, seemingly unsure what to say. "Hmph, indeed. I'm nobody to you, it's quite lenient of you to treat me like this. Or perhaps..."
Xu Xiaomeng leaned forward, her breath brushing against Chen Nanyi's forehead. Chen Nanyi took a step back and said in a low voice, "Even you think I'm easy to bully?"
That deep, warm breath rushed toward Chen Nanyi, making her very nervous, as she had never been in close contact with anyone before.
Chen Nanyi immediately said, "I didn't."
“You do!” Xu Xiaomeng emphasized.
When Chen Nanyi suddenly heard his stern voice, she was reminded of the way her father used to yell at her mother, and those memories flashed through her mind.
Chen Nanyi trembled suddenly, grabbed her clothes and clutched them tightly, turned her head away, and then fell silent.
After that initial moment, she realized what was happening and suddenly became like a cat with its fur standing on end, only thinking about escaping.
Xu Xiaomeng braced her hands against the wall, the damp heat emanating from her body enveloping her like something warm, making one feel a little uneasy.
Just as Chen Nanyi was about to look up at him, she felt a soft lip print on her right eye—or perhaps the kiss was meant to land on her forehead.
Her eyelashes were so thick and long that they got into her eye when he touched them forcefully, and Chen Nanyi covered her stinging right eye.
She vaguely sensed that he was unsteady, so she reached out to grab his arm, but her vision was off and she missed. She quickly took another step forward and barely managed to catch his head.
His burning hot body crashed to the ground, his clothes, wet and cold, clung to his skin.
Moreover, when he fell, he knocked over the iron bowls and basins that Chen Nanyi had been drying, making a tremendous, earth-shattering sound in the dark night...
After a moment of panic, Chen Nanyi sat on the cold ground, her right eye furrowed.
Xu Xiaomeng's wet head rested on her blue flannel men's pajamas.
Chen Nanyi rubbed her slightly sore eyes and saw the overhead light illuminating the entire living room, spilling out from the windows on both sides of the door and into the rain.
Actually, Chen Nanyi wanted to take back her words as soon as they left her mouth.
But after weighing the various thoughts and feelings, I felt it was better to avoid repeating my mother's tragedy.
This kind of thinking is never wrong at any time or place.
What good will it do her if she wants it?
Time flowed by in the prelude of ticking.
The city center is bustling and beautiful, with dazzling lights drawing people out.
However, such a light drizzle is unlikely to dampen people's hopes of exploring an overly civilized society.
In the interplay of darkness and light, human activity is everywhere, and so is emotion.
The vibrant neon lights spread outwards. Further away, surrounded by mountains, the lights from factories and schools twinkled like stars scattered across the city center.
The wind high in the sky, like a fearless warrior in the darkness, moved freely under the onslaught of the torrential rain, even dancing with it. A few dim streetlights still shone on the school playground, and faint light lingered in the evening study rooms. Outside, the heavy rain had washed away the green trees and flowers…
The world lives on this light, yet when the night is still and all the light that guides human activity disappears, a faint light still shines in the dark hillside.
In that light, a slender hand gently stroked the heart, and a sigh escaped its lips.
It must be very painful for him here!
Small Theater
Xu Xiaomeng, "How is it? How do you feel?"
Chen Nanyi: "Hmm, this feeling... if I were chocolate, I'd almost melt!"
Xu Xiaomeng (。ˇεˇ。), hehe
Chen Nanyi, "Although it was almost burnt."
Xu Xiaomeng ⊙︿⊙
Chen Nanyi: "However, finding joy in hardship is also quite nice~"
Xu Xiaomeng (*￣з￣)
Chen Nanyi, "But dark chocolate is high in calories and not good for your health..."
Xu Xiaomeng (╥﹏╥), “What exactly are you trying to say?!”
Chen Nanyi: "What I want to say is that, in the end, some things, whether good or bad, can't compare to whether I like them or not. Why do you care so much?"
Xu Xiaomeng (个_个): "555, you only know how to bully me!"
Chen Nanyi: "Tsk, that's right. So next time, don't send a truckload of flowers in front of so many people. I may like red roses, but showing off your love will only lead to a quick breakup."
Xu Xiaomeng nestled in Chen Nanyi's arms, nuzzling him repeatedly, before decisively shaking her head.
Just kidding, how could I refuse the privilege of being able to shamelessly grope someone in public! Mmm, smells of milk~~
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