45 Chapter 45◇
◎Turns out I'm not a normal person after all◎
Before the New Year's Eve dinner, it was necessary to pay respects to the ancestors. Duan Jingchuan and Feng Ran, with their bright red lips, knelt down and kowtowed to the Duan family ancestors in a solemn manner.
The Duan family ancestral hall is very large. It not only enshrines the ancestors of the Duan family, but also tens of thousands of Duan family soldiers.
The usually deafeningly loud Marquis Duan spoke in a low voice, as if telling a story, as he recounted the past of the memorial tablets of the Duan family army to Duan Jingchuan and Feng Ran.
Before telling the story, Lord Duan first posed a question, "What do you think is the secret to our Dingbei Marquis's mansion's undefeated record?"
Only direct descendants are allowed to enter the ancestral hall, and women are not allowed to enter on ordinary days. Feng Ran's entry is not an exception. According to the rules, the Crown Princess must worship the ancestors with the male members in the first year after marriage.
Duan Jingchuan and Feng Ran respectfully offered incense to the Duan family army before speaking. Duan Jingchuan said, "It is the result of the painstaking efforts of a great general and the unity of thousands of soldiers."
“That’s right. Which soldier doesn’t want to come back alive before setting out on a campaign? And which soldier ever harbors the extravagant hope of escaping unscathed? One general’s success is built on the bones of ten thousand. The world remembers me, Marquis Dingbei, Duan Zhengjin, but who remembers the countless nameless brothers?”
During the narration of Old Master Duan, Feng Ran heard a tragic story.
Throughout history, the victor is king and the loser is a bandit. No one sympathizes with the weak, and no one mocks the strong for being unreasonable.
Five years ago, in the battle in the northern border, Lord Duan defeated 50,000 enemy troops with a mere 30,000 soldiers. This was not something that could be achieved by wisdom alone; it was a miracle fought to the death with those 30,000 flesh and blood.
That battle was so fierce that the heavens and earth trembled, and even the snow-capped mountains were stained with blood. By the end, there were no people strong enough to rest and regroup on the battlefield. Limbs and severed bodies were scattered everywhere, and it was impossible to tell which blood belonged to our brothers and which belonged to the enemy.
Tens of thousands of soldiers, who can escort their coffins back to their hometowns? If an unknown soldier dies on the battlefield, all he can get in the end is that his soul returns with him, his ashes are buried with him, and he dies with him.
After each war, Lord Duan would collect a handful of the soldiers' ashes and put them in a jar. After countless battles, the jar would be full. He collected more than a dozen jars in total. Even Lord Duan couldn't remember the names of these people, so he only erected a memorial tablet for the Duan family army under the ancestral tablets.
The atmosphere was unusually solemn. Even Feng Ran, who usually paid no attention to etiquette, stood upright and gazed intently at the special memorial tablet, remaining silent for a long time.
Lord Duan's voice was deep as he turned to look at Duan Jingchuan, "Jingchuan, I know you have grievances in your heart, but even if I were given a thousand or ten thousand more chances to make the same choice, I, as a father, would not do a very good job."
Duan Jingchuan seemed to be recalling something, and with a hint of regret, he sighed softly, "I have never blamed you."
Suddenly remembering something, Lord Duan said softly to Feng Ran, "You go out first, I want to talk to Jingchuan."
Feng Ran knew that the father and son were about to have a heart-to-heart talk, and as an outsider, it was indeed inconvenient for her to be present. She nodded to Duan Jingchuan and left.
After leaving the Duan family ancestral hall, the tightness in her chest slowly dissipated. She had always felt that Lord Duan was an extremely loyal and patriotic man, and that his stern and murderous aura was all righteous. She was willing to respect such a person. She never expected that Lord Duan was a truly sentimental person, and someone who would not casually regard the lives of soldiers as a ladder to climb higher.
As for the guilt in the father and son's words, Feng Ran could guess a thing or two.
In the Duan family ancestral hall, Duan Jingchuan looked at the somewhat hunched back of the old Marquis Duan with a complicated expression, and remained silent for a long time.
Old Marquis Duan's voice was soft, filled with countless helplessness, "I know you have a heartache. When you were young, I was just a reckless man focused on fighting on the battlefield. I neglected to take care of you and ignored the ways of the inner quarters. Seeing you confining yourself to Jinghua Courtyard every day, I felt more pain than anyone else. Jingchuan, I won't defend my mistakes, but you are already married. In the end, you still have to walk this path of life by yourself. Do you understand what I mean?"
I understand. Duan Jingchuan's throat felt tight, and he couldn't make a sound.
The old Marquis Duan looked complicated as he turned and approached Duan Jingchuan. Duan Jingchuan instinctively backed away, and the old Marquis Duan's hand, which was about to pat Duan Jingchuan's shoulder, froze in mid-air.
Duan Jingchuan's brows furrowed with annoyance and shock; he hadn't intended to hide!
"You've noticed your problem, haven't you?"
Lord Duan's words struck Duan Jingchuan like a thunderbolt, leaving him utterly terrified. His face turned deathly pale. He tried to explain that he hadn't done it, but he couldn't utter a single word.
"Sigh, I don't know if Feng Ran is right or wrong for you."
Lord Duan's suspicions were confirmed, and he visibly weakened.
During this time, Duan Jingchuan accompanied Feng Ran on her travels throughout the country, and on the surface, there was no sign of any problems. No one would say that the heir of the Marquis of Dingbei was just hiding his talents and waiting for the day when he would make a name for himself. The rumors in the capital that Duan Jingchuan was mentally ill were also dispelled. Some daughters from small families even asked him in passing whether he had any plans to take a concubine.
At first, Lord Duan was overjoyed, but he soon discovered the problem.
It comes from my daily morning exercise routine.
Since winter truly arrived, Feng Ran has become lazy and refused to accompany Duan Jingchuan out anymore. Duan Jingchuan didn't force him and treated Feng Ran's requests for him to exercise as a sacred decree, carrying them out meticulously. However, without Feng Ran's company, although Duan Jingchuan was no longer afraid of the subtle gazes that seemed to be observing him in the mansion, he remained silent and taciturn.
Later, Duan Jingchuan was able to leave the mansion freely and talk to people again, without any abnormality. Everyone then thought that Duan Jingchuan had recovered. Only the old Marquis Duan was uneasy, because when Duan Jingchuan was normal, Feng Ran was always by his side, or he was doing things for Feng Ran.
Finally, the worst thing happened. After losing Feng Ran, Duan Jingchuan did improve, but he still couldn't communicate normally.
In other words, all of Duan Jingchuan's changes were because of Feng Ran. Without Feng Ran, he would most likely have fallen into a worse situation. No matter how much the old Marquis Duan admired Feng Ran or how much he allowed her to disregard rules and etiquette, he did not want this outcome.
It's not so bad for a person to have a weakness; what's terrible is that without that weakness, a person would have difficulty surviving.
Duan Jingchuan's complexion had returned to normal, and he tried to give a reassuring smile, but found that the corners of his mouth seemed to be beyond his control.
"Go and find the Crown Princess." Old Marquis Duan had no other choice; there were some issues he could only raise but couldn't resolve.
Duan Jingchuan slowly walked out of the ancestral hall. The light from the window stung his eyes. He could no longer see the lighthearted smile he had when he first arrived. He looked timid and withdrawn.
Striving to suppress the urge to distance himself from the crowd, and ignoring the greeting servants who looked straight ahead, Duan Jingchuan took twice as long as usual to walk from the ancestral hall to the front hall.
It wasn't until Feng Ran's somewhat casual voice entered his mind that Duan Jingchuan's heartbeat gradually became regular, as if a frozen person had found a source of warmth.
"You've been married for a while now, why isn't she pregnant yet?" Madam Qin felt a pang of jealousy looking at Feng Ran's unsteady posture, and she couldn't bear to look at Feng Ran for even a moment longer.
Feng Ran raised an eyebrow as she watched Qin Shi holding Qin Lianhua's hand affectionately, her smile quite eerie, though her tone remained normal, "Mother, let's not beat around the bush, if you were pregnant now, would you dare to admit it?"
Qin Shi tightened her grip, and Qin Lianhua's face instantly contorted, letting out a cry. Only then did Qin Shi loosen her grip.
"You scoundrel, what kind of talk is that?" Madam Qin roared in anger.
“Mother, everyone will be coming to the front hall for the New Year’s Eve dinner soon. If you don’t like me, then take a closer look at the one you’re with. After all, half a year has passed, and I haven’t even seen your smiling face. I’m not the type to beg for your company. It would be best if we just left each other alone and lived in peace.” Feng Ran showed none of the docility and politeness she displayed in front of Old Master Duan. In front of Madam Qin, she was nothing short of audacious.
“Sister-in-law, aren’t you hurting Aunt’s feelings by saying that? Aunt is only doing this for your own good. It’s been so long since the marriage and there’s still no news. Any mother-in-law would ask about that.” Qin Lianhua was much bolder in front of Qin Shi, but her eyes held a shrewdness that made it impossible to guess what she was thinking.
Feng Ran usually relies on brute force and dislikes Qin Lianhua the most. She pretends to be best friends with Qin Lianhua but secretly plots against her. She usually confronts Qin Lianhua every time they meet, and this time was no exception. "Little Lotus, I advise you not to meddle in other people's business, especially mine. After all, we're not close."
Qin Lianhua's eyes filled with tears. "What do you mean by this, cousin-in-law? Are you looking down on my family because we're not well-off? Waaah, I only stayed a little longer because I missed my aunt. If you don't welcome me, could you please let me stay until tonight?"
After saying that, she did not forget to break free from Qin's tight grip and bow gracefully to her, "Aunt, it is Hua'er's fault. I originally thought that Aunt's house was Hua'er's own home, and that Aunt was more like Hua'er's biological mother, so I stayed for a while. I have caused Aunt trouble during this time. Hua'er will take her leave tomorrow."
Qin was heartbroken beyond words. "Hua'er, what are you saying? You're right here. Let's see who dares to say anything!" She then gave Feng Ran a meaningful glare.
Feng Ran was innocently caught in the crossfire, but she was in a good mood, after all, a pure and innocent person like her is not common.
"Auntie~" Qin Lianhua went limp and threw herself into Qin Shi's arms, bursting into tears.
Madam Qin didn't bother to scold Feng Ran and comforted her repeatedly: "Hua'er, just stay here in peace. Your aunt promised your father that she would find you a good family. I am in charge of this family, and not just anyone can kick you out."
Qin Lianhua's hands tightened, and she poured out her heart to Qin Shi with extreme tenderness, "How wonderful it would be to be Aunt's daughter. Seeing how happy Brother Ze and Brother Che are, I am really envious."
This indirect praise of Madam Qin's magnanimity and her kindness in treating her illegitimate children as her own made Madam Qin feel very comforted. "Silly child, your aunt has long regarded you as her own daughter. You are much more considerate than that heartless Qingyin."
A note from the author:
Yes, Duan Jingchuan is still the same socially awkward person, he just hides it better now.
In reality, I encounter many people with social anxiety. They are afraid of interacting with people, but in normal times, it is not obvious at all. Only when they return home and are alone will they fall into deep emo.
Social anxiety still exists, but something even more terrifying than social anxiety has emerged, causing social anxiety to be hidden.
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