Chapter 2 Me and Xiao Cong 2
"Hahaha, Li San, why are you crying so sadly? Is your dream of becoming a phoenix after rising to a high social status shattered and you can't accept it?"
Xiao Shuhua wasn't angry even after I created her.
She was captivated by my obviously tearful and miserable appearance, and got up to burst into laughter, mocking me.
"Li San, your brother and Sister Wanru are engaged. Didn't your brother tell you?"
"Oh, you're just an ordinary woman, why would he tell you these things?"
"Hehehe, you got scolded by your brother for being spoiled?"
"Tsk, Li San."
Xiao Shuhua was thirteen years old, which was considered a young woman in those days.
She was a head taller than me, and looked down at me with a mocking and sarcastic gaze.
"Don't think you're any different from the cat on my mother's bed."
"You're just something my brother kept as a pet on a whim!"
I solemnly corrected him: "I am here to share Your Highness's burdens and earn my living through my own abilities, not because Your Highness supports me!"
Xiao Shuhua was about to die laughing.
"Skill? The skill of making your brother hold your hand and teach you to write and draw?"
"Is it still your skill in sleeping on your brother's bed?"
Xiao Shuhua scoffed, "The South Seas sent a bushel of rare golden pearls, and my brother promised to give them to me, the princess!"
"It's because you glanced at it a couple more times that I gave you the whole bushel!"
"If you didn't rely on my brother for support, why would you take so many good things from him?"
Xiao Shuhua also listed many things that I 'stole' from her.
Finally, he took a deep breath, making no attempt to hide his disgust for me.
They tore at my dignity with that jealous and sharp gaze.
"Shameless thing!"
"She wants to be a prostitute but also want to maintain a virtuous image."
"Let me tell you, no matter how much your brother spoils you, you will always be a commoner girl of humble origins!"
"Even if my brother takes me in as a concubine in the future, I will only be fit to be a mistress!"
"Concubines are bought and sold!"
"I'd like to see how long you can hold onto all those things you've stolen from me!"
*
Regardless of how what I perceive as the major shareholder's recognition of my work ability has become a favor bestowed by those in power in the eyes of others.
Regardless of how Xiao Cong used his status, position, environment, and people's hearts to gradually erode the rules I had previously adhered to, making my way of interacting with him seem out of place to others.
Xiao Shuhua's words reminded me of Wu Xubai's biological mother.
A commoner woman selling lotus pods and peeling lotus seeds by the lake.
After catching the eye of Mr. Wu, he spent twenty taels of silver to bring her back to his mansion and take her as his concubine.
What was the ending?
What does it matter if a woman who can't even protect her own human rights gains the favor of her lord?
Can he protect his illegitimate son?
Every time I see her, she is either blaming herself or reflecting on her actions.
All she could do was win over the man's heart, exchange his money for the gold and silver, and provide her son with a better material life.
Even now that her son has turned his life around, she still needs to pay her respects to the mistress morning and evening, living a life of extreme caution as a concubine.
Because the son is a descendant of the Wu family.
She was merely the property of the Wu family.
But she was also her son's Achilles' heel.
It's like a chain reaction triggered by Tamil.
Because of her lack of control over her own destiny, Wu Xubai suffered greatly.
Muddy swamp, engulfing, binding.
A suffocating feeling washed over me.
*
My gaze shifted from Xiao Shuhua's face, which was filled with disgust and jealousy, to Lin Wanru's face.
She was also thirteen, a little taller than Xiao Shuhua.
She doesn't yet have that murderous look in her eyes from jealousy.
She stood there, aloof and disdainful.
Her eyes looked at me, and it was as if she saw a thousand or even a million versions of me through me.
She accepted that Xiao Cong had other women besides her.
My views on marriage clash sharply with those of this era; we are completely incompatible.
I suddenly felt both ridiculous and pathetic.
They laugh at me for being stuck in the mire, and grieve for my helplessness.
I raised my arm, bowed respectfully, and then walked out of the mansion with a pale face.
*
I unilaterally blocked Xiao Cong.
Like a fish on a chopping board, thrashing about before it dies.
I wrote to Wu Xubai overnight, asking him to find a way to track down Sanbao.
Then I spent the whole night sorting out the things Xiao Cong had given me and returning them to their rightful owner.
This behavior was undoubtedly an offense to Xiao Cong.
Offending Xiao Cong would have unpredictable consequences.
But I can't just do nothing and accept my fate.
"asshole!"
I cursed him, and I cursed this damned world.
Tears fell drop by drop.
I was busy until the early hours of the morning, and then I sat down at my desk.
He picked up his pen and, using his somewhat accomplished Yan style calligraphy, wrote a resignation letter.
I didn't even ask for dividends from these two years.
After finishing everything, I went home, ready to leave Yicheng with my family.
The dividends Wu Xubai gave me two years ago were enough for my family to settle down elsewhere.
In addition, my parents have opened a shop in the past two years and have some money on hand.
When I went to the government office to process the paperwork, my parents and sisters could all get theirs processed, but mine couldn't.
The other party said, "We are also acting under orders."
"If you really need a reason, we can come up with a different one every day, enough to keep you in suspense for a year."
"You should think about whether you've offended any adults."
"The order from above states that you cannot leave Yicheng."
The result was as expected.
I unilaterally declared a cold war and spent the rest of my time with my family.
*
I gave my older sister the relevant information about Zhao Lianqing.
I took my older sister to a discussion meeting.
After the eldest sister saw the person, she nodded.
They had their first seemingly unexpected encounter.
On a snowy morning, the roads were icy, and the small bridge was covered in ice.
A girl returning from the market slipped and fell next to students on their way to school.
A poor student, aged twenty, stretched out a faded sleeve and pulled up the girl wearing a veil from the icy ground where she had slipped.
The cold wind blew the thin veil of the fence, and the girl's quiet and gentle face could be vaguely seen.
The girl picked out the two remaining intact chickens from her shopping basket, wiped them clean with a delicately embroidered handkerchief, placed them in the student's hands, curtsied, and softly thanked him.
Students who traveled between the academy and their homes year-round, seeing the girl's limping figure, for reasons unknown, forgot that class was about to start and silently stood guard not far behind her.
I sat in a breakfast stall by the river, taking in the whole scene, and ate my flatbread.
Xiao Zuo sat across from me, and he ate five bowls of suobing!
Fortunately, he paid for it himself.
After that, the eldest sister never walked down that road that caused her to fall again.
The older sister changed her route to buy groceries and still ran into him.
The eldest sister was beautiful, but her marriage was delayed because she had to take care of her pregnant mother and younger sister.
He was filial, virtuous, and gentle, and had a good reputation.
After my mother gave birth, our family planned to find a husband for my eldest sister.
For a time, matchmakers came to my door every few days.
As a result, the eldest sister was often approached by the older women in the neighborhood when she went out.
There was even a lecherous man who blocked my older sister's path and confessed his feelings to her.
The Zhao family has yet to come and propose marriage.
Therefore, we had no choice but to use some honey traps on Zhao Lianqing.
As a matter of course, my eldest sister and brother-in-law got engaged before the new year.
Seeing my older sister blush, I covered my mouth and chuckled.
*
My escapist leisure ended on the 29th of the twelfth lunar month when Xiao Cong returned from Pancheng.
Xiao Zuo dragged me to the Prince of Yan's mansion, where I was caught by the nanny in Xiao Cong's courtyard and had two bloody ear piercings made.
After I was washed and dressed up beautifully, I was assigned to the west wing of Xiao Cong's Qiyun Residence.
The west wing was beautifully decorated, and there was a booklet on the table.
I opened it and recognized at a glance that it was something I had returned to Xiao Cong.
I was informed that the West Wing would be my future residence.
I saw that the wardrobe and dressing table were full of girls' clothes and belongings.
The old woman said, "Third Miss, the young master instructed that you be treated the same as a princess."
"Will he adopt me as his sister? I'm so happy!" I said, smiling at the old woman.
The old woman realized she had spoken out of turn and raised her hand to slap her mouth.
I stood by the window, feeling bored.
That night, I saw fireworks blooming very, very close to my head.
Vibrant and colorful, yet fleeting.
Xiao Cong returned home close to midnight.
I saw him walk up the steps to my door, so I quickly ran to the door and closed it myself.
He wasn't angry that I locked him out.
She said to me through the door, "If you need anything, have Granny Zhao go find Xiao Zuo."
He stood there for two breaths, then left.
On New Year's Eve, I still kept him out of the door.
The same applies to the first day of the Lunar New Year.
I ignored him.
Granny Zhao and the others watched me work from the wall from the beginning.
Later, when I presented Xiao Cong with the New Year's gift, it already carried a clear intention to curry favor and flatter.
I didn't want to get entangled with the people in his courtyard, and I didn't buy into their attempts to curry favor.
Xiao Cong did not directly retaliate against my passive-aggressive behavior.
He might feel it's unnecessary, or perhaps it's simply indulgence.
Anyway, I punched cotton.
At home, a matron began to teach me manners.
So what if I can recite the Three Obediences and Four Virtues by heart?
That doesn't stop me from giving him the silent treatment.
By the time I had passed all the rules and regulations, it was already March.
I missed Li Han's birth and my eldest sister's wedding in February.
Princess Yan summoned me.
She told me, "The most exquisite and rare treasures in Yan can only be found in the Prince of Yan's palace."
"Of all the exquisite treasures in the Prince of Yan's mansion, only two that the master cherished most could be spared from being given away as gifts or left to gather dust in storage."
It goes without saying that tips and gifts are given to others.
I've already experienced the meaning of "going into storage and gathering dust".
In the three months since I entered the Prince of Yan's residence, I haven't been able to leave the courtyard without the master of the Prince of Yan's permission.
Xiao Cong's life, however, remained unaffected.
He always brings me gifts when he goes out.
Food, clothing, daily necessities, toys.
He seemed to be trying to please me, or perhaps telling me that my 'little temper' wouldn't affect him.
Even more so, two beautiful maids were added to his main house to serve him.
Granny Zhao told me, "Those two are maids sent by the Princess Consort to serve as her concubines."
I slammed the door shut, locking Zhao Mama out.
Why should his life remain peaceful and normal, while mine is upside down?
I began to recall the yoga I learned in my past life, stretching my limbs, calming my mind, and shifting my attention.
Days passed by one by one.
Like a hawk being trained, Xiao Cong confined me to his territory, trying to slowly drain my spirit.
Do I dare to resist to the extreme?
I dare not.
Because, given our absolute disadvantage, I cannot afford the risk that Xiao Cong might raise his hand and smash the treasure and its box to the ground.
We will each avoid crossing each other's sensitive red lines.
Within safe limits, one wants to persuade/conquer the other party.
*
I know exactly what Xiao Cong wants.
As if Xiao Cong knew I couldn't escape his grasp.
In July, a letter arrived from home saying that my eldest sister was pregnant.
A new generation of offspring is about to be born.
This means I have another weakness.
I leaned against the window, stretching out my snow-white, tender arm, letting the raindrops patter against it.
I saw him return from outside, and Xiaozuo held an umbrella for him and saw him off to the porch.
His two beautiful maids respectfully stepped forward to help him remove his wet outer robe and led him into the room.
A moment later, a maidservant came with an umbrella and asked, "Third Miss, His Highness invites you to have tea."
Granny Zhao whispered to me, "Miss, His Highness has no shortage of people who care about his well-being."
“It’s not good for you to keep treating His Highness so coldly.”
"Half a year has passed in the blink of an eye. In another six months, you will be a year older."
What's the point?
Tears slid down my nose and disappeared into the hair at my temples.
I replied, "I'm not going!"
Granny Zhao sighed and went out to deliver the message.
Then I saw the beautiful maidservant swaying her hips as she carried an umbrella back to the main house.
I pulled my arm back and buried my face in it.
My damp arms were soaked with warm tears.
Whoever tries to break my spirit, whether through fierce or gentle means, will fight to the very end!
But I can't stay passive like this anymore.
I need to do something.
*
On Qixi Festival, Wu Xubai, who had been out of contact for more than half a year, returned to Yicheng.
Xiao Cong sent someone to deliver Wu Xubai's invitation to me to go boating on the lake.
He hasn't changed; he still calls me Li San in the posts.
I replied to the post.
As it was time to leave, Xiao Cong stood waiting for me under the west wing corridor.
I walked past him, lifting my skirt as I descended the steps, the earrings in my ears swaying gently.
He called out to me from behind, "Slow down."
The first thing I said to him since the Sanbao incident was, "Who needs your hypocrisy!"
I did not see the ashen faces of Granny Gui and the others because of my misconduct.
I didn't even see the faint smile that appeared in his eyes because I had paid attention to him.
Once outside the courtyard, I stopped running and started walking properly.
He followed behind me, neither too close nor too far.
It won't offend me, but it will let me know that he's waiting for me to behave properly by his side.
An invisible pressure surged from behind, and I broke out in a sweat.
I feel my steps are becoming increasingly disordered.
Unable to withstand his magnetic field interference, I lifted my skirt and fled in panic.
*
There was only one horse-drawn carriage for going out.
I kept my distance from him the whole way and ignored him.
He served me tea and water, his behavior full of indulgence.
But his indulgence of me was precisely to bind my hands and feet, to confine me to the four courtyards, to make me abandon my self-respect and freedom, and to revolve around him.
Upon reaching my destination, I jumped off the carriage and ran wildly onto the cruise ship.
I want to stay away from him.
I also want to know the whereabouts of Sanbao.
I couldn't wait to push open the cabin door, and what I saw was Wu Xubai and two men, shirtless, groping each other on the floor in an ambiguous scene.
"ah!"
I screamed, and someone gently covered my eyes.
The tip of my nose smelled of Xiao Cong's scent.
He could hear Wu Xubai teasingly saying, "Li San, why didn't you knock? I'm very shy."
Wu Xubai became increasingly unreliable.
I dodged Xiao Cong's hand and stood to the side.
After the two unidentified men left the cabin, I turned around and went into the cabin, taking a seat in the single seat by the porthole.
A maid entered the room to tidy up, and Xiao Cong sat down in the main seat to drink tea. Wu Xubai chatted with him about things.
The cruise ship departs from the shore.
The girl selling lotus pods, rowing her oar and holding up her basket, called out, "Fresh lotus seeds, crisp, tender, and sweet, would you like to try some?"
I asked the guards on the ship to buy a basket of things to bring onto the ship.
I was peeling lotus seeds in a daze when I came to my senses and realized that Wu Xubai was the only person in the cabin.
"His Highness has an appointment with the Princess today."
What do you mean by having an appointment with the princess?
Xiao Shuhua and Lin Wanru were inseparable.
He had a pre-arranged agreement with Lin Wanru.
Wu Xubai put the lotus seeds I had peeled into his lips.
I put down the lotus seedpod, my fingernails aching from peeling it.
Wu Xubai, however, threw away the lotus pods that I had half-covered, along with all the lotus pods in the basket.
He seems to have trypophobia and finds lotus pods disgusting.
He said, "I just received your letter two days ago."
I suddenly looked at him: "Was it opened, or...?"
He pulled a piece of paper from his sleeve.
I took it.
Then I saw that below the letter I wrote, Xiao Cong had added five words in two lines.
Be good
'Beg me'
Unlike the gentle feeling he gives me, which he indulges in no matter what, he is different.
These five words gave me a sense of oppressive superiority and an inescapable sense of pressure.
His sharpness always shines through unexpectedly, striking my heart precisely at just the right moment.
He controlled the dynamics of our relationship.
This was just a clash between us, each holding our own bottom line.
Human patience is limited.
At least my patience is limited.
I casually placed the letter on the windowsill of the porthole.
The letter was blown away by the wind.
Wu Xubai shouted for people to chase after them.
He muttered, "Li San, have you really ignored His Highness for half a year because of Sanbao's matter?"
I ignored him.
My gaze drifted to the far horizon, where I watched the sky ablaze with rosy clouds, weary birds returning to their nests, and ordinary men and women strolling peacefully along the lakeside on Qixi Festival, their children in tow.
If it weren't for Xiao Cong, I would have wanted to live the life my parents had.
Monogamy, a simple and ordinary life.
But that kind of life requires a strong person to protect it.
My older sister... is going to have a baby.
Time flies.
*
Wu Xubai bent down, blocking my view, and leaned closer to look at the earring in my ear, pointing to his left ear, trying to distract me:
"Isn't it stylish to cover up a scar with an earring?"
My eyes darted to his left ear.
Then my gaze shifted to his smiling face.
I said, "Young master, it's time for us to part ways."
His faint smile froze on his face.
He stood up, put his hands on his hips, looked at me, and placed his hands on my head to measure it again and again.
I said, "I'm leaving Yicheng, but you can't leave."
He understood what I meant.
He crouched down, looked up at me, and asked, "Are you serious?"
I nodded and said, "I will pave the way forward and will not act rashly."
"Does Your Highness displease you so much?"
I looked at him for a long time before finally speaking: "It's just that I'm unwilling to pay the price of climbing up to his level."
He frowned and looked at me with an expression I couldn't understand.
He seemed even more agitated than I was, raising his hands to rub his face up and down with both palms.
He is a smart man.
He paced back and forth in front of me.
He analyzed my current situation.
A conclusion was reached.
"That's a pipe dream, Li San, you can't escape His Highness's grasp!"
I replied, "Whether you can escape or not, you'll only know after you try."
He grabbed my shoulder and looked at me with a warning look.
"Li San, you're a smart man!"
"His Highness is able to maintain his position as heir apparent not because he is gentle, but because he is exceptionally capable!"
He was just being gentle with you!
"He executed more people than you can imagine!"
"You have a family to support! How are you going to escape!"
"If he catches you, you might suffer a fate worse than death!"
"What's the point?!"
"With your abilities, you will surely have a place in His Highness's inner court!"
"He is the best match for you right now."
"He has the ability, and he is willing to protect you now!"
"All you have to do is cherish his feelings for a long, long time!"
"It's no less dangerous than you running away."
Seeing that I didn't respond for a long time, he spoke more earnestly.
“Li San, you are still young and haven’t seen the wickedness of people’s hearts.”
"The outside world is a disaster for a beautiful girl who has no one to rely on."
"If you are powerless and encounter a shameless person, how can you protect yourself and your family?"
I replied, "I'm still young, I still have time to learn how to protect myself and my family."
Wu Xubai's brows were furrowed deeply.
But he was smiling again.
His facial expressions were poorly managed, making him look ridiculous and funny.
He said, "I understand."
*
When Xiao Cong came to pick me up, Wu Xubai had already left.
Granny Zhao put a veil on me and asked me to disembark: "The princess and Miss Lin are also here."
The opportunity I needed to back down to Xiao Cong has arrived.
I provoked and angered Lin Wanru.
"Sister Aqu, these are five kinds of fruit that I brought after praying with the princess. Would you like to try some?"
I took the opportunity to throw all the fruit she was pretending to offer at her face.
"I dare not even dream of a fruit that symbolizes the early birth of a son and the success of five sons in the imperial examinations, a life of happiness and fulfillment!"
Of course, they didn't manage to get a word in edgewise with Lin Wanru.
Xiao Cong stood protectively in front of Lin Wanru.
A bag of longan, peanuts, and other similar items was shoved into Xiao Cong's chest.
He looked down at me expressionlessly.
He was angry.
I forced myself to remain calm and refused to back down.
"Where did Aqu go wrong?"
In this situation, the one who speaks first loses half the battle.
"Aqu wants to go home!"
In response, Xiao Cong only said one thing.
"You are not allowed to eat until you have learned and applied the rules."
"Why! Xiao Cong, you shameless bastard, you have a child fetish, you raped people... mmm mmm!"
My mouth was covered.
I saw Lin Wanru and Xiao Shuhua staring at me with wide, incredulous eyes.
I saw Xiao Cong's forehead twitch slightly with anger.
I'm doomed.
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