Chapter 161: Cold-hearted by Nature
"I won't give you an answer, nor do I intend to, but can you do it if you come to work at Golden Breeze and Drizzle Pavilion?"
That's what she said.
Di Feijing embraced her, seemingly feeling her warmth for a fleeting moment, but only for a moment. She remained icy, offering him no warmth or human touch. She had a thousand ways to ignite him, yet the flame within her would not bestow it.
Should we be glad that she gave him a second option? But what's the difference between giving him one and not giving him one?
He embraced her with a death wish, believing that his death was imminent and that he had repaid all her kindness in his previous life, so he had not failed her. That was why he dared to come and ask her for help without considering the cost. If what she said was true, and she laid out her deepest contradictions in the open, would all he be able to do be like smoke and vanish...? Di Feijing felt that he was not actually embracing anything in his arms, but only a frozen lake surface. In the winter, a crack appeared, revealing the lake water at the bottom of the ice and the warm current at the very bottom.
Does that make things easier? No. This crack allows one to truly appreciate how icy the lake water is, how it can pull a person in without even drowning, instantly freezing them to death. Therefore, the crack is not a sign that the lake water is warming up, nor will the ice melt. It's simply a more cruel presence, like a reflection of an iceberg—who can pass through it, and who is left in despair?
It was a moment of emotion, a fleeting pity, proving that she was no mere plant, that she too had feelings, and that she might even fall in love with someone, he was certain. But it was precisely because of this that he could understand the coldness of the lake, that he could shed all pretense, and shed his own illusions.
Xie Huailing patted his hand, telling him to let go of her. She said, "You can think about it yourself. It's up to you whichever path you choose. To be honest, the impact of which path you choose is nothing to me. It's just a matter of whether it fulfills your own wishes or not."
Di Fei remained silent, her arms loosening inch by inch, and she slowly stepped back, managing to stand up straight. She brushed away the strands of hair that were tangled around the back of her neck, seemingly unintentionally.
She added, "You don't need to say anything more to me. If you don't grant my request in seven days, then die."
She will not give him a third option, and she will not hesitate to act ruthlessly.
Xie Huailing turned to the side, picked out a book that interested her, flipped through a couple of pages, and walked to the dressing table. Gazing at her reflection in the candlelight, her beauty was even more striking. He had thought she was gentler tonight, but now he realized it was simply her natural appearance; what the naked eye could see was all there was. He had never embraced her soul, no wonder.
Xie Huailing placed the book on the dressing table, not even glancing at him, focusing intently on the words on the page. She seemed to be complaining, yet it was also just a casual remark: "Of all the men I've met, if I were to remember those who admired me, I wouldn't need to do anything else in my life. I've already lost count of those who wanted something from me. But how many of them have actually given me anything in return?"
"Always thinking of me, missing me, what does that have to do with me? Is the love of a woman who doesn't care about him something that can be begged for?"
She seemed to find it somewhat amusing, but didn't laugh.
"But even if I were given it, I might not remember it. Thinking about it that way, it's not so bad to be indifferent. I've always looked down on many people, and it's normal for me to feel bad for others. I don't care how others treat me, so I never care how I treat others either."
"So there are far too many people to apologize to. Of course, if I had to say it myself, I don't think I've apologized to anyone."
...
The memory abruptly ended at the part he least wanted to recall. Di Fei sat down abruptly, his fingers digging into the table, and he slowly curled up. With his eyes lowered, he caught a glimpse of Xie Huailing slowly yawning, then choosing the side most sheltered from the sunlight, spreading a handkerchief on the table, and slumping down.
When she was silent, she was exceptionally gentle, never hurting anyone nor being hurt herself, like a flower floating on the water. She quietly opened her eyes, her gaze drifting in the air, not looking back at anything, probably not thinking anything, like a wisp of smoke enveloping him. When he saw her, he seemed to only feel a slight pain somewhere, unable to express it.
He asked her, "What would you like to drink?"
"Whatever, just order whatever you like." Xie Huailing didn't even want to look up. She was feeling sleepy and was still vaguely remembering that she needed to buy books. "I'm not picky, any tea is fine."
Di Feijing casually ordered a pot of tea. At that moment, the storyteller downstairs slammed his gavel, coughed twice, and began to tell his story. His voice, with its ups and downs, sounded like he was singing. He then saw Xie Huailing's eyelids suddenly feel as if they weighed a ton, and then they began to droop, as if he was about to fall asleep in the teahouse.
He started calling her, trying to wake her: "Miss Xie, Miss Xie?"
Xie Huailing suddenly woke up, rubbed her eyes, feeling so sleepy they almost fell out. Looking down at the storyteller downstairs, she sighed, "It's just like my Chinese teacher's class! Hearing this emphasis, I thought I was going back to school to catch up on sleep..."
She complained a few times, but didn't think it was her fault. She propped her head up with one hand, trying to cheer herself up, but what difference did that make from picking out the red and green beans mixed together?
Xie Huailing then decided to start a conversation and asked, "You said 'it's possible,' what kind of possible method is that?"
Her unruly hair fell down again. Di Fei wanted to help her fix it, but in the end, he didn't raise his hand. He replied, "There are always ways to make money in the marketplace. Along the way, there are several shops that are still hiring people to write down their names. Even if it's not respectable, there are still ways to do it."
Xie Huailing listened and nodded.
It wasn't agreement, it was that her head was about to droop again. At times like this, one had to admire the wisdom of storytellers. They could make something out of a few words. The one in this teahouse was clearly an innovator, meaning he had a strong sense of self. He would take a few words of hearsay, add his own interpretation, and completely reinvent it. Then he dared to compete with other storytellers on the same stage. Listening to his storytelling, Xie Huailing always thought of the teacher who loved to talk about his son's life studying abroad.
She was trying to ignore it, but as background noise, the storyteller's words were so hypnotic that she couldn't hold back and almost bumped her head on the table. She looked up sharply and realized that Di Feijing seemed to have said something again: "I didn't hear you clearly just now. What did you say?"
Di Feijing was startled by her, thinking she was really going to fall. He didn't dare hand her the tea the waiter brought, afraid she would spill it and burn herself. He repeated, "There's a night market in a few days with many book stalls. If I can raise enough money, would you like to go check it out tonight?"
Night market, bookstalls... Actually, Xie Huailing had already been there with Lu Xiaofeng and Hua Manlou. Now that she thought about it, she really missed them. She wasn't particularly enthusiastic, but if she could buy books, she would go. She didn't want to guess what Di Feijing was thinking, and replied, "Sure, as long as you have enough money."
As they spoke, the storyteller went on to recount Su Mengzhen's romantic escapades, starting with the battle at the Golden Wind and Drizzle Pavilion. Just as he was about to retort that Su Mengzhen had never been a womanizer, he started talking about her romantic affairs, mentioning that she was the champion of the "Purity and Self-Discipline Competition" under the tutelage of the Red Sleeve Divine Nun—but then he realized that he was talking about her.
It's alright now. It turns out that she asked Lu Xiaofeng to make it up for her when she was in the Beggars' Sect. After going around in circles and developing different versions, it actually returned to the capital. I have to say, these people are really getting bolder and bolder.
Xie Huailing yawned as he listened to the storyteller's fabricated tales, which became increasingly absurd. However, he didn't dare to say anything and immediately shut up after mentioning it, changing the subject to something else.
Di Feijing was probably listening as well, and he looked over. He probably wanted to ask her why she let it go. Although Lei Sun's story was circulating in the martial arts world, it was strictly controlled by the Six and a Half Hall. Xie Huailing couldn't possibly admit that it was due to her personal grudge with Su Mengzhen, or that she personally suggested it, only to end up shooting herself in the foot.
Fortunately, she had no idea what it meant to feel guilty, and continued to ask him, preemptively asking, "Are you interested?"
Di Fei shook his head in surprise and stopped halfway.
But he wouldn't ask, remaining silent; his wild thoughts didn't need to be brought to the forefront.
Seeing that he did not reply, Xie Huailing said, "It's just a sentence or two. If we control it today, it might leak out somewhere else tomorrow. It's better to let it leak out. It will also make Jin Feng Xi Yu Lou seem less heartless. Everyone in the martial arts world will be gossiped about. There's nothing to be afraid of."
She added, "Lu Xiaofeng and I have been the subject of gossip. It's all thanks to him that every beautiful woman who's with him is bound to cause some kind of scandal. He wrote to me after hearing about it, saying that people praised him as handsome and charming, saying that he was very fond of him, and that I was as beautiful as an angel. He told me not to worry, that neither of us had lost face."
In this matter, everyone has to admire Lu Xiaofeng. He has completely let go of the rumors and gossip, which only prove his charm. He accepts them all as compliments.
Such a level of understanding truly made Xie Huailing feel inferior: "From this perspective alone, he is basically at the level of comprehending the Dao. Of course, this is probably also related to the fact that half of the rumors he spread were true. But regardless of that, it's still a bit awkward to spread rumors with him. Could he give me some money?"
Di Feijing listened quietly as she finished speaking. She then casually brought up other things, not expecting him to answer, but simply because she didn't want to fall asleep in the teahouse.
He knew Lu Xiaofeng was obviously a fake, but besides Lu Xiaofeng, how many others weren't fake? Sometimes he remembered things too clearly—the Ninth Young Master he bumped into, and his fiancé who had suddenly disappeared. He admitted that what she said was true.
If I were to remember all the men I've met who admired me, I wouldn't need to do anything else in my life.
He was just another ordinary person.
The love of a woman who doesn't care about him at all cannot be obtained by begging.
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