Chapter 146: All That Gone Is Me
Thinking he had misheard or it was just his imagination, he didn't immediately acknowledge it. He'd already had enough illusions tonight. Di Feijing continued to gaze at her; she was a solitary, exquisite flower blooming alone. He watched her blossom from beneath her branches, merely fidgeting with his fingers, silently bowing his head.
Then gradually, his intelligence made him realize that he had not misheard.
She said just that, and Di Fei suddenly stood up. The fragrance, which had only existed in his imagination, now truly marked a distance, a distance that could be crossed. She seemed to have lowered a thread, and he returned to the beginning, back to the battle of deception and strife, back to the warm and tender caresses of Lan Yin.
Similarly, the opposite stance is still there; her heart is probably still as hard as it was then, filled only with hostility and unclear intentions, but this is not a choice.
She made a brief choice with him, how could he not go?
This was also the first time they had crossed that distance. Di Fei awkwardly raised his hand, wanting to place it on her shoulder, but stopped halfway. The lamplight illuminated Xie Huailing's face, and he suddenly felt a dizzying sense of disorientation, driven by the emptiness in his chest, seeking a flower branch that could offer him some comfort, seeking a gentle haven like a fleeting flower.
Right or wrong, truth or falsehood, longevity—none of that matters. Di Feijing hugged Xie Huailing tightly.
He was immediately captivated by her subtle fragrance, a hug he had never expected and never anticipated. He was so easily overwhelmed by her beauty that he became lost in her embrace, forgetting himself in his own desires. His expectations were unrealized, and only now did so many things feel complete. She was as soft as he had imagined, like a cloud emerging from the morning sun. Even if he were to lift her completely, she would be incredibly light. Without hesitation, he succumbed to her embrace, as if she were gently rocking him within her embrace.
She was also thin. Di Fei was shocked to touch her overly thin back. He didn't dare to use force. This embrace was full and cradling.
"You haven't answered me yet." Xie Huailing was being held tightly in his arms, but she didn't forget to continue the game. She rested her head on his shoulder, and then, much more naturally than him, she wrapped her arms around his neck.
She didn't dare to use force, after all, Di Feijing's disability lay in this area.
After she hugged him back, Di Feijing seemed to have received some kind of permission, and the two of them truly became entangled and intimate, with him pressing against her and pinning her against the edge of the cabinet. The old cat seemed to sense something, and without a sound, it shuffled to the side, licking its paws with a haughty and aloof air.
The shadow had completely merged into one person, and we were indistinguishable. Her breath blew up, and his breath followed, saying, "Yes."
Xie Huailing snorted twice, the meaning of which was unclear. She pointed at Di Feijing's back and instructed him, "It's poking my back."
She was referring to the cabinet. Since she didn't try to push it away, Di Feijing pulled her up, and she sat comfortably on the cabinet. The scholarly young man wasn't weak at all; she felt no discomfort whatsoever and was gently pressed into his arms again. She could easily push him away if she wanted, but he wouldn't let go unless she did.
Discovering something in a series of actions, Xie Huailing's expression hardened, and she urged him, "Hurry up and ask your question, I still have something to ask."
Di Fei was surprised to see her gently massaging his waist, her lips close to his ear, as if she had foreseen his arrival and had wasted her right to ask a question: "Are you trying to ask me if I know martial arts?"
“Yes,” Xie Huailing said. “You think I’m stupid? You’re really something to have fooled me for so long.”
Instead of answering, Di Feijing said, "The more unknowns there are in the outside world, the more leverage we have. I'm sorry."
He really didn't need to apologize. Who would apologize to someone they've been feuding with every day? But he did say it anyway, and then added, "I have nothing else to ask. You can ask whatever you want."
It still wasn't enough. He felt an increasing urge to swallow something, his throat growing drier and drier, as if he still had something else he wanted.
But saying it out loud is useless; she won't indulge in his decadent lifestyle. If he wants to make demands, he has to be willing to gamble something.
"I think that since Heaven has already made my journey through hardship, and I have not yet repaid the debt of gratitude, why send another beautiful woman to me in this life?"
It seemed like that line was being sung on stage, but Di Feijing didn't want to hear it clearly.
He was willing to do anything for Xie Huailing, he couldn't possibly be willing to do anything for Xie Huailing. He longed for Xie Huailing to fill his emptiness again, he couldn't possibly long for Xie Huailing to fill his emptiness again. If he were willing, if he could get what he longed for…
No matter how much she thought about it, she couldn't hold him any tighter. Xie Huailing was still very comfortable in his arms, and she started to look at his clothes, turning up his collar. When she touched his neck, Di Fei didn't move at all, obediently letting her stroke him. This gave Xie Huailing a strange feeling that as long as she didn't stop, the embrace would never end.
She knew perfectly well that she could have been more proactive. If she had done just a little more, she could have destroyed a man forever, the head of the Six and a Half Hall, Lei Sun's confidant "Bowing Dragon," erasing this talented young man from her opponent's chessboard forever, and even taking him into her own hands.
Anyway, he won't refuse her, as long as she's willing to make up for it.
Or, to be even more ruthless, she could kill him right now.
Xie Huailing poked his back, and it was time to ask the questions she had been pondering. She said, "Then I won't chat with you anymore. The plan from the past few days, you were the one who pushed it, weren't you? From beginning to end, at least half of it was your scheme, wasn't it, Di Feijing?"
She didn't often call his name. Di Fei sniffed her fragrance. It didn't matter that she was here; he should feel that was enough.
Di Feijing answered from her hair, "It's me."
At that time, he was desperate, wondering if he could kill Su Mengzhen before she returned, or make Jin Feng Xi Yu Lou's power decline, and then he could still get a result, at least a slightly better ending.
But all of this was in vain; on that stormy night, he saw what he had been thinking about during the day.
Xie Huailing sighed, "I knew it would be like this, but Di Feijing, putting aside the current situation, what good will it do you if you succeed? To force me to marry you?"
“No.” Di Feijing quickly retorted, his voice filled with sorrow and an overwhelming sense of loneliness, like the thin mist at sunrise in the mountains. “That’s not what I’m after, and I won’t do it. You don’t want that.”
This is even a rather beautiful answer.
Upon receiving this answer, Xie Huailing could barely recall what decisions or plans he had made. What was he thinking? Why did he hesitate like this? She didn't want to delve into it, but she wanted to ask him, "Why is that?"
She said, "How many times have we met? Five or six times, six or seven times, that's about it. And each meeting only lasts about a day in total. We're busy scheming against each other, how many truthful words have we actually spoken?"
“You don’t understand me, and you’ve never had that opportunity. You only know the surface of my personality, not the inside. Di Feijing, you shouldn’t be like this.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Di Feijing said.
He knew that by saying these words she didn't intend to use him, and that unless it was urgent, she wouldn't come again. The head of the Six and a Half Hall should feel fortunate about this, while Di Feijing just kept his eyes downcast, pleading with her, "Don't say anymore."
He had already thought about all the problems.
Well then, this one-off act of kindness and pity should probably come to an end.
Xie Huailing, unusually forgiving, didn't bring it up again and let the topic go. They sat face to face, the old cat occasionally taking pity on them and rubbing against them. The long night continued to unfold. Xie Huailing placed her hand on the counter, and Di Feijing also put one down, gently holding her wrist, his five fingers interlocking with hers.
Seeing this, Xie Huailing pretended not to have noticed and didn't bother to poke again, only thinking about the time.
Finally, at some unknown point in time, perhaps even forever, she nudged the young man. Di Fei was silent for a moment, then released her. His wish had been mercifully fulfilled by her. She helped him down from the cabinet to the floor.
As Xie Huailing straightened her clothes, she lifted the hem of her skirt, which had been taken from him by the mortal world and never truly belonged to him. The emptiness he had temporarily filled was replaced by bitterness as he looked at her figure; after the embrace, he still had to watch her walk away.
Xie Huailing smoothed out the wrinkles to ensure that Bai Feifei wouldn't immediately notice anything when she arrived, giving her some time to salvage the situation and explain. Before parting, she casually asked, "Is there something you haven't said tonight? You want to see me, right? There must be a more fundamental reason."
Di Fei was surprised to see her straighten her hair and scrutinize the look in her eyes. He lowered his gaze several times, then opened his mouth and said, "What happened the other day wasn't about being with you."
The lamplight rippled like water, and in the middle of the lake, he said, "It's a final, life-or-death struggle, a fight to the death, and I don't want you in it."
“You don’t want me to die,” Xie Huailing replied.
"Unfortunately, I don't need it."
She looked at Di Feijing, slightly raising her eyes, revealing a radiant arrogance: "Six and a Half Hall might not win, but I don't think I'll lose either. Furthermore, this is the path I chose myself, not to repay a debt of gratitude, not for someone else's ambition, and not because of some calculated scheme; it's purely for my own sake. Therefore—"
"Xie Huailing was a master strategist and a peerless hero, but does that mean he wasn't also a master strategist who failed at the last minute and suffered eternal regret?"
Having said that, Xie Huailing stopped trying to negotiate and pushed open a crack in the door, about to step into the darkness that would never break.
Di Fei was startled, and suddenly felt a surge of resentment. The temperature of this resentment surpassed the coldness of the past years, fermenting into a restless, burning heat. Things in this world always become more intense the quieter they are, and the more they are suppressed, the more unwilling they become. He just wanted a little more. As long as he could get that little bit, it would be completely enough. He would ask for nothing more.
Di Feijing hooked Xie Huailing's finger.
He said something else.
.
After descending from the opera stage, the night was so dark that it was impossible to tell what time it was. The night was still and the wind had ceased. The tower and the moon gazed at each other in silence, their shadows lingering quietly. Fortunately, the lights were endlessly bright, and before you knew it, they connected one patch of night after another. As long as you didn't go too deep, there was no place where you couldn't see any light at all.
Xie Huailing emerged from the opera house, the evening breeze brushing against her face, and she sneezed violently. It wasn't particularly cold, so she wondered if someone had insulted her. Sha Man was a strong possibility, and Bai Feifei was also a suspect. Speaking of which, she hadn't yet figured out how to deal with Bai Feifei. But it wasn't a difficult problem; at worst, she could beg her. Bai Feifei wouldn't really do anything to her; she'd probably just direct her anger at Di Feijing.
Having thought all this through, Xie Huailing walked into the night, but looking around, she couldn't see Bai Feifei or Shaman.
Something was wrong. She realized it, but it was too late.
A few leaves escaped, and the moonlight also fled. A figure, somber and eerie, cold as a ghost in the night, turned to face her at the boundary between darkness and light.
"This is completely messed up," Xie Huailing thought. People tend to be very busy when they feel guilty, but luckily she was no saint. Since things had come to this, she might as well go all out and shamelessly approached her again: "Good evening, OP. You're out for a walk? You seem to have a lot of free time. By the way, have you seen Bai Feifei? She's here to pick me up."
Su Mengzhen's expression was inscrutable, and his interrogation-like demeanor easily made people feel guilty upon seeing him. He trembled and said, "Bai Feifei has some official business to attend to temporarily, so I've come to pick you up."
"Oh, I see." Xie Huailing looked enlightened and asked, "Is it really temporary?"
Su Mengzhen said calmly, "You shouldn't ask me this question; you should ask yourself."
Xie Huailing remained silent. A few seconds later, she calmly squatted down on the ground.
"Actually, there's a reason why I insisted on Bai Feifei coming tonight. I'm not feeling well, and I just twisted my ankle. I can't climb the stairs tonight, so it would be easier for her to carry me."
“Shaman is also acceptable.”
“Shaman doesn’t want to, this is so inhumane. I suddenly feel that we should still care about Shaman.”
“There are other people who can carry you up.”
"That's not good either, OP. We girls care about our image. Besides, you know I have a bad temper. Others don't know me and might accidentally hurt me, which would be bad luck. Let Bai Feifei come instead."
Xie Huailing was unbeatable in this regard. Relying on his lack of force, she preferred to keep talking nonsense. She didn't forget to patch up her words to get rid of Su Mengzhen, saying, "I must memorize it, I definitely will! So let Bai Feifei come instead. I'll wait here for a while."
“I told you Bai Feifei can’t come,” Su Mengzhen said.
He stared at Xie Huailing, his blood pressure and a multitude of emotions soaring to a new high. He had seen through her thoughts and knew he could never go along with her again.
Xie Huailing remained calm, and so did Su Mengzhen. He calmly extended his hand: "I'll do it."
"..."
Xie Huailing was silent for two seconds. Unlike the time at the Beggars' Sect, she wasn't stunned. She stared at Su Mengzhen with a strange look, many memories and fleeting thoughts flashing before her eyes. It seemed like a resentful gaze, but as the veil covering her face was lifted, it instantly quieted down, becoming as ethereal and hazy as if covered in dust.
She read aloud, "The poster is really something, especially at this late hour."
Then Xie Huailing slapped Su Mengzhen's hand away, refusing to cooperate: "I don't want you."
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com