Chapter 158: Autumn's Birth, Summer's Death
When she slowly woke up, the first thing she felt was a candlelight flickering on her eyelids, a warm yellow halo that blended cleverly into the summer night. Then she felt the not-quite-hot heat, followed by gusts of night breeze.
Xie Huailing struggled to open her eyes, and her vision gradually cleared under the candlelight. She saw the entire guest room and Di Feijing sitting on a wooden chair looking out the window.
She didn't get up, burying her face in the pillow again. Only then did she realize she was covered with a blanket. She didn't want to ask who had covered her, so she covered herself and said, "There are mosquitoes at night, close the window."
Then came the creaking sound of the window closing, and the room became so quiet that even the cicadas' chirping on a summer night ceased. If there was any sound at all, it was the solitary whisper of the candlelight. It emitted its flame with a sense of security, its faint, almost imperceptible sound occasionally fading into the silence like the cry of a baby.
Without the wind, it quickly got hot, and the heat became her motivation. Xie Huailing pulled herself out of bed and sat up properly along the edge. She didn't want to yawn anymore; her head was still a little sore from sleeping, so she rubbed her temples and asked, "What time is it now?"
Di Fei replied in surprise, "It's three quarters past Xu hour. The waiter outside said that the battle between Liufenbantang and Jinfeng Xiyulou is over for today."
Xie Huailing corrected him: "It's Jinfeng Xiyu Lou and Liufenban Tang."
"That's not right." Then she realized something and asked, puzzled, "Why are you asking about this? Why should I listen to you say this? Didn't I run away? Why should I still care about the Golden Wind and Fine Rain Pavilion?"
Supporting herself against the wall, Xie Huailing walked to the dressing table and sat down in front of the mirror. She fell asleep without removing her hairpins, but fortunately, she didn't have many hair ornaments, so she didn't feel any pain. She removed the plain hairpins one by one, and her hair fell down like moonlight. Then, she gathered it up with her delicate hands and awkwardly combed it into a simple bun.
Di Fei closed the window, leaving him nowhere to look. He stared at the wall, but the candle's position was so perfect that not only were there faint red candle shadows on the wall, but he could also see its own adorned silhouette in his peripheral vision.
"I ordered you some porridge," Di Fei said in surprise. "Since you don't have any favorite dishes, I ordered the best-selling one here."
Xie Huailing ran her hand through her hair, trying to find a suitable place to insert the silver hairpin, and tilted her head: "I don't want to eat it, you can have it as a midnight snack."
Di Fei paused in surprise, then said, "From noon until now, nearly four hours have passed, and you haven't used a single thing."
Finally, she managed to comb her hair into a loose bun. Xie Huailing then went to brush the remaining strands of hair, twirling them all around her fingertips: "It's alright, I can go a whole day without eating. Don't bother me, I'm not even sure if I can comb my hair properly."
Di Feijing generally disagreed, but he had no grounds to do so. The first thing he could do was roll his eyes. The hot porridge on the table would stop steaming if left out for a while. Admittedly, things don't cool down easily in summer, but eating them like that would inevitably harm one's health.
Before the next bun could be tied up, the original bun collapsed. Xie Huailing narrowed her eyes subtly, and Di Fei stood up and walked behind her.
Fortunately, he was always a resourceful person. He caught the small jade ornament that was about to fall, then bent down to pick up the hairpin and placed it on the dressing table, saying, "You should use some of these. I'll help you comb your hair."
Xie Huailing looked up and down at himself in the mirror: "You can't negotiate with me, you have to listen to me from the start—why do you know this?"
“I don’t know,” Di Feijing explained calmly, “but just tell me what to do.”
Another quarter of an hour passed as he was doing Xie Huailing's hair and makeup. She leaned on her arm, giving Di Feijing rather abstract instructions, but fortunately, his intelligence worked steadily in this regard, and he was able to understand her general meaning. In the end, no matter what, a neat updo appeared on her head. He then chose one or two simple accessories, and no further embellishment was needed.
She was made up of jade.
Wiping away the lip rouge that had smudged onto her lips, Xie Huailing felt a bit nauseous and hungry. She stared at her hunger in front of the mirror for a while before finally deciding to eat and sitting down at the wooden table.
Strands of hair slipped from Di Feijing's grasp. He didn't follow Xie Huailing, but turned to look at the bed. He couldn't touch her much while she was asleep, so he only covered her with a blanket. But the blanket on the bed had been pulled back into a ball after she did, and he stared at it blankly. There was only this one blanket and this one bed in the room, and he asked, "What are we going to do tonight?"
Xie Huailing stirred the food in her bowl, trying to coax herself to eat. When she heard his question, she replied without looking up, "There are two solutions. First, go and ask if there are any guest rooms available. Second, go and ask the waiter for extra bedding so you can sleep on the floor."
It's impossible to expect her to give up her bed; Xie Huailing would never mistreat herself.
She added, "You're not allowed to make a makeshift bed next to my bed either. I don't want to get up in the middle of the night to light a candle and bump into it. You can make any other bed you want. Don't call me before I get up. You can go wherever you want and do whatever you want. But I still don't recommend that you worry about the Six and a Half Hall. First, you'll be in some pain. Second, the medicine they gave you is a bit special. If you take too much of it, I'm worried you'll become stupid."
Faced with her strange candor, Di Fei could tell the key point and that she had no intention of hiding anything. He lowered his eyes and asked, "What kind of poison did you give me?"
“It’s not poison.” Xie Huailing scooped up a spoonful of porridge and said casually, “You’ve heard of ‘Tianyun Five-Flower Cotton,’ right?”
Di Feijing immediately thought of the hidden weapon that was impossible for him to defend against. Although it did not carry the legendary deadly poison that would obliterate the body if it came into contact with even a little bit, the sharp, bone-piercing pain was still enough to make him recognize it.
After swallowing, Xie Huailing continued, "Since that's the case, you should also know about the 'Bewitching and Dream-Inducing Technique'."
His knuckles jerked sharply, like a butterfly's wings startled. Di Fei suddenly understood, and continued to sink deeper, listening to her say, "'The Fairy of Yunmeng' is too mysterious, too fearsome. Therefore, people in the martial world only know her for her 'Two Unique Skills of Yunmeng,' but no one dares to truly understand her methods. So, no one knows that the 'Bewitching and Mind-Controlling Dream Technique' is indeed a set of martial arts techniques, but it can also be a pot of tea, a cloud of dust, a wisp of smoke…"
"Those who use it do not need to be skilled in martial arts. As long as they can use it properly, they can control the mind and spirit of others and make them their own. No matter how heroic they are, they will no longer be able to act recklessly."
Xie Huailing sighed softly and said, "Therefore, you still need to be obedient. Since you've come with me, you should behave yourself. I still wanted you to keep me company, which is why I didn't draw out all the effects of the medicine. If I had, you wouldn't have had any of your own ideas, and it wouldn't have been meaningful."
“You didn’t put anything on the hidden weapon,” Di Feijing muttered in a low voice. “It’s not something left behind by the former number one female demon in the world, nor is it Su Mengzhen’s style.”
He remained calm, calm enough to point out every flaw in Xie Huailing's words, but that didn't stop her from being dismissive, saying, "You know him well, but do you know me well? So what if I did it? It's just a matter of getting a couple of scoldings when I get back. He and I are completely incomparable to you and Lei Sun."
Di Fei was speechless, growing increasingly quiet and desolate.
“You don’t have to do that,” he said, his final rebuttal.
If you want to control me, there are simpler ways than this.
Xie Huailing dismissed his words as futile, simply saying, "I'm not going to talk about this with you."
Yes, whether it's a bottle of medicine or her, anyone can make the choice. Even if it's just insincere affection, no one would weigh it. The plan she implemented for him today, based on his lack of love for her, will still work, and the outcome will not change.
Every time he saw her, the only time she showed him any affection was the last time, the last time she hugged him.
Tragically, he still doesn't know what that hug was all about, why she was willing, or why she came. He had already handed her the opportunity to exploit her, betting that she would come for it, but she didn't ask any questions. The secret of her martial arts skills was something she revealed herself when he hugged her.
Was there a door in her heart that could be pried open, giving him a tiny chance to try? Or was it just a fleeting moment of tenderness on her part, a one-time moment of tenderness in his life? When he offered to wait again, she turned a deaf ear, leaving him feeling as if he were in an empty field, knowing that she had never been there and would never come back.
The winds of the past passed through him, and since he had nothing, they triumphantly swept away, just as Di Fei was surprised by this man, who had no friends, no children, no lover, and hardly even owned himself.
The characters in the play suffer greatly on stage, one after another, each with their own perfect ending. But he, from beginning to end, has no concept of being in or out of the play. In fact, behind Lei Sun's back, he has to take every moment with her for himself, and every glance is a betrayal he willingly makes.
What are you waiting for?
Just waiting.
When is she coming?
She will never come.
Are you going to keep waiting?
There is no answer to this; it's hard to distinguish, and I can't let go of it.
Or perhaps, he should realize that maybe in the very beginning, there shouldn't have been one person and another, and the only mistake was that he shouldn't have had a heartbeat.
Thinking about it this way, it seems that ending it all in her hands is a good story, so this can be considered the ending he sought. In any case, whether she was controlled or died, she was worthy of Lei Sun, and she was still in his sight. Although at the end of his value, she probably wouldn't remember him and would forget him soon.
...but she won't remember him, she'll forget him soon.
Di Feijing didn't want to think about it anymore. He felt a persistent, intermittent soreness in his wrist, unable to pinpoint the cause, as if the pain was coming from somewhere else, a place where his blood was no longer flowing. He probably wanted to say something more, but he couldn't continue.
There should still be a debate. It would be too dangerous for the Six and a Half Hall to be without him. Even if it's a futile effort, it should still be done. However, she couldn't help herself. Her heart was too empty. If she just let him go like this, would he even be able to take a step?
She could choose not to talk about these things with him, but he couldn't. So that's how it is; he was unwilling to accept it.
He was unwilling to accept that he had been born and then she had to be born. He thought to himself, "Heaven has already made my life difficult, and I have not yet repaid the debt of gratitude. Why send another beautiful woman into this life?"
While Di Feijing remained silent, Xie Huailing finished half a bowl of porridge and placed the remaining half on the table. She had heard from the maid that there were many books in this guest room, which was why she stayed instead of changing inns. She walked to the shelf, intending to pick out a book to pass the time, and slid her finger down from the second row, looking at the titles one by one.
She ignored his thoughts and preferred to read through all the book titles. She even saw a few books related to the imperial examinations, took them out, glanced at them, and then put them back on the bottom shelf.
After several rounds of searching, she finally found something interesting, though not exactly serious. It was something completely impossible to find in the Golden Wind and Fine Rain Pavilion; Shaman would never allow this kind of book to appear before Xie Huailing. Upon seeing it, her curiosity was completely piqued; it was impossible not to look. After a few cursory glances, she picked it up and got up.
The world before her eyes was suddenly darkened by dark clouds, and she was pushed against the bookshelf. Di Feijing hugged her tightly.
He clearly left her just enough space to be embraced, yet he couldn't bear to use too much force on her; he buried his head in her neck, and when he took her hand, he used only a force that she couldn't break free of without hurting her, as if he and she were in the center of a whirlpool, wanting to rotate with her, wanting to sink with her, wanting to flow eastward with her, yet ultimately unwilling to let her go.
Di Fei said in surprise, "I can't avoid talking to you about these things."
Di Feijing said, "The day I saw you at Yushanlong, the first time I saw you, I already knew all the stories that followed."
His love was foreshadowed; he had escaped it many times, including by lowering his eyes then and by struggling just now, all to no avail. Back and forth, it was all a dead end. But now that things had come to this, if the ending was already decided and he couldn't go back, did that also mean he had seven more days?
Di Fei said in surprise, "But please give it to me."
Give him a tiny bit, a little more, so that he may be living in a dream, and his heart, which has been burning itself out, will no longer feel emptiness, nor indulge in wishful thinking, and will eventually turn to ashes. He will be willing to pay for this with all his heart, pleading with all his might.
If you encounter a crane or a white bird in autumn, and it dies in summer, please do not let it die with its eyes open in sorrow.
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It is recommended to read this chapter with the title of Chapter 37 and Chu Liuxiang's evaluation of Ms. Xie in mind.
She is capable of lying in certain aspects of herself, but that's where her character development comes in, and that will be discussed in the main storyline and the ruthless storyline.
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