Chapter 38 Confession
"Yes, you two have to break the window paper. Senior Nan will graduate from the college entrance examination soon. I heard that there are many beautiful girls in college. If you don't tell me, you two may miss each other." Tang Shi was worried for her.
Chi Jinjin hesitated and said, "But, I'm a girl after all. If I confess to a boy, won't it seem a bit unreserved..."
"Oh, what era is this, Chi Jinjin? I'm really impressed by you Taurus people. You're so patient. Let me tell you, if you like someone, take the initiative. Otherwise, when Senior Nan is taken away by someone else, you won't have anywhere to cry. You should take advantage of now while he has a good impression of you!" Tang Shi encouraged, "Chi Jinjin, don't have a secret crush anymore. Secret love will lead to no results. Don't be weak when you should be brave."
Chi Jinjin lowered her head and did not answer Tang Shi.
But she was thinking seriously about Tang Shi's words and spent several days and nights thinking about them.
Chi Jinjin looked down at the rabbit bracelet on her wrist. In a month, he would be leaving the school, and she had to make a choice now about the feelings hidden in this huge friendship.
The unexpected encounter had become irreversible from that day on. Those three ordinary words pierced her entire heart.
He was a sunny boy running around on the playground, and she was just a coward who secretly liked him in the classroom.
She had secretly looked at him a thousand times, but dared not look him in the eye. Her love was timid, yet persistent.
She treated every word he said as if she were doing a reading comprehension test, fearing that she might not perform well.
She selected the meaning of love from the poet's words, but the ultimate meaning of love all pointed to him...
Snow fell outside the window again. This was her second year in City A and also her second year in love with Nan Xuqiu.
Do you believe that in this chaotic era, there are people who secretly treasure their love for many years?
Chi Jinjin thought silently in her heart.
At night, she took out the chamomile diary. His name was never mentioned in the book, but every word was about him.
She put down her diary and walked outside the dormitory. The snow was heavier than during the day, falling to the ground under the orange light, sparkling as if sprinkled with sunlight.
Chi Jinjin took out the mobile phone from her pocket and clicked on Nan Xuqiu's profile picture, but she became dazed again in front of the keyboard.
How should I say it? Should I say it in person or just on the phone?
Chi Jinjin thought about it and felt that such a serious matter would be better said in reality.
[Senior, are you there? ]
Chi Jinjin hesitated for a long time, slowly typed out this sentence, and sent it to Nan Xuqiu.
Nan Xuqiu replied quickly, "Yes, what's wrong?"
Chi Jinjin said nervously: "Tomorrow, are you free at the Sakura Garden? Can we meet? I have something important to tell you."
Looking at the send button, her fingers trembled involuntarily, and it felt like someone was holding a hammer and hitting her heart again and again.
She struggled internally for a long time before nervously pressing the send button, anxiously waiting for his reply.
To be honest, she didn't want him to agree, because if he agreed, the situation tomorrow would be even more tense, but at the same time, she hoped he would agree.
Two completely different ideas were entangled and struggling in Chi Jinjin's mind.
At this moment, the phone rang, and Nan Xuqiu replied, saying: [Okay.]
Chi Jinjin smiled happily when she saw the news, but the smile on her face flickered and then disappeared. She pondered how to tell him tomorrow. What should she say to him?
Chi Jinjin lowered her hands and head and sighed deeply. Love is really a very troublesome thing. It is troublesome if you don’t say it, but it is also troublesome if you say it, but it makes people happy.
Late at night, Chi Jinjin still couldn't fall asleep and tossed and turned in bed. Ever since she fell in love with him, she learned to stay up late.
She was full of anticipation for the coming tomorrow, but also worried. She was worried that she wouldn't be able to express herself well, and that the result would not be what she expected.
But since he has a good impression of me, I still have some hope, right?
Thinking about the little things she had experienced with Nan Xuqiu, Chi Jinjin smiled sweetly, turned over and closed her eyes...
She and Nan Xuqiu had an appointment to meet in the afternoon. She was restless the whole morning, unable to concentrate on reading or doing her homework. She kept thinking about what to say to him.
Looking at herself in the mirror, she thought again, since she is going to confess, she should at least look good.
She got up, took a shower and combed her hair, then blew it dry and combed it carefully, not letting a single hair stand out. She took off her school uniform and put on her new white cotton-padded jacket and new shoes that she had been reluctant to wear. She wanted to tie her hair into a hairstyle, but because her hair was too short, none of the good-looking hairstyles she found online worked well, and her arms were sore from doing it. In the end, she reluctantly tied her hair into a half-bun hairstyle, but it looked better than no hairstyle at all.
There are still six hours before she meets him, but Chi Jinjin has already started counting down, waiting happily and nervously.
The clock ticked away minute by minute, and these six hours seemed like a year. Finally, there were only ten minutes left before the meeting time.
The cell phone rang, and Chi Jinjin, who had been waiting in front of the phone, quickly picked it up and opened it to read.
Nan Xuqiu: {I'm here.}
Chi Jinjin quickly replied: "Okay, I'll be right there."
She hurriedly got up, took down the red woolen scarf hanging beside the bed, wrapped it around her neck, and picked up the black gift bag on the table. The bag also contained a red scarf. She had knitted it for Nan Xuqiu stitch by stitch during the Spring Festival last year. Every thread carried her deep longing. She also specially sewed the three letters "nxq" on the end of the scarf with needle and thread.
She originally wanted to wait for this year's New Year to give it to him as a New Year's gift, but now she wants to give it to him as a confession gift.
"I hope you can bring me good luck and wish me a successful confession." Chi Jinjin murmured as she looked at the red scarf in the bag.
She trotted all the way to the cherry blossom garden, walked through the wisteria corridor like she did last time, and saw Nan Xuqiu's figure in the distance.
Chi Jinjin stopped, panting slightly due to running too fast.
He was wearing a brown coat, a white shirt, and a black cashmere scarf, standing under the tree where she first saw him.
There was no trace of cherry blossoms around, only snow-covered branches and white snow, but the person was still the same person, the boy who made her heart tremble when she saw him.
Chi Jinjin, don't be nervous, you can do it!
She secretly encouraged herself, took a deep breath, and walked towards him step by step. As the distance between them shortened, her heart seemed to be about to burst out of her chest.
"Senior." Chi Jinjin stopped in front of him.
Nan Xuqiu smiled slightly and said, "You're here."
"Yeah." Chi Jinjin nodded.
Nan Xuqiu noticed her unusually serious expression, like a student meeting an examiner, and asked jokingly, "You said on the phone that there was something important and asked me to tell you. What was it?"
"Senior, I have decided to take the entrance exam for Fuhua University as well." Chi Jinjin said.
Nan Xuqiu nodded and said, "Fuhua is very good. If you work harder on your grades, you will have a chance of getting into it."
"So, you called me here just to tell me your decision?" Nan Xuqiu asked.
Chi Jinjin shook her head and said, "No, I came here to tell you, senior, that I miss Fuhua not because of Fuhua, but..."
Chi Jinjin suddenly couldn't control herself and got stuck again.
"And what?" Nan Xuqiu was curious.
Chi Jinjin bit her lip, secretly clenched her fists, held her breath, and said, "It's because of you!"
Nan Xuqiu was stunned.
Chi Jinjin's eyes no longer dodged, but looked straight at him and said, "Senior, actually, I fell in love with you a long time ago, when you didn't even know my name. I would run up to the third floor every day after class just to secretly take a look at you. I wanted to tell you several times that I like you, but I was too timid. I always retreated and avoided it again and again, and only dared to tell it to the moon. But this time I won't be weak anymore. I want to tell you that I like you, I want to go to the same university as you, and I want to walk shoulder to shoulder with you."
Chi Jinjin lowered her eyes again and said shyly, "Tang Shi said... you must have a good impression of me, otherwise why would you remember my birthday and why would you always take out candy for me..."
"Senior." Chi Jinjin looked at him again, and with all her remaining courage, she asked him word by word, "Are you willing to wait for me at Fuhua? Are you willing to be with me in college?"
She looked at him, her eyes full of burning anticipation. She seemed to have taken her heart out alive and held it in front of the boy with both hands.
The wind blew around, and the frozen branches rustled like wind chimes. The red scarf fluttering in front of me was writing the love I had for many years in the wind.
"I'm sorry." Nan Xuqiu said slowly after a long silence, "I can't."
Chi Jinjin's heart was shaken, and the joy in her heart instantly dissipated. She asked somewhat bewilderedly, "Why...why?"
"Because he already has a girlfriend!"
Suddenly, a familiar female voice came from behind.
Chi Jinjin looked back and saw that it was Lin Shuya!
It turned out that he came with Lin Shuya, but Lin Shuya had just gone to the bathroom.
She walked over to Nan Xuqiu, glanced at Chi Jinjin, and said with a smile, "So it's you. I never thought that a girl as good at studying as you would think about these things. But I'm sorry, our brother Xuqiu already has me, and we've been together since junior high school."
As she spoke, she took Nan Xuqiu's arm, as if she did it on purpose.
"You...are...boyfriend and girlfriend?" Chi Jinjin said in disbelief, "Aren't you his sister?"
"Who told you that I am his sister? The reason why I call him Brother Xu Qiu is because our two families' parents are good friends and he and I grew up together, so I call him brother." Lin Shuya boasted to Chi Jinjin.
It turns out that they are childhood sweethearts.
Chi Jinjin's heart was instantly torn into pieces by these four words.
Lin Shuya's eyes reddened as she watched her, so she deliberately added, "Let me tell you one more thing. The reason our brother Xu Qiu remembers your birthday is because you and I were born on the same day. He often brings candy because I like candy, and I asked him to bring it with me so I can always have it. And on your birthday, he didn't attend your birthday, right? That's because he was with me the whole day."
It turned out that the Band-Aids were bought for her, and the medicine in the hospital was also bought for her. Those things that she thought were very sweet were actually just because of her, not her.
She looked at Lin Shuya and Nan Xuqiu. They were such a perfect match. She had worried about Shen Moli, Nuannuan, and their class monitor, but why hadn't she thought about her?
They have been together for a long time. Nan Xuqiu already has a beloved girl, but she is just a self-indulgent secret admirer and an ignorant confessor.
Chi Jinjin suddenly felt ashamed and embarrassed, and it suddenly seemed like a very funny joke. The string of the gift bag in her hand was almost broken by Chi Jinjin. Her nails dug into her palms, and she opened her mouth but couldn't say anything. She stayed there in silence, letting the heat burn all over her body, and her lips were bitten.
She swallowed the bloody foam, forced herself to put on a smile, and said in a trembling voice, "So you have a girlfriend, senior? I'm sorry, I didn't know. If I had known, I would definitely not have been so self-indulgent."
She bowed to Lin Shuya several times and apologized to her over and over again.
With a torn heart and tears in his eyes, he smiled awkwardly at them and said, "I'm so embarrassed, but you two are really a perfect match. I wish you can stay together forever. Um... I'll be leaving first..."
She turned around and, like a clown, tried to escape quickly.
But God didn't think she was embarrassed enough and made her fall heavily to the ground. The gift bag was broken and the red scarf inside fell out.
She hurriedly got up from the ground. The dirty snow on the ground got all over her body and even her hair. She picked up the scarf on the ground.
"Are you okay..." Nan Xuqiu walked up to her and asked.
Chi Jinjin didn't even dare to raise her head, because she knew how embarrassed she was. She could only barely maintain the last bit of dignity and said with her head down, "It's okay."
After saying that, she stood up, faced the distance, and walked away step by step, not daring to stop or look back.
She walked on the busy road, and people who passed by would always look back at her to see how miserable she was.
Heavy snow began to fall from the sky again, flakes of snow falling one after another. The cold wind made her cheeks red and her hands frozen. Chi Jinjin's vision had already blurred, and tears rolled down and dripped onto the scarf around her neck.
She had thought that her confession might fail, but she didn't expect it to fail like this, without even a perfect exit.
Tang Shi had just come back from outside and was surprised when she saw Chi Jinjin. She was holding a scarf in one hand and a tattered paper bag in the other, and her whole body was covered with muddy snow.
She quickly stepped forward and asked, "Jinjin, you...how did you become like this? Where's Senior Nan? Didn't you confess to him? Where is he?"
"Tang Shi, I failed..." Chi Jinjin couldn't contain her sadness when she saw Tang Shi. She lowered her head and cried, "He has a girlfriend, Lin Shuya. They have been together for a long time."
Chi Jinjin threw herself into her arms and burst into tears, her heart aching as if it was being torn apart.
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