Chapter 102 Regrets Everyone Has Regrets
In Fengxian Hall, Xuanye was held in Xiu Yu's arms, and his tears wet Xiu Yu's clothes.
Xiu Yu patted Xuanye's back gently, not knowing what to say.
After adjusting his mood, Xuanye finally raised his head and looked at Xiu Yu, his eyes still red.
"You're here, Aunt Su..."
"Madame Su has been staying with the old ancestor all this time." Xiu Yu held Xuanye's hand and said, "Don't worry, Madame Su will be fine. She will follow the old ancestor's instructions and stay by your side."
"But Mama is gone... Father, Mother, and Mama are all gone." Xuanye had never felt so sad before, as if God had taken away something extremely important in his life.
"I know that no matter who persuades you at this moment, no matter how hard they try, it won't work. Yu'er won't persuade you either, but Yu'er will stay with you. Wherever you are, Yu'er will stay with you."
Xuanye nodded and said in a deep voice, "Let's go back to the Cining Palace and stay with Mama."
After this, all government affairs came to a halt. Xuanye lived in a tent outside the Cining Palace every day. Every time he went to burn paper for Xiaozhuang, he would cry for a long time.
When the days of rest for the body were up, Xuanye had to send his most respected Mama away from the Forbidden City.
In the carriage, Xuanye leaned on Xiu Yu's shoulder and rubbed his solar plexus. He couldn't remember which day it was, but after that mourning, he developed a headache.
"You haven't spoken much in a while." Xiu Yu gently massaged Xuanye's temples: "Grandpa, I believe she has met the person she wanted to see by now. You should, should..."
"I know." Xuanye closed his eyes and leaned back: "I am just a little tired and want to rest."
From the Forbidden City to the Xiaoling Mausoleum, and then from the Xiaoling Mausoleum back to the Forbidden City, Xuanye could no longer remember how many days had passed since he had reviewed memorials.
In the Cining Palace, Xuanye walked from one room to another. The flowers in the greenhouse were still in full bloom, but the owner of the flowers was gone.
Su Moer's eyes were still red and swollen, but as Xuanye's enlightenment teacher and Xiaozhuang's most beloved servant, she was the first to speak up and persuade Xuanye.
"Your Majesty, it's time to go to court."
"Mammy..."
"The princess certainly wouldn't want to see the emperor like this." Su Moer took out a small box from the pot of roses that was in full bloom and handed it to Xuanye. "This is what the princess left behind. Just think of it as if the princess is still here."
Inside was a string of beads that Empress Xiaozhuang often wore on her hand.
"Mammy..." Xuanye held the string of beads and looked at Su Moer with fixed eyes.
Su Moer said: "Go, it's time to do what you should do, and put the past behind you."
Xuanye knew that what Su Moer said was right. He took a last look at the warm room where Xiaozhuang lived, at the couch where Xiaozhuang often sat, then turned and walked out of the Cining Palace.
***
At night, Xiu Yu met Xuanye in the study of Yiku Palace, and saw the smile that he usually had on his face.
"Yu'er, come here." Xuanye extended his right hand towards Xiuyu and asked her to sit down beside him. "Thank you for your hard work these days."
Xiu Yu clearly felt that there was something different about Xuanye, but she couldn't tell exactly what was different.
"Madame Su said that Madame didn't want to see me like that, but I can't just follow Madame." Xuanye said calmly, "I've really missed out on a lot of government matters these days."
Xiu Yu glanced at the memorials on the desk, his eyes showing some surprise: "How long have you been reviewing so many memorials?"
"I can't remember." Xuanye smiled. "When I brought the memorial to Yikun Palace, you were not there, so I came to your study to review it, and I have been reviewing it until now."
After all, it’s still not normal... Xiu Yu sighed softly: "What do you want to eat? I'll make it for you."
"I have reviewed most of these memorials. I will go to the small kitchen with you." Xuanye stood up, held Xiu Yu's hand, and pulled her to the small kitchen.
While kneading the dough, Xiu Yu kept paying attention to Xuanye's expression. The calmer Xuanye was, the more uneasy she became.
"Please make some snacks. I'm really fine now." Xuanye kept stirring the bean paste in the bowl and said softly, "The past will eventually pass. After all, I still have a country of people to support. If I continue to be decadent, Russia and Mongolia will be unstable. I'm afraid of ruining the good cards I have."
Xiu Yu smiled and continued to prepare the snacks in her hand.
When the night got darker, Xuanye and Xiuyu sat at the table with glass cups at their sides. The color of the wine shining through the glass cups was very beautiful.
Xuanye picked up the glass cup, drank the wine in it, and then poured himself another cup.
"If you drink like this, you'll get drunk quickly." Xiu Yu moved the wooden barrel of wine to the ground and picked up a piece of red bean paste cake for Xuanye. "I don't care how long it takes for you to get over the hurdle in your heart. I will stay with you no matter how crazy you are."
Xuanye picked up the chopsticks and put them down again, and there was a hint of bitterness in the smile on his face.
"Yu'er, tell me, why do people have to experience all the sufferings in the world when they live in it?"
"It's a kind of experience." Xiu Yu folded his hands on the table. "Perhaps only by experiencing all kinds of suffering can we become indestructible. But by the time we become indestructible, we may have grown old."
"So, Mama actually has no regrets, right?"
"There are regrets, right? Life lasts for decades, how could there not be any regrets?" Xiu Yu speculated: "Perhaps the late emperor is our ancestor's regret, perhaps the regent is our ancestor's regret, or perhaps not being able to live on the grassland forever is our ancestor's regret."
"Yes." Xuanye had to admit, "Once you enter the Forbidden City with its strict rules, you will feel forced to do things against your will. Even I, the Supreme Ruler, have regrets, let alone our ancestors, let alone you."
Xiu Yu couldn't help but ask: "What you regret is..."
"I can't be at my mother's side, I can't always be with the person I love, I can't show my emotions... Yu'er, isn't my life as an emperor miserable?"
"Everyone in this world suffers. The emperor has his own difficulties, and the common people have their own difficulties. Perhaps people are born to experience all kinds of flavors in the world. Only by tasting each of the sweet, sour, bitter, spicy and salty flavors can our life on earth be worthwhile?" Xiu Yu also started drinking, with a hint of melancholy in his words.
Xuanye smiled bitterly and clasped his hands together. It turned out that even the emperor sometimes wanted to curse God.
That night, Xuanye finally had the only good sleep he had had in a long time. Maybe it was because of the alcohol, or maybe he was really relieved.
Xiu Yu lay beside Xuanye, listening to his breathing gradually even out, but she couldn't fall asleep for a long time. This life could truly be considered her second life as long as she could remember. In her first life, she had struggled among men, climbing to the top position among the chief engineers and was about to become a project manager, but then, due to the shining sun and moon, she was transported to the Qing Dynasty.
She remembered that before she traveled through time, the bridge was being closed. Not being able to see it completed was a huge regret. Thinking of this, she gradually drifted off to sleep. In a trance, she was back in her days as chief engineer, walkie-talkie in hand, directing the workers on the bridge. Not only could she hear the hum of machinery, but also, as if to Xuanye, his voice, calling out to Yu'er!
Not long after, Xiu Yu was woken up by Xuanye. She frowned and asked, "What's wrong?"
"You were dreaming. I didn't hear what you said clearly." Xuanye yawned and rubbed his temples. "I finally slept soundly."
Xiu Yu felt sorry, but there was something more in her eyes when she looked at Xuanye.
"What did you dream about? Is it so scary?" Xuanye held Xiu Yu in his arms and asked softly.
Xiu Yu shook her head: "Nothing, probably just dreaming about things I shouldn't have dreamed about."
"Go back to sleep and you won't dream about it." Xuanye comforted himself and closed his eyes first.
Xiu Yu looked at Xuan Ye's eyebrows and eyes in the candlelight. It's not that she didn't remember what happened in the dream. She even remembered every word in the dream. She remembered the last words she heard before she traveled through time. That voice belonged to the person in front of her! So, what exactly did all this mean? Xiu Yu was confused.
At this time of year, the nights in the Forbidden City were still cold. Xiu Yu waited until Xuanye fell asleep before getting out of bed, walked to the couch, sat down, and casually picked up a book to read. In fact, she couldn't concentrate on reading. Her mind was full of thoughts about why.
The things in the dream were certainly true and false, but she was very familiar with the scene. However, if only that sentence was imagined by her, it would be too absurd.
She looked out the window. It was still dark, but she knew that this time it was her turn to be unable to sleep.
The next morning, when Xuanye woke up, he found that Xiu Yu was not around, but was sleeping on the couch beside him with a book in his hand.
He smiled and shook his head, then stood up and walked to the front of the couch, holding Xiu Yu in his arms and said softly, "I'll take you to bed."
Xiu Yu asked dazedly, "Are you awake?"
"I'm awake now, it's time to practice. You didn't sleep well last night, so make up for it today."
Xiu Yu lay down on the bed, mumbling something, but Xuanye couldn't hear clearly. He waited until Xiu Yu fell asleep, then quietly left the warm room and asked Liang Jiugong to come and change him into training clothes.
Xuanye's energy and spirit did improve after practicing the exercises, but he still had a headache. The imperial physician examined him and said it was due to excessive grief during the funeral and a cold. He was afraid that he would not recover soon.
Xuanye looked relaxed: "I am willing to accept any disease."
The imperial physician didn't dare to say it out loud, but he knew very well in his heart that the emperor's headache had to be cured by acupuncture. However, giving acupuncture to the master was a big taboo in the palace, and it was difficult for him to do it for a while.
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