Chapter 51 It's Valuable Enough
I once told "Blade" that I wanted to drink Liulin's wine, but that was more of a curiosity. In fact, I don't like drinking and have never been drunk.
But at times like this, I feel that the existence of alcohol is indeed very reasonable.
The liquid flows into the throat, burning like a spicy dark fire, bringing a comfortable suffocating feeling in an instant. To that extent, it is no different from those bitter medicines that are drunk in one gulp.
My thoughts were floating aimlessly in the void, and my consciousness was a little dizzy, but I could still think clearly, and I knew clearly that if I didn't want to cross the red line of reason, I should stop here.
But after looking up and seeing the fake moon and stars, I finally drank the glass of wine in front of me again.
It was very choking, and I couldn't stop coughing.
Maybe I drank too hastily just now... When I finally calmed down and was about to refill my glass, Jing Yuan raised his hand to block the mouth of my glass and reminded me: "If you continue drinking, you will get drunk."
I know. I responded briefly, and then suddenly realized from Jing Yuan's silent gaze that I had not actually said a word.
"I know." I repeated, and then looked at the moonlight falling on the ground, and said angrily for no reason: "Don't you want to listen?"
"Look, you didn't let Bai Lu follow, and I didn't let anyone else follow. Now it's just you and me."
He spoke in a deliberately seductive tone, and his behavior revealed a kind of laziness, as if he didn't care. But Jing Yuan could see clearly that there was a layer of mist in his eyes, which seemed like physiological tears from coughing just now, or like a cover for sadness.
"You are already drunk." Jing Yuan judged so and took back his wine glass first.
"Jing Yuan" stared at the still full glass of wine that belonged to Jing Yuan, but finally did not take any action.
He simply picked up the wine jar and took a sip, then murmured, "Do you know the Möbius strip?"
Without waiting for Jing Yuan to answer, or even to think deeply about it, he drew a horizontal number 8 in the air, and repeated it back and forth following the remaining visual traces, "Just like this, we are all trapped inside."
"Every time I return to the starting point, I will..." He frowned and paused, then tilted his head and vomited blood.
"Tsk, it's always like this." He muttered vaguely, then took another sip as if to clear the smell of blood, and repeated stubbornly, "I always..."
Jing Yuan coughed the bright red liquid onto the edge of the pavilion. He clenched his fists, as if he had to repeat the process. After calming down, he reached for the wine jar again.
So Jing Yuan snatched the jar of wine from his hand, and drank his own glass in one gulp, leaving him no room to touch the alcohol at all.
"Jing Yuan" stared at his hands blankly, as if he realized that he had lost something but couldn't remember exactly what he had lost.
After a long time without an answer, Jing Yuan simply gave up thinking about it, skipped the previous topic, and continued with a hateful and hostile tone: "If I could succeed when I was alone, I wouldn't have dragged them into this endless long journey."
"You've never succeeded once?" Jing Yuan asked at the right time.
As if he was reviewing those memories in his mind, Jing Yuan was silent for a long time, and finally forced a smile, "No, not even once. No matter how many times, I can't save Luofu, let alone this world."
"With ordinary people's abilities, saving a world is still too difficult." Jing Yuan said comfortingly, but the next moment he asked a dangerous question, "So, what about the Star God?"
If only Luofu was mentioned, Jing Yuan would not have asked this question. But... in this world, this statement is too big, so big that even if you tell it to the Alliance, they might not believe it.
"Star God?" Jing Yuan was a little confused when he suddenly heard such a question, but his words were full of a matter-of-fact attitude, "Of course they are..."
He suddenly got stuck, then put his palm against his temple, gritted his teeth and repeated stubbornly, "Of course..."
"What is it?" He questioned himself, his Adam's apple rolling and letting out a painful sob that he couldn't remember, "I can't remember, I can't remember..."
"If you can't remember, just let it go." Jing Yuan comforted him softly, "This proves that things haven't developed to that point yet."
"No, this matter is very important. I should remember it." "Jingyuan" repeated persistently. He subconsciously rolled up his sleeves and looked at his left arm, as if there were some words engraved on it.
But even if something happens, it will return to normal soon. Jing Yuan was thinking so, and as expected, he saw "Jing Yuan" looking at him for a few seconds and then putting his sleeves together again with disappointment.
"The moon..." If he had just relied on the alcohol to muster up his courage before, then "Jing Yuan" was probably really letting the alcohol overwhelm his reason now.
He walked out from under the pavilion, looked up at the bright moonlight, and finally fell backwards onto the grass.
Unlike Feixiao who destroyed the house after drinking, he just lay there quietly, with his breathing rising and falling extremely steadily.
But if he had fallen asleep, his eyes were still open, like a busy person who had not looked up at the night sky for a long time, and in his rare leisure time he cast his gaze among the stars.
"I'm sorry." He said abruptly as if he was suddenly caught up in some kind of emotion, "The fact is already determined. I didn't want to ask such a useless question as 'Why me', but this question still keeps coming up..."
“Forget it.” He laughed, dispelling his previous emotions and revealing a calmness that showed he had accepted the outcome. “Maybe it’s right. I’ve already lost this game.”
"Who is he?" Jing Yuan looked over and intuitively determined that this "he" must be very important.
"That's it." Jing Yuan sat up cross-legged, turned his back to Jing Yuan and drew the shape of a Möbius strip again, "It's the me that I must find back every time I start over from the starting point."
Unlike me who only has the first half of the memory to refer to, it carries the memories and emotions that I have started over again every time, and serves as a reminder for me in this form.
It probably has its own limitations as well, so it can't tell me everything. Every time it can only say something that seems to be true, and even its tone sounds like an enemy.
But it’s true. After all, I hated myself after knowing all this.
To be honest, the fact that it has everything and can still speak rationally is already strong enough - after all, I thought that if I took on all that all at once, I would definitely go crazy.
So now the facts and the goals are clear.
Every time I start over, I have to find myself and my memories, and rely on these two precious resources left by my "previous self" to solve Luofu's crisis, or even solve more.
After all, if it's just Luofu, there's a high probability that there's no need to remember the Star God specifically - unless the Star God is preparing to fight a divine war near Luofu.
And if you still can't do it, you must prepare for the "next self".
Otherwise, once the memory that needs to be passed on is interrupted, everything will have to start from scratch.
In other words, the number of memories I received while in the prison proved how many of me had achieved temporary victory before me.
——Rejecting a wrong path is also a victory.
And now I, carrying the burden of my own memories and those of my previous selves, must find a way to leave "traces" while trying to go further.
When I think about it this way, I feel... even more stressed.
When I came back to my senses due to the pressure, I found that I had clearly carved the word "memory" on my arm with a flying knife.
The bright red liquid covered the scratched words, but before the blood had completely dried, the cut flesh had already healed completely.
If it is repeated over and over again, like the wound on a blade's wrist, will it ever heal?
I kept trying, but I knew in my heart that this method was ultimately just a reminder to myself this time.
If I want to prepare for my next self, I must find out how they preserve memories in the memories I receive, and then stay in the Prison at the same time.
...I don't know how confident I was in the past that I would definitely go to the Prison, so I chose to put the "load point" there.
As I recalled and pondered, I belatedly realized a question: Why did the sky turn dark?
Could it be that the moon is blocked by clouds? However, when it is not raining, the meteorological instruments of the Land and Resources Bureau will not specifically simulate clouds and fog.
I looked up and saw Jingyuan shrouded in moonlight. He lowered his eyes and looked at me, with a layer of moonlight surrounding him, so that I subconsciously wanted to call him "Chang'e".
Fortunately, before I could blurt out the answer, Jing Yuan asked, "Does it hurt?"
What? I stopped and suddenly realized that I was still rigidly performing the burning action.
"This level is nothing. It won't even take half a minute to heal." I wiped off the blood and raised my arm to signal Jing Yuan, "You see, this is it. Nothing can be left."
Jing Yuan had no intention of looking at it, and just repeated, "Does it hurt?"
"...I know that the injury you suffered during the Illusionary Battle was only one of the less serious injuries you have suffered since becoming a Cloud Rider General." I wiped the blood off the flying knife on the corner of my clothes, put it away again, then looked at Jing Yuan steadily and said solemnly: "So, did it hurt you at that time?"
Jingyuan didn't answer me. This is also expected. After all, who is not made of flesh and blood? Even the Celestial Being subspecies whose heads can be sewn back together after being chopped off are not without pain nerves.
So, under this question there is an answer that is clear to both of us.
If I had to answer, it would be...it's valuable enough.
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