One generation after another.
Everything eventually comes to an end.
After the curtain fell, I returned to my own family.
He said that this family has always been waiting for me to come back.
Whether I'm going to pursue my personal ambitions or want to travel around, he'll always be waiting for me at home.
My heart skipped a beat when he said that.
I don't know what this feeling is like.
Was he telling the truth?
Lou Xiao'e told me yes.
Lou Xiao'e is a very strange woman.
Back then, before she left, she made a desperate request, resulting in her pregnancy. Now that she's finally back, she clearly has the means to live in Beijing, and Qin Jingru wouldn't have said anything. But she refuses, spending most of her time in Hong Kong and only returning home for the Lunar New Year.
This behavior seems very strange to me.
Later, driven by my curiosity, I asked her.
She smiled and told me that she was just like me.
Is she like me?
I don't know why she said that.
She said that, in essence, she and I both believe that love is selfish and that love is a person's private property.
She didn't like that Wang Shouren had Qin Jingru and me by his side.
This makes me even stranger, but I don't agree with it either.
After listening to my question.
She asked me a question.
If I were a virgin marrying Wang Shouren, would I be willing to let him have other women?
That's obvious! Of course they wouldn't want to.
She asked me another question.
What about Qin Jingru?
I was stunned.
Yes, where is Qin Jingru?
When Qin Jingru married into the family, she was a typical young, unmarried woman.
Even though she was fooled by that guy, why is she so cheerful all the time? If it were me...
For a moment, I didn't know what to say.
She told me that when she first came back, she actually wanted to break me up with Wang Shouren. In her opinion, I was the weakest link in this relationship, and she thought that I might give up if she just said a few words.
I reminisce about myself back then.
Indeed, when it was first exposed, I did think about leaving, but I was infatuated with him, I couldn't leave him, and I couldn't bear to part with him. I don't know what the consequences would have been if Lou Xiao'e had whispered something in my ear back then.
I asked her why she gave up.
She told me that because Qin Jingru was silly and cute, she couldn't bring herself to do it, and besides, she wasn't sure she could succeed.
Wang Shouren clearly intends to have it all. If she causes trouble, he might just abandon her, and she would end up losing more than she gains.
Upon hearing this, I fell silent.
Silly, really silly.
Qin Jingru is such a fool!
At that moment, for some reason, a pang of sadness welled up inside me. I realized something: the girl who constantly proclaimed herself the "official wife" had truly become the official wife—the one everyone acknowledged. Even Lou Xiao'e's son thought so.
Our communication did not end with the appearance of the Empress.
She continued to "intensify" my efforts; I learned the term "intensify" from Wang Shouren's computer.
She told me that, in a sense, she, Xu Weiwei, and I were all the same kind of people, all hoping to stay together forever. She was proud, I was insecure, and Xu Weiwei was silly, but we were all very persistent in our "love".
Desperately trying to find out if the other person truly cares about them.
In fact, this is an unsolvable problem.
Since you have yourself, why can't you just be with yourself?
Countless "whys" will arise. In the end, the fire of jealousy will burn you alive.
Therefore, she chose to leave, but not completely. She waited until the day she could fully accept it before returning.
She waited until she was old, and so am I; I'm old too.
As for Xu Weiwei, that woman who struggled her whole life, we didn't really pay her much attention.
Having a child with Xu Weiwei was, in a sense, not what Wang Shouren himself wanted.
It was the wife who forced him to do it.
The Empress was ultimately kind-hearted; she couldn't bear to see Xu Weiwei continue like this, so she pulled Lou Xiao'e along and put Xu Weiwei in bed, thus successfully winning over this foolish woman.
Unfortunately, all these disturbances ultimately failed to stop the erosion of time.
I have only two regrets in my life.
My first regret is that I couldn't give him a child that belongs to us.
My second regret is that he never gave me an answer.
Autumn passed and winter came; winter went and spring arrived. But I ultimately couldn't make it through that winter.
That night, I was lying in bed, and he was right next to me, holding my hand.
He watched me silently.
I know he's amazing; his medical skills are incredible. Back then, six months before that old lady passed away, he accurately diagnosed her pulse. Over the years, he hasn't fallen behind. He's become more and more like a sage; if he casually feels a pulse and says, "You'll die tomorrow," then that person definitely won't live to see the third day.
His hand holding my wrist trembled slightly.
At that moment, I knew that I was probably going to die.
Yes, I felt completely drained. Lying in bed with my eyes closed, it felt like I was back in yesterday.
I don't know why, but as I get older, I increasingly want to go back to the past.
Go back to my younger self.
My aging body simply can't give me much energy anymore.
As I've grown old, even the question I've held onto my whole life—"Did he really love me?"—has become less important to me.
I'm getting old, so old that my brain isn't working properly anymore.
I don't know what to say.
Lou Xiao'e once said that between lovers, the one who dies first is actually the happier, because she can die in her lover's arms, while the one left behind is most likely to be unhappy. He will spend the rest of his life in memories, but I think he probably won't be unhappy, right? After all, he still has Lou Xiao'e and Qin Jingru by his side.
I wasn't exactly the first one to go.
Xu Weiwei walked ahead of me.
Who told her to be so restless?
Ugh, what am I even thinking?
Yes, yes, I'm about to leave.
I should think of something happier.
When am I happiest?
That night, I accompanied him to Qin Family Village to present the betrothal gift to Qin Jingru. He chased away the Empress, took my hand, and we walked through the countryside fields.
His hands were warm.
But what did he say that night?
I don't remember, I only remember that I was very happy, very happy, very happy...
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