Difficult Choices
Lin Yi didn't know how he left, nor what he said to Duan Wenjin before he left. He only knew that as he walked out of Renjitang and looked at the dazzling sunlight, he suddenly wanted to lie down straight.
But she didn't; she just squatted down and curled herself up into a ball.
She didn't know how much time had passed when someone gently patted her shoulder. The touch was gentle, yet it woke her from her nightmare.
"Go home."
She lifted her head from the deep embrace of her arms, revealing two wet, bewildered eyes.
"Xie Chengnan, I regret it."
Xie Chengnan's voice remained gentle, "We'll talk about it when we get back."
Lin Yi held the bowl in one hand and chopsticks in the other, having not moved for a long time. Her brows and eyes were furrowed from time to time, clearly indicating that she was preoccupied with her thoughts.
"Miss, the food will get cold if you don't eat it soon...Miss?"
Xie Chengnan shook his head slightly at her.
Xueya knew that this was not something she could control, but she still couldn't help looking at her with concern.
Xie Chengnan didn't seem worried. He calmly swallowed the last bite of rice and wiped his mouth clean with a handkerchief: "Give her some time. There are some things that only she can figure out herself."
Although he said that, he couldn't sit still when Qiu Qing stayed indoors all night and didn't even go to the dining hall.
"Freshly cooked live shrimp, you really don't want to eat them? I peeled them myself. So many young ladies and noblewomen in the whole of Mingzhou want to eat them but can't."
Lin Yi wrinkled his nose. "Do all the noble ladies in Mingzhou want to eat the shrimp you peel? Are your hands covered in gold, or have they been blessed?"
Xie Chengnan is particularly thick-skinned at times, "naturally because I am loved by everyone, no one dislikes me, even the shrimp I peel are popular."
Lin Yi scoffed at this.
Xie Chengnan picked up a glistening, orange-white shrimp with his chopsticks and waved it in front of her. "You really don't want to eat it?"
"Eat! Of course I'll eat the shrimp that the young master peeled himself. But I really don't have an appetite right now. Let's leave it there for now, and I'll definitely eat it later."
Xie Chengnan nodded, knowing that she could still joke with him and agree to have dinner, so there was no major problem.
The branches and leaves rustled softly against the window frame.
Lin Yi spoke up, "Aren't you going to ask me?"
Xie Chengnan looked down at her. "What did you want to ask you?"
"They asked me what happened today, whether I had found out the truth about the Liu family case, and why I was behaving so strangely..."
"I am indeed curious, but would you be willing to tell me?"
Xie Chengnan spoke to her very softly all day, as if afraid of disturbing a deer foraging in the forest, or as if he were coaxing a fragile dream, his voice full of doting tenderness. Anyone who didn't know better would think that Qiu Qing was also a precious treasure he held in the palm of his hand.
"I haven't decided yet..."
I haven't figured out what to do, what to say, or whether to tell Xie Chengnan.
"Then take your time thinking about it. I'll listen when you're ready to talk."
His inaction and lack of inquiry left Lin Yi at a loss for what to do.
She then realized that she actually wanted him to continue asking questions.
Just like her relentless questioning of Duan Wenjin, she could then conveniently reveal everything she had heard that day because she couldn't resist. That way, she wouldn't have to keep those things bottled up inside her.
Lin Yi noticed the bitterness in her mouth, and at that moment, she felt the same way as Duan Wenjin.
Xie Chengnan delivered the food and received her promise, so he had no reason to stay any longer and got up to leave.
Lin Yi watched him walk to the door, then suddenly called out to him, "Xie Chengnan—"
Xie Chengnan didn't move his feet, but slowly turned to the side. "I'm here."
Lin Yi knew that what he wanted to say was—I've always been here.
"Come with me to Mingdu Prefecture first thing tomorrow morning."
"good."
She tried her best to force a smile, which may not have been pretty, but the hesitation from before was gone from that smile.
Some choices are destined to be heavy and difficult.
Lin Yi knew he was caught in a moral dilemma: "telling the truth would ruin a good person," while "concealing the truth would violate reason, law, and justice."
No matter what choice you make, pain and regret will be unavoidable.
If she were rational enough, she would have analyzed the pros and cons and chosen the lesser of two evils. But Lin Yi had an urgent urge to cut the Gordian knot.
Going to Mingdu Prefecture was a last-minute decision. But once I said it, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
Lin Yi knew that given the inner conflict he was facing, he might not be able to reach a conclusion even after agonizing for a long time. He knew that if he sought help from Xie Chengnan, Xie would surely help him make a choice, but Lin Yi couldn't bear to do that.
That person only appeared lazy and indifferent on the surface, but was actually perceptive and sentimental, sharp-tongued yet gentle.
They had some similarities, and in fact, it was Xie Chengnan who first noticed something was wrong.
Given this, how could Lin Yi bear to make him suffer the same hardship?
Truth or sentiment, right or wrong or human nature—these are all questions she must answer. Perhaps only when reality forces her to the brink of a decision will she truly see her own choice clearly.
Human beings are only truly revealed when they have no way out. Lin Yi wanted to create that moment for himself.
The next day, Lin Yi met Yue Mingzhang as she had hoped.
Under the rising steam of tea, Yue Fuzheng's face seemed even paler.
Faced with the visitor's concern, Yue Mingzhang simply waved his hand dismissively, "It's nothing, I've just been busy with the aftermath of the Liu family's case these past few days, and I'm a bit tired."
The two exchanged a few more polite words, but Lin Yi never got to the point.
Xie Chengnan sat to the side watching, noticing that she seemed nervous, weighing her options and hesitating about something.
Lin Yi's jaw tightened slightly, and despite several struggles, he still couldn't reveal the truth.
She spoke softly, her voice tinged with unreality: "I was overthinking this. There was no other murderer."
Not only Xie Chengnan, but even Yue Mingzhang was surprised. He had thought that Qiu Qingye had come to ask him to help delay the situation for a while longer.
He actually had some suspicions about the death of Madam Liu, but his superiors were keeping a close watch on him and wouldn't allow him to investigate further.
He had originally planned to have Qiu Qingye and Xie Chengnan investigate, as the resistance might be less. Once they uncovered some clues and presented them to the authorities, the higher-ups would be unable to ignore them, making it a natural way to overturn the case. While Master Liu's guilt was undeniable, all the suspects involved in the case should be apprehended to be worthy of his official robes.
Hearing what Qiu Qingye said, he couldn't help but feel disappointed. He wondered if they had encountered the same obstacles, or if they were simply tired and unwilling to get involved anymore.
Regardless of which option it is, it's their freedom, and naturally no one has the right to interfere. However, Yue Mingzhang still asked persistently, "Miss Qiu, is what you said true? Or have you encountered some difficulties?"
Lin Yi shook his head and said, "There's no other reason. I just suddenly realized that I don't want to investigate anymore. Just like you advised me before, it's a foregone conclusion that Master Liu killed Chun Chan. Even if he didn't intend to kill Madam Liu, it's a fact that he caused her death. It won't affect the sentencing, so why drag other people into it?"
Yue Mingzhang vaguely felt that there was something more to these words, but without concrete evidence, he had no choice but to let it go.
Xie Chengnan, however, understood the inside story better than Yue Mingzhang, and he understood her better as well. He knew that Lin Yi definitely knew the truth but chose to keep it from him. Moreover, it seemed that she had no intention of telling him.
Is it a lack of self-confidence, or...?
Yue Mingzhang sighed, "Since that's the case, then the Liu family case is closed. The wooden boat is finished, and there's no going back."
Lin Yi nodded slightly.
When Lin Yi left Mingdu Prefecture, he did not feel the relief that he had expected, as if the dust had settled.
To be fair, she felt guilty.
She studied forensic medicine for six years, and her professional training taught her to listen to the last words the deceased left for the world by looking at the most subtle clues on the body, in order to restore the truth.
This time, not only was she unable to reconstruct the truth from the corpse, but the truth was also told to her by the murderer himself.
Her failure to report the crime was, in her own eyes, a disservice to her professional knowledge; in her heart, a disservice to the wrongfully deceased Madam Liu and the child in her womb; and in her legal conscience, a disservice to the orderly and transparent nature of laws and regulations throughout history.
People are always fickle at times. Just the day before, she told Xie Chengnan that she wanted to investigate further. Now that she knows the truth, she has backed down.
She had never felt such disgust for herself, disregarding the law.
She was only thankful that when she was most confused and helpless yesterday, she didn't pour out all her troubles to Xie Chengnan, so at least he didn't have to suffer such torment as well.
But it turned out that Xie Chengnan had already guessed it.
"Master Liu's fate is already sealed, but Duan Wenjin's is not. He hasn't committed any heinous crimes, so as long as you don't say anything, he can remain unaffected and continue doing what he wants—that's what you think, right?"
He actually knew...
Lin Yi lowered her eyelashes, concealing the sudden ripples in her eyes. From Xie Chengnan's angle, all he could see was the shimmering dewdrops on the feathers, which would shatter in the wind.
"I also guess that you didn't say it entirely for his sake, but because you hoped he could save more people."
Lin Yi lowered his head and nodded heavily again.
Xie Chengnan pulled her hand into his palm. The summer breeze was warm, but her hand was cold, like a pool of cold water that couldn't be warmed up.
He seemed to feel sorry for her. Realizing this, Xie Chengnan gently pulled her into his arms. "Didn't I just tell you yesterday to go for it, that I'd be there for you no matter what? How could you forget so quickly?"
It was a very light hug, so light that Lin Yi couldn't feel the strength in Xie Chengnan's arms. She opened her mouth to retort, "I didn't forget, I just—"
It was an extremely warm hug.
In such warmth, even icicles will melt into water.
And so the vast, turbulent waves in her eyes, poised to fall, finally trembled and dripped, soaking the fabric on Xie Chengnan's shoulder.
She asked in a trembling voice, "Did I mess things up?"
Xie Chengnan reached out and gently stroked the long hair behind her head. "It's not time to draw conclusions yet. There's plenty of time. Let's wait and see what happens with the seeds sown today."
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