Chapter 114 He cannot, and should not, use his personal...
Shu Ran stuffed the paper into the bottom of the camphor wood chest, under a few old clothes.
Rumors about her outside intensified, and even some erotic versions emerged.
"They don't know anything!" Sister Wang gulped down half a bowl of cold water. "If it weren't for Teacher Shu, Special Envoy Chen would still be stuck at the bottom of the ice cliff! This is a life-saving act! This is a meritorious deed!"
Shu Ran went over and tried to calm Sister Wang down: "Sister, don't get upset over this. As the saying goes, you can't make someone die, but you can't make someone live either."
Li Xiulan said worriedly, "But what they said was so awful...it's bad for your reputation."
"Reputation?" Shu Ran smiled, a faint smile tinged with coldness. "Reputation is for others to see, life is for yourself. I don't have time to worry about that right now."
She was indeed busy. Chen Yuanjiang remained unconscious, his high fever recurring. Xu Junjun had been watching over him longer than she had, and her eyes were now dark and swollen. "His injuries are under control, but the hypothermia is too severe; his bodily functions need time to recover. Shu Ran, you really snatched him back from the jaws of death to save his life."
Shu Ran didn't reply, but simply tucked the hot water bottle filled with hot water closer to Chen Yuanjiang's feet. He lay there with his eyes closed, his face pale, his broken left arm splinted and fixed to his chest.
She looked at him, recalling his mumbled "I can't bear to part with you." A dull ache settled in her heart.
But she quickly suppressed this unease. She had more important things to do.
Lin Xuezhou came to see her, bringing the latest news from the division headquarters.
"Comrade Shu Ran, the division attaches great importance to the planning of the demonstration sites." He got straight to the point, his tone official, but his eyes held a hint of admiration. "Director Sun instructed us to come up with a more detailed plan as soon as possible, especially regarding the systematization of teaching materials and the promotion of teaching sites in pastoral areas."
Shu Ran invited him to sit down and poured him a glass of hot water. "What specific ideas does Teacher Lin have?"
“I believe the most urgent task is to integrate existing teaching resources and form a replicable model. Your practical experience is invaluable, but it needs theoretical refinement and systematic organization.” Lin Xuezhou looked at her, his tone becoming more sincere. “This time… you saved Commissioner Chen; that was very brave.”
Shu Ran twitched the corner of her mouth, not responding to the conversation. "Systematic review is necessary. However, Teacher Lin, the premise of theoretical improvement is to ensure that this model can truly take root in similar grassroots units and solve practical problems. I've been organizing the learning feedback recently and found that it's not enough to just be useful; people have to feel that they can't live without it."
She took out a thick stack of booklets bound together with waste newspapers. "Look," she said, "our textbooks, our system, we have to focus on this 'indispensable' concept."
Lin Xuezhou flipped through the textbooks filled with everyday life, her expression focused. After a long while, she nodded: "You're right. I was too idealistic before. Grassroots work... is indeed more complex and more... vivid than I imagined."
This was the first time he had explicitly admitted his shortcomings. Shu Ran was somewhat surprised, but didn't say much, simply discussing the specific details of the teaching materials with him.
Before leaving, Lin Xuezhou casually mentioned, "By the way, about what I told you last time, the Education Section of the Division might have a quota after the New Year for the promotion of grassroots education backbone personnel. Our demonstration site should be able to secure one."
Shu Ran's heart skipped a beat, but she remained expressionless: "Oh? This is a good opportunity."
"Yes." Lin Xuezhou nodded. "I will report our work progress to Director Sun. I think you are more suitable for this position."
After seeing Lin Xuezhou off, Shu Ran stood at the door of the house, looking at the Gobi Desert covered with snow in the distance, which shimmered with a cold light under the moonlight.
The division training course... this is indeed an opportunity to step out of the livestock company and access a higher platform. It seems to suit her current needs better than the transfer order at the bottom of her trunk.
As someone who had traveled to this place, Shanghai held no real ties for her. Another point was that she knew that in the 1960s, the larger the city, the greater the impact of certain events.
Chen Yuanjiang woke up in the early hours of three days later.
Xu Junjun rushed over and knocked on Shu Ran's door immediately, "He's awake! Shu Ran! He's awake!"
Shu Ran threw on her cotton-padded coat and rushed out. When she reached the door of the clinic, she stopped, tidied her disheveled hair, and then pushed the door open to go inside.
Chen Yuanjiang leaned against the headboard, his complexion still very poor, but his eyes were open, though they lacked vitality, they were clear.
He saw Shu Ran, paused for a moment, and quickly scanned her entire body as if to make sure she was alright. Then he lowered his eyelids and stared at the old quilt covering his legs.
"How are you feeling?" Shu Ran walked over, her voice calm.
“…It’s alright.” He said, his voice hoarse.
Xu Junjun poured him some warm water and helped him drink a few sips.
“You were unconscious for several days.” Shu Ran sat down on the stool by the bed. “The militiamen found us at the old ice cliff.”
Chen Yuanjiang remained silent, seemingly trying to recall.
“My horse…” he asked in a hoarse voice.
Shu Ran paused for a moment, then told the truth: "...he couldn't be saved."
Chen Yuanjiang closed his eyes, his Adam's apple bobbing. That horse had been with him for many years.
A silence fell over the room. Only the crackling of the flames in the coal stove could be heard.
After a while, Chen Yuanjiang opened his eyes again, and this time his gaze fell on Shu Ran's face.
"You..." He paused, seemingly choosing his words carefully, "How did you end up at Old Ice Cliff?"
Shu Ran met his gaze without flinching. "I... was worried. I remembered you mentioned that shortcut before, so I went to find it."
She spoke of it casually, but both of them were well aware of the risks involved.
Chen Yuanjiang's lips pressed into a straight line. He looked at Shu Ran, his eyes churning with many emotions: lingering fear, gratitude, guilt, and something else he had forcibly suppressed.
"Nonsense." In the end, he only uttered these two words.
Shu Ran neither refuted nor explained.
After another moment of silence, Chen Yuanjiang seemed to have finally made up his mind, and spoke again, his voice low and slow: "Shu Ran..."
"The transfer order is with me," Shu Ran interrupted him, her tone calm.
Chen Yuanjiang suddenly looked up at her.
"You came back just to deliver this, right?" Shu Ran looked at him.
Chen Yuanjiang avoided Shu Ran's gaze, staring at a certain spot on the wall. After a long while, he finally hummed in agreement.
"It's the division's decision," he added, his voice dry. "Considering your family situation and personal development... going back to Shanghai is... better for you."
He spoke with great difficulty.
Did he want her to leave? He couldn't bear it; the whispers beneath the icy cliff were his greatest fear. But could he keep her? By what right? By the harsh cold of this frontier, by the constant danger? Shanghai was where she had roots, a more stable life, and perhaps… a wider world to explore. He couldn't, and shouldn't, use his selfishness to hold her back.
Shu Ran looked at him quietly, at his taut jawline, at his eyes that dared not meet her gaze, at his curled fingers.
She suddenly felt a little amused, yet also a little sad. This man was probably in turmoil inside, but on the surface, he still had to put on a brave face, pretending to be a righteous person who cared about her.
“Yes, going back to Shanghai sounds good.” Shu Ran’s tone was light and airy, with a hint of something unfathomable. “Shanghai in the 1960s… must have been much more prosperous than here.”
Chen Yuanjiang's heart sank with her words. He felt as if something was blocking his chest, causing a suffocating pain.
Sure enough, she still wanted to leave. His secret, inappropriate expectations seemed so ridiculous.
He tried to force an expression of understanding and support, but found that the muscles in his face were too stiff to obey him.
In the end, he simply lowered his head and squeezed out a few words: "You... decide."
“I really need to make a good decision.” Shu Ran stood up and looked down at him. “After all, there’s more than one opportunity.”
Chen Yuanjiang looked up, a hint of confusion in his eyes.
Shu Ran didn't explain further, but turned to Xu Junjun and said, "Junjun, he just woke up and needs to rest. I'll go back first."
After saying that, she didn't look at Chen Yuanjiang again and walked straight out.
The wind outside was cold, but Shu Ran felt the gloom in her heart dissipate somewhat.
She glanced back at the clinic and gave a soft hum.
“Fool,” she whispered, though it was unclear who she was referring to.
She won't return to Shanghai. That time and place have long become blurred for her; the storms there may be even fiercer than those on the frontier.
Here, there is the school she founded, the literacy class that has just seen hope, the children and women who depend on her, and a mentally challenged man who, though reluctant to leave, insists on pushing her away.
She was going to fight for a spot in the division's training program. Not to leave, but for better development. She wanted everyone to see that Shu Ran's value could be realized even in the frontier.
As for that transfer order at the bottom of the box... let it lie there for now. It was his willingness to give it up, but it might not be her future.
Chen Yuanjiang leaned against the headboard, listening to the sound of the door closing. He felt that the lump in his chest not only did not dissipate, but became even heavier, causing pain in his internal organs.
What did she mean by her last sentence? Was there more than one opportunity? Besides returning to Shanghai, what other opportunities did she have?
He suddenly realized that he didn't understand her at all. This was the seemingly weak capitalist's daughter he had first met. She was intelligent, resilient, opinionated, and even... a little cunning.
Like the red willows on the Gobi Desert, they look slender, but their roots can penetrate into the saline-alkali soil, and the stronger the wind and sand, the more tenacious they become.
He was once a war hero who wouldn't even blink in the face of gunfire, but now he was troubled and anxious because he couldn't figure out what a woman was thinking.
He couldn't bear to see her go.
This realization pierced through all his pretense and rationality.
But he couldn't keep her.
This reality is clear and cruel.
He closed his eyes, overwhelmed by an immense sense of powerlessness.
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