Chapter 73: Fourteenth Bridge He actually remembered her words for so long...
Cui Yiluo frowned subconsciously, not understanding how he could understand her simple question as a confession that she had him in her heart.
"That's not what I meant."
At most, she felt a little relieved. After all, he had helped her a lot, and she wasn't ungrateful. She felt it was only natural for her to comfort him, wasn't she? It wasn't because she cared about him.
Jiang Yunjin's eyes suddenly darkened.
Cui Yiluo's heart tightened, as if a large hand had suddenly pinched her. She opened her lips, then closed them again with a vague sense of helplessness.
She thought to herself, she didn't like this feeling at all.
The room was silent, the candlelight flickering.
"When did you recognize me?" Cui Yiluo asked softly.
Jiang Yunjin gently tucked the few strands of hair that fell on her ears behind her ears. His warm fingertips touched her earlobe, causing her to shiver slightly.
It was clearly a simple, even gentle action, but Cui Yiluo sensed a hint of strong possession from it.
He still answered concisely: "After we get married."
Something is wrong.
Cui Yiluo recalled how, back in Qingchi Lane, he'd said he'd initially protected her, not as a pawn. But if he'd recognized her then, why had he been so eager to stay away from her, to have no contact with her at all? He'd clearly said she was the most special person to him. But if he'd recognized her later, why had he said he hadn't initially considered her a pawn? Clearly, he'd obeyed Xiao Jing's orders to protect her life because of her identity, hadn't he?
Cui Yiluo's mind suddenly cleared up for a moment. If he had truly recognized her from the very beginning, then with his sharp intelligence, he would have seen through her disguises and schemes like a shard of smoke. And the wine she had deliberately handed him, laced with the charm of immortality...
The charcoal basin in the room was burning very brightly. Jiang Yunjin seemed to be afraid that she would get cold, so he always asked someone to add more charcoal. Even the woven carpet in the room was replaced with a woolen blanket, and the whole bedroom was warm as spring.
Yet, in this warmth, Cui Yiluo felt a chill run down her spine. They were too close, and she sat on his lap. She instinctively leaned back, unable to move. His long arms wrapped around her waist, holding her tightly in his embrace.
Jiang Yunjin looked at her steadily.
Looking at his cold, jade-like face, she wavered again. He had once been a true gentleman, but it was she who had destroyed his gentlemanly ways, turning him into what he was now. How could she have doubted him then?
"So, you knew that long before you heard my stepmother say those words."
Jiang Yunjin nodded.
"A Luo, I told you that you were in a difficult situation at the time. You were not wrong."
Like a fire that suddenly ignited in the cold night, Cui Yiluo was burned to the point of being a little fuzzy in consciousness, but she couldn't help but crave this warmth.
He had said this the last time Yao Shi happened. But she had some doubts then, but now...
Cui Yiluo's heart seemed to be softened and collapsed by the heat.
She asked him very seriously, "So, what about you then? Why did you want to die, and why did you become like that?"
Only just now did she finally understand why Jiang Zhaoyue said he had committed a heinous crime, and why the palace remained silent on the matter. This man, who was so highly regarded by everyone, so talented at a young age, suddenly ran away from home one day, leaving without saying goodbye, even intending to end it all.
It’s all because of rules and etiquette.
When he was in the cave, he originally planned to avoid the rain and find a wide place to end it.
But he met her.
But he didn't tell her the whole story at the time. She only knew that he couldn't stand the control at home, so he ran away from home and wanted to end his life to find freedom. She had some idea that he was the eldest or only son of a wealthy family, but she had never associated him with Jiang Yunjin.
Thinking of his thin and lonely figure vaguely visible in the darkness of the damp and cold cave, Cui Yiluo suddenly felt a little dry in her throat.
He had once rebelled against the pressure of rules, even running away from home and making his way to Ningzhou, thousands of miles away. But she remembered clearly telling him back then that once he became independent, he would be free from the constraints of rules and that things would always turn around. How could he be so reckless when someone like her was still struggling in the swamp?
The forsythia flowers she gave him were a symbol of rebirth and resilience.
But after returning to Shengjing, why did he willingly accept being bound by rules again and become the most respectful, polite, humble and solemn gentleman in Shengjing? The will to resist that he had once had seemed to be completely wiped out.
But at the same time, he treasured the forsythia flower and planted a forsythia tree in front of his bedroom window.
She asked directly, but Jiang Yunjin, who had been looking at her, lowered his eyes, obviously avoiding her.
"I want to hear it all."
He responded quickly: "A Luo, you don't want to hear this."
Cui Yiluo sneered, "How do you know? Jiang Yunjin, I'm not as old-fashioned as you."
If someone as conservative as him could accept her miserable past, wouldn't she be able to accept it even more?
Jiang Yunjin's eyes were complicated, and his tone contained a hint of helplessness: "A Luo, this matter is not as simple as you think."
Cui Yiluo responded calmly and asked, "How complicated is it?"
Jiang Yunjin stopped talking.
"Jiang Yunjin, you know my past very well, but you keep your story secret from me. It's really unfair."
He didn't even have this much trust in her, yet he made her trust him without reservation. Cui Yiluo's breathing quickened a little, and she pulled at his hand that was wrapped around her waist.
When I touched his wrist, I suddenly heard him speak.
"I killed my parents."
Cui Yiluo paused, her expression frozen for a moment, and looked at him in disbelief: "What?"
Seeing her expression, Jiang Yunjin's eyes were filled with even more self-mockery, so much so that it stung her eyes. His back, which had always been as straight as a bamboo, lost some strength, and he seemed to have returned to the rainy days six years ago.
"You understand now, you don't want to hear that."
Cui Yiluo subconsciously said: "I didn't..."
"Most of the children of the aristocratic families of Shengjing enter officialdom at the age of eighteen thanks to their ancestors' influence."
Cui Yiluo frowned: "But you are not sixteen..."
Halfway through her speech, she suddenly understood and felt even more depressed.
Jiang Yunjin nodded softly.
When he was fifteen, his father called him into the study as usual. His father was always serious, so he did not expect that his father wanted to talk to him about entering the officialdom. Although he had guessed that he would be faster than other children of the same age, he did not expect it to be so soon.
His father had told him so much, much of which he had heard before: to rise to prominence and bring honor to the Jiang family, he was the only one who could rely on him. But perhaps it was because he had heard so much that the final straw broke the camel's back.
Looking at his gloomy expression, Cui Yiluo could almost guess most of what was going on and was speechless for a long time.
"How does this relate to your parents' death?"
Jiang Yunjin lowered his eyes and narrated slowly. His tone was so calm that it was a little scary, as if his soul had been taken away.
"After I left Beijing, my father searched everywhere for me. One day, a sudden downpour hit, and he accidentally fell off his horse." Jiang Yunjin paused, then continued, "After that, he was bedridden and passed away within two weeks. When I returned to Shengjing, he had already been dead for three days."
Cui Yiluo's heart trembled. She could almost imagine him finally coming to his senses, giving up on his suicide attempt, and returning to Shengjing Prefecture, only to be confronted by a scene filled with white banners. Her throat suddenly tightened, and her heart felt as if a piece of it had been torn apart.
"My mother always blamed me for my rebelliousness and for killing my father. She was so depressed by my father's sudden death that she passed away within a year."
Cui Yiluo finally understood why the Jiang family never mentioned the deceased eldest wife and husband, and why they sealed off the courtyard where they lived during their lifetime.
Jiang Yunjin's mother never forgave him until her death. And he probably wouldn't forgive himself either, so he became even more obedient than before. He clearly understood the situation, but he willingly let himself be bound by etiquette, working tirelessly day and night until he was promoted to the position of Minister of the Central Secretariat at the age of twenty-one.
My heart felt like it was being pressed down by a heavy stone.
It was late at night, and despite the New Year's Eve vigil, everything was as quiet as usual. A whispered conversation in the middle of the night was a low voice that only the other person could hear.
Cui Yiluo was silent for a long time. Jiang Yunjin seemed to understand her attitude from her silence. His face became darker and darker, and his eyes became dead again, but he did not loosen his arms around her.
Just as his eyes darkened completely, he heard her soft voice.
“It’s not your fault.”
Surprise flashed in his eyes, and he was slightly distracted. His face showed a bewilderment he had never seen before, as if he couldn't understand her words. However, she also expected that no one had ever said this to him in the past six years, whether it was Madam Jiang or his uncles.
She calmed herself down and said, "Your father's fall from his horse was not something you could have predicted when you left Shengjing. It was an accident that no one could have predicted. And what happened afterwards was not what you expected, nor was it what you hoped for. For you, you simply don't want to follow the rules you've followed for more than a decade, that's all. I understand that you can't accept it, and perhaps you will never be able to figure it out in your lifetime. However, you shouldn't take it all on yourself, nor should you listen to them completely."
She knew that those who knew the true story would probably think he had killed his parents, otherwise he wouldn't have been so committed to upholding propriety and respecting education. Even a hint of this in the Jiang residence, overtly or covertly, would make those raised in the strictest ways of propriety and filial piety feel like being tortured to death.
She spoke a little quickly. Jiang Yunjin, who had always been smart, seemed not to react at this moment.
He looked at her with complicated eyes: "Do you really think so?"
Cui Yiluo nodded slightly, then deliberately said: "But this is just my opinion, I don't think you will listen to it."
If what she said tonight was heard by Old Madam Jiang, she would probably be punished by the family rules.
Jiang Yunjin looked at her steadily, shook his head slightly, pursed his lips, but said nothing in the end.
In fact, what he wanted to say was that it was enough for him that she thought this way.
"If you think it's because I didn't follow the rules... then why did you keep that forsythia flower and plant a forsythia tree?"
Cui Yiluo didn’t understand. Shouldn’t he be disgusted by what she said?
Jiang Yunjin glanced at the forsythia tree outside the window. Its shadow, obscured by the thick silk, seemed hazy and indistinct. Then he looked at her again. Her face was still bright and beautiful in the dim candlelight.
After returning to Shengjing, because of his parents' affairs, he felt like he was once again in shackles, so he restrained himself from looking for her. But to him, she had become the most special person in his life.
"Didn't you tell me that Forsythia represents hope?"
Cui Yiluo was stunned and could almost feel the struggle and contradiction in his heart.
And he actually remembered her words for so long.
Her heart moved, "So, my husband is completely unruly now?"
Jiang Yunjin's handsome features were only now slightly stained with a faint smile, and he repeated his previous answer: "Don't you want me to guard you?"
Cui Yiluo hooked her arm around his neck and said with a bright smile, "Then you won't blame me, I broke all your rules."
Jiang Yunjin looked at her with deep eyes without answering.
Cui Yiluo didn't ask any further questions, only saying, "Tonight, we will keep vigil. We should sit in silence around the fire until dawn. Will you abide by this rule, my husband?"
Jiang Yunjin still didn't answer.
The scene before her eyes suddenly went dark, and Cui Yiluo saw him lower his head, his angular features softened in the candlelight, and he sucked and bit her lips with gentle tenderness.
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The author has something to say: In fact, one of the original positionings of this article was double redemption [狗头]
Happy National Day [red heart]
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