Chapter 58
He didn't come back even after the entire class was over.
Jian Sheng let out a long breath, a complex mix of emotions swirling within him.
During the long break, cheerful running music played over the loudspeaker. Qi Jing stood up and asked, "Why are you so restless?"
After saying that, he turned his head and glanced casually at Chen Zhoujing's empty seat, and understood what was going on.
"Shall we go for a run first?" she said. "He... he was probably talking about the exam. He'll be back soon."
Jian Sheng let out a soft "ah," but didn't respond to the rest of her words. She got up and followed her out to queue.
When he returned, Chen Zhou was surprised to find that the things on his seat had been moved. The desk was now clean and tidy, with only a few lonely sets of math test papers placed in the upper left corner of the desk.
There was also a sticky note she had given him stuck on it.
What I wrote down was:
Please stop reading now!
I've finished all three sets of new practice papers in the last couple of days. Take them and look at them first. If you don't understand anything, come back and I'll explain it to you.
Something came up at home, don't worry.
Chen Zhou came back briefly, then went out again.
At the end of February, and ever since that day, Jian Sheng's back has remained empty.
There was no response from WeChat either.
She pursed her lips, put her phone into the pile of notes, and walked downstairs with her schoolbag.
I habitually looked up, but there was no one familiar at the familiar gray wall.
She had no choice but to open the door and walk slowly, hoping to catch the person who usually sneaked out, but he seemed to have vanished without a trace.
Jian Sheng walked a few steps down the winding road and passed the corner.
This is the first time I've gone looking for directions with a specific purpose.
She was holding her schoolbag and lingering downstairs at Chen Zhoujing's apartment building.
Only after seeing a large number of students on the road did I follow the crowd to the school.
At this moment, a group of people were standing on the long road in front of the school gate. The leader was dressed in black. Among the remaining people, except for the one who was wearing a full school uniform and keeping a smile, the others either only had the school uniform shirt or only had the school uniform pants.
There was only one path, and Jian Sheng, clutching her schoolbag, tried to walk as far as possible into the shade of the trees.
Shen Xuzheng was the first to notice her, but he only glanced at her indifferently.
Before he could look away, his friend had already walked past.
"Hey, Yu Chao!" Shen Xuzheng stepped forward, ready to pull him up.
But Yu Chao took long strides and reached her side in just a few steps.
Noticing the person who approached, Jian gritted her teeth, turned around, and looked up at him: "What do you want?"
"So fierce?" Yu Chao suppressed a smile, his eyes crinkling with laughter.
Jian Sheng remained expressionless and asked again, "What is it?"
Shen Xuzheng stepped forward and whispered a reminder.
However, Yu Chao ignored him and bent down to get closer to Jian Sheng: "Want to chat?"
"I don't want to." Jian Sheng said coldly without any politeness, then turned and left.
She walked very fast, as if afraid of being caught up.
I breathed a sigh of relief after stepping through the school gate; Yu Chao wasn't wearing a school uniform and couldn't get in.
However, things don't always go as planned. Not long after entering the campus, Yu Chao didn't come, but Shen Xuzheng followed.
His smile made Jian Sheng feel less uncomfortable.
She slowed her pace and listened as Shen Xuzheng asked, "How have you been feeling lately?"
Jian Sheng frowned: "It's fine."
Shen Xuzheng took a few steps toward her, level with her: "He didn't mean to cause you any trouble, he just wanted to talk to you about Chen Zhoujing."
Upon hearing those three words, Jian Sheng froze for a long moment before finally raising her eyes: "What...what happened to him?"
No one said she wouldn't ask.
If someone comes up and starts talking, I'll listen attentively.
Shen Xuzheng didn't waste any words: "His grandmother passed away, and he needs to go back and stay for more than a week."
Whether he comes or not is up to him.
Jian Sheng didn't speak, a sharp pain shooting through her chest: "Then...is he alright?"
Shen Xuzheng shook his head, neither confirming nor denying, but his words were not so straightforward: "He and his maternal grandmother were taken away when he was six years old... As for how close they were, they weren't actually that close."
"He seemed alright at the funeral," he said, and then fell silent.
Jian Sheng's emotions crumbled in that quiet moment. She lowered her reddened eyes and hummed in response.
His voice was slightly hoarse.
"What are you two doing?" a voice rang out.
Shen Xuzheng turned around, his gaze darkening.
After a few seconds, he realized what he meant and said, "Good morning?"
He waved to Lin You and Qi Jing and continued, "I just happened to run into her and we chatted for a bit."
Jian Sheng blinked hard, turned around and nodded to the two of them.
Lin You squinted at her reddened eyes, then looked at Shen Xuzheng, whose smile had vanished. Thinking of something, she said nothing more.
"I'm leaving now." Shen Xuzheng walked towards the two behind him.
After walking a few steps and pausing for a long time, he turned around and waited for the group to enter the teaching building before turning back to walk towards the school gate.
The three people walked side by side upstairs.
When the topic turned to Chen Zhoujing, Jian Sheng didn't say anything and mostly just listened.
Her complex emotions prevented her from expressing them verbally; instead, they erupted from her helplessness.
"I heard it before..." Lin You wanted to say something, but when she met Jian Sheng's gaze, she didn't say anything.
"What did you hear?" Jian Sheng asked.
Lin You shook his head and did not continue.
The three remained silent and returned to the classroom.
Jian Sheng was very curious to know what Lin You meant by "heard before".
Only now has she realized that she knows less than one-tenth of Chen Zhoujing.
I was always drawn to his enthusiasm and cheerfulness, but I've never actually seen him.
Perhaps it was hidden too well.
Jian Sheng simply didn't know.
Three days until He Shang's birthday, during afternoon PE class, Jian Sheng sat cross-legged with Lin You and a few others under the shade of a tree, chatting idly.
After talking about Chen Zhoujing last time, we haven't touched on the topic again.
However, some rumors circulated in her ears.
This annoyed her; the more noise she heard from the outside world, the more chaotic her thoughts became.
The playground is not far from the sports field, separated by an asphalt road.
Only Class 13 was in session, and there weren't many students. Most of them went to the convenience store near the laboratory building.
He Shang jumped up and threw a ball. After landing, he clapped his hands and turned around, glancing at the people sitting on the outer path of the playground diagonally in front of him.
He was distracted for a short while, but his attention returned to the court.
The bell rang, signaling the end of get out of class.
Jian Sheng followed Lin You and the others towards the teaching building. They parted ways at the corner between the convenience store and the teaching building.
She had just lowered her hand in greeting when a deep voice came from the side: "Jian Sheng..."
Jian Sheng turned to the side, and He Shang was standing at the stadium gate with his arms crossed. When she looked over, he gave her a forced smile.
"What's wrong?" Jian responded.
He Shangchao took two steps towards her, then raised his chin to signal her to continue walking back.
Jian Sheng knew what he was going to say, so she didn't refuse and quietly walked beside him.
He Shang started by discussing the weather, then focused on Chen Zhoujing.
He opened his mouth and slowly said, "Don't listen to what everyone is saying; it's all nonsense."
"He didn't go back to see any 'white moonlight' (ideal love), nor did he get into an argument with anyone..."
“He and I came from the same junior high school. We didn’t know each other before, but we met after we came here. He should have told you that.” He Shang paused, “Then let me tell you something you don’t know.”
Jian Sheng nodded slightly, her heart tightening a little.
While waiting, He Shang hesitated for a long time before speaking: "Our junior high school... is a bit chaotic. He transferred here in the first year of junior high. Because he is good-looking, he has become quite popular in his grade."
“I was in Class 1, and he was in Class 3, on the same floor. I only saw him a few times from afar. He didn’t like to talk, and he was much shorter than his peers, looking malnourished. After that incident, some people disliked him and started to tease him.”
"At first it was just verbal humiliation, then it was probing, and later it was physical violence."
Jian Sheng clenched her fist, her hand gripping the hem of her clothes. When He Shang fell silent again, she gritted her teeth and asked, "And then?"
He Shang closed his eyes: "Then... the perpetrator spread rumors in reverse, taking up his time, causing his grades to plummet, and finally shifting the blame onto him."
"The homeroom teacher called his parents, but the student didn't answer the phone, gave perfunctory replies to messages, and didn't respond several times. The teacher thought it was better to avoid trouble and gave in to the student every time."
"In the end, he did get a whole bunch of punishments..." He Shang chuckled, his tone extremely sarcastic.
"The homeroom teacher didn't care, the school didn't care, and the parents didn't care either, which led to a situation where anyone could just go up and kick him..."
“I don’t know… Like most people, I didn’t pay attention at the time. Then one time, he started to rebel, near the end of the first semester of junior high.”
"Back then, no one had the time to listen to lectures; they would all go out to see what was going on at the slightest sign of trouble."
“Me too.” His voice trembled.
"After I went outside, I saw several people fighting in the hallway. In fact, those people were beating him up."
"Everyone was watching the spectacle, everyone was watching them beat him up, even the teachers."
"I and a few others went up and pulled, but we were pushed out."
He Shang's voice was hoarse: "Just as one of them pushed me away, he grabbed the stick that had fallen to the ground... and then fought them off."
He remembered that at that time, Chen Zhoujing's eyes were filled with only hostility and gloom.
"Finally, the teacher stepped in and stopped it. After that, a few more rules were added to the school regulations of our junior high school."
"Later, he was advised to drop out, but his father's girlfriend came to his aid and he was able to continue studying."
"After this incident, I asked my friend in Class 3, and that's how I learned everything about him."
"He endured it for more than two years, was subjected to violence for more than two years, and never uttered a sound."
"In the following six months, he occasionally got into trouble with people, but he got through them all. During the same six months, he got into the university with excellent grades."
"And then, I got to know him."
“He is complicated, including his junior high school experience and family relationships.”
"All I know is what I just mentioned, and family relationships... I know very little about that."
Jian gave a low hum, his throat feeling blocked and unable to speak.
He Shang sighed and looked at her bent back and the suppressed trembling.
Chen Zhoujing could not possibly tell her these things, but if he didn't, these mysteries would slowly accumulate and become closely intertwined, eventually converging and exacerbating the conflict.
In the days since his grandmother died, she has sent him many messages, each containing a veiled inquiry.
But they just wouldn't mention Jian Sheng's name, and couldn't even bring themselves to say her by that name.
He Shang knew that Chen Zhoujing was a fool.
Although he is talkative, polite to everyone, and warm and cheerful, he actually harbors a lot of sensitivity in his heart.
And unspeakable regrets.
These sensitivities and regrets made him think more deeply than most people, and his mind was much more delicate.
So at the beginning, Jian Sheng's arrival was like a powerful remedy for him.
Let him see things from another perspective, and he'll be able to see the subtle emotions hidden beneath her words.
He approached her, much like he was approaching his former self.
But they were ultimately very different, so much so that Chen Zhoujing would contact Jian Sheng again and again after Jian Sheng's condition improved.
Until I was attracted to her.
This was something He Shang had foreseen long ago.
What Chen Zhoujing didn't know was that caring makes people cautious, and being cautious can create new conflicts in the relationship, which in turn can lead to further estrangement.
In the end, people will spend their whole lives navigating the complexities of relationships.
For the rest of the time, neither of them spoke.
Wanting to understand, the difficulty lies in being the first to speak, which is why Jian Sheng keeps his words to himself.
After returning home, she thought about it for a long time and then, under the pretense of being his good friend, sent him several long messages.
She held her phone and revised it for two nights, going through all the comforting words she could think of, totaling about six or seven hundred words, divided into three long paragraphs.
This is the biggest step that Jian Sheng can take right now.
The phrase "I've always been here" in her message was changed repeatedly, from "me" to "good friend," and finally back to "me" before she sent it.
Having experienced Zhou Yilian's death, Jian Sheng knows that death is heavy and solemn, and that a person's emotions reach a near-death point when a loved one dies.
They were even so numb that they couldn't cry.
She didn't expect him to reply. After sending the message, she leaned against the small wooden bed that Gu Shu had changed for her during the Chinese New Year and scrolled through her previous chat history with him.
I scrolled until my eyelids felt heavy, and then I gradually fell asleep, but the screen remained lit up with our chat interface.
She closed her eyes for a short while before a message came from the other end.
She posted three messages in total, a long string, each of which had several more lines than hers.
The message vibrated three times in Jian Sheng's palm. The brightness subsided and the vibration stopped after her breathing had become even for a long time.
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