0006 Panic
Song Ning's home is in the old town. It is a detached, self-built old house with a courtyard. Song Ning's mother, Xu Zhihua, inherited it from Song Ning's maternal grandfather and moved in after discovering that she was pregnant.
The white taxi turned onto the winding main road, which had many connecting side streets. To avoid being hit by a person or vehicle suddenly turning out from the front, the driver slowed down.
Song Ning sat in the car. Ahead, on the road illuminated by old streetlights, lanterns hung under the eaves of every house. During the Spring Festival, neighbors and villagers would light these lanterns together.
On this day, Xu Zhihua would put on her favorite cheongsam, dress Song Ning up beautifully, then light the lantern in the house, lean against the stone lion at the door, and look towards the corner.
"Ningning's mom, are you waiting for your man?"
"What kind of man has made such a beautiful woman like you yearn for him for so many years?"
"You're still so young, don't be so stubborn. Forget about that heartless man and find someone else."
The neighbors' teasing and advice still lingered in her ears, but Xu Zhihua gradually became transparent before her eyes, eventually dissipating into smoke and vanishing into the wind.
The familiar courtyard gate appeared before me, but only the stone lions remained standing under the extinguished lanterns.
Song Ning's breathing became rapid, the burning pain in her chest intensified, and a violent sense of fear spread rapidly throughout her body, tightly strangling her neck and making her feel like she was about to suffocate.
"Stop the car." She seemed to be gripped by a nightmare, her eyes vacant, her lips moving mechanically.
"What?" Shen Yuxiu, sitting in the passenger seat, turned his head.
Song Ning's face turned deathly pale, cold sweat beaded on her forehead, and she kept scratching her left chest. Seeing the car still moving forward, and the stone lions at her doorstep growing larger and larger, as if opening their mouths to swallow her whole, Song Ning suddenly had her pupils dilate and let out a piercing scream: "Stop the car! Stop the car! I want to get out!"
Song Ning frantically pulled on the door latch, tugging and kicking at the car door with her hands and feet, her screams growing increasingly terrified and shrill.
Shen Yuxiu was startled and hurriedly said, "Master, stop the car."
The driver, glaring angrily at Song Ning as his car was roughly handled, shouted with a mixture of heartache and fury, "Wasn't I just about to stop?!"
"Mom..." The driver held back the "greeting" he was about to say to Song Ning, and instead scolded Shen Yuxiu: "Do you know that the car will break down like this!"
"I'm really unlucky to have run into you guys today." The driver gritted his teeth, slammed on the brakes, and parked the car haphazardly on the side of the road, unlocking the rear seat.
The sudden stop caused Song Ning to lean forward, but she seemed oblivious. The moment she opened the door, she stumbled and climbed out of the car, running away from home as if fleeing.
"Song Ning!" Shen Yuxiu quickly unbuckled his seatbelt, opened the car door, and made as if to give chase.
"Settle the fare first. I'll let it slide since you're young." The driver quickly grabbed Shen Yuxiu's slender arm.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Shen Yuxiu was extremely anxious. He hurriedly opened his wallet, took out five red bills, and placed them on the dashboard.
“Not so much,” the driver called out.
Seeing that Song Ning was about to turn a corner, Shen Yuxiu gritted his teeth and rushed past at a speed that exceeded his limits.
Song Ning hid in a crevice in the steps of a building, her back against the wall, her arms wrapped around her legs, curled up in a ball.
Her head was buried in her legs, and she was breathing heavily like she was having an asthma attack. Her toes were on the ground, shaking uncontrollably.
Footsteps made a "clattering" sound on the stone pavement, then came to an abrupt stop.
“Song Ning?” Shen Yuxiu stepped forward.
"Don't come any closer!" Song Ning shouted, raising her head with tears welling up in her eyes.
"Okay, I won't go over there." Shen Yuxiu suddenly took two steps back, his voice soft yet hoarse. "Can I stand here?"
A car headlight flashed past Song Ning, who shrank into the shadows in terror, looking up warily at Shen Yuxiu, her posture fierce and menacing, like a frightened wildcat that had been provoked.
Shen Yuxiu stood in the light, his gentle brows filled with self-reproach and worry: "I'm sorry, I didn't know it would make you like this. If I had known, I wouldn't have brought you here."
"I came here of my own accord!" Song Ning was still very agitated, her legs trembling even more violently as she repeated, "I came here of my own accord...it's all my fault..."
The night wind blew across the intersection, and the child's tender voice trembled slightly like a falling leaf, making one feel sorry for him.
Shen Yuxiu stood there and sniffed, then, as if afraid of being noticed, quickly wiped his eyes with his arm: "No, it's not your fault."
“I already knew, last time he came to pick me up…” Song Ning crossed her arms in front of her chest, hugged herself, and patted herself reassuringly.
The tears welling up in her eyes turned into a single drop and slid down her cheek. Song Ning's voice sounded like she was both confiding and questioning herself: "But... this is my home, the home where my mother and I lived together. Why am I afraid to go in? Why am I afraid of the place where I lived happily with my mother?"
“I clearly…I clearly…” Song Ning choked up, “My favorite person is my mother.”
Shen Yuxiu clenched his hands at his sides, his throat bobbing several times, but he couldn't say anything.
He stood quietly in place, waiting motionless for Song Ning to finish crying.
Song Ning didn't expect Shen Yuxiu to say anything. To her, it was better if he didn't say anything.
She was afraid of hearing things like "everything will be alright" or "you must live happily." Whenever someone said these things to her, she felt even more upset and panicked.
Song Ning wiped away her tears with the back of her hand and sat down to wait for the shaking in her legs to stop.
"Whose child is crying? Can't a person get any sleep?" A family opened their window and yelled at the spot where Shen Yuxiu was standing: "Take your child back home right now. What are you doing in the middle of the night? Hurry up, or I'll call the police if you keep making noise."
The window slammed shut with a bang, expressing the dissatisfaction of the person who closed it.
Shen Yuxiu rubbed his head helplessly.
Song Ning stared at him for a while. After the shaking of her leg stopped, Song Ning slowly stood up, leaning against the wall. She had returned to her original state, but with a fragile feeling after crying and making a fuss.
Shen Yuxiu seemed to want to step forward to help her, but then, as if afraid of startling her again, he stepped back.
"I don't want to go back so soon," Song Ning said to Shen Yuxiu. "Could you come with me to the park that my mother often takes me to?"
Shen Yuxiu looked at her hesitantly.
“It’s fine to go there.” Song Ning knew what he was thinking.
"Where?" Shen Yuxiu seemed surprised by her familiarity, and then tried his best to hide the self-blame and sadness in his eyes.
Song Ning was more sensitive and mature than most children, and she immediately noticed Shen Yuxiu's emotions. She said angrily, "Don't look at me like that."
After saying that, she left Shen Yuxiu behind.
——
P.S.: I originally wanted to write that the female lead still suffers from PTSD when she grows up, but the more information I read, the more reluctant I became to leave it out, so I removed the original setting. The female lead is basically cured when she grows up.
The symptoms of PTSD attacks vary from person to person due to different experiences and fears. I am not very knowledgeable about PTSD, so I don't know if there will be a big difference before and after an attack. My assumption is that the attack may be intense, and there are no external stimuli in normal times. Apart from being more wary of others and having a strong sense of caution, as well as being afraid of things that may trigger bad memories, I am no different from a normal person.
The original intention was to create a bittersweet feeling, and I don't know if it was well presented. However, when I imagined the background and plot in my mind, I was still both heartbroken and sweet.
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