Lamp, lamp
"I know what you're thinking. Let's break up."
Wen Zhuyao knew exactly what she had sent; she didn't act rashly or make any extreme choices.
On the contrary, it was very calm.
"Why?" Mo Wen didn't accept this answer. "What I said wasn't something you had to do. I was just being nosy."
"I won't say anything more, okay?" He now knows he regrets it; he's experienced the consequences of indulging his emotions before.
Do you still feel that things are different now, and you can give him a chance to indulge himself?
Wen Zhuyao didn't know what was wrong with her, as if her emotions had been suddenly drained: "I know what you mean, I said this after considering it."
“I can’t solve it here. I prefer to do things my way and in my own way, and it’s different from what you’ve experienced.”
"As for being honest about dating to block blind dates, for me, it would cause more trouble if it got out. But it's different for you. Not being honest about your identity would become a thorn in your heart." The more she spoke, the colder she felt inside, as if she had returned to the world where she only had herself.
Mo wanted to explain, but the next sentence shut him down completely.
"You care."
Wen Zhuyao repeated, "You care."
What followed made Mo Wen no longer want to rush to explain anything; he simply watched quietly.
"I can't treat you the way you treat me, or have the same level of emotions or the same way of thinking as you."
“This is unfair to you. You would say you are willing, you like me, and you don’t care.” Wen Zhuyao was no stranger to this answer; it had always been the same.
“That’s not fair to me. Just because you’re willing doesn’t mean you won’t have feelings. If it happens too often, you’ll resent me.”
“But I did nothing. I didn’t handle any of the issues that were unique to our relationship in my own way, and you included those issues in our relationship.”
“Just like what happened today.” Wen Zhuyao didn’t want to face a problem where people from two different areas were questioning her.
She had no room to breathe.
She wasn't so oblivious as to miss the true meaning behind his words: "I can't give you what you want, and what you want will affect me."
"Were all those changes and initiatives we made for each other in the past just for show?" Mo Wen didn't believe it; no amount of liking could bring about change.
Wen Zhuyao ended the conversation with a few words: "It's true, and the current troubles are real too."
"We have plenty of time and opportunities to change, and your abnormality is my normality."
"I don't want to muster the courage to leave a conflict only to end up in an unfamiliar place."
"I no longer have the energy to break out of this situation," she said, a deep sense of exhaustion spreading through her body as she finished speaking.
"I've experienced enough of topics and atmospheres that go from light to heavy. I know it's normal for us to argue when we're together."
"But I don't have the strength to face two identical environments, even if it's you, even if these are actually different."
"Do you understand?" These were her last words, her very last sentence.
Mo Wen knew that no matter what he said, it would be too late to change things, so he only asked for a little hesitation: "We can separate for a while to calm down."
"Let's take the final step only after you've truly made up your mind, okay?"
Wen Zhuyao did not reply and silently put down her phone. An argument had occurred during her explanation and communication, and in the subsequent opinions and suggestions, she discussed both feelings and family matters.
All of these coincidences pieced together shattered her fantasies about her boyfriend's identity, as well as any pretense or expectations.
Maybe.
She is only meant for one person.
The chat ended at this moment, as if drawing a period that neither of them was willing to accept.
The rain outside the window suddenly started falling, and all the sounds around me suddenly became noisy, a soft patter.
Wen Zhuyao opened the window and felt the scent and temperature of the rain, which was bone-chillingly cold.
She knew that she had no one to rely on now, which brought her closer to making a rational choice.
Is it a memory, or a lingering reluctance to let go?
Who knows?
Wen Zhuyao spent an entire night working on her story and uploading it.
Looking back, it's as if I accidentally flipped a switch on tears, and they fell little by little, filled with sadness and melancholy.
Who could possibly know?
The rain outside gradually subsided, and the wind took its place, blowing the rain onto the empty porcelain jar on the small balcony outside the window.
A crisp and lively sound.
It falls into the cracks of her heart, plays around for a while, and seems to be healed, but when the rain stops, it falls all over the ground again.
We initially considered keeping this matter private to prevent conflicts, but now we still need to tell them.
Please explain the cause and effect, otherwise it will seem inexplicable.
Why should they interfere in other people's disputes?
She briefly talked to Ji Shu about the matter, and proactively muted the group chat, wanting to create a space for herself where she wouldn't be disturbed and could curl up and hide away.
Mo Wen sat by the window all night with his phone in his hand, drifting in and out of sleep, as if he had just woken up from a dream.
I subconsciously opened the message, assuming it would be like before, a harmonious goodnight exchange with anticipation for tomorrow.
Upon seeing Wen Zhuyao's message, I realized it wasn't a dream; I had truly arrived here.
He reviewed the chat over and over again, wanting to contact the other person again and again, but he managed to control himself.
Don't be a nasty person.
His tired face was reflected in the glass. He got up and went to the bathroom. His eyes in the mirror were bloodshot.
Stubble started to appear.
Mo Wen quickly washed his face, went outside, and continued using his phone, where he saw the video posted by Wen Zhuyao.
I saw her again.
A first flutter of the heart, knowing the difference between reality and virtuality, yet still wanting to give it a try.
Boldness without explanation, fragility without expression.
Also, the last sentence at the end of the video.
"I knew you would see this video. Now that I think about it, it just so happens that you came to my account asking for help without even knowing who I am."
"I was so stupid to believe it."
When Mo Wen saw these things, he immediately pictured Wen Zhuyao's expression and feelings at that moment.
She sat in front of the computer, tears silently streaming down her face, more and more, becoming increasingly uncontrollable, yet her hands continued to move.
What I want to express will not stop.
"Actually, you knew this account was mine a long, long time ago, right? It was a coincidence, but it wasn't a coincidence at all."
“I’ve shared stories outside of games. I think no one here knows me. I’m not bound by anything, and I can express myself freely, so I’ve said quite a lot.”
"When I was sad, the candied hawthorn I was forced to give to someone else appeared outside my door when I grew up."
She remembered that not long after they started talking, she was in a bad mood when a candied hawthorn from Mo Wen appeared outside her door.
It was winter.
"The teddy bear that someone threw away happened to be shared in my messages by you. Even though you don't like taking pictures, you unexpectedly took a picture of the mall."
Wen Zhuyao still remembers her feelings at the time. She didn't dare to ask questions excitedly, but only dared to secretly search for the pictures.
She was like a child who had never been satisfied, and when she suddenly found satisfaction, she had to keep her joy secret, afraid that it would disappear.
"You said the winters where you live are very cold, very cold, and you don't like going out in winter, but I only experienced that winter."
"You made countless trips for me."
"As I shared my pain, you healed my wounds in a way that I wouldn't notice."
"Now I realize just how much you've done for me." Wen Zhuyao couldn't bear to think about every single moment, every single moment she got close to her.
It seems that none of these are the normal social interactions she envisioned.
He built the bridge little by little; he provided a foothold, and she took a step forward.
Even as he stood before Mo Wen, he still felt that he had so many, so many... reasons for his predicament.
"sorry."
"The harm I caused you is irreversible. What I thought was a relatively equal relationship was actually very serious, so serious that after I realized it, I didn't dare to face you directly."
The video ended, the phone screen went black, and a tear fell.
Mo Wen remembers every scene, and he hasn't forgotten it to this day, nor has he forgotten the unexpected way he discovered this account.
Seeing the heartache in the situation, and how happy she was by such a small gesture.
He still remembers the excitement he felt when he asked that question.
"You bought this for me!!!" Wen Zhuyao sent a photo; it was an ordinary hawthorn candied skewer, with the sugar coating on it very evenly.
It was also sprinkled with white sesame seeds.
Wrapped in a layer of glutinous rice paper, the sugar sparkles under the light.
"How did you know... no, how did you know I like to eat this? I feel like this isn't commonly found where you're from..."
Not only that, Mo Wen also remembered that after seeing the video that day, he went to find it based on his memory and pretended to take a picture.
What did she see?
yes……
"It's so cold, why are you going out? Where have you been?" Wen Zhuyao opened the photo, intending to just look at it, but was drawn to a small bear in the corner.
She was just about to type "What brand is this little bear? Could you help me with that?"
But she deleted everything before I finished typing. That's too presumptuous of me, it seems like we're not that familiar.
If there's no online option, it'll be even more troublesome...
Mo Wen: "It's a shopping mall around here. I've got something good for you."
A close-up photo, showing the store brand and its storefront, appeared in their chat.
"I used to pass by this store that specializes in selling teddy bears, and I thought they were all adorable."
Mo Wen's lies sounded so convincing: "We just happened to be here, and I thought you'd like it too. What do you think?"
After reading what you sent.
Wen Zhuyao opened the photo, and various sizes and colors of teddy bears appeared before her eyes.
It's a standard sitting bear, without clothes or decorations; compared to others, it might seem quite ordinary.
It's as ordinary as it gets.
But she was captivated, her eyes fixed on every detail in the picture, without even managing the most basic response.
After searching, I saw the same online store and felt relieved, then I remembered something.
"It's beautiful!" Wen Zhuyao's joy couldn't help but show. "By the way, I remember there's a claw machine shop in the mall near me, and the plush toys are really cute."
"I'll go play there then and take pictures to show you!"
Mo asked, "Sure, you can take me there sometime?"
"Of course, no problem. I'll go take care of something for a while, bye-bye!" After sending this message, Wen Zhuyao went to see the little bear.
Looking at the products, it's like seeing myself as a child.
She simply existed on the screen, a small figure, her eyes fixed on me without blinking.
A tiny hand pointed to a small brown bear, and the child asked, "Sister, can I have a bear?"
"Mommy, can I have a teddy bear?"
Little Wen Zhuyao was in the store, tugging at her mother's clothes, with the same posture and the same expression.
I can't remember my mother's expression anymore; it was blurry, but warm, and her voice was gentle.
She seemed to be enveloped in a warm, gentle light.
Mom said, "Sure, my darling."
...
"Sure, my darling."
Wen Zhuyao's tears fell as the order payment completion screen appeared on her screen.
The little one is happily hugging the teddy bear and spinning around.
Unlike her.
A small person will not be taken from the warm environment of the sun and put into a room and locked up.
Inside, there was only darkness and a broken light.
She didn't know when it was lit, but when it was lit, she seemed to feel warmth again.
But we don't know when it will go out, and when it does, all that's left is a cold, desolate place.
How long will they last?
Why is the light, though warm yellow, not warm?
She found out.
It was an unhealthy light; it had no warmth. The little girl had a small question: why didn't her parents replace it?
Or she can open the window and the sun will shine on her, making her feel warm and cozy.
Why close the doors and windows, draw the curtains, and leave her with unhealthy lights?
She felt a little cold, and the warmth she felt was about to disappear from her body.
But suddenly, everything lit up, and she no longer needed the light. She felt as if she were back with her mother, feeling that warm glow.
She just smiled, and after what seemed like a long time or just a moment, she went back into the house.
He's locked up again.
It felt like a dream, with the same scene repeating itself over and over.
She couldn't believe it; it was as if if she stood in the warm sunlight, she would fall heavily onto the cold ground.
She, the room, and the lamp—they are all unhealthy people.
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