Chapter One: The Former Residence
I love you, and I abandon the light that everyone praises to rush towards you, just as I once rushed towards the place where you are, a place of blooming flowers. —Epigraph
Yi Chu returned to her apartment complex from school and parked her car. As she reached her building, she habitually glanced up, only to be greeted by an unexpected and long-lost warm yellow light—dimly illuminating the windowpane through a thin curtain. A warm, comforting feeling washed over her, and her steps became lighter. She jogged to catch the elevator doors, which were almost closed, using the reflection of the metal walls between the various advertisements to straighten her disheveled hair. She took a few deep breaths to calm her racing heart, trying not to appear overly flustered or excited.
Even the first thing he said took him several thoughts.
The security door was slightly ajar, and even the eye could feel the warm air seeping out from the cracks: it resisted the biting cold wind outside, forming a small but warm world that opened its arms to Yi Chu. He carefully and solemnly opened the door, and the aroma of food that rushed out was so overwhelming that it almost knocked him to the ground.
"Gu Bai'an! You're back—" Yi Chu's throat tightened slightly as he tried to keep his tone between "statement" and "question," wanting to express concern without making Gu Bai'an feel that he had neglected him because he was busy with the anti-drug team.
He hadn't been back for almost a month. Yi Chu was worried, but dared not ask too many questions—his job was unusual, and she was afraid of making things difficult for him or making him overthink things.
Hearing the sound, Gu Bai'an came out of the kitchen, carrying two plates of food. The porcelain plates clinked against the table with a crisp sound. This seemingly insignificant detail felt like the final drumbeat of a month's worth of events, bringing Yi Chu down from the clouds he had been so cautiously traversing. He stood there until Gu Bai'an came over, took his backpack, and helped him remove his heavy winter coat before he came back to his senses.
The apron printed with a cartoon bear was somewhat of a misfit for a nearly thirty-year-old, over six-foot-tall man, but Gu Bai was perfectly content. His hand, which had been wielding a gun, was now holding a ladle, his dark blue shirt blending into the flames and smoke of the stir-frying, as he busied himself with great enthusiasm. Yi Chu tiptoed up behind him, lowering her head slightly like a large cat burying her face in the back of his neck. The distinctive, strong, fresh fruity scent of shampoo, the aroma of food, and the slightly damp sweat of the police station dormitory intertwined, creating a familiar yet novel "soothing" aroma.
"What's wrong?" Yi Chu asked softly when she heard Gu Bai'an sniffle, not knowing what had happened.
"You got choked by the chili peppers." Gu Bai'an wiped his reddened eyes with his sleeve. "Go outside and wait. The chili peppers are going to be added, or you'll get choked again." His tone was conciliatory, but his execution was violent. He lifted Yi Chu up with one hand, pulled him from behind, kissed him on the cheek without a word, grabbed the half cucumber left over from making soup to shut up the mouth that was trying to get justice for him, and pushed him hard, "expelling" him from the small kitchen.
Yi Chu watched as the tiny exhaust fan struggled to spin amidst the thick smoke filling the room, but with little effect. He gave up on his plan to try again and sat down at the dining table to crunch on his cucumber.
"Eat less, wait for dinner!" Gu Baian, who was in the kitchen, presciently stopped a hand reaching for the refrigerator.
"What is this?" Gu Bai'an had just sat down when he pushed a key to Yi Chu, asking in confusion.
Gu Bai'an grinned, but his smile was a little strange: "It's for you. I've always said I wanted to get you a better house, haven't I? The Xihe Mansion development we went to see together last time, I remember you liked it quite a bit, so I... took the liberty of doing it."
The house we live in now was bought when we confirmed our relationship and met each other's parents, to put their minds at ease. Suichuan is a medium-sized city, considered a second or third-tier city. Gu Bai'an, who had only been with the municipal police bureau for two years at the time, and Yi Chu, a graduate student in criminal investigation who was still pursuing further studies, used all their savings to buy this two-bedroom apartment in an old neighborhood. After some renovations, the already small space was forcibly divided into several rooms, making it quite cramped for two adult men.
The two of them have indeed been looking at houses.
But Yi Chu wasn't someone easily fooled. In recent years, Gu Bai'an had risen to prominence, and Yi Chu had stayed on at the university as a lecturer. Although they had saved some money, a house wasn't a ring or a watch. The two of them weren't wealthy enough to give a house as a gift, and Gu Bai'an wasn't the type to make decisions on such important matters without consulting anyone. He didn't speak, but his sharp, questioning gaze instantly shattered the fortress Gu Bai'an had built up.
“Xiao Chu…” When he spoke again, his voice was filled with tears, his throat hoarse. Yi Chu buried his head in his rice, as if he had already anticipated something and was deliberately avoiding the question. “I… I have to leave for a while… You have to take care of yourself… Take care of yourself.” As he finished speaking, he choked up uncontrollably, his throat feeling as if it were being strangled.
He had intended to leave quietly after today... but he couldn't do it. Let him be selfish just this once, okay... only when facing Yi Chu, just this once...
Gu Bai'an's sudden, rare tears were like a gun, piercing through all of Yi Chu's selfishness and resentment.
Gu Bai'an never smokes, but a few months ago he started to have a faint smell of tobacco on him; he drinks in moderation, but in the few times we met over the past few months, the smell of alcohol lingered... and there were many other changes.
He had a pretty good idea of what was going on, but dared not think any further.
Yi Chu, also from a criminal investigation background, had many comrades-in-arms and taught many outstanding students. He had witnessed too many heroes who sacrificed their lives and heard too many heartbreaking stories of sacrifice. He felt he was conscious of his duty and was always ready to risk his life for the country's needs. But seeing others go to great lengths and feeling sympathy and admiration was one thing, having to sacrifice oneself was another, and watching someone tear out one's own flesh and blood while being powerless to stop it was yet another.
He lowered his head and ate his rice, not wanting his tears to be seen. His vision was blurry, but the truth was clear.
"You're just... you're deliberately preventing me from eating well."
The large mouthful of rice churned in her mouth for a long time, but it seemed to stick to the walls of her mouth like a suction cup, and she couldn't swallow it in the end. Yi Chu covered her mouth and gagged a few times, then hurriedly ran to the bathroom. The door slammed shut with a "bang," leaving Gu Bai'an outside as well.
To be honest, Gu Bai'an also felt that what he was doing was indeed inhumane—many of his colleagues, some older or the same age, were still single at an advanced age due to the nature of their work, while others were worse off than if they were married—they not only had to outwit murderers and drug dealers every day, but also had to worry endlessly about their own families, suffering from being caught in the middle. But Yi Chu, a PhD graduate from a top-tier university's criminal investigation department, became a lecturer in the department at the age of twenty-eight after staying on at the university. Although he lost his mother at a young age, he was fortunate to have a police chief father who doted on him; in the past, they would have been considered a "wealthy family." How could he not live a comfortable life?
He remembered when they first started dating, Yi Chu was always incredibly jealous, constantly finding ways to tease him and being quite a handful. He wasn't annoyed at all; he loved him no matter what. But then, one day, Yi Chu suddenly became so understanding. It was like watching his own daughter grow up and stop teasing him. It wasn't that he didn't like her anymore; it was heartache and self-reproach for not fulfilling his responsibilities.
No matter what, it's always me who wrongs him.
The sound of running water came from the bathroom, intermittently for two or three minutes. When the door was opened again, Yi Chu, apart from slightly red eyes and a patch of wet hair, had completely composed herself, her collar perfectly tidied.
"You've violated the rules," Yi Chu reminded him calmly, even managing a strained smile. "You can't be so soft-hearted with the enemy. If you lose your life... how will you repay what you owe me?"
If your future is truly dark and I cannot walk alongside you, then at least I should not become a burden to you.
Later, after much difficulty, Yi Chu finally learned the gist of the matter: Gu Bai'an had gone undercover as a police officer to investigate a large-scale criminal organization. This organization was based overseas, and despite numerous attempts, they hadn't been able to get to the bottom of it. Its activities included gambling, prostitution, drugs, murder, and arson. The police had sent many undercover agents, but either they failed to penetrate its inner workings or were inexplicably exposed and killed.
"I'll take care of Mom, so you don't need to worry. You... take good care of yourself, and I'll wait for you to come back."
"I..." Gu Bai'an wanted to say something, or rather, to make a promise, but in the end, a low sob choked him back, leaving only the words, "Take care of yourself..."
Wait for me to come back.
The next morning, as the clock's hands were still reluctantly pointing towards "6," Yi Chu slowly woke up. The space beside him was empty and cold. Looking from the bedroom to the front door, it was as if no one had ever been there. In his heart, he watched that non-existent figure disappear into the distance.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
