He loves you.
Shi Jin's mind was still reverberating with Rong Zhouzhong's words until he returned to the hotel room after dinner.
Fei Yujing, love, such a person, and such a word, he and it would be linked together one day. That's right, Fei Yujing is also a human being. As long as he is a human being, he will have seven emotions and six desires, and he will fall in love with someone or hate someone unconsciously.
But why can't his brain imagine what Fei Yujing looks like when he loves someone? Every time he thinks of this name, the first thing that pops up in his mind is always the other person's cold and calm expression and eyes.
"Fei Yujing's love..." He murmured, and his mind flashed back to the image of Fei Yujing leaning against the captain's room on the ship.
That was probably the time when he felt most clearly and intuitively that Fei Yujing really cared about him... But even at that moment of survival, Fei Yujing's face still had no unnecessary expression. Even before that, when Li Jiuzheng went crazy because the ship was surrounded, Fei Yujing was still able to rationally tie Li Jiuzheng up and prevent him from disturbing others.
How rational does one have to be to do that? Has Fei Yujing ever been emotional or collapsed?
Shi Jin tried hard to recall the scenes of meeting Fei Yujing in the past, and finally found that the time when Fei Yujing's emotions fluctuated the most in front of him was at the meeting two years ago, when the two met again, and he threatened Fei Yujing to use him again and hurt Fei Yujing's mother.
[My mother is the first person in this world that I can devote so much to, and you are the second one.]
Fei Yujing's words in the morning flashed through his mind, and his fingers trembled, and he felt shamefully happy in his heart - is he so important in Fei Yujing's heart now? Has he become someone who can affect Fei Yujing's emotions?
[What you want from me is not an emotional response, but an emotional need.]
He was suddenly startled and raised his hand to press his forehead: "Why do you think of this sentence..."
But... it was indeed a need, and Fei Yujing actually said it right. Wasn't the joy in his heart just now because he suddenly discovered that Fei Yujing might need him emotionally and value him, so it was produced?
Why did Fei Yujing hit the mark again? How thoroughly does he understand emotions and human hearts? Shi
Jin suddenly felt painful again, for having such wild thoughts and being full of human weaknesses. Then he felt ridiculous. What was there to be happy about? What was there to be sad about? He was already such a grown-up, but he was still so happy and sad because of these little emotions. How stupid.
If only he could be like Fei Yujing, a carefree person who could deal with emotions at will -
buzz.
His phone vibrated, and he was interrupted from thinking. He picked up the phone and saw that it was a text message from Fei Yujing. He was stunned for a moment and pointed at it.
Fei Yujing: The nurse has left, can you come to the hospital to accompany me?
Shi Jin widened his eyes, suspecting that he was hallucinating.
Can you come to the hospital to accompany me? Yes? Accompany?
Oh my god, Fei Yujing would actually speak in this tone, Fei Yujing actually used the relatively weak word "accompany", Fei Yujing actually... would take the initiative to ask him.
Doesn't that person always do a lot of things on his own, and then shove them into your hands, not allowing you to refuse, and then leave in a carefree manner? Such a person actually wants someone to accompany him. Shouldn't such a person also use an irresistible commanding tone when making such a request? Just like when he summoned Rong Zhouzhong.
Buzz.
Another text message came in, still from Fei Yujing: The wound hurts a little.
Shi Jin uttered an "ah" meaninglessly, and looked at the text message, trying to imagine Fei Yujing's expression of pain, but in the end he got nothing. After a long silence, he suddenly stood up and walked quickly out of the hotel room.
"I actually went to keep vigil for someone I just quarreled with this morning... I must be crazy!" He despised himself, but his steps became faster and faster.
...
Shi Jin almost trotted to the hospital, and then deliberately stopped in the corridor outside the ward, and after repeatedly breathing in and out several times, he pushed open the door of the ward with a calm face.
Fei Yujing was leaning on the hospital bed with his eyes closed,
resting his mind. When he heard the door open, he opened his eyes and looked over, and asked, "Did you run here?" Shi Jin's feet froze, his expression almost frozen, and he retorted, "I took a walk here. You don't really want me to collect the bodies, so why should I run? You're not that important."
"But from your hotel to here, if you don't run, it takes about fifteen minutes to walk." Fei Yujing picked up his mobile phone, checked the time, and said, "I texted you nine minutes ago."
"...Do you want to fight?" Shi Jin asked expressionlessly.
Fei Yujing glanced at his hair that was a little messy due to the wind, and he saw through it but didn't say anything. He raised his hand and patted the edge of the bed: "I don't want to, I can't beat you now, come and sit down."
Shi Jin: "..." Suddenly he understood why Rong Zhouzhong always wanted to beat Fei Yujing, and now he also wanted to beat him hard.
Shi Jin went forward and sat down. Fei Yujing poured him a glass of water and started the conversation, asking: "Did you have a good dinner?"
"Yes, Third Brother always knows where there are delicious restaurants." Shi Jin answered stiffly, with a little bit of arrogance, and then after he realized that he was arrogance, his expression became more and more tense - he really looked like a fool. Fei Yujing was indifferent over there, and he was here with wild thoughts, being led by the other party by the nose, so stupid!
Be cool! He ordered himself in his heart.
"Are you still angry?" Fei Yujing asked.
"No!" Shi Jin answered immediately. He felt that he couldn't go on like this and had to take back the initiative of the topic, so he asked back, "Doesn't your wound hurt? Where does it hurt? Have you called the doctor to check it out?"
Fei Yujing replied, "I did. The doctor said that pain is normal and it takes a process for the wound to heal." Shi
Jin glanced at his expression and his chest covered by the hospital gown, and said, "Your expression doesn't look like you're in pain at all."
"Then what kind of expression is pain." Fei Yujing rarely showed his softness, "Actually, I'm very patient now."
Patience?
Shi Jin was startled, then frowned, and scanned his body carefully, and finally found a trace of endurance on him - Fei Yujing's forehead seemed to be a little sweaty. He was moved, leaned over to look at his back, and sure enough, he saw a little sweat mark on the hospital gown, and couldn't help but stand up.
Fei Yujing looked up at him and asked, "What's wrong? Do you think it's too boring to accompany me? Do you want to go back?"
"Will you lose a piece of flesh if you say something soft? You're in so much pain that you're sweating, but you look as if nothing happened. Have you forgotten how to mobilize your facial muscles?" Shi Jin frowned and scolded him. He bent down and pressed his shoulders to check the condition of his back, then turned to the bathroom and fetched a basin of warm water, motioning him to turn his back.
Fei Yujing looked at him and did as he was told.
The clothes on his back were already half wet. It seemed that he had been enduring the pain for a long time.
Shi Jin pursed his lips, lowered his head to take out a towel and wring it dry, then carefully uncovered his hospital gown. He saw a huge bruise on his waist and several scratches on his back. He couldn't help but tighten his fingers.
"Are you scared?" Fei Yujing asked with his head tilted, his tone still damn calm.
Shi Jin had the urge to press his wound and make him scream in pain, so he pushed his head back with a dark face, carefully covered his back with a towel, and gently wiped him, saying, "No."
Fei Yujing was honest for a while, and then asked, "Are you heartbroken?"
"I might as well feel sorry for a pig than for you." Shi Jin retorted.
Fei Yujing was amused by his sarcastic words and said, "So you like pigs." He
could actually laugh, didn't it hurt a lot?
Shi Jin held his breath and couldn't help muttering, "If you feel unwell, tell the doctor. If it doesn't work, you can prescribe some medicine. Don't just keep bearing it. And when I came this morning, you were still working. If you are injured, you should rest well. Only by resting more can you recover faster. Can't you take your work time?"
Fei Yujing explained, "It's because of the pain that I thought of using work to divert my attention."
What kind of weird way of diverting attention is this? Shi Jin was really pissed off by him and said, "Then why are you just sitting there now?"
"Because the pain in my lungs gets worse every night. Not only can I not divert my attention from work at this time, but I will make mistakes at work because I can't concentrate. So I can only stay like this." Fei Yujing replied, turning his head and said, "Thank you for coming to keep me company. I feel much better."
"Should I say you're welcome, or should I praise you for being so truthful?" Shi Jin threw the towel back into the basin and rubbed it with his head. He looked at him and resignedly gave up the idea of being angry with this man. He gently wiped off all the sweat on his body. After a long pause, he whispered, "Actually... I'm very happy that you took the initiative to call me over."
Fei Yujing turned slightly to look at him. Shi
Jin threw the towel back into the basin again, got up and went to the closet to get another clean hospital gown, handed it to him and said, "Put it on."
Fei Yujing did it again and said, "Thank you." Shi Jin
lost his temper. He compromised with himself and him. He sat down beside the bed and pretended to have a serious conversation. He said, "Second brother, I don't want to quarrel with you for no reason anymore. You don't understand at all. It's a waste for me to get angry. I thought about it carefully and felt that we are like this because there are some differences in our way of thinking. In order to avoid meaningless quarrels, let's get to know each other first, okay?"
It was the first time that Fei Yujing saw him so gentle, mature and tolerant. He looked him up and down carefully and replied, "Okay."
"Then, second brother, how do you always handle your emotions rationally? I try to understand my inner thoughts like you do, but I find that it is too shameful to analyze my emotions rationally. It is also too difficult to express some emotions honestly."
Fei Yujing shook his head: "I don't understand what you mean."
There is a reassuring thing about talking to Fei Yujing, that is, you never have to worry about the other party hiding something or lying. Fei Yujing is always frank when facing people close to him. If he says he doesn't understand, then he doesn't understand.
Shi Jin tried to change his train of thought and asked, "So far, have you ever had any emotions or feelings that are difficult to understand or that you are ashamed to tell others? Or have you ever wanted to escape from what you think?"
Fei Yujing thought about it seriously this time and nodded in response, "Yes."
He actually did?
"What is it?" Shi Jin asked, his eyes shining. A person who is always rational and sober will never escape from himself. From this point of view, Fei Yujing seems to be saved.
Fei Yujing looked at him and asked, "Why do you want to know this?"
Because of curiosity. Shi
Jin replied shamelessly, "Because I want to understand you."
"I want to understand you, too." Fei Yujing took over, changing the subject without leaving a trace, and asked, "Xiao Jin, what do you think of me?" Shi Jin
paused when he heard this, knowing that he was trying to seize control of the conversation, but he didn't say anything and replied, "I think you're a cold-blooded bastard."
Fei Yujing was surprised: "Cold-blooded?"
"Not cold-blooded, I should say I think you're like a robot. You always have good control over your emotions and feelings, do whatever you want, and don't care too much about what others think. Sometimes I admire you very much, and occasionally I envy you, but more often, I feel uneasy and afraid because of your willingness to do whatever you want and your indifference."
Fei Yujing was stunned: "Uneasy and afraid?"
"Yes, insecurity, fear, and reluctance." Shi Jin answered, and for the first time, he told him the truest thoughts in his heart rationally and without reservation, "The relationship between you and me is that you come and go as you please. You said that you really treat me as a younger brother now, but I dare not indulge myself to accept the care you give. In terms of feelings, I am used to give and take. If others are good to me, I will be good to them, but with you, I dare not respond to the feelings you give me, so I automatically ignore what you have given in my subconscious mind, because if I ignore it, I don’t have to respond."
Fei Yujing listened quietly, trying to understand his thoughts.
Shi Jin looked at his serious expression and remembered what Rong Zhouzhong said at dinner, that Fei Yujing was trying to cross the boundaries he had set to understand his thoughts. His heart softened and he suddenly didn't feel ashamed or uncomfortable to speak out these tangled thoughts in his heart. He continued, "Second brother, when you treated me as a tool, you approached me cleanly. When I lost my value, you abandoned me cleanly. Later, when we met again, you suddenly really accepted me because of various things. "You treat me as your younger brother, and I am passive in all this. You don't need my permission to get close to me; you don't need to explain to me when you leave; you don't need my forgiveness when you apologize; your reparation doesn't need my response. I am like a puppet that you manipulate. You treat me according to your mood, and you never care about my thoughts and emotions. My will cannot determine your attitude and behavior towards me."
Fei Yujing slowly frowned and asked, "Am I like this?"
"In my understanding, you are like this. You are right, what I want is your emotional needs, and I hope you need me."
Fei Yujing shook his head slowly: "Xiao Jin, I still don't understand. Do you mean that my concern for you has become a burden to you? This is not my intention. I don't ask for your forgiveness because I don't want to use emotions to hold you hostage. You are already too tired. What I did to you was too cruel. It is too unfair for you to ask you to forgive me."
Shi Jin was stunned and asked: "Is that why you said you won't force my forgiveness?"
Fei Yujing nodded.
It turned out to be like this.
Shi Jin was a little confused. It turned out that she was afraid of embarrassing him, so she only apologized and didn't ask for forgiveness. It wasn't because of more selfish reasons like "I don't want to consider your thoughts" or "Your thoughts are not important to me, I just do what I want to do"... He raised his hands to cover his face, and he actually felt a little bit redeemed in his heart.
"Xiao Jin?" Fei Yujing called him doubtfully. Shi
Jin let out a breath, looked at him and said, "Are you stupid?"
Fei Yujing frowned, obviously not agreeing with what he said.
“Forget it, I’m the fool for telling you this.” Shi Jin suddenly didn’t want to continue analyzing with him, looked him in the eyes and said directly, “Second brother, I’m uneasy because I don’t know how deep your feelings for me are; I’m afraid because I’m afraid that you will withdraw cleanly and neatly again like before; I’m unwilling because I’m here and my heart is shaken by your various behaviors and various fantasies, but you seem to always be calm, sober and indifferent. I’m afraid that after I convince myself and comfort myself, let go of the past, and finally open my heart to you again, I will get the same ending as before.”
He paused here . , he stretched out his hand to hold Fei Yujing's shoulder, looked into his eyes and said word by word: "Second brother, you are too rational. I am afraid that I will become the discarded product under your rational consideration again. I hope that you will also have wild thoughts and emotional fluctuations because of me. I hope that you will be happy or sad because of my like or dislike for you. I think you care about me and are afraid of losing me. I hope that if one day I disappear from your life, you will feel painful and sad. Only if you show that you care about me very much, I will dare to get close to you again. The last lesson was too profound, I am afraid."
Fei Yujing looked at him in a daze. For the first time, he tasted the feeling of not knowing how to respond to other people's words.
"Second brother, I don't need you to feel the pain I've suffered, or to feel guilty and miserable. I've tried those things, and my eldest brother and the others have tried them, too, and even got sick because of them. It's great that you've survived." Shi Jin took his hand back and his tone slowed down. "That's all I think about, and that's all I expect of you. Second brother, if you really accept me as your younger brother, then can you cooperate with me this time?" Yes
, that's it. There's no need to think too much. If you want something, just ask for it. If you can't even get it, then you'll feel more at ease when you give up. Because he's tried his best, he can accept the outcome calmly no matter what it is.
Fei Yujing seemed to understand what he said, but also seemed not to understand. There was an unknown emotion rolling in his heart, driving him to hug tightly the brother in front of him who was full of courage and took the initiative to reveal his inner weaknesses, but his habitual rationality and sobriety made him unable to act.
There is no need to feel guilty or self-blame, but you need to care very much.
It was like a stone blocking his heart. Something wanted to break through the cage, but was suppressed by instinct.
No, he couldn't shrink back anymore. Shi Jin had already taken the first step. He couldn't let Shi Jin down again. It was obvious that he was the one who started all this.
"I... am a little anxious." He heard his own voice, with a hesitation he had never had before, "You asked me if I was ashamed to tell others what I was thinking. My answer is yes, I am a little anxious, but I dare not tell you." Shi Jin
was puzzled: "What?"
"Seeing you and the third and fifth brothers reconcile their relationships one by one, I... am a little anxious." After the first sentence came out, it seemed that it was no longer so difficult to say the rest, "So after this car accident, I immediately realized that the opportunity had come."
Wait, opportunity? Shi Jin frowned slightly.
Fei Yujing slowly regained his thoughts and spoke in a calmer tone: "When we were on the island, I noticed that you were very affectionate to the fifth brother and took good care of him... Not only him, but also the third brother, the fourth brother, and even the eldest brother, you were either close to them, or dependent on them, or cared about them. Only me, you were always very polite to me." Shi
Jin gradually realized what he wanted to express, and his heart unconsciously tightened. He asked: "I am very polite to you?"
"Yes, very polite." Fei Yujing answered, as if he had thought of something, and added, "Not only are you polite, you are also very wary of me. So I began to try to touch you more, just like the third brother did to you, but your reaction to my touch was very normal."
Shi Jin thought of Fei Yujing's behavior of touching his head from time to time during this period, and his eyes widened slightly - this, was it intentional?
Fei Yujing reached out and tapped his forehead gently, and said, "Just like this... I found that your attitude towards me is like facing a friend with whom you can only be considered an acquaintance, not rejecting, but not too close either. So I am anxious. There is not much I can do to help Lian Jun. After this is over, my chances of meeting you will be even less than now. What if everything is settled like this? I don’t want to be the only one among all the brothers who is so polite to you. Xiao Jin, I want to be your brother, not your polite friend."
This time it was Shi Jin's turn to be speechless.
"I wanted to know why you were so polite to me, so after the car accident, I deliberately let the news spread more seriously to lure you over. As expected, you came, and as expected, you felt guilty, so I took the opportunity to start a conversation with you, wanting to understand what was in your mind, but I messed up. I even deliberately called the third brother over, thinking that with him around, the atmosphere would be more lively and relaxed, and if I pissed you off, he could comfort you on my behalf." Fei Yujing told all his calculations and asked, "Xiao Jin, I'm a very scary brother, right?"
"...No." Shi Jin shook his head, looking at the self-mockery and self-loathing in his eyes, he was overwhelmed with emotions and said, "You are not scary... You are just... just too stupid, second brother, why are you so stupid too?"
The two brothers have been arguing for so long, what are they doing?
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