It's always unsatisfactory.
She felt the breeze passing through her calves, and fragments of the past seemed to reappear in her vision.
Sitting on the bus at night, the interior of the car is dim, the light of neon lights shines into the car, and faces slide by under the sparse light spots.
She could always hear various voices urging her to do this or that, otherwise she would fall behind, fall behind the times, be looked down upon, and so on.
Those voices seemed to lay out a perfect life trajectory, and if you didn't follow it, your life would explode and collapse, making you feel uneasy and anxious.
Is there really such a thing as perfection in this world? She doesn't know.
Just like she didn't know who was right or wrong among those complicated and conflicting principles, just like she didn't know whether those endless news reports were true or false, just like she didn't know which of the various explanations for those complex descriptions was the correct answer.
Countless information and opinions fill every corner, like cutting a scroll into pieces of paper and mixing them together.
Until one day, she suddenly woke up.
"Is that Miss Loran?" a voice sounded from the side behind.
After asking others about Loran Hill's location, Triton spent a while to find it. He slowly approached, then stopped and looked at the girl in the white dress under the setting sun.
The golden afterglow dyed the hem of the skirt a light golden color, and the girl's hair fluttered gently in the wind. Even though only her back could be seen, the girl's figure still made Triton feel a special beauty.
Although she lives in the world, she is detached from it and is not disturbed or polluted by it.
"Yes." The girl's voice came from the front.
"About tonight's performance..." Triton asked first, and then he slowly felt relieved after getting a definite answer. It seemed that as long as the girl agreed, he would not have to worry anymore.
Only then did he realize that it was impolite to disturb the lonely girl, so he prepared to leave.
"Then I won't disturb Miss Loran." After turning around and taking a few steps, he stopped again as if some idea came to his mind.
Just as he was hesitating whether he should turn around and continue asking the girl, Loran Hill's gentle voice came.
"Anything else?"
After hearing this heavenly question, Triton turned around and returned to the vine rack. He looked at the girl who was looking at the sunset over the sea and asked.
"I've been through a lot recently..." He paused and decided to speak out.
"Maybe I was too naive in the past. Many things did not develop in the way I expected."
Triton sat on a stool nearby and slowly recounted his experiences over the past few days. After the initial novelty wore off, he discovered that the life of a superior person was not what he had imagined.
Once you tell a lie, you have to tell countless lies to cover it up. The more you tell, the more afraid you'll be exposed. When talking to other guests, you have to pay attention at all times to avoid being exposed or looked down upon.
I want to meet other pretty girls of the same age, but I am also afraid that they will see through me. Even if they don’t see through me, what they fall in love with is just a mask that I have created.
The more you want to become that ideal person, the more uneasy and anxious you feel.
"Maybe I wasn't born that way."
"What is my ideal self?" The girl swung gently on the swing, and her voice came in the breeze.
"That must be confident, powerful, capable of everything, and able to solve various problems..." Triton said many descriptive conditions, which was also the vague impression rooted in his mind.
But as he spoke, he slowly stopped. This seemed impossible for a human to do.
"Do you want to become a god?" The swing under the girl slowly stopped.
"Uh, no... I don't have that kind of extravagant hope." Triton seemed to understand something.
"I once had many ideas, just like many children, and had dreams as beautiful as fairy tales." Loran Hill's voice was full of memories.
"But I can never work as hard as a machine, and I don't even have strong willpower and perseverance. Sometimes I even try to escape secretly."
“I hate and despise myself for being like this, and even feel uneasy and anxious.”
"Until one day, I realized I had been lying to myself. Some people don't actually have such great ambitions to pursue those glamorous things. In fact, as long as they have a small piece of it, they are satisfied, just like a hamster, hibernating peacefully in their own nest."
“Those things that everyone is chasing after are not what everyone wants. It’s just the inertia imposed by the environment that makes everyone mistakenly think they need them.”
"In fact, everyone desires different things. For some people, a stable life is the greatest happiness."
"It was also from then on that I gradually realized that many things were not what I really needed, but were just influenced by everyone's ideas."
“Perhaps, doing what you truly like will make you happier.”
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