Without that lingering bitterness, how can we appreciate and savor the sweetness?
Chen Junping suddenly felt a pang of panic, a hint of uncertainty, and a sense of loss. These conflicting emotions swirled in his mind, defying any logic or articulation. They hovered erratically in his thoughts, impossible to escape or discard.
Life is meant to be understood bit by bit. Without experiencing, going through, and trying, there can be no overnight success. This relationship, which ended before it even truly began, ultimately left only ashes scattered on the ground.
However, those remnants have also infiltrated their lives in every possible way.
In the end, we still work together; in the end, we're still colleagues. We see each other every day, and those tiny particles in our hearts often transform into an emotion called awkwardness.
Lin Hao might be able to be more composed, but Chen Junping never knew how to look at him.
Especially those things in the ashes that are beginning to warm up.
A month later, Chen Junping resigned without warning.
He wanted to give himself a chance, and also wanted to give himself a complete release. So he took a desperate and reckless approach, trying to completely erase this experience from his life.
But Chen Junping forgot that feelings are not tangible things. They are elusive and unpredictable. When he wanted to forget them, he seemed to have no way to begin. He didn't even know where to start severing ties.
He deliberately tried to avoid contact with anything related to Lin Hao, leaving the city and deleting Lin Hao's phone number. However, he never changed his contact information and would often stare blankly at his phone. He fantasized that the number etched in his memory might one day suddenly light up on the screen, rekindling his life.
Then, will he have the chance to say those words that he hadn't had time to say, those words that were becoming increasingly stuck in his throat?
Time gradually smoothed away the thorns in his heart, making Chen Junping more honest. He suddenly realized, without realizing it, that those emotions that had previously been unable to penetrate his heart were like a dull knife, repeatedly rubbing against his soul with the passage of time. From feeling nothing, he slowly grew accustomed to that sharp pain. His increasingly open and clear heart gradually began to confront that sharp blade, until it suffocated him.
He started using other things to numb himself, even considering starting another relationship. But many of the feelings he had experienced in his youth had become standards and habits. Under his increasingly discerning gaze, he suddenly realized that Lin Hao had become a benchmark in his choices.
And in this world, there will never be another Lin Hao to fill the void in his future world.
And so it went, I wanted to let go but couldn't.
Even now.
Chen Junping held the cup of hot cocoa, struggling to maintain a semblance of warmth amidst his chaotic thoughts. After a long while, as if suddenly remembering something, he raised his hand and casually took a poetry collection from the bookshelf, hoping to distract himself.
The poetry collection is a compilation without a fixed author, only containing poems from various members of the public. It lacks a fixed format and authorship, giving it a very approachable style. Normally, Chen Junping would rarely have paid attention to it.
Opening the title page, the author's message consists of only one sentence:
"If you ever see this, you know, no matter where you are, I hope you are doing well."
Chen Junping's heart skipped a beat. He turned to the next page and found a poem called "Want to Say".
I want to say:
Hold my hand.
With a shy, fluttering feeling in my heart.
From this brightly lit end,
Heading towards the other side of the city.
Looking up at the light on the corner of the building...
I dream of one day...
It will also become our home.
I want to say:
"Lean on my shoulder."
Feel the tender warmth of my embrace.
Then he began to whisper his feelings.
Those unspeakable things in life.
Maybe next time,
We will get through this relying on support.
I want to say:
Listen to my heartbeat.
Encouragement when facing pressure.
A sense of bewilderment under the dim streetlights
The silence on the park bench.
We should just silently accept that pain.
Maybe for a lifetime
What's missing is an exploration that goes beyond crying.
I want to say:
"Gather your courage."
Pride is a foolish form of arrogance.
Happiness is holding hands, something real and right in front of you.
We will always be hoping, and we will only ever be hoping.
Their fingers intertwined gently.
The blue sea and sky in life, we depend on each other and stay together.
I want to say,
Those words that were never spoken.
There was a time when we, unable to express our love, foolishly awaited its arrival. In reality, it had already quietly slipped through our fingers. There was a time when we all waited for the maturity of adulthood to resolve the doubts of youth. But it turns out that some doubts only become more unsolvable as we grow older.
Chen Junping covered his eyes with his hands, but tears still spilled out from between his fingers.
once Upon a time……
Life has no reversals, and fate has no "what ifs."
So let go of those unspoken words.
With trembling hands, Chen Junping reached for his phone, forcefully pried open the cover, and pulled out the SIM card he hadn't changed in over a decade.
The paper cup in my hand was still steaming, just like the lingering entanglements that had ended but stubbornly refused to dissipate after that night, rising from the ashes.
As you wish, and I hope you take good care of yourself.
"Smack..."
The tiny chip fell from the fingertip to the cup, stirring up a dark ripple that gradually subsided.
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