Chen Junping's 30th birthday happened to be the day after he started his third job. The unfamiliar city and the unfamiliar people made him feel somewhat distant. So that afternoon, he didn't tell anyone, and just wandered aimlessly along the road home after work. Seeing a secluded coffee shop, he simply stumbled inside.
There were quite a few text messages on his phone. From insurance companies, banks, clothing stores where he'd gotten discount cards, and some from friends and former colleagues. They were probably all jokes downloaded from the internet, or formatted messages; the words, whether polite or exaggerated, all conveyed a sense of detachment and coldness. Chen Junping casually scrolled through them with one hand, then put his phone aside and beckoned a waiter for a hot cocoa.
The shop was small, decorated in a chic, bourgeois style. Hanging tables were pressed tightly against the walls, with several books of unknown author displayed above them. The shop was sparsely populated, mostly with young couples who occasionally huddled together, chatting and laughing softly, their laughter as bright as flowers blooming in May. Occasionally, they would raise their voices to utter some naive and clichéd remarks, which Chen Junping found utterly worthless.
Turning 30 seems to be a turning point. There's a longing for the youthful passion of one's 20s, a disdain for the superficiality and bluntness of that age. There's anticipation for the composure and maturity of 40, a fear of the responsibilities that come with it. Chen Junping sometimes doesn't understand why, at an age others consider "prime," he feels fatigued the moment he pauses for a moment. That weariness, masked by work pressure, is always there, making him feel lethargic and powerless.
Ah Ling said he's becoming increasingly pessimistic and withdrawn. All he thinks about every day is finding a warm nest and then sleeping there forever.
Ah Ling is Chen Junping's best friend. They met at his first job. Ah Ling is a warm and frank person who gets along well with everyone. Chen Junping often thinks to himself that girls with this kind of personality are easily taken advantage of in society, but he has to admit that he sometimes craves that straightforward and kind warmth.
For example, today, Ah Ling was the only person besides her parents who called to send her blessings.
Unlike Chen Junping's parents, who constantly nagged him about why he was still unmarried, Ah Ling's attitude towards him had changed. The parents' authority over him had diminished significantly over a decade ago, becoming so subservient that it almost suffocated him. Ah Ling's words still carried the playful tone of a mischievous girl, a teasing yet subtly provocative tone. Even though she was now a mother, she still remembered to call Chen Junping whenever she had a spare moment. This warmth and affection inexplicably made Chen Junping feel like he could temporarily forget everything else.
After rambling on for a while, just before hanging up, Ah Ling added:
“Aping, you should come back and get together with us more often.”
Chen Junping didn't even raise an eyebrow, simply replying dismissively, "Well, sometimes."
"Don't work too hard. You should relax occasionally. You don't know how happy everyone was when Sister Huang's baby was born yesterday. And last month, Lin Hao's family had a baby girl."
Chen Junping felt a slight tingling in his heart, but his expression remained unchanged, and he responded calmly:
"oh……"
“Ah Ping,” Ah Ling paused for a moment, and it was this brief pause that made Chen Junping seem to understand something instantly: “I’m hanging up.”
Hearing the beeping sound from his phone, Chen Junping felt a slight tightness in his chest. He probably hadn't expected that this innocent girl would grow up and subtly remind him that the best way to forget emptiness is through pain. At least after the pain, he would understand that some things are no longer worth waiting for, no longer worth harboring illusions about.
What conditions do I have to stand idly by?
Life changes, and everyone changes. I'm still stubbornly acting out that elegant, outdated old movie, unaware that it's long since become a one-man show. And those facts I close my eyes to, unwilling to face them, have already blended into the mundane life I used to disdain, filled with laughter, anger, and resentment.
Lin Hao and Chen Junping's meeting wasn't particularly surprising. They both joined a foreign company after graduating from university and met during training. Chen Junping didn't have a strong impression of Lin Hao at the time; he just remembered that Lin Hao was fluent in foreign languages, organized, and meticulous. Among a group of young people, he possessed a unique sense of composure. That's all he thought about. So much so that in the years that followed, in his constant recollections, the details of that first meeting were repeatedly recalled, becoming far more vivid than the actual events themselves.
If life were only as beautiful as the first time we met, it probably only refers to that first meeting in our memories.
At the time, to be honest, Chen Junping didn't really take Lin Hao seriously. This wasn't surprising; fresh out of university, many people are arrogant and have unrealistic expectations about their new jobs. In the heat of youthful exuberance, how could they possibly take a potential competitor seriously?
During training, the workplace would inevitably assign some discussion topics to assess their abilities. As the group leader, Lin Hao needed to integrate everyone's opinions and create a PowerPoint presentation, which naturally made him more tired. Since he didn't refuse, the group of young people were happy to have a little more free time. However, that night, when Chen Junping came out to hang up the laundry, he inadvertently found Lin Hao still hunched over the conference room table, busy at work. On a whim, he made Lin Hao a bowl of instant noodles and brought it to him.
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