He seemed to see my face and spoke in a very gentle voice, "Liao Yan, you are really beautiful."
I snapped out of my reverie, but couldn't bear to look at him anymore. He was always so careful with me, every word he uttered was meant to take care of me. Knowing I disliked being touched, his hand hovered there, hesitant to fall. But he was always so playful, so I could only take this as a joke.
"To possess both power and beauty, to have both is truly a great fortune." He gave a bright and cheerful smile.
The choice between power and beauty, a dilemma that has plagued us for ages, is now spoken of so casually. Beauty is easy to find, but how can one find a true confidante, a peerless beauty with whom one can understand each other's thoughts with just a glance? I am not one, I do not understand him, even if he understands me.
"Tomorrow, at the coronation ceremony, will you be able to stand by my side?" He asked cautiously.
I just shook my head.
He smiled and said, "Indeed, I wonder what Fuqi of the South thinks. Since the destruction of the Guifang, there has been no further movement. Could it be that he still wants two dynasties to coexist and divide the world equally? I wonder what will happen at tomorrow's ceremony. You should be careful and stay away. It would be good for you. I wonder if Mr. Xu would be willing to come tomorrow. After all, if it weren't for his meticulous planning, we would never have reached this point. At least, when we achieve success, he should have a share."
He seemed convinced that I had some connection with Mr. Xu, and brought it up again, giving me a gloomy look.
Although Fu Xi treated me so kindly, even enlisting the help of Qiu Niu and Ya Zi, and though he has now left for reasons unknown, I feel mostly gratitude towards him, a gratitude that is so subtle.
Jimo may understand me a lot, but he can't see through this one thing. He can see why I avoid him, why I refuse him, but no one can truly understand that my heart dares not have any more turbulence. Everything is nothing but emptiness. He, a living, breathing person, will probably never understand such thoughts, but I would rather he never understand. That would be best for him.
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