"Yan'er, I... I'll ask you one more time, are you willing to be my empress?" His words were broken and intermittent. "If you are not willing, I... I'll let you go... The Liao residence has been cleaned up."
The Liao residence! I was stunned. He had been so reluctant for me to return to the Liao residence, and Mao Tui'er had practically begged and pleaded with me to come to the palace—was he secretly repairing the Liao residence? Indeed, the Liao family had suffered greatly from the war and the confiscation of their property in the capital. After I left, no one lived there. He had been in a standoff with the Gui Fang for a year, and the place had been abandoned for a year. Restoring it to its former glory would certainly take some effort. But would someone as proud and determined as him really let me leave so easily, without me uttering even a single word of objection?
I just couldn't bring myself to say no.
I opened my mouth, wanting him to let me go see the doctor first, but he laboriously raised a hand, gently pressed his fingertip against my lips, raised his eyebrows slightly, and said, "Don't speak, just nod or shake your head... that's enough."
Just then, the towering vermilion gate in the square quietly opened, and a cry of alarm rang out: "Your Majesty! Imperial Physician! Quickly summon the Imperial Physician!"
He suddenly laughed, placing a hand on my arm that was supporting him, gently pushing me away. Ignoring his own exhaustion, he still wore a smile that seemed to transcend the distance: "I'm letting you go, I'm letting you go..."
My heart felt as if it were encased in ice, trembling and on the verge of shattering.
But at this moment, for the first time, I truly understood what it meant to feel like my heart was being torn apart.
I didn't know how to explain it to him, or what to explain. Hesitation was the most direct form of rejection and betrayal.
The terror in my heart was so profound, as if I had never lived in the previous nineteen years.
I have truly never lived. If it weren't for me, he wouldn't be in this state! And why would the whole world be filled with such worry! I, on the other hand, did nothing to help him. Instead, I ran away from him. When he needed support the most, I shattered everything he had. Suddenly, I realized that everything I had had also vanished into thin air.
I always thought that everything I had was nothingness, which had lingered for nineteen years. Now, however, it is all being shattered, scene by scene, stained with blood, by those intricate and frightened footprints.
He fell down, looking in my direction, but I no longer saw my reflection in his eyes.
From the moment I returned to Chongyuan Hall surrounded by the crowd, I lost consciousness, lost my reason to keep going, and could no longer demand that my already weak body could continue.
He languished in bed for over three months, his health fluctuating wildly, rising and falling repeatedly, yet I never saw him again. Physicians and maids were provided, but his illness showed no signs of improvement. Later, I heard that his injuries had healed completely; after all, he was a man burdened with the fate of the nation, and he had to force himself to recover. The south began to stir; the old emperor's fate was uncertain, and Crown Prince Fuqi was caught in a dilemma—whether he ascended the throne or not was also problematic. Ultimately, he shifted all blame onto Jimo, intending to send troops north to reclaim the land. Fuqi's army was exhausted and not particularly formidable, but his injury had unsettled the people, causing some to falter. Now that he was finally recovered, he issued an edict to personally lead an expedition against Fuqi. I had expected this; a man like him would not leave such worries unresolved, but I hadn't anticipated that he would still insist on fighting personally. After all, times had changed. He had already donned the imperial robes, and the world was in turmoil. His injury had already drawn widespread criticism, not to mention the hardships and dangers of his personal southward campaign.
I looked at the scar on my palm, feeling helpless. He was the one who was seriously injured, yet now, it's me who remains broken. I was never able to help him then, and I am still the same now.
He conquered the world inch by inch, and now he possesses it all, while I remain stuck in the same place. Round and round I go, to the same capital city, to the same body, the only difference being the fleeting years that have passed.
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