Chapter 1 Chapter 1 Xin Ai heard the sound of her dream being shattered. …
Xin Ai's illness became worse.
In his early years, he only had depression and paranoia. After he finally got a little better, he started to suffer from split personality.
At first, Xin Ai only occasionally lost small pieces of memory.
Xin Ai didn't take it seriously. She was almost 30 years old and had been tortured by depression and delusions for years, so it was normal for her memory to deteriorate. Occasionally, when she lacked memory of a time in bed, Xin Ai just thought she couldn't bear it and was in shock.
Later, one morning, Xin Ai woke up with pinch marks and kiss marks all over his body, and his waist and legs were so sore that he could hardly get out of bed.
On the side, Fu Xize looked at him with a smile, a look of joy and satisfaction. He leaned over and kissed his cheek, his voice gentle: "Baby, you've worked hard, sleep a little longer."
Xin Ai just felt creepy and got goose bumps all over his body. He had no memory of last night, and he clearly realized that the person last night was not him.
Xin Ai has a very weak sexual desire. He has been dating Fu Xize for so many years, but they don't make love very often. He doesn't have much interest in bed either. He has always been the most traditional and conservative with Fu Xize. Fu Xize respects and loves him, and is very gentle to him. They basically have sex once a week for an hour each time, and they are very restrained.
But that day was not the weekend, their regular sex day, and the various aftereffects of his body told him that he had played pretty wild the night before, and even his knees were rubbed raw from kneeling for so long.
Xin Ai felt like he was being cheated on, and it was himself who cheated on him.
Then, a painting suddenly appeared in the studio. It was in his style and brushstrokes, and even some small painting habits were exactly the same as his, but it was better than his.
Xin Ai has been living in seclusion these years, and the only thing he has not neglected is painting. He has put all his time and energy into painting, which is his only way to self-realization. However, after so many years of painting, he is not as good as others. Even if that other is himself, Xin Ai still can't control his heart attack.
God, he actually can’t draw as well as others.
This autumn, the afternoon light is golden and dazzling.
Xin Ai sat in front of the easel in the studio, staring at the painting in front of him. In his hand was a paintbrush dipped in paint. With just a casual stroke, the painting would be destroyed. He could also pretend that nothing had happened and continue to live a good life with Fu Xize.
But Xin Ai never started writing.
It's quite boring.
If it's not drawn well, it's not drawn well.
Xin Ai is not so bad that he can't afford to lose.
*
Xin Ai's illness began with a fire when he was twenty years old.
In order to save Qi Chu, he sacrificed himself. Qi Chu was intact, but he woke up in the hospital with a hoarse voice and extensive burns.
Being sick is very unbearable. Even if he has a headache or fever on an ordinary day, Xin Ai will feel very uncomfortable, let alone such large-area burns. Xin Ai's face, left arm, and left chest are all burned. Even with the application of medicine and gauze, the pain is persistent and intense. Xin Ai can't even sleep well. He always thinks of the fire, crying and shouting in a hoarse voice, "It hurts, Mom, it hurts so much."
Xin Ai's mother Xin En had been accompanying her baby son. When she heard her baby son crying in pain, she covered her mouth and started crying too.
But Xin Ai was young after all, and received the best medical treatment. Xin Ai's burns healed quickly, and even the chief doctor sighed: "It's good to be young, and you recover quickly."
Then, thinking of Xin Ai's originally extremely beautiful face, he sighed in his heart, but could only continue to comfort her, "As for the scars on your face, you don't have to worry. Medical care is advanced now, and there are endless plastic surgery methods. You have a good family background, so you can slowly adjust it with surgery. I know a lot of doctors in this field, and I can introduce them to you."
After the burns healed, Xin Ai had to face disfigurement.
After the gauze was removed, Xin Ai's right face was exquisite, while the left face was hideous and terrifying, half angel and half devil. The beautiful right face only made the left face even uglier.
Xin Ai didn't even dare to look in the mirror. He had cried because of how ugly he looked, literally crying because of how ugly he looked.
Xin Ai also didn't dare to face the world. He couldn't imagine others staring at his face and pointing fingers at him.
Xin Ai couldn't even face his parents. His mother Xin En always looked at him with such heartache that she was about to cry.
You know, Xin Ai has been good-looking since he was a child, with a delicate figure and picturesque features. When he was carried out as a child, he was praised and teased by a bunch of adults. Later, as he grew up, his appearance became even more beautiful. Since junior high school, he has been the school idol. Some students even set up a forum for him. The photos he took in high school were circulated all over the Internet, and a lot of people used them as their avatars.
Now, it's all ruined.
Xin Ai even thought about death, but finally gave up.
Xin Ai is not afraid of death. Death is the end and the relief. But that is too cruel for his parents. Xin Ai, beloved, just by looking at the name you can tell how much Xin Ai's parents love him.
Since Xin Ai cannot die, he can only choose to escape from his original life. He wants to find a place where no one knows him, live alone, and die alone.
He suggested moving out.
Xin En was so worried that he would not allow it to happen. His only child, whom he treasured like the apple of his eye, had just been in such trouble. Xin En just wanted to keep Xin Ai under his watch and protect her well.
Xin Ai couldn't convince him, and he didn't force it, so he just stayed at home.
But Xin Ai was like a terminally ill plant. No matter how carefully it was watered, it still wilted visibly.
Xin En had no choice but to agree to let him move out, but with one condition -
1. Xin Ai can only live in the Xin family’s villa in Beijing.
Second, the old butler Ying Zhen must accompany you.
Third, she would find someone of the same age to keep him company and entertain him.
This peer is Fu Xize.
Xin Ai actually knew Fu Xize. The Fu family and the Xin family were old friends, but the Fu family had fallen into decline and only Fu Xize and his grandmother were left, while the Xin family was thriving. Xin Ai's father, Shen Yu, was in his early forties, and this son-in-law was more capable than his appearance. The Xin family's assets had accumulated to an astronomical figure under his leadership, and Xin Ai had been called the prince since he was a child.
Xin Ai and Fu Xize knew each other, but they were not in the same circle. The only reason they knew each other was because they were in the same grade since childhood, and went to the same kindergarten, elementary school, junior high school, high school, and university.
Although we are in different classes, we have been in the same school and I know this person.
Xin Ai didn't know why his mother arranged for Fu Xize to live with him, but Xin Ai didn't care. Xin Ai didn't think that he would have any contact with Fu Xize. At that time, Xin Ai locked himself in the master bedroom of the villa all day long. He ate, slept, and painted in the bedroom. He never left the bedroom, so he naturally wouldn't know Fu Xize.
The two of them met one day when he didn't bring his meal all day, and he didn't answer the old housekeeper Ying Zhen's knock on the door. Fu Xize climbed into the master bedroom from the balcony and found him in the closet.
Xin Ai's depression and delusions were already very serious at that time. He always saw the raging fire that destroyed him. The bright and arrogant red, accompanied by billowing smoke, burned his face and body. He felt pain, very painful.
Xin Ai knew it was an illusion. He tried to break free. At first he just pinched himself, but later he found it was useless, so he started to cut his left arm with a utility knife. But he still couldn't wake up. He felt like he was on fire. He could only hide, but the fire was too big. He couldn't hide no matter how hard he tried. The fire burned his body and it hurt so much. He was about to be burned, so he started to cry.
Fu Xize pulled him out of the closet and carried him to the bed. At that time, Xin Ai was so thin that only a bag of bones was left. He looked light and weightless. He was no longer the Xin Ai who ran freely and passionately on the football field.
But Fu Xize's heart felt as if it was being plucked by someone, and he stepped into the deepest abyss of his life without looking back.
He put Xin Ai on the bed and didn't even dare to treat the wound first. Instead, he hugged him and coaxed him softly: "It doesn't hurt anymore. I'll blow on you and it will stop hurting."
Xin Ai leaned obediently in his arms, waiting for him to blow his dick.
Fu Xize blew on the wound on his cheek and asked, "Does it still hurt?"
Xin Ai said pitifully: "It still hurts."
Fu Xize then continued to blow the ball.
After a restless night, Xin Ai finally fell asleep.
When Xin Ai woke up the next day, he had already broken free from the illusion. He saw Fu Xize. He had no idea how Fu Xize climbed onto his bed, but he knew what happened. He just looked at the man who had seen all his ugly and miserable appearances with a gloomy and grumpy face.
It was also at this time that everyone knew that Xin Ai was seriously ill and should receive psychological treatment, but because of his disfigurement, Xin Ai was extremely reluctant to see people, and he was very resistant to treatment.
He was even resistant to plastic surgery. Since he didn't plan to go out in this life, what did it matter whether he was beautiful or ugly? He was ugly, he knew it, but there was no mirror in his bedroom, so he couldn't see it. If he didn't go out, others couldn't see it either.
He just stays ugly.
It was Fu Xize who kept an eye on him to prevent him from harming himself, and at the same time took him to many large and small hospitals at home and abroad to restore his appearance bit by bit.
Xin Ai underwent one operation after another. At that time, Xin Ai was lying on the operating table and looking at those doctors. He had the illusion that they were painted skin ghosts, who were mending his already tattered skin.
Xin Ai was young after all, and even his plastic surgery recovered quickly. The Xin family was not short of money, so Fu Xize found him the best plastic surgeon at home and abroad. It took three years, and Xin Ai's skin was finally sutured. His appearance was a little worse than at its peak, and you could still see the scars from the surgery if you looked closely, but his foundation was so good that even if he was not at his peak, he was still a handsome man.
Xin Ai was already twenty-four that year.
When he was 24 years old, Fu Xize confessed to him.
Xin Ai was not surprised. Fu Xize must love him very much to stay with such an ugly and crazy man like him and try to pull him out of the mud.
But Xin Ai has already been tortured by years of depression, paranoia and a series of surgeries. While his peers of the same age are still full of vigor and vitality, Xin Ai is lifeless, like a desolate pool of stagnant water.
What does he have to love? He is sick, crazy, weird and gloomy. He doesn't even have the most basic stable emotions required for a relationship.
He told Fu Xize calmly: "I can't give you anything."
Fu Xize smiled lightly: "You are not a fish, how can you know the joy of a fish. Xin Ai, I am happy enough to be by your side."
So, the two began to talk.
But even love isn't going smoothly.
Even after Xin Ai adjusted his appearance, he never went out. He couldn't date, watch movies, visit exhibitions, or travel with Fu Xize like a normal couple...
Xin Ai's left cheek, arm, and chest were burned, and he had undergone many surgeries. Even though there are no wounds, he always feels sensitive and painful when touched. Xin Ai doesn't like others touching him because he feels uncomfortable.
Xin Ai's sexual desire is very weak, and he has no interest in doing it.
Fu Xize watched movies and documentaries with him at home, and asked the family chef to prepare a big meal for the two of them. He also knew how to mix cocktails.
Fu Xize only kissed half of the body.
Fu Xize plans to make love once a week.
After some bumps and bruises, their relationship gradually stabilized.
Xin Ai got better little by little. Not long ago, he promised Fu Xize that he would send his paintings to the competition, and if he won a prize, they would go out for dinner together to celebrate.
At that time, Xin Ai thought that he could start over, try to be a normal person, live a good life, and fall in love well.
He could even raise cats with Fu Xize. When Xin Ai was painting in the studio on the second floor, he saw Fu Xize feeding cats more than once. The stray cats that ran into the villa yard had been tamed by Fu Xize. They used to scratch when they were touched, but now they lie down skillfully and let Fu Xize stroke them as soon as they see him.
After the fire, Xin Ai began to look forward to the future for the first time.
Then, he had a split personality.
Xin Ai heard the sound of her dream being shattered.
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