Chapter 59
Zhan Mu often looked at the blue sky above his head.
He felt very depressed here.
Of course, places like Internet addiction treatment centers will not harm him, they just require him to obey orders, observe discipline, and accept training.
Usually, getting up early and going to bed early, eating on time, participating in some simple labor, or exercising like military training, these are actually nothing to Zhan Mu. After all, he is a sports student and he can do these things easily.
But Zhan Mu wanted to escape. He didn't have claustrophobia, he just didn't like being confined in this world like a pig.
He wants freedom.
This feeling accompanied him throughout his student life. Zhan Mu often looked at the rustling leaves outside the window and thought irritably about trivial matters. This suffocating and empty feeling followed him like a shadow, making him lonely at times and calm at times.
So since Zhan Mu entered college, he has been deliberately keeping himself busy. He is a loner and uses all kinds of things to fill the boredom of his life. He doesn't even know whether these things have any value, but he is tired of the same muddled repetition as others.
Perhaps, Zhan Mu has been asking himself what he wants, so he will feel pain and even distress in this process.
Even after entering this addiction treatment center, he maintained his old personality. Others knew he was different, a stubborn person.
Zhan Mu also escaped several times. He was as determined as escaping from a mental hospital. Sometimes he almost climbed onto the wall or the roof, but was discovered and reported by others, who watched his helplessness like a spectator.
Then the instructors came. They were all very strong and had many ways to deal with the students here. Zhan Mu tried to climb over the wall many times, but was pinned to the ground again and again. When they couldn't bear it anymore, they would slap him a few times or give him corporal punishment.
I want to die so much, Zhan Mu often thinks so.
But he couldn't express these silent worries. He could only feel the numbness of his emotions in the numbness day after day. Like dripping water wearing away a stone, his heart slowly began to see a hole.
-
It has been almost a whole month and Zhan Mu has been staying here.
He couldn't contact his family, and he was alone except for the clothes he had on. He had no interest in making friends. In such a closed environment, Zhan Mu felt that the days were passing by like years and that life was worse than death.
At this time, another depressed young man refused to eat.
The instructor came over, lifted him up by his arms, and poured porridge into his mouth, like treating an animal. Zhan Mu watched and saw that the young man was very resistant. He was as thin as a bamboo pole, and his words and actions revealed his weakness that seemed like he was about to be blown away by the wind.
He must be in pain too.
At this time, Zhan Mu thought again, this guy's mental state is even worse, and what he has experienced must be more painful than mine.
Maybe I shouldn't give up on myself.
The winter wind was blowing, but it wasn't actually cold. After all, Zhan Mu was wearing his black windbreaker. He obediently hoeed the ground and looked at the small lettuce seedlings he had planted, feeling a strange sense of pride and satisfaction.
Could this be what they call planting beans at the foot of a southern mountain, where the grass grows thick but the bean sprouts are sparse?
-
At this time, Zhan Mu had been in there for almost two months.
Zhan Mu also changed from a troublemaker to a good student. He ate when he was supposed to, drank when he was supposed to, and did labor reform when he was asked to. He even changed from being irritable to being silent and indifferent, witnessing everything in the institution like an outsider.
Of course, he was still annoying. He had a cold face and looked at everyone with his nose down. When others saw him like this, they felt inexplicably angry: "If you are so capable, why were you sent here? What a joke."
So, in the third month, Zhan Mu learned to restrain himself.
He also understood that it was because he did not know how to disguise himself and hide his edge.
During these three months, he was also very anxious. He repeatedly asked the instructor to call his parents, but they refused. Sometimes, they agreed, and when they called, he would hear his mother's cold voice and his father's tired sigh...
Even when Zhan Mu repeatedly explained to them the reasons and rationale behind his actions, they didn't understand. They thought Zhan Mu was mentally ill and had an internet addiction.
Communication is ineffective.
Zhan Mu finally realized that he could only rely on himself to get rid of the many troubles in life, and even if his parents went against him, he had to bear it alone.
Fortunately, Zhan's parents just told him to calm down and let them take care of those things before letting him go.
After hearing this, Zhan Mu wanted to cry and felt cold in his heart. During such a long and difficult time, his feelings towards his parents' ignorance and arbitrariness turned into hatred and indifference.
He finally realized how profound education was. Changing a person's deep-rooted thoughts was a hundred times more painful than pulling out his tendons and skinning him.
His personality has changed drastically, and he is gradually drifting away from his old self.
Once people realize that communication is difficult with each other, that is the beginning of parting ways. There is no need to force it. Everyone has their own way to go, and wish each other well.
-
It was almost the beginning of the fourth month when I figured this out.
"One step ahead." Zhan Mu muttered this, and then he laughed again: "Yes, in essence, the difference between people is not that big. Those who seem to be better than me either have a gap in information, or they are one step ahead and seize the opportunity."
Therefore, those who are ahead of the times in various industries must be brave but lonely.
With such thoughts, Zhan Mu became calm and even composed day after day. He began to look up at the sky like a fully-fledged bird. Even though he was in a cage, he felt unprecedented freedom.
Finally, at the end of the fourth month, Zhan's father and mother came to take Zhan Mu home.
They were also surprised to find that their son was in good spirits, but his eyes no longer had the innocence they once had.
"These past few months..." Zhan's father spoke with embarrassment.
Zhan Mu asked tiredly, "How's the business at my store?"
"How would you know?" Zhan's mother looked at him through the rearview mirror, feeling apprehensive and guilty, and of course, a hint of indescribable arrogance and pride. She explained, "Really? Your shop is doing so well that many teachers from that school are running to find you..."
Zhan Mu knew this a long time ago, but now faced with their belated realization, he felt speechless and even suffocated.
"Someone came to ask, so we opened the door, but it was a mess inside and we couldn't sort it out, so Chang Jian helped you... You should thank your brother." said Zhan's mother.
Then, he returned the phone to Zhan Mu.
Zhan Mu took it, his mood was also up and down. He frowned, a little angry, as if he had wasted several months of his time in vain, and felt ashamed that his dignity was repeatedly trampled upon in such a place.
Similarly, there is a kind of arrogance called "who else but me?"
"...Okay." Zhan Mu replied. He looked out the window, feeling speechless. The skyscrapers flew past him in a continuous row. The past had turned him upside down, as if only his skin was left.
Yes, Zhan Mu was clear that he wanted to live an ideal life. He believed that he had the ability and even the strength to do so.
-
It is reassuring that Zhan's father and mother have let go, although not completely, but at least Zhan Mu has proved to them with reality that he can make money.
In a short period of time, they earned the money they would have earned from several months' labor.
What is the difference between the poor and the rich? It is the use of time, the choice of industry, and the creation of greater benefits and value in a short period of time, so they can make more money.
Zhan Mu realized this, so he worked hard, stuck to the printing industry, devoted himself to it, and tried his best to improve his personal abilities. Once he made a choice, he would not change his career easily. The next step was - man proposes, God disposes.
"Where is my Lu Chao?" Zhan Mu came back and paced around his current small shop, and his brother Chang Jian even volunteered to help him mop the floor and wipe the dust.
"Um...well." Zhan Changjian glanced at his parents, seeming to want to say something but stopping himself.
"You're getting married," Zhan's mother sternly warned him, "Don't look for that electronic doll anymore. It'll be embarrassing if you tell anyone about it."
Zhan Mu looked at him coldly and amusedly: "Where is the shame?"
Zhan's father said, "Your mother will introduce you to someone better. Even Li Lizhen won't do. Just listen to us. If I were your father, would I wrongly accuse you? I wouldn't harm you."
Zhan Changjian glanced at Zhan Mu and noticed the gloom on his face. He immediately put down the mop and said, "I'm going out for a walk."
Only the three of them were left in the store. Zhan Mu took a deep breath, suppressing his anger. He didn't even know where this resentment came from. He answered them, "I don't want to have children. Dad, Mom, the cost of raising a child is too high now. And it's really hard to find someone who is sincere and willing to accompany me to build something from nothing."
"The main thing is, I don't want to compromise with others..." Zhan Mu rubbed his brows, "What kind of marriage do you expect? It's the combination of two families, supporting each other and making life better for each other. However, in reality, most ordinary families just empty the pockets of several people to get married. Forget it, I don't want to discuss this topic anymore. Whoever wants to get married can get married."
Zhan Mu sighed with relief again: "I just like Lu Chao, even if he is just an electronic data person."
"Oh yes, where is he?" Zhan Mu said, looking around the store, trying to find Lu Chao who had turned into a small fluid cube.
"We lost it for you." Zhan's mother turned her head away.
"Then I'll buy it again." Zhan Mu's eyes darkened. He raised his eyes, gave his parents a strong smile, and then went back to the store to find a drink to quench his thirst.
"Forget it." Zhan's mother wanted to say something else, but Zhan's father grabbed her arm. He said with a complicated expression, "Then you have to work hard. Rely on yourself and strive to buy a house and a car. It's your own business whether you live a good life in the future."
"Okay." Zhan Mu's face darkened, his expression polite and courteous. Inside, he must have been unhappy, even ridiculous, thinking, am I some kind of superman? Starting from scratch, in other words, isn't that just gambling with your life?!
Yes, Zhan Mu knew he had no choice. It's like sailing against the current; if you don't move forward, you're going to fall behind.
His parents left, or more precisely, went to the barber shop where his third father worked. In short, they didn't want to see Zhan Mu's ugly face, and as a son, he was obviously unwilling to cooperate with the performance anymore.
Today passed without a sound of birds flying. Zhan Mu took a look around his own printing shop. The equipment was complete. It seemed that Zhan Changjian had indeed helped him a lot during this period.
He checked his phone. His income over the past four months was almost 40,000 yuan, and that was from simple business. Yu Wenfei, who had added him on TT, even asked, "Are you here? Aren't you in the store?"
He wanted to find Lu Chao, but couldn't find him, and the dialog box didn't respond.
Zhan Mu slumped down on the recliner in front of his computer. He looked up at the ceiling and suddenly felt a sense of emptiness. He didn't know what he was chasing after.
Money? He had it, though only a few tens of thousands. But he was quite troubled by the question of what he should spend all the money he had earned after working so hard.
Enjoy? Yes, yes, an idea suddenly struck him. That makes sense, Zhan Mu thought. It should be about enjoying yourself, doing things you haven't done before, experiencing life experiences you haven't experienced before.
Just do it, there is no business today.
Haha, Lu Chao is not here either. Whose cat doesn’t steal fish?
Zhan Mu immediately went back to his rental house to wash his hair. Fortunately, he had prepaid several months' rent in advance, so his clothes wouldn't be thrown out. He went in to change his clothes and dress himself up, then went to Sister Hong's Bar.
Sure enough, I saw Li Lizhen singing.
They didn't add each other's contact information, and Zhan Mu didn't bother her right away. He just ordered his usual red wine, looked at the flickering lights, and looked at her from a distance.
It wasn't until 9 o'clock that Li Lizhen took the initiative to come over, sit in front of Zhan Mu, and ask, "Brother, did you come all the way to see me?"
"Yeah." This made Zhan Mu feel a little nervous. He took a sip of wine and chatted curiously, "Aside from your father, are there other people in your family? I heard that you have a younger brother or something..."
Li Lizhen: "That's my mother's business, it's none of my business."
"Very good." Zhan Mu nodded, also looking like he was in a bad mood. He took out a cigarette and lit it, saying, "Would you like to go to my house for a drink?"
Li Lizhen's face suddenly changed, and then she forced out an ugly smile. Of course she understood, so it turned into a polite smile, and she agreed, saying that she just wanted to go to the bar to get her bag.
Zhan Mu drank the wine and his head felt a little dizzy, but he was happy with this perfect feeling of being tipsy, so he subconsciously gave an evil smile and prepared to do things, and stepped out of Hong Jie Bar first to wait for Li Lizhen.
Unfortunately, I ran into a short man.
Li Lizhen, who had caught up, ignored Zhan Mu and walked over, whispering "Dad." He then heard, "Three's gone. What are you still standing there for? I've cooked dinner for you, and you've been eating out again?"
"I want to make money today." Li Lizhen said in a low voice.
His father then glanced at Zhan Mu over there and said, "Oh." Seeing him, he smiled knowingly and whispered in his ear, "Not bad, hey, he's quite a handsome guy, don't you think?"
"People don't like me." Li Lizhen's voice was as soft as a mosquito's hum. She glanced at Zhan Mu, pushed his father and whispered, "You're leaving soon, Dad. See you tomorrow. I won't have dinner with you tonight."
Zhan Mu froze where she was, as if she disliked her father, and as if she couldn't believe that Li Lizhen was being objectified so bluntly.
Li Lizhen came over with her head down, and Zhan Mu also realized it later. He even paid more attention to her father and put on a flattering smile, which seemed to be a silent gratitude.
Zhan Mu's hair was numb and his conscience was tortured. He didn't know what to do, so he walked away to a secluded place, took out a few hundred yuan from his pocket, and stuffed it all into Li Lizhen.
He said, "I'm not in a good mood today. Well, hahaha, forget it. Let's do it another day. Don't come to see me."
Zhan Mu ran out for a while, then realized what was happening and turned back to wave: "Bye~ Just pretend I was never here."
Li Lizhen was left alone with a confused look on her face. The strange feeling of being moved and accompanied by invisible humiliation hit her heart.
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