coward
While preparing food in the afternoon, Lin Xueling was watching a boring TV program when she suddenly brought up her aunt, whom she hadn't been in contact with for several years, to Shen Tinghe.
My aunt, Shen Bingting, and Shen Qiujiang are cousins. In the past, families in rural areas often had several children.
Shen Qiujiang's father, who is also Shen Tinghe's grandfather, is the eldest son in the family. He has three younger brothers and two younger sisters. The youngest brother is his aunt's father.
When Shen Tinghe first learned about these intricate relationships, he was utterly bewildered and astonished that the old woman was so prolific.
Shen Qiujiang was the eldest of the younger generation; when he was born, his youngest uncle was only three or four years old. This generational hierarchy continued into Shen Tinghe's generation, where his aunt was only three years older than him.
Shen Bingting got married the year she went abroad to study. Shen Tinghe was abroad and didn't attend, but judging from Lin Xueling's photos, the wedding was very grand. At the time, Lin Xueling was quite envious, saying that Shen Bingting had a happy marriage at such a young age, and she also hoped that Shen Tinghe would get married soon.
Lin Xueling tore off the strings from the green beans, cut one green bean into three pieces, and threw them into the basin. "Your aunt had a miscarriage."
Shen Tinghe paused in her bean-picking motion. "What happened?"
Lin Xueling said that she didn't know about this at first. Shen Bingting married and moved to Quancheng, so she had less contact with this place. Although Quancheng is next to Yucheng, it is still considered a foreign place. In addition, her husband's family looked down on her own family, so they had even less contact with this place.
A few days ago, she ran into her aunt at the vegetable market in the south. Normally, the two of them would not have met, since her aunt does not live here and usually comes to the vegetable market in the south to buy fish.
Lin Xueling then learned that Shen Bingting had returned to her parents' home to recuperate. The next day, she bought some tonics and fruit to visit her younger sister.
Her husband's family consisted of powerful and highly educated individuals who looked down on Shen Bingting, a college graduate from a rural background, and began to give her attitude even before she entered the house.
She wasn't unaware of it, but love can overcome any obstacle.
Her boyfriend treats her very well, and these things are not problems. His mother is just a bit old-fashioned, but things will be better after they get married.
After they got married, his mother remained the same, her words laced with both criticism and flattery. Her husband would say, "Don't take it to heart with your mother; things will be better when we have children." They had originally agreed to move out and live separately after the wedding, but this was repeatedly delayed because his mother caused trouble and claimed to be ill.
More than two years into their marriage, Shen Bingting had not conceived at all. Her mother-in-law suspected that there was something wrong with Shen Bingting's health and went to get a bunch of folk remedies.
During that period, Shen Bingting's body was covered in the smell of medicine, and his sense of smell had developed PTSD, causing him to vomit at the slightest whiff.
Later, after going to the hospital for a checkup, they found out that the problem wasn't with her, but with her husband. Fortunately, it wasn't that she couldn't have children, just that her chances of getting pregnant were lower.
Shen Bingting found out she was pregnant while her husband was away on a business trip.
Despite knowing that her son was the problem, her mother-in-law continued to feed her all sorts of random things.
That day, I don't know what was stewing in the kitchen, but as soon as Shen Bingting sat down at the dining table, she felt nauseous and wanted to vomit. She covered her mouth and ran to the bathroom. When she came out, she could smell it again, so she turned around and leaned against the sink to vomit.
Because we were trying to conceive, we always kept a pregnancy test at home. Even though I had this possibility in my mind, I was still very excited when I actually saw two lines on the pregnancy test.
But her mother-in-law wasn't happy when she found out. She finished her meal in silence, and when she saw her happily about to go back to her room, she questioned, "Whose child is this?"
His son had difficulty conceiving and was away on a business trip for a while, so how did his daughter-in-law happen to get pregnant?
There was a small staircase between the dining room and the living room. During the argument, Shen Bingting missed a step and fell down the stairs, landing on the ground. As he remained still, a pool of blood flowed down his buttocks.
After finishing her story, Lin Xueling sighed deeply and said, "What a tragedy, what a tragedy."
After that, I started to educate Shen Tinghe, telling her, "Mom doesn't ask you to find someone with great conditions, as long as you are of similar social standing. Even if you are not as well off as our family, it's not a problem. The most important thing is that you are good to us."
"And another thing is that you must marry someone of equal social standing. Don't think about climbing the social ladder. Are high-status marriages so easy to climb? They may look glamorous on the surface, but who knows how miserable they are behind the scenes. If your aunt were a rich girl, would her mother-in-law dare to treat her like this!"
Shen Tinghe picked up the last green bean from the bag, broke it off, and put it in the basin. Her eyes were vacant, and it was unclear whether she had listened at all.
Meanwhile, at the dinner table in Chen Rancheng's family, the same old topics began to be discussed.
Ning Yun naturally started the conversation, "Is Min Lin coming back for the Chinese New Year this year?"
Chen Rancheng nodded. "That's what he said last time." He didn't know whether he would actually come back.
Ning Yun sighed, "Look at Min Lin, he's about your age. You two grew up wearing the same pair of pants, and now your kids are four or five years old."
After saying that, he gestured to Chen Lingguo with his eyes, "Hurry up and tell me about your son. He's so old and we still haven't heard from him."
Upon receiving the signal, Chen Lingguo buried his head in his food, avoiding eye contact with her; he didn't want to get involved in Chen Rancheng's affairs.
He didn't worry about Chen Ran's marriage at all, and never pressured him. What kind of parents would worry about their child when he's already so old? He believed that Chen Ran had a certain degree of control over his own life.
However, Ning Yun kept staring at him and managed to say, "Your mother is scolding you! Did you hear me?"
When Ning Yun heard him say that, she hissed and stomped on his foot hard. How could you talk like that? How could you talk like that?!
Ning Yun decided to be direct and asked, "When can I bring that girl home for Mom to meet? We had dinner last time."
After the last meal, Ning Yun asked Chen Rancheng if there was something going on. He didn't deny it, but told her not to worry about it and not to organize another meal like today's.
As it turned out, Chen Rancheng never mentioned it again. If he didn't mention it, he probably would have brought her home during the holidays.
Thinking that the New Year's Day holiday was almost over, Ning Yun was getting anxious as she waited and waited but he still didn't say he would bring her home.
Still think you're young? Having a campus romance but not bringing the couple home!
Chen Ran's expression was unreadable. "We'll see."
"Again? What do you mean by 'again'? Have you broken up with them?"
Chen Rancheng hesitated for a moment, then stubbornly replied, "No." His tone was serious.
"So you weren't sincere with them?"
Chen Rancheng put down his chopsticks. "Is this how you see your son?"
Ning Yun immediately denied it, "Of course not, it's just that you haven't brought them back yet." She thought you were being irresponsible towards them.
Chen Rancheng nodded, "It's true, but she'll be quite busy in a while."
His tone was resolute, but only Chen Rancheng himself knew how uncertain he was when he said those words.
To bolster his confidence, Chen Rancheng visited Principal Wang's home the following day, bringing gifts with him.
After returning from the holiday, Shen Tinghe had just finished proctoring an exam and was walking out of the exam room when she ran into Principal Wang at the corner.
"Xiao Chen, you just finished proctoring the exam. How was it?"
Invigilation is nothing more than a dream job for students, but a nightmare for teachers.
"Not bad, the students are quite well-behaved."
Principal Wang nodded. "Shall we go eat?"
Shen Tinghe sensed the invitation from Principal Wang and felt uneasy, but replied, "Yeah, I'm a little hungry."
There is a tea restaurant on campus. Compared to the chaotic atmosphere of the cafeteria, the tea restaurant is relatively quiet and is the best choice for students to gather.
Students and teachers dine in small groups at the tea restaurant. The only drawback of the tea restaurant compared to the canteen is that the food is served slowly.
Wang Xiao had already ordered the food, and if he didn't explain his purpose soon, Xiao Chen, who was sitting upright across from him, would have a hard time finishing his meal.
So I said, "Our school will be having an exchange program in a few days, and after thinking about it, I think you're the most suitable person to go."
"Don't be nervous. The main thing is the interviews. See if you're okay with it. Here's the list of interviewees." He said, taking out the interview list from his briefcase.
Shen Tinghe glanced down at the names on the list, and after getting a sense of what was going on, she agreed.
When Wang Xiao heard Shen Tinghe agree, he laughed heartily, "I told you you had no problem." He then explained the specific procedures of the interview to him, and the dishes were gradually served during their conversation.
The interviews consisted of four prominent alumni and lasted for two days. One alumnus was interviewed every half day, and the interview locations were chosen based on the alumni's workplaces.
After finishing their work discussion, Principal Wang changed the subject and asked, "Does Xiao Chen have a boyfriend?"
Shen Tinghe was taken aback by the sudden change of topic. She hadn't expected that Principal Wang would be so gossipy about the teacher's love life.
She replied apologetically, "Not yet."
Principal Wang's eyes held a meaningful look. "Not yet? You'd better hurry. I'll keep an eye out for you too."
Discussing relationship issues with one's boss is always a bit awkward. Shen Tinghe nodded hastily, wanting to quickly move on from the topic.
Actually, when Principal Wang first asked her if she was willing to take on the task of interviewing alumni, she was not very willing to agree. She was afraid that she would not be able to handle it well. But when she saw the list of people, the weight on her heart was lifted.
Without Chen Rancheng, she could have handled this matter well.
The first day of the interviews went very smoothly. Shen Tinghe was a great listener, and both alumni were very talkative and approachable. They would sometimes ask about the difficulties and thoughts that college students face today.
The two interviewees on the last day worked in places that were quite far apart, one in the west of the city and the other in the east, so Shen Tinghe spent some time traveling there.
It was past four o'clock when they arrived at the agreed location for the last interviewee. Shen Tinghe placed the recording pen on the table, following the steps of the previous interviews.
While waiting for the interviewee to arrive, he looked down and studied the basic information about the interviewee.
Deng Yixiao, an outstanding graduate of the class of xx, is currently employed by the xx Ministry of Foreign Affairs...
So focused was he that he didn’t even hear the footsteps of the person coming from the opposite direction until he heard the sound of a chair being pulled out, which made Shen Tinghe realize that someone had arrived.
He extended his hand to shake hands, saying, "Hello, Mr. Deng, I am..."
Before he could finish speaking, he stopped when he saw who it was, and the smile on his face froze.
The outstretched hand was grasped, held tightly for a moment, and then released.
Chen Rancheng pulled out a chair and sat down without changing his expression, carrying with him the chill of the outside air.
The waiter came over and asked what they would like to order. Shen Tinghe ordered a glass of lemonade, and Chen Rancheng ordered the same thing.
Shen Tinghe was a little confused. After the waiter left, she asked casually, "What are you doing here?"
“The information on your file, except for the name which isn’t mine, is all my basic information.” Chen Rancheng paused for a moment, “As for Deng Yixiao, he’s my childhood friend.”
Seeing that Shen Tinghe remained silent, Chen Rancheng continued.
"I went to look for you that day, but you were gone. My first instinct was to call you, but I realized I didn't have your number." It felt like the sky had fallen.
“You said you felt I was far away from you. I didn’t understand at first, but I realized it at that moment. I thought I was very good to you, but in the end I found that it was just my one-sided perception. I couldn’t even keep the most basic promise to you, yet I still hoped that you could always be by my side.”
"You said you felt uneasy because of my identity, but I'm just a person, an ordinary person, no different from anyone else. I also feel sad and upset when someone I like leaves me. Sometimes I even doubt myself, do I really deserve all of this?" Because I know how worthless I am.
Love makes people vulnerable, turning them into suspicious cowards.
So, are you still willing to accept me, this coward?
Chen Rancheng stared at her intently. "I got the interview list from Principal Wang and had him add someone else on it without my permission. I knew you might not agree if you saw my name, so I lied to you using someone else's name. I'm sorry."
Shen Tinghe's gaze finally fell on him, and she saw the sincerity, genuineness, and... unease in his eyes.
She couldn't deny that she was beginning to waver, taking a sip of the lemonade the waiter had just brought. She paused, startled, when she saw the recording device, and quickly pressed the stop button. "I didn't mean to."
Chen Rancheng didn't pay attention; he had just sat down when he saw that the tape recorder was already turned on.
Shen Tinghe couldn't remember how she got home; she was in a daze the whole time.
After getting home, I lay on the sofa for a while, then remembered the tape recorder that had recorded the audio. I jumped up from the sofa like a carp and ran to my bag to rummage for the tape recorder.
Chen Rancheng's voice traveled through the crackling electricity to Shen Tinghe's eardrums, striking her heart with each beat, causing the wall in her heart to crack and begin to crumble.
Some details that were not noticed at the time were revealed in the recording, and details that Chen Rancheng had hidden very well were magnified.
The swallowing and subtle breathing during pauses.
Shen Tinghe is a very tough person, with a strong backbone and a stubborn streak. Old Shen often says that she is like a stubborn donkey, even more stubborn than him.
She could always feel her position in her environment, just as she was very aware of her imbalance in her relationship with Chen Rancheng.
When she couldn't convince herself, leaving was the best option this coward could make.
But she was also soft-hearted, and she often regretted her actions whenever she thought of Chen Rancheng.
Wiping away the tears that had overflowed from the corners of her eyes, Shen Tinghe dialed Chen Rancheng's number.
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