Chapter 101 Springtime Confusion (Part 9): Piety and Blasphemy
The heavy rain poured down, pounding against the roof with a continuous "bang, bang" sound. Several streaks of purple lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, illuminating the room for a moment before quickly plunging it back into darkness.
In this dark and cramped little room, the two were pressed tightly together, their heartbeats transmitted through their thin clothes, gradually approaching resonance.
Song Qiling's body was still trembling slightly, her forehead resting against Gu Lianzhou's shoulder. Her rapid breathing gradually calmed down, but she still greedily absorbed the warmth of the person in front of her.
The crisp scent of night rain lingered on his clothes, his body was warm, and his heartbeat was steady, yet seemed to beat faster than hers.
She knew she should let go; such a loss of composure was too much. But her limbs seemed to have a mind of their own, gripping the fabric of his nightgown even tighter, as if if she let go, the person in front of her would vanish like in her dream.
Gu Lianzhou felt the subtle change in his arms, and his awkward, stiff patting became gentler. He comforted her, feeling helpless yet firm, "It's alright."
Although I don't know what terrifying scene my senior brother dreamed of, judging from his current reaction, the dream is most likely related to him...
His chin brushed against his senior's slightly cool hair, and he felt the warm, moist breath on the side of his neck, which climbed up his neck in a fine, dense pattern.
Such intimacy is unsettling.
"Senior brother..." he spoke again, his voice trembling slightly, without him even realizing it, "Are you having a nightmare?"
Song Qiling didn't answer immediately. She froze in his arms for a moment, and after a few breaths, she seemed to have finally regained some strength. Or perhaps she realized that it was really improper to hold him like this. She moved away slightly, but her arms were still loosely wrapped around his waist, as if she needed a support.
She looked up, her eyes and the tip of her nose still red, her long eyelashes wet with tears, and her usually calm and carefree eyes were now veiled with a hazy, watery light, her gaze still somewhat unfocused, as if she had not completely escaped from a nightmare.
Gu Lianzhou felt as if something had gently squeezed his heart again.
It was that indescribable itch again, rising from his heart, like a furry little claw teasing him incessantly in his chest.
I really want to get... closer.
His attention gradually shifted downwards, landing on the two hands on his waist, feeling the warmth there, his heart pounding.
A despicable thought suddenly arose in my mind.
There's nothing wrong with continuing down this path of depravity.
Senior brother is as innocent as a blank sheet of paper. He would never know the dirty thoughts in his heart, nor would he blame him for his outrageous behavior. Senior brother is so indulgent towards him. Even if he does something even more outrageous, he would probably just smile helplessly and indulge him.
Song Qiling's gaze swept over her junior brother's face, neck, and shoulders, as if to confirm whether there were really no horrific wounds on them.
The lingering effects of the dream made her subconsciously reach out, her fingertips trembling slightly as she gently touched his unharmed shoulder. The touch was soft yet firm, without any wet bloodstains or horrible scars.
He was her junior brother.
It was Gu Lianzhou, perfectly intact.
Her trembling gradually subsided, and her confused mind slowly returned to normal. With a sigh of relief, she suddenly realized what she had done, and as if burned, she instantly let go of her hand and retreated to the inside of the bed.
Her cheeks burned red in the darkness, her eyes darting around unsure of where to look, and she stammered, "I'm sorry, junior brother, I... I had a nightmare, I thought it was you..."
Suddenly remembering that she was dressed so lightly and had just forcefully bumped into her junior brother's arms, she felt a great sense of fear.
She pulled the blankets beside her to her chest, closed her eyes, and struggled for a moment. Seeing that the other person did not respond, she finally gritted her teeth and said with difficulty, "You know everything?"
The warmth in his arms suddenly vanished, bringing a strange sense of emptiness. Gu Lianzhou's hand was still frozen in mid-air, his heart still pounding like a drum.
He took a deep breath, suppressed his turbulent emotions, and said in a low voice, "Yes, that was a trick of the mountain demon. Perhaps it held a grudge after being taught a lesson by you, senior brother, which is why that beast followed you and caused you to fall into a nightmare, unable to distinguish between reality and illusion."
He paused, then reached out to tuck the blanket around his senior brother. "Fortunately, I discovered it in time and killed the evil spirit. I think it won't cause any more trouble."
Upon hearing this, Song Qiling looked up in surprise, her lips slightly parted, a look of bewilderment on her face.
Then he said confidently, "If you're worried, senior brother, I'll stay here tonight. You can sleep peacefully."
"..."
How can she feel at ease?
After thinking for a moment, she cleared her throat. Her voice still had a strong nasal tone, but she was much calmer than before: "I'm fine. I just had a troubling nightmare. It's you who rushed here and didn't get a proper rest."
Her gaze swept over her junior brother's half-wet clothes, and remembering that the downpour outside had not yet stopped, she quickly raised her hand to shoo him away: "Go back and change your clothes quickly, don't catch a cold."
"Such a little rain shouldn't be enough to cause this..."
"Go when I tell you to. There's an umbrella by the door, remember to take it."
After some urging, Gu Lianzhou finally got up reluctantly and repeatedly instructed, "If you feel unwell, tap on the headboard and I'll come right away."
"I've noted it down. You may go back now!"
Finally, after seeing the fool off, Song Qiling sighed deeply. Then, in frustration, he clutched his head and rolled around on the bed. But fearing that the noise would attract his junior brother, he had no choice but to suppress the turmoil in his heart.
The two of them were so close just now, yet the junior brother didn't notice anything unusual. Could it be... that her body has no presence?
Filled with questions, Song Qiling subconsciously raised her hand and gently squeezed the soft flesh on her chest.
Um……
It seems that the junior's understanding is flawed.
He was indeed unusually slow-witted.
-
Back in his room, enveloped in darkness once more, Gu Lianzhou didn't rush to change his clothes. He simply stood by the door, his hand lightly touching his clothes, as if he could still feel the embrace, smell the warm fragrance, and hear his own deafening heartbeat.
All these abnormalities were caused by one person.
Only when he thinks of his senior brother does he unconsciously pay attention to him, feel elated by a single approving glance, worry when he frowns, and... during that unexpected hug just now, he was thrown into disarray, his heart pounding like a drum.
He was not an ignorant teenager; his momentary tremor, stiffness, and even... disdainful reaction all pointed to a direction he had never deeply considered.
This realization struck him like a thunderbolt.
The direction one's heart follows is like the meridians of one's birth, varying from person to person. There are no fixed rules, nor are there any distinctions of right or wrong, superior or inferior, is that not so?
He tried to soothe his crumbling defenses with reason.
Yes, he likes his senior brother.
It wasn't the respect between fellow disciples, nor the rapport between confidants, but rather... a terrifying desire that was intolerable to the world, a desire to touch, to possess, and to meld that person into one's very bones.
A strange, timid sense of relief slowly spread through me.
A bolt of lightning suddenly tore through the night outside the window, its pale light instantly illuminating his pale profile. Then, a thunderclap boomed, making the windowpanes vibrate.
The thunder seemed to strike his taut nerves, and the suppressed heat within him returned like a torrential downpour, surging and roaring through his veins with even greater force.
He staggered and fell to the edge of the couch, biting his lower lip in an attempt to resist the overwhelming wave, but his mind was filled with the image of his senior brother... His fingers moved awkwardly and tremblingly, carrying a self-destructive despair, as if only through this painful catharsis could he get a little closer to that unreachable light source.
The thunder rumbled in, drowning out the broken breaths escaping from between his teeth. He closed his eyes, each flash of lightning piercing through his eyelids into a crimson blur, reflecting the lingering image in his mind.
He likes his senior brother, and only his senior brother.
He was filthy and sinful.
But emotions in this world are not all the same. Resisting or denying them will only cause you pain, like going against the current and wasting your energy.
Why not try... to face it and accept it?
Fingertips trembled in the flickering electric light, as if wavering between piety and blasphemy. Each touch was accompanied by the wrath of the heavens, as if this heinous sin had angered even the heavens and earth.
In that brief moment of lightning and thunder, he seemed to climb to the clouds and then instantly fall into the abyss.
The downpour had not stopped; it continued to beat wildly against the eaves and window frames, making a monotonous and persistent sound.
Everything came to an abrupt end.
The thunder faded into the distance, leaving only the patter of rain, filling his hollow eardrums.
He slumped on the couch. In the darkness, he could clearly feel his heart pounding against his ribs, gradually mingling with the incessant sound of rain outside the window, making it impossible to distinguish between his heartbeat and the sound of the rain.
The lingering pleasure quickly faded, leaving only the cold, sticky reality clinging to the skin, refusing to leave.
The self-loathing, fear, and guilt that had been temporarily masked by the thunder and rain were now surging back from all directions under the cover of the endless night rain, gnawing at his soul in a meticulous and persistent way.
Gu Lianzhou was physically and mentally exhausted, followed by a deeper sense of confusion and pain.
If my senior brother, a man of such integrity and upright character, knew that I harbored such unacceptable and sordid thoughts towards him, and even used these filthy fantasies to masturbate, how would I view him?
Disgust? Contempt? Or complete distancing?
Just imagining that scene makes me feel a metallic, rusty taste rising in my throat.
This feeling, which had just been painstakingly confirmed amidst indulgence, was like a blazing flame that couldn't bear the light. It had barely been lit when the cold water of reality poured down on it, leaving only ashes of despair and suffocating pain.
The cold, soft dodder sprouted out of nowhere, as if sensing its master's chaotic thoughts, and stretched out in all directions without restraint. Flickering purple demonic patterns appeared on its thick and flexible roots, illuminating the messy scene inside the house.
It carefully crouched down, rubbing against Gu Lianzhou's warm and sticky finger gaps, cleaning up all the mess, and then slowly and gently closed itself in the middle, gradually coalescing into a huge "cocoon".
The demonic aura trembled and spread, disappearing into the noisy rainy night.
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