Chapter 111 Springtime Heart in Turmoil (19) Junior Brother is forcing her into homosexuality…
Song Qiling looked down at her knees, where the fabric was unconsciously clenched by her fingertips, becoming wrinkled and crumpled, just like her current state of mind.
It was so chaotic that she couldn't have any peace.
After a long pause, her shoulders slumped almost imperceptibly, and she finally admitted, "Yes."
The single word, though seemingly light and airy, carried an immense weight. The moment the words left his lips, the junior brother beside him froze, even his previously light breathing seemed to stop.
The bedroom became so quiet you could hear a pin drop, with only the occasional faint crackling of the burning candle.
After a brief silence, Song Qiling felt a warm breath gently brush against her cheek. Her eyelashes trembled slightly, and her gaze hesitantly moved upward, meeting her junior brother's face as he lifted it from her neck.
He stared at her blankly, and something seemed to be quietly shattering in his clear black and white eyes. His gaze was naked and undisguised, staring straight at her, making her heart clench.
...Why is he looking at me with that expression?
Anxiety, like vines, quickly coiled around her heart, tightening more and more. A suffocating, aching sensation blocked her throat, making it dry and even breathing difficult.
She belatedly realized the distance between them...
Isn't it too close?
My gaze wandered uncontrollably, passing over his slightly furrowed brows, his high nose, his well-defined jawline, and finally settling on his slightly parted lips.
The dim light cast soft shadows there, and the lips appeared soft and almost alluringly moist.
It's so close.
As if possessed, her heart began to pound wildly again.
She had clearly only sipped a few mouthfuls of wine tonight, and that negligible amount of alcohol was easily dissipated by the wind. So why was she feeling dizzy and lightheaded, as if a heat wave was rising from her lungs, making her cheeks flushed and her mouth dry?
The junior brother's face slowly magnified in front of me, so close that I could see his distinct eyelashes. I noticed his Adam's apple bobbing, and his breath carried the slight sweetness of rice wine and the burning heat unique to young men.
"Since you don't like women," the low, husky voice trembled slightly, "then what does Senior Brother think of me?"
boom--
As if all the blood and energy rushed to the top of her head, Song Qiling suddenly felt her face burning hot, and even her earlobes felt like they were on fire.
She subconsciously licked her dry lips, hurriedly looked away, not daring to look into his overly direct eyes, her gaze finally settling on his hands pressed tightly against the edge of the bed.
The hand had distinct knuckles, and the pale blue veins on the back of the hand bulged slightly from the force. The knuckles were taut and white, and the hand was pressed tightly against the wooden board beneath it, clearly showing tension.
He was actually serious.
"I...I..." Song Qiling's mind was blank at this moment, and even her tongue was not under her control. She could only stammer and stammer as she spoke.
He was able to handle Wan Hongling with ease before, so why was he so flustered and helpless in front of his junior brother, as if someone had caught him red-handed?
What does "what do you think of him/her" mean?
Why can't she understand what I'm saying anymore?
Does he realize that he is confessing his feelings to the same "man"?
Is he out of his mind?
Gu Lianzhou's eyes were fixed on her for a moment, and he was secretly amazed.
The fact that his senior brother blushed so much because of his words, even the tips of his ears seemed to be tinged with a light red, suggested that he was either hallucinating from drunkenness or...
The senior brother wasn't entirely indifferent to him.
As soon as the thought crossed my mind, my heart started pounding wildly again.
What he hadn't dared to hope for before now seemed not entirely hopeless. Besides, his senior brother hadn't been angry at his abruptness, and the expected reprimand and punch hadn't come down...
My senior brother is as soft-hearted as ever.
This unresolved waiting is just too agonizing.
A hot breath brushed against her nose, and Song Qiling looked up in surprise, only to see her junior brother's gaze lingering on her lips before he leaned down and slowly approached.
She suddenly gripped the hem of her clothes.
An unprecedented, unsettling sense of intimacy instantly enveloped her, almost melting away the last shred of her reason.
My heart was pounding in my chest, the sound almost drowning out everything else. My mind went blank, and all the etiquette and rules I had learned in the past seemed distant and blurry at this moment.
The warm breath brushed against her skin, stirring a subtle shiver, and a strange, tingling sensation quietly rose from the base of her spine.
Just as their lips were about to touch, the suffocating tension overcame her, and she instinctively raised her hand to block his chest.
“Junior brother…” She turned her head away, not daring to look directly into those eyes, her voice trembling with a pleading tone that she herself was unaware of, “You’re drunk.”
As soon as she finished speaking, she struggled to her feet as if fleeing, quickly walked to the door, opened it, and stood with her back to him.
The night breeze, carrying a chill, swept in, brushing against her burning cheeks and dispelling the absurdity of the room.
She didn't dare turn around, and only said stiffly, "You...you go back and rest first, and I'll answer you when you're sober."
-
After kicking the person out, Song Qiling's legs almost immediately went weak. The moment she closed the door, she slid down the door panel and sat on the ground, cupping her burning cheeks in her hands, feeling a surge of annoyance.
Tonight, I've truly lost my composure.
I thought that being honest would bring me some relief, but instead, it only added to my tangled and complicated worries.
My junior brother's demeanor just now... could it be that he really has feelings for her?
But she is clearly a "man" right now. Could it be that my junior brother really has homosexual tendencies?
Yes, yes.
You can't be wrong.
How could an ordinary man say such ambiguous things to another man? There is no other possibility but this reason.
She is guilty.
Unbeknownst to her, she had bewitched her junior brother into this immoral relationship.
Now her junior brother has come to collect the debt from her.
How is she supposed to open her mouth and confess now?
Whether you stick your neck out or not, you'll get stabbed anyway.
This junior brother is forcing her to be gay.
A jumble of thoughts surged like a tide, one wave after another, making her heart clench and restless.
Suddenly, he remembered the promise he had made in a moment of desperation, which had practically put him in a dead end. How was she supposed to respond then?
If I refuse directly, I'm afraid it will hurt my junior's feelings and damage our relationship. If I'm vague, I'm afraid he'll misunderstand me even more, making things more difficult to resolve later.
The night was long, and Song Qiling stared at the empty roof beams, barely able to close her eyes.
As dawn broke, she got up to wash and dress.
He opened the wardrobe, his fingertips brushing over a row of coarse cloth clothes, and finally pulled out a brand new moon-white straight robe.
After changing her clothes, she carefully tied up her long hair in front of the bronze mirror and secured it with a jade hairpin.
The person in the mirror looked pale. She raised her hand and gently patted her cheeks, trying to bring out some color, but to little avail.
He then took out a heavy money bag from deep inside the drawer, weighed it in his palm, tied it around his waist, and then pushed open the door to go out.
With a soft click, the copper lock settled into place.
She took a deep breath of the cool morning air, and seeing no movement by the door, she figured the person inside hadn't gotten up yet. Without further hesitation, she turned and walked toward the street corner.
The sky was still dark, and lanterns were lit in front of the wonton stall, casting dim yellow light that dappled the ground with shadows.
The old man at the wonton stall recognized her at a glance and greeted her with a smile: "Young Master Song, you're up early today, same as always?"
Song Qiling nodded and sat down next to the large pot that was steaming.
Thin-skinned wontons tumbled in clear broth, sprinkled with seaweed, dried shrimp, and bright green scallions, their aroma filling the air. She ate them in small bites, and a bowl of hot soup dispelled the morning chill.
When it was time to pay, she counted out a few copper coins from her purse, gently placed them on the table, and got up to leave.
She had no destination in mind today, and simply strolled along with the crowd.
As the sky brightened, the streets became increasingly noisy.
Sweeped into the market by the surging crowds, one's eyes are inevitably drawn to the various vendors.
The dazzling glass goblets, the exotic spices with their unique aromas, the rare birds with their brightly colored feathers in cages... a dazzling array of goods flashed before my eyes, but my heart was adrift, unable to settle down.
I can't calm down.
I can't calm down at all...
She stopped at a stall selling Hu (non-Han) dolls, and looking at the lifelike little figures, she suddenly thought that her junior brother would find it interesting if he saw it.
The moment the thought crossed her mind, she felt as if struck by lightning. She hurriedly looked away and went to the nearby wood carving stall. She picked up a chubby rabbit, looked at it, and then, finding it uninteresting, gently put it down.
A crowd gathered in front, cheering. It was a circus troupe. A boy was lying on the ground with his legs raised, his feet supporting a huge water vat, and he kicked it more than ten times in a row.
After pausing to watch for a while, until his eyes were dazzled and he felt dizzy, Song Qiling took out a few copper coins and threw them into the arena.
The round copper coin fell with a "rustling" sound, hitting the child squarely on the forehead. The child cried out in pain, his movements faltered, the water vat wobbled, and he quickly steadied it, but he was already grimacing.
"...Oh ho."
Hearing the gasps of surprise all around her, Song Qiling guiltily retreated into the crowd, then turned and quickly walked away.
Another crowd gathered, and faint sobs could be heard.
Squeezing in, I saw a girl with a straw marker stuck in her hair kneeling on the ground, a human figure covered by a straw mat beside her, and a piece of paper in front of her with the four large characters "Selling herself to bury her father".
The girl was tall and strong, and her cries were deep and resonant. The human figure under the straw mat seemed to rise and fall slightly with her cries, as if it were not yet completely cold...
After a moment of silence, Song Qiling took out a small piece of silver from his purse and gently placed it into the broken bowl in front of the girl. Before she could kowtow, he turned and left.
Arriving at a medicine stall with a banner that read "Baiyoujie" (meaning "anti-worries"), I saw the words "Xiaoyao Wan (meaning "carefree pills") written in ink on the yellow signboard.
The stall owner was a shrewd person. Seeing her stop, he immediately stepped forward and introduced the product: "There is no trouble in the world that a single pill of carefree joy cannot resolve. If there is, then take two pills."
In the past, Song Qiling would never have believed such a trick of the martial arts world, but today, the three words "forget your worries" seemed to have hooks, drawing out all her sorrows.
She asked, almost as if possessed, "Is it really that effective?"
"That's natural."
The stall owner leaned closer and lowered his voice, saying, "Our Xiaoyao Pill is made with Datura flower, top-grade Poria cocos, and three rare herbs to calm the mind and soothe the nerves. It is made according to ancient secret methods. I dare not say that you can become an immortal on the spot, but if you can find peace of mind and temporarily escape from the sea of suffering, the effect will be immediate."
This mixture of truth and falsehood sounds more convincing than the teachings of sages at this moment.
After hesitating for a long time, thinking about the foolish promise she had made and the tangled predicament in Lake Stone Alley, Song Qiling actually took out some money and bought a small celadon bottle.
Holding the medicine bottle in my hand, its cool touch did nothing to quell the anxiety and restlessness in my heart.
Can this little bottle really relieve her endless worries?
She wandered aimlessly, passing by the famous "Zui Xian Ju" restaurant in the south of the city. The enticing aroma of food made her decide to go upstairs and order a few dishes.
Sitting by the window, you can enjoy a panoramic view of the street below.
A casual glance revealed a young couple walking side by side. The man turned his head slightly, his eyes gentle, as if his gaze was fixed on the woman.
Song Qiling paused, hurriedly averted her gaze, and stared blankly at the clear tea in her cup.
As the water rippled, it seemed to reflect again the pair of straightforward and ardent eyes of my junior brother when he approached me last night.
That look in his eyes was even more intense than the man downstairs he had just seen, perhaps even more so…
Now that her junior brother has personally exposed the truth, she can no longer pretend nothing happened, nor can she make excuses.
Unconsciously, my fingertips rubbed against the cup, and I could feel the Xiaoyao Pill in my sleeve getting slightly hot.
If she could truly forget everything, she would be spared this heart-wrenching dilemma. But if she forgets, who will bear the weight of her junior brother's sincere feelings?
Frustrated, I closed my eyes, feeling that all the dishes on the table had lost their flavor, leaving only a bitter taste in my mouth, which rippled outwards with the tea, unable to be calmed.
Song Qiling finished her meal with a bitter taste, and finally remembered her business. She went into the fabric shop, carefully selected fabrics for a while, and then pointed to a piece of soft blue gauze and said to the shop assistant, "I want this piece of fabric to make a bed curtain."
She watched the ruler slide in the shop assistant's hand, and suddenly said, "Take another measurement of my size and make a summer dress."
The shop assistant noted it down, but then she seemed to remember something, and stroking the fabric under her hand, she added in a low voice: "...make another one, a larger one, from this dark brocade with a cloud pattern."
As soon as she said it, she paused for a moment, then pursed her lips and urged the waiter to hurry up.
As the sun began to set, she walked out of the fabric shop carrying the newly bought fabric. Her legs were already sore and weak. In her hands, she also carried several bags of odds and ends, as well as a roast goose packed for her junior apprentice.
The hustle and bustle of the market gradually faded behind me, and the emotions that I had barely managed to suppress with my busy schedules began to surface clearly once again as my steps grew heavier.
There's no escaping it; there's no escaping it after all.
She stole a day of leisure, but her mood was not as relaxed as she had expected. Instead, it felt like she was carrying a heavy bag of stubborn stones, each with jagged edges.
Upon closer inspection, the sharp edge caused her a sharp pain, almost making her shrink back.
She had been hiding like a coward all day, but now there was no way to avoid it, and she had to face the embarrassment left over from last night.
What will her junior brother think of her?
Is it because you're annoyed that she's full of lies and a complete liar? Or is it because you hate that she runs away from problems and is a cowardly coward?
Perhaps he had already seen through her clumsy pretense and was waiting for her to return so he could demand an explanation from her.
What explanation can she possibly offer?
Taking a deep breath, I finally looked up at the approaching entrance of Hushi Alley.
As dusk approached, the orange sunset enveloped the gray walls and blue tiles of Lake Stone Lane. At one end of the road, a man's tall figure leaned against the wall. As she approached, he slowly raised his eyes.
-
The wind at the alley entrance brushed against my face, carrying the slight coolness of the evening.
Song Qiling looked at the familiar figure a few steps away, her breath caught in her throat, and she subconsciously clenched the oil paper package in her hand.
The warmth of the roast goose seeped through the paper, making it almost scalding to the touch.
She awkwardly let go, letting the thin hemp rope on the oil paper wrapping swirl and twist around her fingertips.
Gu Lianzhou leaned against the wall, watching his senior brother's increasingly slow footsteps approach. The words he had practiced repeatedly during the day suddenly caught in his throat, eventually freezing into a long silence.
Song Qiling also stood still.
She had imagined everything, even prepared for the impending tsunami, but she never expected that what awaited her would be this almost frozen, deathly silence.
"you……"
"Senior brother."
The two spoke almost simultaneously, then fell silent at the same time.
Gu Lianzhou pursed his lips and said in a low voice, "Senior brother, you go first."
Song Qiling was speechless for a moment. She had nothing to say, but the silence made her feel suffocated. Her gaze wandered and finally landed on the moss in the corner of the wall. She forced out a question, "Have you... eaten?"
"Not yet." Gu Lianzhou shook his head. "I don't have much of an appetite."
Ah, I have no appetite.
Could it be because of her?
As if possessed, Song Qi handed over the oil paper package in his hand, breaking the suffocating deadlock. "Here, I brought you some roast goose, it's still warm."
The aroma of roast goose filled the air.
Gu Lianzhou stared at the wrinkled oil paper package for a moment, then hesitantly took it with both hands. "Thank you, senior brother. This roast goose... is it from Jixiangju Restaurant on East Street?"
"Hmm." Song Qiling nodded. "I remember you mentioned last time that you thought the taste was acceptable."
"It's kind of you to remember, Senior Brother."
"Just something I did," Song Qiling replied casually, kicking at the pebbles at her feet.
The atmosphere turned cold again, even more unsettling than the silence before.
The person was met, and the roast goose was given out to appease them, but then what?
Is the problem that stands between us, which was laid bare last night, really going to be so easily dismissed with a roast goose and a few dry pleasantries?
The wind at the alley entrance blew through, fluttering the sash hanging at the junior brother's waist and blowing the hem of her moon-white robe. They entwined for a moment, then separated.
Gu Lianzhou lowered his eyelashes, staring at the pebbles at his senior brother's feet, and finally squeezed out the words that had been agonizing all day: "Last night I lost control after drinking and said a lot of absurd nonsense, offending my senior brother. I am really sorry, please... forget about it."
Forgot?
Song Qiling felt a ringing in her ears, and the string that had been taut all night was swiftly and decisively cut.
As expected, the expected ease did not arrive; instead, a weightless void prevailed.
She looked up in surprise and stared at him intently.
The junior brother still dared not look directly at her. His profile was tense, and his jawline was so clear it was almost sharp. However, his tightly pursed lips and lowered eyes betrayed his unease at that moment.
A sudden surge of indescribable bitterness welled up in my nose; I couldn't tell if it was embarrassment or disappointment.
I noticed that his eyes were full of exhaustion and bloodshot, perhaps like mine, he hadn't slept all night and was suffering day and night.
Thinking of this, she opened her mouth, then said stiffly, "You don't need to apologize."
Gu Lianzhou suddenly looked up, a look of disbelief flashing in his eyes.
Song Qiling forced herself to meet his gaze. Despite her flushed cheeks, she continued speaking rapidly, as if afraid she would regret it: "I also made mistakes last night, but you did not offend me."
Having said that, she sighed softly, "So don't blame yourself."
She couldn't openly express her feelings, nor could she immediately reveal her true gender, but she could at least tell her junior brother that his affections were not offensive or offensive.
These ambiguous words were like a ray of light piercing through the darkness for Gu Lianzhou.
That heart, chilled by fear, suddenly warmed and began to beat wildly.
He gripped the roast goose tightly in his hand, using all his strength to restrain the urge to embrace the person in front of him, a thousand emotions surging within him.
"Senior brother." His voice was hoarse, and the defenses he had built in his eyes collapsed instantly, leaving only a scene of lingering fear and devastation.
The feigned composure and the deliberately maintained distance crumbled at this moment, revealing the raw, untamed flesh beneath.
He took a half-step forward, then froze in place: "Today... I can't find you anywhere."
The words caught in his throat, and he took a deep breath before continuing, "I searched every place you frequented, every nook and cranny, taverns, teahouses, even the Prince's Mansion in the South City... but there was no trace of you at all."
His gaze swept hastily across Song Qiling's face, as if to confirm that this was not an illusion. "I thought... my bastardly words last night had finally scared you."
His voice grew lower and lower, with a barely perceptible sob, "You were angry with me, you were tired of me, and you refused to see me again, which is why you left so cleanly, just like..."
He suddenly looked up, his eyes filled with an overwhelming fear. "Just like before, Senior Brother always acted without restraint, as if the whole world wasn't worth your time. You'd just leave whenever you wanted, so decisively, without even looking back..."
His words were disorganized and urgent, as if he wanted to tear out his anxious heart and present it to the other person. "I'm terrified. I'm afraid that because of my rubbish, you'll despise me and hide away, hide somewhere I can never find..."
Song Qiling was startled by his heartfelt words, her heart skipped a beat, and seeing her junior brother's slightly red eyes, she subconsciously reached out to touch his arm.
His fingertips paused in mid-air for a moment, then he withdrew them hastily, saying, "How could this be? We're fellow disciples! What would happen if I ran away..."
She paused, her voice lowering as if trying to convince herself, "I just went out for a walk today to clear my head and cut up a bed curtain. If I really wanted to leave, wouldn't I have explained it to you? You're making it sound like the sky is falling."
A night breeze swept by, bringing a touch of coolness.
"Don't worry, your senior brother has seen it all, how could he be scared by you?" After comforting him like this, she looked away and gazed at the darkening sky, sighing softly, "Let's go back, it's getting dark."
After saying that, without waiting for his reply, she lifted her foot and walked around her junior brother, trying to remain calm, but her legs felt weak.
For a moment, his steps became disordered, and he appeared disheveled.
Gu Lianzhou followed half a step behind her, his gaze lingering on her retreating figure.
Until the courtyard gate creaked shut, cutting off the last bit of daylight from the alley entrance.
In the courtyard, as dusk deepened, something was quietly changing, subtly fermenting beneath the damp walls.
Gu Lianzhou lowered his eyes to look at the dodder plant that was quickly disappearing into the shadows at his feet, and slowly released his palm.
The lingering sensation of fingernails digging into flesh remained in my palm, and that burning pain felt like poisoned honey, seeping into my heart along my veins.
He could see clearly that his senior brother's evasive eyes concealed a panicked indulgence.
He knew that his sincere words just now must have been extremely pitiful, otherwise, why would his senior brother forgive him so easily?
What can't be found all day long?
How ridiculous! He clearly used the dodder vine to observe his senior brother's movements throughout the entire day.
He saw his senior brother's absent-minded look at the wonton stall, his dazed expression when he picked up the rabbit wood carving in the market, the hesitation in his fingertips when he bought the bottle of "Xiaoyao Pills", and even the bewildered look on his senior brother's face when he looked at the couple downstairs in the restaurant.
My senior brother wandered around absentmindedly all day, watching the excitement and eating delicious food. He even cut out some cloth and had clothes made for him.
He knew all of this.
But he insisted on pretending to know nothing, attempting to force his senior brother into a corner with no way out by adopting the most humble posture.
How despicable.
He wanted to know his senior brother's every move, and he also desperately wanted his senior brother to take the initiative to tear down that thin veil and use even the slightest bit of anger to prove his importance in his heart.
When he said "Forget it," his heart felt like it was going to burst. Heaven knows how afraid he was that his senior brother would agree and completely erase everything that happened last night.
But his senior brother didn't apologize. Instead, he handed him a roast goose and said in an almost gentle tone, "No need to apologize."
At that moment, ecstasy surged through his body like venom, and he could barely control the smile spreading across his face.
His senior brother is always so soft-hearted.
Despite being driven to the brink, she still had to comfort the culprit.
Gu Lianzhou lowered his eyelashes, concealing the turbulent emotions beneath.
That's good...
His senior brother didn't push him away, and that was enough.
He looked up at the figure in the twilight, a faint smile curving his lips.
"Senior brother, let's have a meal together."
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