Chapter 102
As for this stomach problem, it's not because Mu Nan doesn't take care of himself. Emotions are not so easy to control. When Qin Huai just left, Mu Nan was very confused. He even felt fear and terror in facing the future. Even when his parents died, he didn't react so strongly because he knew he still had someone to rely on at that time. Once Qin Huai left, the last wall supporting him in his heart collapsed.
During that time, he really felt like he had no connection with the world anymore. He was alone, without friends or family. Maybe he would die in the house one day and would be discovered only when he started to stink. He didn't want to talk or eat. He felt that everything had become meaningless. He would only look for something to eat when he was so hungry that his eyes turned black.
This kind of self-enclosed mood lasted for a long time. Although he gradually came out of this mood and began to adapt to living alone, it is impossible to return to the heartless person he was before, even if his personality did not change drastically. After that, his stomach was not very good. He occasionally had dull pain and acid reflux, but it was not serious. Because it was not serious, he did not take it seriously. When it became serious later, it was not something that could be cured by just taking some medicine.
He didn't want Qin Huai to know that he had a stomachache, didn't want Qin Huai to worry, and didn't want Qin Huai to see his vulnerability. In the past, when he had a stomachache, he gritted his teeth and endured it alone. No matter how severe the pain was, he had to bear it by himself. Over time, he felt that the pain was linked to the loneliness of having no one to rely on. Compared to enduring it alone, he now didn't know how to accept the care and concern of others, even if that person was Qin Huai.
Although he had stomach problems in front of Qin Huai before, he knew his own body. The pain in the past was only temporary and would go away after taking some medicine. But this time he knew it was not the case. The pain was a bit severe and he was really sick. That's why he was a little panicked. It could be said that this was the most serious attack he had had since Qin Huai came back.
Mu Nan endured it all the way, but how could he hide his abnormality from Qin Huai? Qin Huai noticed it when Mu Nan's walking speed became slower and slower, but he didn't say much. He just carried Mu Nan and walked home as quickly as possible. It was too dangerous to carry Mu Nan on his back in the snow. A slight fall would result in a broken bone. Fortunately, the distance was not too far, and Mu Nan supported himself all the way back home. But by the time he got home, he was in so much pain that he would have fallen to the ground if Qin Huai hadn't been supporting him.
Qin Huai quickly took off his coat that was covered in ice and snow, and wiped the icicles on his face with a hot towel. Then he stuffed Mu Nan, whose face was whiter than snow, into the quilt on the kang, and stuffed the still-warm hand warmer in the quilt into Mu Nan's clothes. He didn't touch Mu Nan's stomach, as his own hands were still cold. He mixed a cup of hot water that he could drink, and took out the spare medicine box that was placed outside the bedside cabinet: "Nan Nan, take the medicine first."
Mu Nan opened his eyes and looked at the medicine box, and said weakly in pain: "Painkillers..." The stomach medicine could no longer take effect, so he had to take painkillers first to relieve the pain.
Qin Huai wrapped him in a quilt and held him up from the bed, opened the box of painkillers and poured out two pills. After feeding Mu Nan the pills, he raised his back a little bit, as he was afraid that if he lay down right after drinking the pills, he would vomit.
After feeding the medicine, Qin Huai went to add coal to the stove, but before he could get the fire in the stove burning again, Mu Nan lay on the kang and started vomiting, vomiting out the medicine he had just taken intact. Mu Nan vomited for a long time and curled up on the kang in pain.
Qin Huai patted his back gently, hoping that he would feel better: "Nannan, let me rub it for you, don't push so hard."
Mu Nan supported himself on the edge of the bed and sat up, then adjusted his posture and lay down again: "I'll lie down for a while."
Qin Huai wanted to help him up, but Mu Nan grabbed the quilt and resisted: "Don't, don't touch me."
Qin Huai covered him with a goose down quilt and said, "Okay, I won't touch you. Just lie down for a while. When you can take the medicine, call me and I'll pour you some water."
Mu Nan lay down for a while, then stood up and sat for a while. His stomach hurt so badly that it hurt his entire back and heart. He couldn't lie down at all. Qin Huai cleaned up the ground where Mu Nan had just vomited, and prepared a small trash can with a trash bag on it. Seeing him tossing and turning on the kang in pain, he wished he could take his place. Mu Nan was sweating from the pain, and he was sweating from anxiety.
Seeing that Mu Nan had calmed down a bit and stopped vomiting, Qin Huai took out two more painkillers, but this time he crushed them and mixed them in water. The painkiller tablets were a bit big, and he was afraid that Mu Nan would drink them and vomit them out, so he mixed them into a liquid solution, which would be easier to swallow.
"Nannan, drink the medicine. It's a little bitter. Drink it in one gulp and hold a piece of candy in your mouth."
Mu Nan didn't want to drink it, but he knew that he would be the one suffering, so he gritted his teeth and drank the small cup of medicine that was so bitter that it made him nauseous. Qin Huai quickly handed him some warm water to rinse his mouth, and then stuffed a candy into his mouth.
Mu Nan couldn't lie down. He held his stomach that seemed to be dancing in his body, closed his eyes, and leaned against the quilt behind him, with cold sweat breaking out on his forehead.
Qin Huai kept wiping his sweat and put the fully charged hand warmer on his stomach: "Can I rub it for you?"
Mu Nan shook his head, grabbed the quilt and fell back onto the bed, one hand pressing tightly against his stomach. He looked like he had just been pulled out of the water, and it was obvious how much pain he was in.
Qin Huai tried to pry him apart, but didn't dare to use too much force: "Nannan, are you having a spasm? I'll just rub it open for you, don't use so much force."
Mu Nan's head was buzzing and he couldn't hear what Qin Huai was saying at all, but he subconsciously resisted his touch. He just wanted to be alone and no one wanted to bother him.
Qin Huai pursed his lips. He couldn't let Mu Nan rely on brute force to relieve the pain, so he picked him up. Hearing Mu Nan's groan in pain due to the sudden movement, he didn't feel soft-hearted: "Lie down, you can't press like this, let me rub it for you." The most effective acupoint for relieving stomach pain is Zhongwan acupoint, which is one palm above the navel. No matter whether it really works or not, it is better than his random pressing.
Mu Nan was in so much pain that he had no strength left. He wanted to shrink into his shell to digest the pain, but Qin Huai would not allow him to do so and intervened forcefully. He did not know whether it was the massage or the painkillers that took effect. It took a long time for Mu Nan to feel alive again. However, the sugar in his mouth had long since dissolved, but it did not dispel the bitter taste of the medicine. There were several times when his stomach was cramping so badly that he almost vomited. The water surged up his throat, but he tried hard to suppress it. His mouth was very bitter at this moment. Just when he wanted to drink some water, a straw was handed to him.
"Nannan, drink some water. I added a little bit of grapefruit honey to wash away the taste in your mouth." He didn't put too much grapefruit honey. Mu Nan's stomach was feeling uncomfortable at the moment, and he was afraid that drinking something would increase the irritation in his stomach. But Mu Nan never liked plain boiled water. After drinking too much, he always said it was bland and he wanted to vomit. So Qin Huai added a little bit so that the water would not taste white.
The bitter taste in his mouth was no longer so severe and his stomach felt a little better. Mu Nan fell asleep feeling weak and exhausted.
Qin Huai, who was standing by, carefully wiped the sweat off his face, not daring to move him. This was the first time he saw Mu Nan in so much pain, and also the first time he felt Mu Nan's resistance at a time when he should have needed someone the most.
Qin Huai didn't know what he felt. It was as if his heart was broken by countless holes. It hurt everywhere, and the pain was suffocating.
Mu Nan woke up not long after sleeping. The cramping pain in his stomach had turned into a long-lasting stabbing pain. The pain was not severe, but it was not pleasant either. He was very familiar with this process. It was like this before. The pain would flare up suddenly every once in a while, and he would take medicine obediently every time it flared up. Sometimes he would get better after three to five days of rest. Sometimes he tried both Chinese and Western medicine, but it didn't get better. For several months in a row, he had heartburn when he was hungry, pain when he was full, and he couldn't sleep all night. He also felt uncomfortable in his heart when he lay down. He even suspected that he had heart disease, but the doctor said it was a stomach problem and he had no choice but to take care of it.
Now he eats meals made by Qin Huai every day. Since he came back from Qin Huai, his occasional discomforts have gone away quickly. He thought his stomach was slowly getting better, but it came back without any warning.
Seeing that Mu Nan woke up but lay still, Qin Huai stepped forward and gently rubbed his hair: "Does it still hurt?"
Mu Nan carefully looked at Qin Huai's face. Although he didn't know why he had to look at Qin Huai's face even though he felt uncomfortable, he just observed it instinctively. Seeing that Qin Huai was still calm, he said, "Much better."
Qin Huai said, "Are you hungry? I'll cook some noodles for you. If you want to eat porridge, you can only eat millet porridge now. I have already soaked the millet, but it will take a while to cook. If you want to eat porridge, take out some yam. Eating some yam millet porridge will make your stomach feel better."
Mu Nan thought it was too much trouble: "Let's eat noodles."
"Okay, eat some noodles first, and I'll cook the millet later. Be patient and eat light food for the next few days, okay? Once you're healthy, I'll make you whatever you want to eat."
How could Mu Nan dare to say no? He could only nod obediently.
Qin Huai smiled, gathered the quilt for him, and reached into the quilt to feel the temperature. He found that Mu Nan still had one hand on his stomach. When he saw his hand in the quilt, he quickly let go of his hand. Qin Huai paused, said nothing, picked up the hand warmer that was constantly charging, and placed it on his stomach: "Keep it warm, don't catch a cold, I'll go make noodles for you."
Qin Huai said that he would eat light food for a few days, and he really did mean completely light food, with noodles and porridge alternating, but the noodles were either tomato noodles or deer bone noodle soup, and the porridge was yam and millet, or porridge with a little bit of sweet potato. People with bad stomachs should not eat too much sweet potato, but adding a little bit of sweet potato to the porridge can regulate stomach acid and nourish the stomach, which is basically easy to digest and nourish the stomach. But the problem of gastric ulcer is that it hurts when you are hungry and it hurts after eating. It is hard to calm down a bit, but the discomfort is still there. Once the stomach disease flared up, I didn't have much meat to begin with, and I lost a lot of weight again.
Mu Nan placed a pile of pillows in a corner of the kang. Not long after lunch, his stomach started to hurt again. Leaning against the pillows and leaning sideways could help relieve the pain. Anyway, he couldn't lie down when the pain came, so he could only find a comfortable position in various postures and angles. Seeing Mu Nan sitting up, Qin Huai sat next to him: "Do you want to lean on me for a while?"
Mu Nan shook his head, holding a pillow in his arms, with another under his waist, leaning against a pile of pillows in the corner, with a cartoon on his laptop on the small table in front of him to divert his attention. This posture was the most comfortable he could adjust to at the moment.
Qin Huai ruffled his hair and looked at him without saying anything. Being looked at like this by Qin Huai, Mu Nan suddenly felt uncomfortable and raised his head slightly to look at Qin Huai: "Brother?"
Qin Huai was silent for a while, then shook his head and smiled: "It's okay, I'll go get you some hot water."
After Qin Huai poured a cup of hot water, Mu Nan couldn't help but ask, "Are you angry?"
Qin Huai looked at him: "Nan Nan, why are you so afraid of me?"
Mu Nan was stunned and shook his head subconsciously: "No." He would not be afraid of Qin Huai if he was afraid of anyone.
Qin Huai lowered his head and kissed his lips: "Nan Nan, I love you..."
Mu Nan stared at Qin Huai in a daze. Qin Huai had never said these three words to him so solemnly. He didn't know how to react for a moment. Should he say "I love you too" in reply?
Without waiting for him to speak, Qin Huai said: "So no matter what you can or cannot say, I will accept it all. Don't be afraid of me, don't think that your illness will drag me down, don't be afraid that I will be sad, don't be afraid that I will worry, and don't be afraid that I will leave you alone again. You know, if I can choose, I will never leave."
"I am still your brother. I always have been and I will always be. It has never changed."
Mu Nan couldn't help but muttered softly: "Doesn't that mean he becomes my boyfriend?"
Qin Huai smiled when he heard this, stretched out his hand and hugged Mu Nan into his arms, rubbing his stomach gently with one hand: "Do you remember the year I left, when you almost fell into the reservoir and drowned?"
Mu Nan hummed. He didn't know why Qin Huai brought this up. It had been many years, and it was just a close call. He was quickly fished out. He was in junior high school at the time. Fifteen or sixteen-year-olds were no longer considered children, but teenagers. Naturally, they were not supervised as strictly as when they were young. Qin Huai was in high school at the time, and he was preparing for his junior year. Even during the summer vacation, he didn't have much time to rest. The summer vacation in junior high school was much easier than that in high school, so a group of restless teenagers would invite each other to play games or go swimming all day long. There were rivers here, and many people went swimming every summer, but the rivers were full of mud and sand, and not very clean. A classmate said that they could go to the reservoir to play, which was clean.
As a result, when they arrived at the reservoir, he suddenly fell in before he was ready to go into the water. His classmates were all stunned at the time, because the place where he fell was a high slope, not the flat land downstream, and no one had the courage to jump in to save him. In the end, an uncle who was fishing by the reservoir saved him. Although he was called an uncle, he was not very old, about 30 years old, but he was young at the time, so he naturally called him uncle. He still remembered that the man who saved him was wearing similar military pants, and he didn't know whether he was just dressed in camouflage uniform or a soldier. After he pulled him out and saw that he was fine, he left. He didn't even know the other person's name.
At that time, he was quite pampered and heartless. He was used to sharing the big and small things in life with Qin Huai. Almost drowning was not a big deal. As soon as Qin Huai came back, he couldn't help but talk about it nonstop, which scared Qin Huai a lot.
Qin Huai said: "That person did it."
Mu Nan suddenly sat up and looked at Qin Huai in a daze.
Qin Huai pulled him back into his arms: "He had already come to me at that time, and I had always refused straightforwardly. I met him before going home that day, and he said this was the first warning." At that time, he didn't understand what the man meant, but as soon as he got home, he heard Mu Nan say that he almost drowned, and he instantly understood what the man meant.
The second time was when Mu Nan and his classmates came out of the Internet cafe, and the man pressed him into the car. He saw with his own eyes a motorcycle parked at the corner, and when it saw Mu Nan coming out of the Internet cafe, it suddenly accelerated and drove over. Mu Nan reacted quickly and stepped back to avoid it, otherwise he would have been hit. His biological father looked at him who was almost crazy and completely out of control at the time and said coldly, this was the second time.
Qin Huai knew that the next time it would be real. He panicked and scared. He knew that the man would not give up until he achieved his goal. It was also the first time he realized that the adult world was so arrogant and lawless. He compromised. He couldn't afford the risk. The man's calm eyes when facing such a thing told him that this was definitely not the first time he did this.
Qin Huai hugged Mu Nan and said, "When I first went abroad, I thought about you every day. I wanted to call you and ask if you were okay, but I couldn't. I thought before that his purpose might be to use time to make me forget everything in China. Maybe he thought that once I was corrupted by capital, I could become what he wanted. After all, I am his son. He thinks my nature should be the same as his. So he didn't allow me to contact you, because if I didn't contact you, time would dilute everything. His constant monitoring of me threatened me. If you are in China, if something happens, I dare not think of this result."
At this point, Qin Huai sighed: "But I later realized that maybe this was not the reason. Maybe he saw from the beginning that my feelings for you were different. He wanted to use such a tough way to cut it all off and put me back on the right path he thought. Until he found out that I might never become what he wanted, and even more, my rapid growth not only did not make him happy, but made him feel out of control. When he had another child, he abandoned me without hesitation."
Mu Nan looked at Qin Huai, who kissed him on the forehead. "In the first few years, I couldn't contact you. Even to send you money, I had to go through that second-generation Chinese to send it to you. I didn't want you to know about my situation abroad, being controlled and monitored. If you knew, it would only make you worry, so I could only get news about you through Jiang Xuan in China. Later, when he completely gave up controlling me, I already knew my feelings for you. At that time, I thought, wait, wait until I return to China, wait until I have sorted out and settled everything before looking for you."
Mu Nan didn't say anything. He didn't know about these things. Although he knew in his heart that Qin Huai would never leave with a father he had never even met if he hadn't had to, he didn't know that this necessity was actually a threat with his life. He also didn't know that while he was still sad and depressed about Qin Huai's departure, Qin Huai was actually living a life of threat and surveillance abroad.
Qin Huai poked Mu Nan's cheek and said, "I thought it was better for you not to tell you some things, but now I realize that it might be better to tell you some things. At least I want you to know that I am your Qin Huai and I always have been. I have not changed because I left before."
If it weren't for this illness, when Mu Nan was in great pain, she subconsciously resisted him and just wanted to silently endure it, Qin Huai might not have realized the problem between them, or in fact, he realized it, but always felt that time could solve everything. A person who could not sleep all night when he was sick when he was a little bit uncomfortable, but now he was in so much pain, but just wanted to endure it by himself. His departure and the impact of Mu Nan's independent life in these years may have been deeply rooted in an instinct. What's more, Mu Nan was subconsciously afraid of the changes brought about by his departure in these years. Even though they get along well now, it still makes Mu Nan feel insecure.
There is no doubt that Mu Nan trusts and relies on him, but perhaps even Mu Nan himself has not realized that in the corner of this trust and dependence, there is a layer of self-protection shell. This shell is the result of the anxiety that has accumulated over the years of his life alone.
Some things, once spoken out, might not bring about any immediate change, but at least, it can break the last bit of the circle that Mu Nan has closed up, creating an opening that will allow him to slowly disintegrate.
Mu Nan reached out and hugged Qin Huai, burying his whole body in his chest: "You should tell me."
Qin Huai stroked his hair gently: "Silly boy, how could I bear to do that." He himself was not yet an adult, and Mu Nan was still young. The two of them had not even stepped out of school yet, so how could they have the conditions and strength to resist a capitalist, especially a capitalist who was making money by eating human blood? So they could only use some immature ways to protect the people they cared about most.
Mu Nan said: "I don't know if I will have the chance to see him again in this life."
Qin Huai smiled and said, "What if there is?"
Mu Nan gnashed his teeth and said, "Then I hope to see him living a miserable life, with nothing to eat and nothing to wear. While we can eat big mouthfuls of rice and meat, he can't even chew on tree bark. It doesn't matter how miserable he is, then I'll be happy!"
Qin Huai: "Maybe some people have died in the earthquake."
Mu Nan thought about this possibility and shook his head a little dissatisfied: "That's too easy for him!" It's too easy for him to die so quickly for someone who has done so many bad things!
Qin Huai rubbed Mu Nan for a while and asked, "Are you feeling better? Does it still hurt?"
When Qin Huai asked, Mu Nan realized that her stomach felt much better. She had been distracted by Qin Huai's words just now: "It doesn't hurt anymore, stop rubbing it. How many days have they been away today? They haven't come back yet. Did something happen?"
Qin Huai said: "It's the fifth day. If he doesn't come back, I'm afraid something has happened."
Mu Nan frowned slightly, feeling a little worried, but after a while, he heard some noise coming from the door.
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