Born extremists
In Wang Shao's memory, he spent a period of time picking up trash to eat when he was a child. Later, when he was about 6 years old, he was taken home by Wang Lin.
He still remembers that day. When he pushed open the courtyard gate, the warm sunlight slanted into the courtyard, and the breeze that came in carried the aroma of meat, vegetables, and the steaming smell of cooking.
Wang Lin pointed to the woman in the apron and said her name was Geng Jiao, and that she would be his mother from now on. He then called over the boy who was running around the yard with a windmill in his hand and said his name was Wang Huai, and that he would be his older brother from now on.
He obediently called out "Dad," "Mom," and "Brother."
Wang Lin squatted down and said to him earnestly, "From now on, your name will be Wang Shao, and this will be your home."
He didn't understand what "home" meant, and just asked blankly, "Does it mean I'll have food to eat from now on?"
Everyone present was laughing heartily. Geng Jiao looked at him warmly, her eyes shining like the sun, and said, "Xiao Shao, you won't go hungry, you won't wear dirty clothes, you won't have nowhere to go, and your mom, dad, and brother will take care of you."
Wang Shao nodded blankly, feeling as if he were already living the life of an immortal.
Because Wang Lin was the village chief, he often left early and returned late. People coming and going from his house would always point and whisper about him, whether intentionally or unintentionally. At that time, he couldn't understand what the adults were saying, nor did he understand.
Wang Huai was four years older than him. He would take him all over the village every day and introduce him to all the boys and girls, saying that he had a younger brother named Wang Shao.
The happiest thing for Wang Shao every day is going out to play with Wang Huai during the day, and when they come home, Geng Jiao scolds the two rascals while serving them a delicious meal. Wang Lin is the last to come home, but he still makes sure to bring candy and snacks for the brothers.
Wang Shao lay on the cool mat, covered with a soft, thin quilt. Geng Jiao fanned him, afraid he would get too hot. He thought: I must be the happiest person.
The following year, Wang Lin arranged for Wang Shao to go to primary school in the county town with Wang Huai every day. The days of playing alone were gone forever. He began to meet more classmates and friends every day, but he found that he was not good at making friends and would always quarrel with others and have conflicts.
He ran to the older students to find Wang Huai, and saw his brother doing very well in class, which made him feel uneasy.
He tentatively asked Geng Jiao if she could skip school, or be in the same class as her brother.
Geng Jiao always laughed at him for being childish, saying that he could skip grades and get into his brother's class, but the school has its rules and he can't just change classes at will.
Wang Shao threw himself into his studies, thinking that if he worked hard enough, he could be in the same class as his brother and wouldn't be so lonely now. But when the final exams came out, his grades were in the top three in the grade, and the teacher said he couldn't skip a grade, especially since his brother was four years older and about to enter junior high school.
That night, Wang Shao hid outside the courtyard with his grades in his hand, not wanting to go home, not wanting to see his brother, and not wanting to see his mother and father. He felt that all his hard work had been in vain, and a sense of frustration welled up inside him.
Just as he was squatting on the ground, fuming and poking at the dirt, Wang Bo and his classmates passed by and bumped into him.
Wang Bo pointed at him and said, "Wang Shao, my mom says you're an illegitimate child!"
The classmate next to him chimed in enthusiastically, "My parents say the same thing!"
Wang Shao didn't understand and asked, "What is an illegitimate child?"
Several people laughed at him, calling him a fool. Wang Bo said, "That means you're the child your uncle had with another woman outside!"
Wang Shao grabbed a handful of dirt and threw it in his face, cursing, "You're talking nonsense! My dad is Wang Lin! My mom is Geng Jiao! My brother is Wang Huai! I'll tear your mouth apart!"
The perfect test paper was torn into pieces, just like the little boy's sense of security being trampled into the ground at that moment.
That evening, when Wang Lin questioned him about why he had fought, Wang Shao explained the reason. Geng Jiao hugged him tenderly, not allowing Wang Lin to continue scolding him.
But Geng Jiao didn't expect that her overflowing love and heartache would prevent her from answering the child's simple yet pointed question:
Am I really an illegitimate child?
"If not, why didn't you abandon me when I was a child, and only brought me back in these past few years?"
"What could possibly make you leave me out here!"
"You just don't love me!"
From that day on, a seed of "favoritism" quietly sprouted in Wang Shao's heart. He began to silently observe the differences between his parents' treatment of him and his brother. He was desperately searching for proof that he was not loved at home, even though he was being loved at that moment.
He found himself always wearing his brother's old clothes, while his brother always had new clothes to wear.
He discovered that Geng Jiao was secretly giving her brother candy in the kitchen and warned him not to tell him.
He noticed that every time rice was served, his brother always got a big bowl while he only got a small bowl, and Geng Jiao wouldn't let him eat any more after he finished.
He found himself being severely scolded for just one slip in his grades, but Geng Jiao and Wang Lin could accept it no matter what his brother did on the exam.
...
He listed off one thing after another, desperately trying to prove to himself that Geng Jiao didn't love him and that no one in this family loved him!
Geng Jiao and Wang Lin had talked about Wang Shao's unstable emotions many times, attributing it to teenage rebellion without giving it much thought.
Wang Huai also noticed his emotional problems, but boys don't usually express themselves in a subtle way, so he spent every day after school with him, actively chatting with him, taking him to movies, and even sneaking off to internet cafes...
Wang Shao briefly put aside the twisted thoughts in his heart.
The real turning point was when Wang Huai started dating. He often talked to Wang Shao about his girlfriend, their love at first sight, and their dates, which made Wang Shao feel upset and unable to sleep all night.
Later, he suddenly discovered that not only Geng Jiao, but Wang Lin was also very biased!
Wang Lin often took Wang Huai with him to handle matters in the village.
During meals, Wang Lin would teach Wang Huai how to mediate relationships among the villagers.
Wang Huai would also privately tell Wang Huai how to run for village chief in the future!
......
That's right! Wang Lin doesn't love him either! His whole family definitely doesn't love him!
Wang Shao is like an addict, indulging in the chaos of love and indifference every day. As soon as he discovers that others treat him even slightly differently, he immediately feels like he is dying of pain. If he feels love, he will immediately forget everything and wander in a vain happiness.
When Wang Shao was 15, Wang Huai got married. He married a woman who was three years older than him, with a personality similar to Geng Jiao's—gentle, sweet-talking, and capable. Her name was Li Chun.
Wang Huai once secretly told him that Li Chun's name sounded nice, like the beginning of spring, giving a sense of new beginnings for everything.
Wang Shao watched him quietly, seeing his undisguised smile, the joy in his eyes, and watching him drift further and further away.
Firecrackers exploded, colorful confetti rained down on the courtyard, and everyone joyfully wished Wang Lin well. When it was Wang Shao's turn to give his blessings, he stood there stiffly, unable to utter a single word such as "May you have a long and happy marriage" or "May you have a son soon." Finally, he asked blankly, "Brother, does that mean you won't be able to play with me anymore?"
Everyone burst into laughter, but Wang Huai didn't respond. Instead, he tried to smooth things over by saying, "My younger brother is more attached to me."
Wang Shao realized that Wang Huai didn't love him either! No one in this family truly loved him!
The year after Wang Huai's marriage, Li Chun gave birth to a son, named Wang Ge. Wang Shao held his nephew, who was 14 years younger than him, and felt an indescribable jealousy, especially seeing his parents and brother doting on this tiny little bundle of flesh. They even took the child back to the old house to take care of him, so that Li Chun could rest and recover properly after childbirth.
When Wang Shao got home, he asked Geng Jiao, "Mom, was I this small when I was born? Did you hold me like this too?"
Would you feel happy or feel burdened and then throw it away?
Geng Jiao patted his head, looked at him with loving eyes, and said, "All babies look the same when they are born, and are equally cute."
Wang Shao looked at her coldly, thinking to himself: Mom, you're lying.
When Wang Ge was three years old, he started learning to walk and would fall to the ground from time to time. Wang Lin would anxiously pick him up and comfort him in his arms.
Wang Shao happened to be home when he saw this scene. He walked over, stroked the wound on the child's knee, and asked, "Dad, did I often fall down when I was learning to walk?"
Wang Lin was clearly stunned, and said vaguely, "When a child falls, both parents will feel heartbroken."
Wang Shao didn't speak. He stood at the door, looked back at them, and thought to himself: Dad, you lied to me too.
The closer Wang Lin and Geng Jiao became to Wang Ge, the more distressed Wang Shao felt. The situation gradually escalated until one day, he deliberately poured scalding hot water on Wang Ge's hands. The child, who couldn't even speak, crawled on the ground and cried his heart out.
A strange sense of satisfaction arose within him.
The more Wang Ge cried, the happier he became. Suddenly, he realized it was almost time for Wang Huai to pick up the child. So he picked up the child with one hand, walked towards the back of the village, casually tossed him into the warehouse, locked the door, threw the key into the bushes, and left humming a little tune.
In the evening, Wang Huai and Li Chun frantically searched the village for the child. Wang Shao sat at home crying because he hadn't taken good care of his nephew. Although Geng Jiao was also anxious, seeing his self-blame, she stayed by his side to comfort him.
Seeing their anxious yet reluctant-to-blame attitude, Wang Shao felt a secret, suppressed desire being satisfied.
When Wang Huai found the child, he called them and said the child was at the clinic with festering sores on his hands. Li Chun almost cried herself to death by the bedside.
That night, Wang Huai called Wang Shao again, asking him to come to the warehouse.
He never imagined that his brother would stare at him with such an aggressive tone and sharp, scrutinizing gaze!
Wang Huai angrily retorted, "You're such a good actor! Why would you treat your own nephew like that!"
This isn't his brother! Wang Shao stared at him with bloodshot eyes and said, "He deserves it!"
Wang Huai aimed a punch at his cheek, and said without thinking, "What the hell are you thinking! If I'd known you were a bastard, I shouldn't have brought you back in the first place!"
As he spoke, he was about to rush out, shouting, "I'm going to tell Mom and Dad!"
With a vicious look in his eyes, Wang Shao picked up a hammer from the side and smashed it down on Wang Huai's head. After a muffled thud, Wang Huai fell to the ground, a pool of black blood flowing from the back of his head.
Startled, Wang Shao dropped the weapon and took a few steps back. Suddenly, his mind cleared. "You know! What if my sister-in-law finds out?!"
He pulled out his phone, his hands trembling, and called Li Chun, feigning composure, "Sister-in-law! My brother asked me to call you! He said he's waiting for you at the warehouse!"
Li Chun didn't think much of it since her younger brother was usually quiet and well-behaved. After settling the child in, she hurriedly left.
Wang Shao knelt on the ground, his hands resting on the dark, bloody blood behind his brother's head, still feeling its warmth... He said blankly, "From now on, Wang Lin and Geng Jiao will only have one son."
He stood up, took out a lighter, and threw it into the electrical panel in the warehouse. A series of crackling explosions followed, accompanied by towering flames. Wang Shao stood outside the fire, smiling, his hands close to the scorching heat; he felt reborn.
When Li Chun arrived, she was screaming Wang Huai's name. Just as she was about to take out her phone to contact the villagers for help in putting out the fire, a strong force from behind pushed her into the fire.
That night, Wang Shao knelt before the God of Wish, looking into the compassionate eyes of the statue. He clasped his blood-stained hands together, raised them above his head, and closed his eyes.
What is he asking for?
He asked for nothing.
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